Author Mapper71 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Share Posted June 2, 2016 There is a big difference maturity wise between a 21 year old and an 18 year old. Also the 21 year olds are probably in college. And comparing SD to the kids who studies abroad, did programs in Europe. Well it is because their parents provided them the opportunities to do so. Did you and your husband send you SD to Europe., pay for her to study abroad? Some are them are doing better because of the opportunities their parents provided. What opportunities have you provided. SD IS in college. She's been attending the college for classes for the past two years (although she STILL hasn't graduated high school but that's a whole other issue!). She doesn't hang out with ANYONE younger than 20 because she says she has nothing in common with kids her own age! H HAS offered to pay for SD to travel to Europe for a semester abroad. The catch is that SD has to do the legwork to find out what is needed and what the requirements are, but she won't/hasn't done that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Share Posted June 2, 2016 Everyone here will be glad to know that SD DID get the job at Starbucks. She just texted us this morning. Good, I hope she can make it there and that I'm not back here in a month telling you she quit due to rude coworkers, rude customers and a manger who just can't explain anything correctly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Share Posted June 2, 2016 Mapper, this is awfully sad. You truly hate your step daughter and hate when she comes to visit and stay with you at her dads place. I hope she never finds this place because she would be devastated to know how you feel about her and have been 'faking' it for so many years. Oh it's not just her. Trust me. If my sister had a kid and stayed with us I'd hate her, I'd hate the neighbor's kid if they came over for any period of time, I'd hate (and did hate) H's friend's kid when they spent the night. They couldn't leave soon enough! Link to post Share on other sites
Rea Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Oh it's not just her. Trust me. If my sister had a kid and stayed with us I'd hate her, I'd hate the neighbor's kid if they came over for any period of time, I'd hate (and did hate) H's friend's kid when they spent the night. They couldn't leave soon enough! That's an awful lot of children to hate! Have you considered individual therapy for yourself to try and discover why you feel such hostility towards children? I have to say I find it extremely concerning you would want to be in a relationship with someone who even has kids when you clearly have such strong issues where children are concerned. Does your husband know how you truly feel? If so, shame on him for staying with you. If he is any kind of decent parent, he should distance himself from you and put his daughter first. Yes, she's 18, but he has clearly failed her in younger years by exposing her to you. Poor kid! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Share Posted June 2, 2016 That's an awful lot of children to hate! Have you considered individual therapy for yourself to try and discover why you feel such hostility towards children? I have to say I find it extremely concerning you would want to be in a relationship with someone who even has kids when you clearly have such strong issues where children are concerned. Does your husband know how you truly feel? If so, shame on him for staying with you. If he is any kind of decent parent, he should distance himself from you and put his daughter first. Yes, she's 18, but he has clearly failed her in younger years by exposing her to you. Poor kid! Yup, he knows I have absolutely ZERO desire to have kids. I told him if I got pregnant I'd give the kid to him and then say "See ya in 18 years"! Of course, I'd never get pregnant because I'm very regimental in using birth control. Just never liked kids. Neither has my sister. Too much time and energy. We are much more animal people. I'd rather have 20 cats running around the house than one kid! I knew when I moved out there that he had little contact with her (maybe one weekend every 2-3 months) so I could deal with that. But remember, I fake it with her so she thinks I LOVE being around her. I've been a better parent to her when she visits that he has! Link to post Share on other sites
Rea Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 (edited) You have the opportunity to initiate change in the dynamics of all of your SD's relationships for the future. She has a mother who berates or has berated her father. She has a father who has less interest in her than his wife (her stepmother - YOU) who by your own admission - actually hates her. It's no wonder she is acting out. You are clearly frustrated with how things currently stand with her, so do something about it. Get some individual counselling to help you find coping strategies for the situation you have found yourself in with SD. I am responding to this thread because I had a stepmother. Your SD does not sound too dissimilar to me at that age. I am now a successful professional with a family I am proud of. I have no contact with my parents or my SM, even though they would like their to be. There came a time when I could no longer deal with them and through IC I recognised that I needed to cut ties for my own emotional well being. Best thing I ever did! They can push blame in my direction all they like. I was a teenager who was a product of the three of them, just like your SD. They had parental resposibility for me, which all three shirked. don't be them, be better than that while you still have the opportunity. I am able to see clearly that the three of them were irresponsible, damaged adults who all need IC. They'll never get it though because they'd rather live in their bubble. That's where you are right now, in your own bubble, blaming SD. Your children are what you create and nurture. Think about that. Her being your SD makes her YOUR child. Think about why no one here is supporting your berating of your SD. Think about the advice and support you are being given. Be the adult, bring about the change for all your sakes. Edited June 3, 2016 by Rea 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 I've been a better parent to her when she visits that he has! If this is true, it is the saddest part of the entire thread. No wonder the girl is unhappy, if she has a father who doesn't care about her and a stepmother who only pretends to while secretly reviling her. I truly hope she manages to shake off all this baggage in adulthood. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Oh it's not just her. Trust me. If my sister had a kid and stayed with us I'd hate her, I'd hate the neighbor's kid if they came over for any period of time, I'd hate (and did hate) H's friend's kid when they spent the night. They couldn't leave soon enough! Most people who dislike children hate the noise, the mess, the crying and the temper tantrums that tend to go along with them. Your SD is not a little kid, she's almost an adult. If you hate her because she is your husbands child then I guess you must hate everyone because everyone is someone's child, including yourself. I don't particularly like spending long periods of time with other people's small children either. I don't dislike them, I just don't have the patience I used to. But spending time with an 18 yr old is way different then tolerating a child. Older teenagers are fun. They have lots going on in their heads and they love being asked for their thoughts. When my youngest son was a teen he had a gf who liked spending time at our house. She was 16 when I met her and I enjoyed getting to know her. Having never had a daughter it was nice to interact with a teen girl instead of a boy for a change. Sometimes she would come over and just the two of us would hang out. We'd watch movies or go for lunch and talk about girl things. I came to consider her my young friend and I missed her when she and my son broke up. I have fond memories of the time I spent with her. It seems to me that some step parents tend to judge their stepchildren much more harshly then do other children, especially the stepchildren who are the same gender as the stepparent. To me that just comes down to petty childish jealousy on the stepparent's part. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 She's 18..nobody has their ***** completely together at 18. Give the poor girl a break! If you don't like her, leave her alone instead of nagging her. She probably hates you as much as you hate her so why not just stay out of each others' way? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 I agree. Just respect her just enough to stay out of her way until she's out of your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 SD texted us on June 2 saying she got a job at Starbucks. She went in early the week of June 5 and had the first half of her orientation with 3 other girls which consisted of just filling out paperwork, but she said she got paid for it. She has to do the 2nd part of her orientation yet before she can start training and told her manager that she needed to do it before June 15 because she had a 10 day vacation planned with her mom. Well she apparently never got called in to do it and says the other 3 girls didn't either, but I'm not sure how she knows that when she doesn't even know those girls. She said her friend who works there has been calling the HR manager on SD's behalf asking why she hasn't been called in but apparently the HR manager isn't responding. So SD is back on June 25 and plans on calling the manager herself. She said after she does the 2nd part of orientation that she needs to wait a week for her security clearance to go through (since she's working at an airport Starbucks) and then she can start training which can last anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months, depending on how quickly she picks things up. Should she be worried that she no longer has this job? Why would she not have been called in for the 2nd part of her orientation immediately? It's been 2 weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Should she be worried that she no longer has this job? Why would she not have been called in for the 2nd part of her orientation immediately? It's been 2 weeks. Why do you care? You've made it very very clear you give less than a rat's arse about her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 Why do you care? You've made it very very clear you give less than a rat's arse about her. I care because I want her to get the job so she can't come up to visit!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 I care because I want her to get the job so she can't come up to visit!!!! Oh my, you really are a piece of work... For your step daughter's sake, I really hope she gets the job so she won't have to spend another minute in your toxic company. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
AlphabetGirl Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 She's 18 and doesn't have her life completely together. It doesn't make her a bad person. I know I didn't at that age. Not even close. Don't kick her down for it. In fact, don't kick her down at all. No matter what she's done wrong, she doesn't need you kicking her down to the ground. Stop comparing her to the interns you have at work. The difference between the maturity of an 18 year old and 20-21 year old is astounding. As far as you being a good faker goes? Don't be so vain. Chances are she already knows that you hate her but isn't saying anything. She's probably texting and visiting you because she's desperate to have a good relationship with you despite the fact you can't stand her. I've read everything you've written about her and I can only come to one conclusion about you. You're a toxic, hateful creature. Leave her be. She'll be better off without you in her life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 Oh my, you really are a piece of work... For your step daughter's sake, I really hope she gets the job so she won't have to spend another minute in your toxic company. I AM a piece of work, aren't I?!? A real gem!!! Nobody is making her come up. Why is it she would rather hang out with me than her dad then??? Trust me, she has no problem saying how she really feels to her dad so why is she so nice to me???? Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Because psychologically, when we meet a person who we can tell want nothing to do with us, it makes us want to prove ourselves and get that person to finally like us. Like the abused child who kisses up to the abuser and ignores the parent who takes care of them. And they don't even know they're doing it. Pretty simple. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
AlphabetGirl Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Because psychologically, when we meet a person who we can tell want nothing to do with us, it makes us want to prove ourselves and get that person to finally like us. Like the abused child who kisses up to the abuser and ignores the parent who takes care of them. And they don't even know they're doing it. Pretty simple. My parents abused me and still do to this day (working on cutting ties with them altogether) and I did exactly that all my life. I didn't have a parent who took care of me but that's still what I did. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 Because psychologically, when we meet a person who we can tell want nothing to do with us, it makes us want to prove ourselves and get that person to finally like us. Like the abused child who kisses up to the abuser and ignores the parent who takes care of them. And they don't even know they're doing it. Pretty simple. Alrighty...whatever floats your boat! Link to post Share on other sites
Aniela Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Why would you assume the altercation you mention in your OP, was your step-daughter's fault? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Aniela Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 I care because I want her to get the job so she can't come up to visit!!!! Oh, wow. I remember you now - you married a man you knew had a child, but didn't want to be a mother. I feel so bad for your step-daughter. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 I think these posts are made for entertainment value, for both the OP and her readers. I always click. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Aniela Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 I think these posts are made for entertainment value, for both the OP and her readers. I always click. I don't. I don't find it entertaining, either. Maybe it's just my mood tonight. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Oh you know me....I'll complain about EVERYTHING she does!! But if she can't handle coworkers in the back room, how is she going to handle the stress of working with customers, and not just customers, but customers who want their coffee just so and want it quickly and keeping her head straight as to who wants what? She even told me she's not good at multitasking. She certainly didn't seem to care how her resume looked after I helped her make it this past weekend. She didn't have the tenses right and the wording was odd, but I could only correct her a few times before I was like "Well I'm not doing this FOR her"! She didn't have her own thoughts on what to put and needed me to suggest the right wording. I printed it out for her and she didn't even look at it and threw it down on the table, attached the resume and hit the send button for Starbucks. She didn't keep a copy of the file either to update it. Whatever kid! I compare her to the interns we have working for us at my work and they are only 2-3 years older than her and the difference between their attitude, ability to communicate and knowledge is SO different than SD's. They actually know what they are talking about when they talk. SD just talks and falsities just flow from her lips, but she swears she knows exactly what she's talking about! Time for the stepdaughter to lock herself in a closet. She'll never do anything right or good enough. So sad that she comes back to visit despite the contempt you have for her. Why not live an authentic life with your husband, including telling him the truth about what you think of him? What are you so afraid of? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 I think these posts are made for entertainment value, for both the OP and her readers. I always click. I post because I'm venting and expressing my feelings. Years from now I can look back and read it and go "oh yeah I remember that". It's my diary, as I've said many times before. Others seem that they can't wait to read my posts and tell me how horrible I am. No matter what I say, I'm horrible. If I said the the sky is blue I KNOW someone would say "How can you make that assumption? Why can't you give it a break and let it decide what color it is!" If you don't like what I say then don't bother reading it. I don't know why some people waste their time with my posts!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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