anika99 Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 I've only smacked my daughter as a teen twice the first time I found drugs in her room the second I caught her on cam with an older boy. Both times she refused to hear me out and just acted completely entitled and immature. Give the seriousness of what she was doing I don't think smacking her was an over reaction. Okay, but this confuses me because the OP doesn't have a kid on drugs. His problem is that his wife over indulges his 7yr old stepson. She buys him toys for no reason and she never makes him earn anything. I'm not sure why you think smacking the kid is going to fix that. The problem is really more with the mom than it is with the child. Those offences by your daughter were serious and did call for punishment but I still think hitting a teenager is a totally lazy and ineffective way to discipline. Hitting a teenager only angers them and teaches them that it's okay to vent ones anger through physical aggression. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissCongeniality Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 Okay, but this confuses me because the OP doesn't have a kid on drugs. His problem is that his wife over indulges his 7yr old stepson. She buys him toys for no reason and she never makes him earn anything. I'm not sure why you think smacking the kid is going to fix that. The problem is really more with the mom than it is with the child. Those offences by your daughter were serious and did call for punishment but I still think hitting a teenager is a totally lazy and ineffective way to discipline. Hitting a teenager only angers them and teaches them that it's okay to vent ones anger through physical aggression. Honestly I just skimmed through I read spoiled and how the op was looking for ways to fix it I assumed his kid was acting like a spoiled brat all the time. The way to fix that is to set clear boundaries when the mom is not there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 Honestly I just skimmed through I read spoiled and how the op was looking for ways to fix it I assumed his kid was acting like a spoiled brat all the time. The way to fix that is to set clear boundaries when the mom is not there. Thats a relief then that you are not endorsing or encouraging slapping and smacking as a form of discipline. Most parents use techniques that encourage autonomy not militant authoritarian methods to subdue the subject. The OP is stuck in the cross fires of parental methods to change habits that are unhealthy. I can sincerely say that smacking a kid or anyone is UNHEALTHY on so many levels. When a parent says "ohh you must think I am a bad parent", my response is to re-direct the actions , focus on ways to improve and allow them to brain storm ways to jointly create better outcomes. One being with a simple "yes you can listen and abide by this decision" . Sternly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clep Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 I tend to aid parents to think in terms of "what is my child learning from this experience". When a child gets something every time they go out, they are learning entitlement. It may be hard for her to give up her thought processes immediately. I would suggest you get involved and provide thoughtful suggestions. Maybe make small consistent changes over time. Maybe for now let the child have a toy every time they go out. Tell the child they have a two dollar limit. The child can trade their first item for a different one if they see something else they like more under the monetary limit. They walk out with one thing they have put some thought into and have to learn how to prioritize and stick to a budget. Then maybe move onto them earning the two dollars to go to the store every other time etc. Things don't have to be done in one day. Take some parenting courses together. Learn how to co parent in a style that suits you both. Empowering parents is a wonderful website that I find very helpful in identifying my parenting role and the effects of that on my children. I bought their Total Transformation course and it was the best parenting program I have ever done. It was meant for defiant kids. Even though my child isn't defiant, it completely changed me as a parent and ensured he never became one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Typically smacking works best. If my teenage daughter acts up (and I mean if she REALLY ACTS UP) I just smack her and tell her to stop acting like a spoiled brat and be grateful for what she has then I lock her in her room no cell phone no internet nothing. Also I find with all my kids taking something from them works best. I know it sounds bad but sometimes you just have to be cruel to be kind. Especially with my kids I tried all that lovy dovy nonsense does not work I'm tough but fair. I'm not their friend I'm their mother. It's illegal to smack your kids in my country. If I did that to either of my sons, they'd call the police and have me arrested. We have to come up with other solutions- like removing the Internet modem, chopping firewood, timeout, dishes and I have called the police on one of my sons when he threatened us with a knife. Link to post Share on other sites
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