Author Pecan Posted June 26, 2005 Author Share Posted June 26, 2005 Everyone, I am just hurting right now and speaking from ALOT of anger (I hope) because I don't know what to do. This is the first time for me to experience something like this. I have been with this man for 8 years(Married for 3 1/2). I know its not the other child fault but AT TIME TIME I CAN NOT CONTROL MY FEELINGS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pecan Posted June 26, 2005 Author Share Posted June 26, 2005 Originally posted by shygurl So the only real reason you're going to remain with him is for all of the trips and money he provides you? You're going to remain with a man who betrayed you and your family just because he's wealthy and you'll continue to lead a cushy life? How can you live with yourself doing that? Using someone and compromising your self respect for $$? Shygurl, I said 15% of me would like to stay because he is a great provider. Which is a low % only a small part of me want to stay because he take care of his home like a man should so I'm not their for the money. I never ask him for anything and he can tell you that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pecan Posted June 26, 2005 Author Share Posted June 26, 2005 Originally posted by JPMorgan Pecan -- did you post twice? I thought I saw this post in another forum. Yes, I'm new here and did not know how to post. I'm still learning. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 Originally posted by Pecan Another reason why 15% of me want to stay like I said early his is a great provider I do not have to ask for anything he take me places (Alaska, Germany, Mexico, Japan, Italy, and many more place) I don't want to let that go for someone else to get. But right now I am not in the marriage because I love him (Yes, I loved him with all my heart before he had an affair although we were having our problems) I did not go have an affair. He tells me all the time that this will not change our way of living. But way I view it is like thats extra money that could have been used for my child. the first part, well it sounds like you were both detached from this marriage for different reasons and just deal with them in different ways. he should not have had an affair, but the reasons you say you are still to marred to him are pretty shytty. as for the second part (the extra money your kid's not getting) i know money seems like a big deal, but in the grand scheme of things in your life and marriage right now, this is a very petty arument that you are going to need to get over and accept or move on. you say it's not the money, but this statement completely contradicts it. it sounds like you both have a lot to work on, especially individually. you both have some pretty severe issues, especially immaturity levels, and until you figure them out for yourselves, your marriage is going to be very hard to save. he should have worked on the problems before he had an affair, but he didn't. it's too late. but you should not be staying with him for free trips to mexico--that's not right either. people should not have affairs, but people should not remain married because they have become accustomed to a comfortable way of life they refuse to give up. even if is only 15% of the reason (though i suspect it's more and you're not saying it) you say you don't love him. then let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 Hi Pecan, I have to apologize, I don't know how I missed it but I did - the part about this skank/OW having admitted to you that prior to getting knocked up by your husband, she'd been trying to get pregnant through artificial insemination..................and stupidly, I guess I didn't pay enough attention when you say she chose to have her child take your husband's last name. Based on the fact that she apparently hadn't seen your husband in 16 yrs, it all sounds very suspicious to me...............that she was just looking to find a rich guy to get her pregnant so she could benefit from it. And yes, I doubt that most women who have one night stands who end up pregnant from that one night stand would want their child to take that guy's last name...........................unless of course she has big plans for their future (her and child)........because the child is his. It all sounds rather calculated to me (on her part). Surely she would have known that having unprotected sex could leave her pregnant..........but she obviously wanted to take that chance. How old is she anyway, do you know? Does her child stand to get some kind of inheritance when the child turns 21 or anything? Is your husband that wealthy? I'm sorry that you're going through this and now I better understand your position - but please, although I know it's hard because their child is a constant tangible reminder of the damn stupid thing he did, don't resent that child....the poor little one didn't ask to be born.........and he's obviously got a cagey wench for a mother (pity him). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pecan Posted June 26, 2005 Author Share Posted June 26, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten people should not have affairs, but people should not remain married because they have become accustomed to a comfortable way of life they refuse to give up. even if is only 15% of the reason (though i suspect it's more and you're not saying it) you say you don't love him. then let him go. SexKitten, In my message I said a lot more in my message than speaking about money. I NEVER ONCE SAID in the message that I did not love him because I do the problem is getting over it and trusting him again. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 Originally posted by Pecan Another reason why 15% of me want to stay like I said early his is a great provider I do not have to ask for anything he take me places (Alaska, Germany, Mexico, Japan, Italy, and many more place) I don't want to let that go for someone else to get. But right now I am not in the marriage because I love him (Yes, I loved him with all my heart before he had an affair although we were having our problems) I did not go have an affair. there you go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pecan Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten there you go. As a woman I have no problem admitting when I mess up. Thank you for correcting me on what I have said. I have said sooooooooooo many things until its unreal but I'm not here to argue or debate with anyone. I'm here for some good advise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pecan Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by FolderWife I know that you all are looking out for the baby's best interest, but you can't expect a woman who's just had to go through what she's going through to be thinking about her husband's other woman's best interests, and the interests of the child born of his infidelity. She stuck by him through good times and bad, and THIS is what she gets to show for it I think she has every right to be angry and selfish Thank You for understanding where I'm coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pecan Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 I forgot to tell how when we got married neither one of us had any kids and we planned to have between 2-4 kids. After, this woman just had his child I do not what to have anymore kids from him (RIGHT NOW) maybe later if I decide to stay with him but he does not understand that he want me to get pregnant right now. I told him I'm in no condition to carry a child at this time. I think he believe if I get pregnant that I may back of and cut him some slack. Its funny because I was really ready to have our second child so my other child will have someone to grow up with in our home. I really don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 Don't get pregnant right now! Having a baby is not something you can simply undo! You can always have a second child. Don't think of any excuses like it's better if the age difference is small!Actually it's not better cuz the kids beat each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pecan Posted July 18, 2005 Author Share Posted July 18, 2005 I Link to post Share on other sites
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