Syncerity Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 ok, so i FINALLY got rid of my bi-polar dude that liked me..and upon his exiting my life, he said various insults, one bein, YOU FAKE CHILD HAVIN blah blah...ok so up to date...I am 19 my ex is 22 going on 23..he has a six yr old daughter, that I take care of and she calls me mommy.. reason being is because her mother left her after she gave birth to her, and i was dating her father at the time, and me and him had been together for the first 4yrs of her life, so she took to me, and I to her... so now when i am dating someone, or talking to somebody and they ask about kids, i say yes i have a 6yr old daughter and sometimes i tell them the story, sometimes i just leave it at that.. well this bi-polar dude that ive been talkin to for awhile, when i would say oh i have to go to ga (i stay n tx) to visit my lil girl, or oh i have to call her,etc he'll be like how is she yours again? and so i tell him the story again, and he goes well why do you call her your daughter did u have her ? im like wtf...ANYBODY can have a baby, it takes a real person, a real strong person to take somebody elses responsibility for your own, so why cant i call her my daughter, why cant i be called her mom..i was there for the pamper changing, late night cryin, first smiles,first day of school, first bike ride, first tooth,first word,first step,everything..and i cant be called a parent or say, MY DAUGHTER because I DIDNT HAVE HER... anyway, i would like to know how the LS'rs think...what is your definition of a parent? in your mind, does a person have to have the child to be called a parent, or call them THEIR CHILDREN? Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 A parent is the one who is there for the child for all of the things you were. You do not have to give birth to the child to be a parent. My grandmother was the parent for me because her daughter couldn't or wouldn't be. I applaud you at your young age for being so good to this child. I'm glad that you keep talking to her/spending time with her even though you are not with her dad. That is also what a parent would do. Oh, and the bipolar guy? Ditch him. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by Syncerity anyway, i would like to know how the LS'rs think...what is your definition of a parent? in your mind, does a person have to have the child to be called a parent, or call them THEIR CHILDREN? Does that mean adopted children aren't really living with their parents because they didn't give birth to them? In my opinion, one can be a biological parent and have no relationship with the child and one can not be a biological parent and actually fill the role of the parent. I wouldn't worry about what your crazy ex-boyfriend said about this. The little girl sees you as her mom and needs you in her life. All that matters is you and the little girl. It's wonderful you're there for her. The hell with everyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 You "parented" this child even if you didn't give birth to her. She is your little girl and always will be. If people can't understand that you gave up your teen years to "mother" this child who's bio-mom abandoned her, then they do not deserve you. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 People can be sperm donors or egg donors but the title of parent, mother or father is earned and IMO has nothing to do with genetics. Having said that these titles must be earned I think you know how I feel about the situation you find yourself in. Now the hard part. Have you made plans to stay in your daughters life and not slowly drift away? What happens if you find the man of your dreams and start a family? Will your first daughter still be a part of your life? Regardless of how you might feel about your ex this looks like one of those situations where the adults have to be adults and put aside their personal negative feelings for the sake of the child. Is it possible to discuss the well being of your daughter with the father? If you are the primary care giver to the child and she sees you as her "mom" then I see no reason why you can't call yourself her mom. After all she does know or will know that you are not her biological parent and realizes or will realize that the use of such terms as "mom", "mother", "parent", "my child" did not come out of an accident on your part but out of love, compassion and caring for her. You were/are there for her when her gene donors weren't/aren't giving her your love and compassion by actions as well as words. No one has done more to earn and deserve the title of parent or Mom and the right to call her your daughter as you have. Now the hard part. Have you made plans to stay in your daughters life and not slowly drift away? What happens if you find the man of your dreams and start a family? Will your first daughter still be a part of your life? Regardless of how you might feel about your ex this looks like one of those situations where the adults have to be adults and put aside their personal negative feelings for the sake of the child. Is it possible to discuss the well being of your daughter with the father? Good work Mom! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Syncerity Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 Now the hard part. Have you made plans to stay in your daughters life and not slowly drift away? What happens if you find the man of your dreams and start a family? Will your first daughter still be a part of your life? Yes, i do plan to stay in her life for as long as i live...me and her father havent been together for almost three yrs now, but me and him keep it friendly due to her...i couldnt abandon someone that i love, i adore her like no other...if i do find the man of my dreams and he fails to see the beauty in me and her relationship and i have to choose btween them both, then dude is getting the boot...im actually moving back to tha east coast to be closer to her...i miss her terribly since ive been in tx..*we talk at least 4times a day*....but no, i wont slowly drift away, i cant fathom anybody much less a child, having sumbody drift away from them and having them feel unwanted and unloved...she already has that rejection from her "bio" mom...i refuse to contribute to that kind of heartache...... Im in it for the long run, with her....shes the light of my life and the inspiration to and for all of my dreams..well her and my mommy .... but yea bi-polar dude is totally out of the picture...he can disrespect me however he wants, but when it comes to my parentin skills, being a parent,or my kid, oh now thats crossing the line and im ready to snatch heads... Link to post Share on other sites
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