Isabelle Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Just wondering what your definitions of infidelity are. I used to think it wasn't until you slept with the other person, but now there is all this talk of "emotional affairs". There also seems to be agreement that it's bad to seriously physically lust after another person. Where do you draw the line? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 It's okay to get little crushes, it's okay to look...It's when one pursues the other person, puts alot of thought into it, allows themselves to feel something for somebody else and take it to another level. Allowing it to grow and then one comes to depend on it. Emotionally, physically, it's cheating. Don't always have to have sex with someone else to make it cheating. That's my take on it anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
paradissa1 Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup It's okay to get little crushes, it's okay to look...It's when one pursues the other person, puts alot of thought into it, allows themselves to feel something for somebody else and take it to another level. Allowing it to grow and then one comes to depend on it. Emotionally, physically, it's cheating. Don't always have to have sex with someone else to make it cheating. That's my take on it anyway. HERE HERE Link to post Share on other sites
scared shy Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Anything or anyway you act that you couldn't do in front of your SO, or think about it like this... "Would I be upset if I found out my SO did this to me?" Link to post Share on other sites
pragmatic Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by Isabelle Just wondering what your definitions of infidelity are. Well, sexual intercourse with a person other than your spouse is adultery - the ultimate act of infidelity. To me, any contact with another person that you feel you must hide from your spouse, be it intimate conversations, holding hands, kissing, petting, oral sex, intercourse, etc. - constitutes infidelity; each is simply a betrayal of differing severity. A partner in a marriage is counting on their other half to "forsake all others", as was promised in front of family and friends on their wedding day. There aren't degrees to this promise (unless, I suppose, the vows were different from the ones I took.) Emotional affairs can be quite insidious. A married person who expending emotional energy outside the marriage is channeling energy away from their marriage. Additionally, an EA will usually lead to further unfaithful acts if it goes unchecked or undiscovered. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 I agree 100% with scared shy Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Here's my answer: Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 I think the definition of cheating is what someone once said on here, doing anything with this other person you wouldn't do if your SO is around. For me personally I consider the following cheating...... Dry humping on the dance floor, a lot of stuff that goes on in some clubs I'd consider cheating. But a lot of depends on the circumstances and the ground rules in the relationship. Personally I wouldn't be with a girl who goes to clubs without me, and then dry humps on the dance floor with other guys. Romantically or Sexually Kissing anyone else whether they be boy or girl (some chicks think girl on girl isn't cheating, in my book it is). Cyber Sex Joining a Singles site Intercourse Oral Sex Or doing anything with another person that is sexual or romantic (holding hands, cuddling). Even if it doesn't result in an orgasm. Emotional cheating for me includes people online. Even if both people involved never plan to hook up. Cheating isn't that hard to figure out. Just ask yourself this......"if my SO was here would he/she be upset by this?" if that doesn't work ask yourself this......"If I caught my SO doing this would I be upset?" If the answer is YES to either questions, then its cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 The defining moment of cheating is when you do ANYTHING that you know that you don't want your SO to know. ANYTHING that you know that they would be hurt or offended by that involves someone else. I would consider Shy's answer a very appropriate one. You know you've crossed that line when you've started to hide something from your SO. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 The defining moment of cheating is when you do ANYTHING that you know that you don't want your SO to know. You know you've crossed the line when you start hiding things Great, so I guess I'm cheating on my husband. Since he found out that eating too much sugary foods can affect fertility, he's put me (the sugar junkie) on a 1 cookie a day, no other sugary things diet. I admit, though I'd like to blame it on sugar withdrawal but I have sneaked the odd extra cookie. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 No Deb...that's only cheating if you're sneaking off with someone else to get that cookie!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isabelle Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 OK, what about if: yes, you are maybe a little closer to someone else than your partner would like. And you may not volunteer information. But you don't care that much if the partner does find out. You aren't interested in your original relationship anyway and weren't expecting it to work. In other words, if you don't want to be found out, it's not because you don't want to lose the original relationship. It's just because you hate to see the person hurt or deal with the confrontation. (been there... didn't keep it up, though. I don't want to turn into a common cheater. There's no excuse for going around living a double life. Preferred that all my other relationships stay in the friendship stage while I'm still technically involved in this one.) Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 Originally posted by Isabelle OK, what about if: yes, you are maybe a little closer to someone else than your partner would like. And you may not volunteer information. But you don't care that much if the partner does find out. You aren't interested in your original relationship anyway and weren't expecting it to work. In other words, if you don't want to be found out, it's not because you don't want to lose the original relationship. It's just because you hate to see the person hurt or deal with the confrontation. (been there... didn't keep it up, though. I don't want to turn into a common cheater. There's no excuse for going around living a double life. Preferred that all my other relationships stay in the friendship stage while I'm still technically involved in this one.) Not sure I'm completely following this scenerio....but it sounds like cheating to me. Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 Originally posted by Isabelle OK, what about if: yes, you are maybe a little closer to someone else than your partner would like. And you may not volunteer information. But you don't care that much if the partner does find out. You aren't interested in your original relationship anyway and weren't expecting it to work. In other words, if you don't want to be found out, it's not because you don't want to lose the original relationship. It's just because you hate to see the person hurt or deal with the confrontation. (been there... didn't keep it up, though. I don't want to turn into a common cheater. There's no excuse for going around living a double life. Preferred that all my other relationships stay in the friendship stage while I'm still technically involved in this one.) Why not give the other person the facts then let them decide? Maybe they'll dump you first and you won't have to 'hurt their feelings'. Link to post Share on other sites
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