Flirting and relationships. Is it unreasonable for me to expect him to trust me?

[vanhalenfan]

You are calling your boyfriend insecure, but on the contrary, you are the one who is indeed insecure. Your need for such extreme validation from other men is unhealthy. What you are doing is not even close to my definition of harmless flirting...It is over-the-top, especially while being in a relationship. I mean, come on, a man was on his hands and knees begging to have sex with you because of this "harmless" flirting? If I was your boyfriend, this would just be absolutely unacceptable. I find it hard to believe he stuck it out for 3 years being treated with such blatant disrespect. He has every right to be downright livid and appalled by your behavior.

 

Sorry for being harsh, but the truth hurts. Break it off with him and let him find someone who respects boundaries in a relationship. He certainly won't get that from you.

[Try]

It’s just fun somehow. It’s exciting. It makes me feel sexy and powerful. I can’t explain it any better than that. All I know is that I’ve been hardcore flirting with boys since I was 11, and it still gives me a rush every time!

But I don’t think I could ever really stop flirting, and I still don’t see why it’s “wrong”. Yes, it can LEAD to cheating, but it isn’t cheating in and of itself, and if you truly love your partner I say you would trust them.

You seem to think that you need to have physical sex with someone in order for it to be cheating. Most would disagree. "Hardcore flirting" because it's "exciting", makes you "feel sexy", and gives you "a rush every time" is emotional cheating. Sharing those feelings with other men, takes that emotional energy away from your significant other ("SO"), and is allowing you and other men to disrespect your SO and your relationship. As a man, your SO feels humiliated by this, while the other men and you get to feel "powerful" at your SO's expense.

 

Look up emotional affairs ("EA") and you will see that EAs involve no actual sex, and yet have destroyed many marraiges. If your SO ever comes to this site, he would be told not to marry you as you are not ready for a committed relationship and may not be good marriage material at this time.

Edited June 4, 2016 by Try

[VeveCakes]

Stop the flirting, it's not worth losing a good man over if that's what you feel he is.

[Poutrew]

Awww OP, I think you are getting a bum rap on this board. So what if you like sitting on strange guys laps and giving them a rubdown? There's no harm in that. Personally, if I were the guy you were giving one of those massages to, I'd really appreciate it - after a long hard day working those old muscles of mine really could use a little kneading... I like flirting too, and I tend to be physical about it, like you. Whilst you are sitting on my lap and massaging me, I'll return the favor and give you a nice breast massage in return. After all it's just flirting, right? I think your boyfriend is being just totally unfair about it... heck, if I was your boyfriend, I'd be grateful that you wouldn't have any problem with me giving all those lonely, frustrated single women and housewives that live on our street some booty and booby massages. After all, the good feeling you get when you see those grateful faces and wide smiles can give you a nice warm feeling inside...

 

In case you missed it, the above paragraph was an example of Irony. Your boyfriend needs to find a women who will do those things only to him, not a little girl who still gets off doing performance art to everyone she knows even just a little bit.