Flirting and relationships. Is it unreasonable for me to expect him to trust me?

[janamontana]

Hello everyone, I’m new here and need advice.

 

So the background is my bf (23) and I (20) have been together over 3 years now. We are very much in love and planning on getting married next year. We’ve talked a lot about our pet peeves and such, but we’ve already worked out most of the “kinks” in our relationship, and have learned to accommodate each other for the most part. However, we still have different expectations about certain things and lately we’ve been fighting a lot.

 

The one thing we’ve never seem to agree on is boundaries --- what’s appropriate and inappropriate in a relationship. We seem to have very different opinions in this area, possibly because of different upbringings. Mainly, our disagreement centers around flirting. My bf HATES it when I flirt and gets really insecure about it. He complains if I so much as look at another guy or make a comment about another guy. His position is that ANY flirting is “wrong” in a relationship. No looking, no touching, no suggestive comments, NOTHING is acceptable at all.

 

Now, my opinion is a bit different. I think flirting is ok, as long as you don’t mean anything by it and have no intention whatever of doing anything physical with the other person. Too me, it’s all just good fun, and I honestly think that my bf is just incredibly insecure and I think he just gets jealous way too easily. I’ve talked to my friends about it, but that hasn’t really helped, because some of them agree with me, but the rest of them agree with my bf, which obviously isn’t going to help us resolve the issue.

 

So I would like to get some input on this. What is and isn’t acceptable, as far as flirting is concerned? What is appropriate and what is inappropriate? And is it unreasonable to expect your partner to trust you, especially if you’ve proven over and over again that you would never cheat?

 

Thanks in advance for your replies, and please just be honest.

[mikeylo]

Accept that you both are incompatible.

 

Find a guy who is an equal flirt.

 

What you are expecting is for him to accept what is a deal breaker for him. All relationships have their own set of boundaries. Yours are loose and his are firm. If you continue , the expiration date is sooner than others. It's not gonna last.

[JoeSmith357-1]

Hello everyone, I’m new here and need advice.

 

So the background is my bf (23) and I (20) have been together over 3 years now. We are very much in love and planning on getting married next year. We’ve talked a lot about our pet peeves and such, but we’ve already worked out most of the “kinks” in our relationship, and have learned to accommodate each other for the most part. However, we still have different expectations about certain things and lately we’ve been fighting a lot.

 

The one thing we’ve never seem to agree on is boundaries --- what’s appropriate and inappropriate in a relationship. We seem to have very different opinions in this area, possibly because of different upbringings. Mainly, our disagreement centers around flirting. My bf HATES it when I flirt and gets really insecure about it. He complains if I so much as look at another guy or make a comment about another guy. His position is that ANY flirting is “wrong” in a relationship. No looking, no touching, no suggestive comments, NOTHING is acceptable at all.

 

Now, my opinion is a bit different. I think flirting is ok, as long as you don’t mean anything by it and have no intention whatever of doing anything physical with the other person. Too me, it’s all just good fun, and I honestly think that my bf is just incredibly insecure and I think he just gets jealous way too easily. I’ve talked to my friends about it, but that hasn’t really helped, because some of them agree with me, but the rest of them agree with my bf, which obviously isn’t going to help us resolve the issue.

 

So I would like to get some input on this. What is and isn’t acceptable, as far as flirting is concerned? What is appropriate and what is inappropriate? And is it unreasonable to expect your partner to trust you, especially if you’ve proven over and over again that you would never cheat?

 

Thanks in advance for your replies, and please just be honest.

 

Personally I think that's unacceptable behavior. I'm going through something similar now.

 

So some questions to you...

 

1. Why do you do this

2. Why do you think it's ok

3. By flirting with other guys, what exactly are you trying to accomplish?

4. What do you get out of it?

 

You KNOW your BF doesnt like it, and to me that sends the message that you do not care about his feelings or respect him the relationship.

 

By continuing to do it, you send that message

[HillValley]

Flirting always means something. Liking attention, getting validation outside the relationship.

 

Being nice/ friendly by taking a compliment wouldn't be flirting. If your boyfriend wants you to walk through life without being noticed good luck.

[JS84]

Honestly you don't sound old enough or in the right mindset to be thinking about marriage, or maybe even a serious relationship.

 

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer necessarily but to me flirting while in a committed relationship, especially one you plan on leading to marriage is a non starter. Which is another reason I think you're probably to young to be considering marriage if you don't understand that.

 

Relationships take hard work and boundaries are what we put into place to keep us from crossing lines and making decisions we can't take back. It doesn't matter whether you intend to take things further or not do when you're flirting.

 

Plenty of people cross lines in relationships they never intended to cross because they ignored boundaries and put themselves in positions they shouldn't have to begin with. I've seen friends and acquaintances who never intended to cheat or hurt their partners but did so anyway because they thought flirting was harmless, needed validation from the opposite sex, wanted a self-esteem boost, etc and ruined their relationships, and in a couple of cases their marriages, because of it. Pick your cliche.

 

I'd ask yourself why you feel the need to flirt if you're as in love with your boyfriend as you claim and why you do it when it clearly bothers him (which IMO it really should as well as the fact you don't see a problem with it). Like I said, you really shouldn't be considering marriage if you feel the need to flirt with other men.

[stillafool]

I really don't understand your need to flirt with other guys. What are you seeking attention that you aren't getting from your bf? Maybe if you tell us why you need to flirt we may understand.

[vanhalenfan]

I don't feel that flirting is okay when you are in a serious, committed relationship. It may seem innocent to you (and legitimately so) but it can give the wrong impression to the person on the receiving end...What if the person you are flirting with takes it as a serious interest on your behalf? It happens. I've seen the most stable of relationships fall apart from "innocent flirting". It doesn't take much to cross the line and it can happen with the best of intentions. If you're in a committed relationship, you shouldn't feel the need to send that signal to anybody. You're just asking for potential trouble IMHO.

Edited May 31, 2016 by vanhalenfan

[Friskyone4u]

Jana,

 

Do you think it is OK for you to physically cheat on your boyfriend??? because probably 95% or more of those that do it starts out as innocent flirting.

 

it appears you are young and somehow think you are some unique individual, but when you enter in to a committed relationship that is exclusive it means that you stop a lot of the behavior that you did when you were "single".

 

If you want to flirt, act sexy to other men, touch them suggestively, you are not ready to even be thinking about marriage. Stay uncommitted and do what you want.

 

But you seem to be expecting your boyfriend to sit by while you explore your sex appeal with other men whenever he is not around.

 

So when you get married soon as you say, are you going to sit on the couch sexting or texting flirty messages to other guys.???

 

nothing you say you want to do is wrong for a 20 year old woman, but NOT one in an exclusive relationship.

 

Your friends that are supporting your activities will wind up encouraging you to do things that will end your relationship. You might need to do that yourself if you cannot understand the difference between what is appropriate and what is not.

[janamontana]

Thank you for all your replies. It seems like the consensus here is that any kind of flirting is unacceptable in a relationship. I did ask for honest advice, but tbh that seems a little extreme to me.

 

The reason why I think it’s ok is because, well… why not? It doesn’t mean anything and it’s not cheating, so why start making rules about it? Why always be pointing fingers and accusing each other? It makes so much more sense to me to just accept that we are all human and that flirting is normal and natural. IMHO it seems like people that get jealous over a little flirting think it’s going to lead to something more, and it isn’t. I mean sure, it could, but what is the point of a relationship if you can’t trust your partner? I mean, you either trust your partner or you don’t, I don’t see how flirting comes into it. So if you do not trust your partner then maybe it is time to leave, or work on that issue, but if you have a real relationship you will trust them and not make a big deal about nothing. To me, a relationship is not about controlling your partner and always monitoring their behavior. That seems more like slavery to me. Plus, to be honest, I’ve noticed that people that are against flirting are usually very insecure in general and often have low self esteems, and it seems to me that the reason they get jealous over the most harmless flirting is because they are very fearful of losing their partner, sometimes quite irrationally.

 

As far as WHY I do it, I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. It’s just fun somehow. It’s exciting. It makes me feel sexy and powerful. I can’t explain it any better than that. All I know is that I’ve been hardcore flirting with boys since I was 11, and it still gives me a rush every time! I guess it’s a sort of power trip, tbh, but I always keep it in control and make sure it doesn’t get out of hand. If they get too aggressive I will shoot them down hard and put them in their place!

 

But anyways, thanks for all the honest advice. It’s given me a lot to think about. But I don’t think I could ever really stop flirting, and I still don’t see why it’s “wrong”. Yes, it can LEAD to cheating, but it isn’t cheating in and of itself, and if you truly love your partner I say you would trust them.

[mikeylo]

Thank you for all your replies. It seems like the consensus here is that any kind of flirting is unacceptable in a relationship. I did ask for honest advice, but tbh that seems a little extreme to me.

 

The reason why I think it’s ok is because, well… why not? It doesn’t mean anything and it’s not cheating, so why start making rules about it? Why always be pointing fingers and accusing each other? It makes so much more sense to me to just accept that we are all human and that flirting is normal and natural. IMHO it seems like people that get jealous over a little flirting think it’s going to lead to something more, and it isn’t. I mean sure, it could, but what is the point of a relationship if you can’t trust your partner? I mean, you either trust your partner or you don’t, I don’t see how flirting comes into it. So if you do not trust your partner then maybe it is time to leave, or work on that issue, but if you have a real relationship you will trust them and not make a big deal about nothing. To me, a relationship is not about controlling your partner and always monitoring their behavior. That seems more like slavery to me. Plus, to be honest, I’ve noticed that people that are against flirting are usually very insecure in general and often have low self esteems, and it seems to me that the reason they get jealous over the most harmless flirting is because they are very fearful of losing their partner, sometimes quite irrationally.

 

As far as WHY I do it, I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. It’s just fun somehow. It’s exciting. It makes me feel sexy and powerful. I can’t explain it any better than that. All I know is that I’ve been hardcore flirting with boys since I was 11, and it still gives me a rush every time! I guess it’s a sort of power trip, tbh, but I always keep it in control and make sure it doesn’t get out of hand. If they get too aggressive I will shoot them down hard and put them in their place!

 

But anyways, thanks for all the honest advice. It’s given me a lot to think about. But I don’t think I could ever really stop flirting, and I still don’t see why it’s “wrong”. Yes, it can LEAD to cheating, but it isn’t cheating in and of itself, and if you truly love your partner I say you would trust them.

 

You are entitled to the life you want to live. Who are we to say anything ?

 

You might find yourself in and out of flings for a very very long time to come. Therapy might help.

[Alamo657]

At your age, i find it normal that you flirt, and that you're making your boyfriend jealous, as you are learning the incredible power that the prospect of analyzing your vagina up close holds upon every men.

 

The thing that your boyfriend is also learning, is that women will test their attractiveness until it doesn't work anymore, and the only way or him to avoid loosing his female partner to other men, is to be better than them, and act like he can get any woman, any time.

 

That said, you are disrespecting him by flirting while in an official relationship, and he is letting himself be disrespected by not leaving you after witnessing your attitude.

 

I wouldn't say what you do is right or wrong (since the modern trend amongst women is hypergamy and polyamorous mindset, your attitude would be validated by many), i'd rather say he needs to grow a backbone and leave you if what you do doesn't fit well with him.

Edited May 31, 2016 by Alamo657

[JoeSmith357-1]

Thank you for all your replies. It seems like the consensus here is that any kind of flirting is unacceptable in a relationship. I did ask for honest advice, but tbh that seems a little extreme to me.

 

Not shocking considering your age

 

The reason why I think it’s ok is because, well… why not?

 

Solid logic here...

 

It doesn’t mean anything and it’s not cheating, so why start making rules about it? Why always be pointing fingers and accusing each other? It makes so much more sense to me to just accept that we are all human and that flirting is normal and natural.

 

It's generally NOT accepted behavior for people in committed, monogamous relationships. It's just NOT.

 

IMHO it seems like people that get jealous over a little flirting think it’s going to lead to something more, and it isn’t. I mean sure, it could, but what is the point of a relationship if you can’t trust your partner? I mean, you either trust your partner or you don’t, I don’t see how flirting comes into it. So if you do not trust your partner then maybe it is time to leave, or work on that issue, but if you have a real relationship you will trust them and not make a big deal about nothing.

 

There's an old saying, "where there's smoke, there's fire".

 

You seem to be trying to justifying it using that "Why not" logic. Which to me does not fly. You are doing it for a reason. You are not being honest with us as to WHY you are doing it. You probably just really crave attention from members of the opposite sex.

 

Can you SERIOUSLY not see how this would make your partner REALLY mad?

 

The message you are sending is that YOUR feelings and emotions are more important than his.

 

I think you have no idea about how much something like this can tear at a person. I am speaking from experience.

 

To me, a relationship is not about controlling your partner and always monitoring their behavior. That seems more like slavery to me. Plus, to be honest, I’ve noticed that people that are against flirting are usually very insecure in general and often have low self esteems, and it seems to me that the reason they get jealous over the most harmless flirting is because they are very fearful of losing their partner, sometimes quite irrationally.

 

Asking your partner to not flirt with other guys is not controlling. It's asking you to conform to accepted societal behaviors.

 

If your BF was asking you to completely cut off all contact with male friends, that's different. And I would say that could be (is) controlling.

 

That's not what it sounds like is going on here.

 

Look at it this way, you are putting yourself out there for other men. You are making it APPEAR like you are available. What message does that send to both these guys AND your boyfriend???

 

The message is that your legs are OPEN FOR BUSINESS

 

As far as WHY I do it, I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. It’s just fun somehow. It’s exciting. It makes me feel sexy and powerful. I can’t explain it any better than that. All I know is that I’ve been hardcore flirting with boys since I was 11, and it still gives me a rush every time! I guess it’s a sort of power trip, tbh, but I always keep it in control and make sure it doesn’t get out of hand. If they get too aggressive I will shoot them down hard and put them in their place!

 

I think you need to reflect inwards and grow up... flirting is fine, when you are single. Seriously grow up...

[Art.at.Heart]

Thank you for all your replies. It seems like the consensus here is that any kind of flirting is unacceptable in a relationship. I did ask for honest advice, but tbh that seems a little extreme to me.

 

The reason why I think it’s ok is because, well… why not? It doesn’t mean anything and it’s not cheating, so why start making rules about it? Why always be pointing fingers and accusing each other? It makes so much more sense to me to just accept that we are all human and that flirting is normal and natural. IMHO it seems like people that get jealous over a little flirting think it’s going to lead to something more, and it isn’t. I mean sure, it could, but what is the point of a relationship if you can’t trust your partner? I mean, you either trust your partner or you don’t, I don’t see how flirting comes into it. So if you do not trust your partner then maybe it is time to leave, or work on that issue, but if you have a real relationship you will trust them and not make a big deal about nothing. To me, a relationship is not about controlling your partner and always monitoring their behavior. That seems more like slavery to me. Plus, to be honest, I’ve noticed that people that are against flirting are usually very insecure in general and often have low self esteems, and it seems to me that the reason they get jealous over the most harmless flirting is because they are very fearful of losing their partner, sometimes quite irrationally.

 

As far as WHY I do it, I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. It’s just fun somehow. It’s exciting. It makes me feel sexy and powerful. I can’t explain it any better than that. All I know is that I’ve been hardcore flirting with boys since I was 11, and it still gives me a rush every time! I guess it’s a sort of power trip, tbh, but I always keep it in control and make sure it doesn’t get out of hand. If they get too aggressive I will shoot them down hard and put them in their place!

 

But anyways, thanks for all the honest advice. It’s given me a lot to think about. But I don’t think I could ever really stop flirting, and I still don’t see why it’s “wrong”. Yes, it can LEAD to cheating, but it isn’t cheating in and of itself, and if you truly love your partner I say you would trust them.

I'm doing this on my phone so each paragraph of my post will be in response to the corresponding paragraph or your post...

 

First off, I really find that only "natural" flirts are the only ones to justify it by saying its a natural human thing. I'm not saying it's unnatura at all. I'm saying that you're phrasing it as if it's a human reflex like blinking. I kept myself single for a year to get over an awful relationship. During that time, I flirted with girls that I was interested in. Currently, I've started dating someone I really like. The flirting stopped. See what I'm saying?

 

This is honestly a very introspective pargraph and I genuinely mean that. But I've dated a girl who said everything you said nearly word for word and, when I pressed her on it, it found that it stemmed from an insecurity. She needed constant validation that she was pretty and flirting is how she got it. The "fun" and "rush" that you feel is that satisfaction that someone is showing their attraction for you by flirting back. As for your last part about "putting them in their place", you wouldn't need to do that if you didn't lead them on by flirting in the first place.

 

And lastly: you keep throwing out how your partner needs to trust you. Did it ever occur to you that he may have trusted that his partner (you) wouldn't be flirting with other guys? Now that he seems his trust was misplaced, he's not handling too well it would seem.

 

I'm not saying what you're doing is right or wrong. But what you NEED to do is talk with him, come to an understanding with this and deal with the result. You need to do this and he doesn't like that you do. If there is no compromise then you need to look elsewhere.

 

Out of curiosity, would you like being with a guy that flirted with girls just as much as you flirt with men?

[JS84]

Cut her some slack she's only 20. At least she's bothering to ask which is more than I can say for a lot of people out there.

 

But seriously you aren't going to find many guys who will take you seriously or consider you relationship material, let alone marriage material, if you think it's okay to flirt with other men while in a relationship. Most are not going to be cool with that at all no matter how you try to justify it. I know if my girlfriend tried to rationalize that type of behavior while in a relationship with me I'd drop kick her to the curb lol.

 

Maybe you're just not the type of person who can deal with monogamous relationships, which is perfectly fine, as long as you're open about it with whatever partner you're with. Like I said earlier, you seem a bit too young and not in the right mindset to be settling down. Which isn't really fair to your boyfriend.

 

And like others have said, it's generally not considered socially acceptable to flirt with other people while you're in a committed relationship. And "Why not?" is not going to be considered a valid argument to the contrary by most partners.

[Clay]

She is entitled to any kind of a life she wants. If she wants to be in a relationship she just has to work with the person she is in the relationship with. If he doesn't agree with her flirting and has no interest in stopping then she my want to consider ending the relationship.

 

 

C

[mikeylo]

Why cut her some slack ? Seriously. She is 20 and needs to know the basics of a successful loving relationship. If not now, then it's too late.

 

My brother is 50 and male version of this. It's pathetic. My son is 18, a guy who respects girls and dates with complete integrity. I'm now slowly distancing myself and my son from my very own brother because he is now a bad influence on my son. The way he behaves with his ' female friends ' brings everyone to shame around him except himself and his female friends. Him and they enjoy ego stroke to each other at the cost of being looking disgusting to onlookers.

 

These basics need to be instilled at a young age.

[twosadthings]

So you like the rush. The problem is that your boyfriend/intended doesn't feel comfortable with your behavior. What's next? When you need a bigger rush will you send naked texts, talk dirty or escalate your "flirting"?

 

 

You're on a very slippery slope and not a safe relationship partner in my opinion.

 

 

Just sayin',

 

 

Twosadthings

[JoeSmith357-1]

She is entitled to any kind of a life she wants. If she wants to be in a relationship she just has to work with the person she is in the relationship with. If he doesn't agree with her flirting and has no interest in stopping then she my want to consider ending the relationship.

 

And she's going to have a hard time finding someone who would be comfortable with her doing that, let's be honest here...

 

And if they ARE comfortable, they are probably outright just cheating on her anyway

[JS84]

Why cut her some slack ? Seriously. She is 20 and needs to know the basics of a successful loving relationship. If not now, then it's too late.

 

My brother is 50 and male version of this. It's pathetic. My son is 18, a guy who respects girls and dates with complete integrity. I'm now slowly distancing myself and my son from my very own brother because he is now a bad influence on my son. The way he behaves with his ' female friends ' brings everyone to shame around him except himself and his female friends. Him and they enjoy ego stroke to each other at the cost of being looking disgusting to onlookers.

 

These basics need to be instilled at a young age.

 

I don't think holding a 20 year old girl to same standard as your 50 year old brother is realistic or all that fair. There's a big difference between the two which is 30 years of life experience.

 

Your brother is old enough to know better and either doesn't or doesn't care. OP sounds like she's been in one serious relationship and just isn't as mature as she most likely will be 10 or 15 years from now which isn't out of the ordinary.

 

She doesn't sound all that different than a lot of the girls I was friends with in college who had flaky morals back when I was 20. And she'd have fit right in with plenty of them. She asked for opinions but chances are she's just going to have to make her own mistakes and learn from them regardless of the advice she's given. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.

 

I'd like to give OP the benefit of the doubt that she will have a stronger sense of boundaries and respect for her partner when she's 50 than she currently does at 20.

[mikeylo]

Some people don't outgrow this behavior and not learn at the right time. He is the same as he was at 20. Morals are something that you either have or you don't. Enough said !

[vanhalenfan]

This behavior may or may not be "grown out of", so to speak. I've already replied to this thread earlier stating a strong opinion of distaste for this kind of behavior whilst in a committed relationship. This is coming from the engaged-32-year-old with-3-kids-me. However, when I was 20, it was a different ball game. I used to consider myself what I used to call a "natural flirt". I didn't engage in it too much while in a relationship, but I was never really in serious relationships when I was 20. I was laid back then and dating a lot. Totally different just a few years down the line. Perhaps your point of view will change when you're with the right man. I don't think you are taking your current relationship seriously, but you're only 20 so it's not really expected. Marriage is definitely not something you should be considering at this point.

[stillafool]

Thank you for all your replies. It seems like the consensus here is that any kind of flirting is unacceptable in a relationship. I did ask for honest advice, but tbh that seems a little extreme to me.

 

The reason why I think it’s ok is because, well… why not? It doesn’t mean anything and it’s not cheating, so why start making rules about it? Why always be pointing fingers and accusing each other? It makes so much more sense to me to just accept that we are all human and that flirting is normal and natural. IMHO it seems like people that get jealous over a little flirting think it’s going to lead to something more, and it isn’t. I mean sure, it could, but what is the point of a relationship if you can’t trust your partner? I mean, you either trust your partner or you don’t, I don’t see how flirting comes into it. So if you do not trust your partner then maybe it is time to leave, or work on that issue, but if you have a real relationship you will trust them and not make a big deal about nothing. To me, a relationship is not about controlling your partner and always monitoring their behavior. That seems more like slavery to me. Plus, to be honest, I’ve noticed that people that are against flirting are usually very insecure in general and often have low self esteems, and it seems to me that the reason they get jealous over the most harmless flirting is because they are very fearful of losing their partner, sometimes quite irrationally.

 

As far as WHY I do it, I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. It’s just fun somehow. It’s exciting. It makes me feel sexy and powerful. I can’t explain it any better than that. All I know is that I’ve been hardcore flirting with boys since I was 11, and it still gives me a rush every time! I guess it’s a sort of power trip, tbh, but I always keep it in control and make sure it doesn’t get out of hand. If they get too aggressive I will shoot them down hard and put them in their place!

 

But anyways, thanks for all the honest advice. It’s given me a lot to think about. But I don’t think I could ever really stop flirting, and I still don’t see why it’s “wrong”. Yes, it can LEAD to cheating, but it isn’t cheating in and of itself, and if you truly love your partner I say you would trust them.

 

Well since you feel this way tell your bf he can flirt with as many pretty girls as he can find and you continue your flirting with guys. Maybe if you give him the greenlight to flirt he may start to like it and no longer care what you do. Try it.

[stillafool]

I don't think holding a 20 year old girl to same standard as your 50 year old brother is realistic or all that fair. There's a big difference between the two which is 30 years of life experience.

 

Your brother is old enough to know better and either doesn't or doesn't care. OP sounds like she's been in one serious relationship and just isn't as mature as she most likely will be 10 or 15 years from now which isn't out of the ordinary.

 

She doesn't sound all that different than a lot of the girls I was friends with in college who had flaky morals back when I was 20. And she'd have fit right in with plenty of them. She asked for opinions but chances are she's just going to have to make her own mistakes and learn from them regardless of the advice she's given. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.

 

I'd like to give OP the benefit of the doubt that she will have a stronger sense of boundaries and respect for her partner when she's 50 than she currently does at 20.

 

I really don't think there is anything wrong with a person who flirts regardless of their age as long as they are single. It's when you are in a one on one relationship that it becomes disrespectful. People can flirt with each other at 90.

[lolablue17]

You're busy with your boyfriend's jealousy, and you judge everything only what's above the surface, and for the short term. Why won't you think about what may be very important to you.

 

Let's say I'm your boyfriend, and I don't like your flirting, but I will let you flirt as much as you wish, without me saying anything.

 

For me, love (At least in the first few years) is everything. If I love you, you're in my mind ALL the time. Do you like that? My girlfriend liked it very much and was happy with that.

 

But if I know that you flirt in a regular bases, How do I know that right now, in the very same moment I'm thinking about you, you're not flirting with another guy? As far as i know, you may be doing that. That will make me feel stupid. In fact that will prevent me to think about you all the time... What's the point loving and thinking about my love, who is in the very same moment busy to have attention from another guy?

 

So with me, either I would break up with you, or I would reduce my love to you, and stop thinking about you all the time, maybe looking for my own girls to flirt with.

 

Is that what you wish for? Reduced love? Because that what you'll get when you boyfriend will stop bothering you with that.

[mikeylo]

But if I know that you flirt in a regular bases, How do I know that right now, in the very same moment I'm thinking about you, you're not flirting with another guy? As far as i know, you may be doing that. That will make me feel stupid. In fact that will prevent me to think about you all the time... What's the point loving and thinking about my love, who is in the very same moment busy to have attention from another guy?

 

^^^ Spot on.

 

The images of my love interest flirting with others would lead me to not invest emotionally. With no emotional attachment , there is no relationship.

 

A woman dumped my brother for a guy who liked her but she didn't , initially.She later told a mutual friend that one thing that stood out for her was that at least the other guy didn't flirt with others. She grew to like him.