One nightstand & She is now pregnant by my husband

[Pecan]

Very upset and can't get over it

 

Hello Every, I need some serious help. I found out about 7 months ago my husband had a affair got the woman pregnant. Baby is now here a DNA was taken and it is his. I have a 2 year by my husband and my husband is doing everything in his power so I do not leave him. However, 85% of me want to leave because I no longer trust him and 15% of me want to stay because he is a grrrrrrrrrrreat provider for me & my household.

 

Now, that this baby is here and get this the baby was born on my birthday which makes it more difficult to stay with him. The woman now is asking for child support which is now going to take away from my home( By the way this woman is someone who he went to school with over 16 year ago and they bumped into each other at some type of conference) we do not live in the same city she stay about 4 hours away from us.

 

According to him we were on bad terms and he did not want the marriage anymore so he decide to have dinner tell his side of the story to her and one thing lead to another and they ended up bed (without protect) THIS IS SOMEONE HE DID NOT SEE IN 16 + YEARS and did not use protection. I was pissed and still is.

 

I talk with the woman and she told me that he did not wanted her to have this baby and she told him that she is going to have it because she have been trying to get pregnant for the longest she have been on a donor list for sometime and now it finally happen. I asked her has she been involve with my husband before she told me no just that one night. I did not attack her because I wanted to get all the information I need for her which worked.

 

Another thing that pissed me off is that she gave the baby my husband last name. I'm like why would someone name their child after a married man who did not want to have a baby with you and also being that it was a one night thing. After I was nice to her while talking with her I really regret it. I we have been to marriage counselling and it not working for me because I will not let it.

 

Another reason why 15% of me want to stay like I said early his is a great provider I do not have to ask for anything he take me places (Alaska, Germany, Mexico, Japan, Italy, and many more place) I don't want to let that go for someone else to get. But right now I am not in the marriage because I love him (Yes, I loved him with all my heart before he had an affair although we were having our problems) I did not go have an affair.

 

I asked my husband why do he want to stay in this marriage now when the night he sleep with this other person he was ready to give it up but now he want to save it (I DON'T GET IT). I do not know what to believe If he want to stay because he really want it to work or if he is protecting his assets.

 

According to him he made a big mistake that he can not take back and he regrets every minute of it and he wants to continue to rise our child together. But that is going to be hard for me because (my husband LOVE KIDS) and I know there will be a time when he may want to go( see/bring )that other child into our home and I don't think I can deal with that. This is just a bad situation. He tells me all the time that this will not change our way of living. But way I view it is like thats extra money that could have been used for my child.

 

I think I just very upset with him and will be for awhile. I do not know how to get over it. Although, my husband is trying so hard it like every thing he do piss me off because he is trying to hard when he should have trying to work out our problems before he stuck his ---k between her legs.

[LucreziaBorgia]

This is an unfortunate situation. I can't think of anything to say really, except that you and he are going to need to consider some marriage and individual counseling to deal with this unavoidable situation. In some way or the other, this child is going to be in your lives for the next 18 years.

 

The next step is finding ways to cope with that and deciding together what would be the best thing for all involved: whether you want to divorce your H and sue him for child support, whether you want to stay married and work it out, whether you want to have this OC in your lives with partial custody, whether you want to sue for full custody, or whether you want the child to be nothing more than a matter of signing and mailing a check every month.

 

All that is left is coping, and compromising from here on out - and a professional marriage/family counselor along with a lawyer will help you to make the decisions you need to make right now.

[Pecan]

Hello Every, I need some serious help. I found out about 7 months ago my husband had a affair got the woman pregnant. Baby is now here a DNA was taken and it is his. I have a 2 year by my husband and my husband is doing everything in his power so I do not leave him. However, 85% of me want to leave because I no longer trust him and 15% of me want to stay because he is a grrrrrrrrrrreat provider for me & my household.

 

Now, that this baby is here and get this the baby was born on my birthday which makes it more difficult to stay with him. The woman now is asking for child support which is now going to take away from my home( By the way this woman is someone who he went to school with over 16 year ago and they bumped into each other at some type of conference) we do not live in the same city she stay about 4 hours away from us.

 

According to him we were on bad terms and he did not want the marriage anymore so he decide to have dinner tell his side of the story to her and one thing lead to another and they ended up bed (without protect) THIS IS SOMEONE HE DID NOT SEE IN 16 + YEARS and did not use protection. I was pissed and still is.

 

I talk with the woman and she told me that he did not wanted her to have this baby and she told him that she is going to have it because she have been trying to get pregnant for the longest she have been on a donor list for sometime and now it finally happen. I asked her has she been involve with my husband before she told me no just that one night. I did not attack her because I wanted to get all the information I need for her which worked.

 

Another thing that pissed me off is that she gave the baby my husband last name. I'm like why would someone name their child after a married man who did not want to have a baby with you and also being that it was a one night thing. After I was nice to her while talking with her I really regret it. I we have been to marriage counselling and it not working for me because I will not let it.

 

Another reason why 15% of me want to stay like I said early his is a great provider I do not have to ask for anything he take me places (Alaska, Germany, Mexico, Japan, Italy, and many more place) I don't want to let that go for someone else to get. But right now I am not in the marriage because I love him (Yes, I loved him with all my heart before he had an affair although we were having our problems) I did not go have an affair.

 

I asked my husband why do he want to stay in this marriage now when the night he sleep with this other person he was ready to give it up but now he want to save it (I DON'T GET IT). I do not know what to believe If he want to stay because he really want it to work or if he is protecting his assets.

 

According to him he made a big mistake that he can not take back and he regrets every minute of it and he wants to continue to rise our child together. But that is going to be hard for me because (my husband LOVE KIDS) and I know there will be a time when he may want to go( see/bring )that other child into our home and I don't think I can deal with that. This is just a bad situation. He tells me all the time that this will not change our way of living. But way I view it is like thats extra money that could have been used for my child.

 

I think I just very upset with him and will be for awhile. I do not know how to get over it. Although, my husband is trying so hard it like every thing he do piss me off because he is trying to hard when he should have trying to work out our problems before he stuck his ---k between her legs.

[shygurl]

So the only real reason you're going to remain with him is for all of the trips and money he provides you? You're going to remain with a man who betrayed you and your family just because he's wealthy and you'll continue to lead a cushy life? How can you live with yourself doing that? Using someone and compromising your self respect for $$?

[MiChick43]

I understand you do not want to share your money with this child your husband created, but guess what? Its not the childs fault your husband screwed up. That child , im sure legally, will be provided for. And that is not your choice.

 

Money isnt every thing. I would rather have my pride.

 

My ex was a radiologist. I gave up a lot of material things. But at least I can sleep with my b/f knowing I wont have a std by the end of the week.

[shygurl]

Woops! I guess I missed that part.

 

The woman now is asking for child support which is now going to take away from my home

 

That's a very selfish attitude right there. This poor little child didn't ask to be conceived by 2 cheaters but he/she was conceived and born nevertheless. The child deserves every single cent of child support - to grow up with a good life and future. Don't begrudge the poor child that.

 

You seem very fixated with money. Maybe your husband had this affair because he sensed you were just interested in his money and what he could provide for you?

[kkat]

It's more than understandable that you are so angry!

 

The reality is that your husband made what sounds like was a huge mistake on his part, and it had consequences for you and your marriage beyond what most MM end up with...a child.

 

But, as others have said, that doesn't change the reality that this child will need support, financially and otherwise, and your husband will have a responsibility to provide it.

 

What are some positives?

 

This child could become the person who grows up to discover a cure for an awful disease, who makes a difference in the lives of people around the world...who knows.

 

Try to look at the child as a birth of something positive, try to find some positive symbolism for the birthday being your birthday.

 

Could it mean that you might seek your own financial independence and end your marriage? If your husband is such a great provider I'm sure your divorce attorney could make sure he keeps on providing. I'm not advocating that, just saying that there are more than one ways to skin this cat.

 

How long have you been with your H? Has he cheated on you before?

[Mz. Pixie]

Pecan,

 

I'm sorry honey, this has got to be almost the worst situation you can be in in a marriage- other than death of a child or your spouse giving you a STD that you can't get rid of. Bless your heart!

 

You're angry right now and reasonably so. You may not like everything I have to say. First of all, yes, your husband will have to pay child support- regardless of whether he wanted the baby or not. That is the perils of fathering a child. He should have used protection but he did not and now he will have to live with that as well as you. Not right, not fair, but that is the way it is. Secondly, you cannot help that she gave this child his name, it is his child. I would probably not like it if it were to happen to me, but if I were in this situation and the baby was mine, I would probably do the same thing. More of a chance of getting the child support when you put the baby's father's name on the birth certif and as it's last name.

 

I'm not sure if this is something that you can overcome, I'm not sure if it would be something that I could overcome. Only you can decide whether it's worth it or not. I tell you one thing that's not worth it- staying in a marriage where you are only staying because of what they can give you financially- trips etc. Sounds like you are more invested in that than anything else. That may be the anger talking as well.

 

I would suggest some individual counseling for you as well as marriage counseling. You have alot of anger to work through should you plan on staying in this marriage. I hope you find the peace you're searching for.

[Mz. Pixie]

I posted to you on the main screen Pecan.

[She_Devil]

Poor girl. You have alot on your plate right now. You need to weigh how you feel about this (and your childs of course). I can only imagine how frustrated you are. I would have walked away long ago but that is me..I cannot deal with drama.

 

She sounds like a money grubbing whore. How was she going to get help with a donor (assuming she was actually trying to get pregnant)? Technically she is the one that needs to walk away because the is not her marraige. He does owe her the child support, which affects you as well. It is good to hear that you did not freak out on her, stay strong.

[Stone]

I wish you watched Dr. Phill yesterday there was a couple in the same exact situation as you, you should check out the website. My only advice to you is that there is no way that you can get thru this alone. You and your Husband need to be in counceling regardless if you stay togeather or not atleast for coparenting issues. Maby you should go by yourself to see if you can work on forgiving him or not.

 

I am sorry for your situation

[FolderWife]

Ya know, if that hoochie was on a doner list trying to have a baby, why is she hitting up your husband (and by default his family) for child support!? If she wanted a baby any way, and was going to do it with or without a man, why hit him up for money to boot!?

 

Wow, she just won all the way around didn't she She comforted a man who was upset and spread her legs for him, and in doing so got her baby that she was wanting and now she's going to get some cash too

 

That's not to say that your husband is off the hook. I wouldn't call this an affair...an affair goes on for a while (in my opinion)...this was a cheap one night stand. He was upset (and probably a little drunk) and she was there, and he was lonely, and he thought his marriage was over, and being the man *caugh idiot* that he is, he slept with her.

 

And being the man *caught idiot* that he is, he didn't use protection.

 

So she gets a baby, and she gets money on the side. I bet she was thanking her lucky stars that she got into bed with a REAL man with MONEY, instead of some donated egg. You can't hit up a doner for child support

[FolderWife]

Oh for the love of

 

I meant to say "donated sperm" not "donated egg" but my 20 minute time limit to edit my post expired five minutes ago

[Craig]

Originally posted by Pecan

15% of me want to stay because he is a grrrrrrrrrrreat provider for me & my household.

 

The woman now is asking for child support which is now going to take away from my home

 

I do not know what to believe If he want to stay because he really want it to work or if he is protecting his assets.

 

But way I view it is like thats extra money that could have been used for my child.

 

Just an observation, anyone else see this?

[Craig]

Originally posted by FolderWife

You can't hit up a doner for child support

Or maybe you can...

 

http://www.webcommentary.com/asp/ShowArticle.asp?id=mcelroyw&date=050526

[Craig]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=515195#post515195

[FolderWife]

Originally posted by Craig

Or maybe you can...

 

http://www.webcommentary.com/asp/ShowArticle.asp?id=mcelroyw&date=050526

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME!!!

[FolderWife]

YES I see it, and I think she has every right to be very pissed that this hoochy is trying to take money from HER HOME.

 

Did you see this

 

he did not wanted her to have this baby and she told him that she is going to have it because she have been trying to get pregnant for the longest she have been on a donor list for sometime and now it finally happen.

 

She was going to have a baby with or without him. She wanted a baby without child support. Lucky for her that she caught a man depressed and lonely that she could "comfort" by having sex with him, and that way she'd get her baby, and a lot of cash on the side too!

 

It almost looked like she tricked your rich husband into bed so she could get his money when she got her baby

[FolderWife]

Now, not only does she have a cheating husband, who's too dumb to use birth control when he sleeps with people outside their marriage, but now she has to share money with the woman he cheated on her with!?

 

I know that you all are looking out for the baby's best interest, but you can't expect a woman who's just had to go through what she's going through to be thinking about her husband's other woman's best interests, and the interests of the child born of his infidelity.

 

She stuck by him through good times and bad, and THIS is what she gets to show for it I think she has every right to be angry and selfish

 

She should leave him and get alimony and child support from him, and find her a man who can keep his dick at home

[westernxer]

I bet your husband wishes he wore a condom...

[hotgurl]

omg this pisses me off.

 

Your husband should pay child support. He got her pregnant and now it is his responsibility to help out with the child. It is not the child's fault the your husband is an a**. The child deserves to be supported. It sounds like he makes enough money do this and not effect you very much.

 

As for the people who say she a greedy no body gets rich off of child support. It is to help with the expenses of the child. My ex who wanted the baby took off and now owes me 17,000 and I could really use the extra money seeing as I have to work two jobs.

 

Pregnancy is one of the risk involved with having sex. if you are not ready or willing to deal with the outcomes than you shouldn't have sex especially not without protection.

 

as you the OP I am sorry and I don't think I could forgive that. I know it is a rub but he has a responsibility to his other child as well as to yours. It is not fair that you have to deal with this. I agree. But what's done is done and now you have to decide what is best for you.

[JPMorgan]

Pecan -- did you post twice? I thought I saw this post in another forum.

 

Anyway -- go see a lawyer. You have rights to "his" assets, especially since he has a written contract (marriage liscense) with you.

 

I know finances are a concern, but people do what they need to do and you will feel great when you are independent and confident in your abilities, and you won't be so heartsick for so long -- living with someone who has hurt you and proven to you that you cannot trust him, will only hurt your more and more and not allow you to heal.

[FolderWife]

Originally posted by westernxer

I bet your husband wishes he wore a condom...

 

 

hotgurl, while I agree with your view, this other woman was trying to get pregnant artifically. So...how did she expect to 'support' the child that she would have with artificial insimination? If she wanted to keep the baby because she was planning on having a baby any way (per the origional post) then why ask for child support.

 

It looks to me like she got her baby AND money to pay for it

[hotgurl]

folder's wife,

while I can see what you are getting at. this is just what the husband told op. They don't know if the ow has a boyfriend or financial situation. And in my experience people often under estimate the cost of children.

 

Should she let him out of support maybe but what if something happens and then the child has to suffer. Child support can be a cushion and if nothing else can be saved for college.

 

But she is smart because she should get support , visitation and custody all in order and on paper it just protects everyone interests.

 

 

By the way the link Craig posted is b.s. If you in fact have a contract of no support or go to a donor you should not sue for support later. But get everything in writing.

[Pecan]

Shygurl, If you read my whole message I stated that I really loved my husband. But after all of this I'm very anger at him. Keyword (I really love my husband). But after being hurt I feel different right now. So it not only because he has money and what he do for me.