frogger00 Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 Hello, I decided to see if anyone has any ideas to help my situation. I am a fit, nice looking 28 year old guy and have never had a relationship that lasted over about a month. Normally the best I can do is either a week or two if that. I have tried extensive online dating and even go up to girls at coffee shops, bars, out at the mall...wherever! I don't act desperate (even though I feel very much so) and tend to have nice casual yet engaging conversations. I normally get their info and have some nice back and forths and try to arrange meeting up but it's like a ticking time bomb when she's going to either stop answering me or break it off. It is mind-boggling how so many people are able to sustain relationships in this day and age to me. I seriously can't keep a girl around. They always end up leaving me and saying I'm an awesome guy but they just aren't ready for a relationship and 2 weeks later they're in a serious committed relationship with someone else. What the F could I possibly be doing wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron007 Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 The short answer is just keep doing what you are doing and you'll be fine...you seem to be doing all the right things...just some basic questions (unrelated to your quest for luv!) - are you generally happy with your life? E.g. no major hassles at work that impact you outside of work, you have hobbies/pastimes that keep you relaxed and happy outside of work, good social circle - are you social w/ people generally? Not just attractive women you approach but in general are you social w/ friends and even acquaintances and strangers? - You are fit and confident so I assume you are comfortable in your own skin and not excessively worried about how people (attractive women included) perceive you. - are you happy being by yourself and feel a partner will enrich your already rich lifestyle (as opposed to you being unhappy and relying on your partner to make you happier in life) If the answers to the above are yes, then you may want to think about the factors that sustain relationships like common passions...do you have shared likes/passions with these women that can help nourish the relationships beyond the "new toy" phase? Do you take the lead and plan your activities together or do you find yourself stepping off the gas pedal on subsequent dates, maybe after you've consummated the relationship? Also worth examining the target demographic of the women you date - age, their lifestyle and where they are in life (student, early career, etc.)... I'm sure this will be a popular thread, good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
eternalspotless Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 Hi, I wanted to ask if the women that you are pursuing seem to be similar, in any way? Link to post Share on other sites
BrainMangler Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 Most of my friends met their serious girlfriends/fiancés when they were still in college. My roommate met his girlfriend on Tinder, so give that a shot. Keep it casual in the beginning. Your other bet might be to see if any of your female friends have any recently single friends who are back out on the hunt. I personally prefer online dating or meeting random strangers and tend to stay away from friends of friends but it might be worth a shot for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) Hello, I decided to see if anyone has any ideas to help my situation. I am a fit, nice looking 28 year old guy and have never had a relationship that lasted over about a month. Normally the best I can do is either a week or two if that. So obviously no real problems with the approach and appearance. I normally get their info and have some nice back and forths and try to arrange meeting up but it's like a ticking time bomb when she's going to either stop answering me or break it off. Could be a case of a self fulfilling prophecy here. You expect her to distance herself, make compensatory moves and she distances herself. Btw what's the age demographic you're dating in? They always end up leaving me and saying I'm an awesome guy but they just aren't ready for a relationship and 2 weeks later they're in a serious committed relationship with someone else. What the F could I possibly be doing wrong? Honest to God truth here? Maybe your personal legend/style sucks. It just doesn't bring out the special in you and instead you come across as guy wallpaper. Okay to look at but pretty bland and forgettable and as soon as a more exciting model comes along they are out of there. If you are currently a Ford Escort it won't take a Mustang to out-do you. Pretty much a Toyota hatch with all the options will do it. A huge number of het guys just do not value nor understand window dressing, that makes them vulnerable to being topped by any guy who can match shoes to shirt. I personally know a guy who in all honesty is probably about a 7 au naturale. Nothing particularly wrong with his face, he has nice eyes but the overall effect is just meh. Early photo's of him attest to him being Mr Boring Average can't get a date. He got a haircut, ripped this body a bit, sports a 5 o'clock shadow and learnt how to dress. He now has a legion of fans who tells him he's the hottest thing since 300. Never underestimate the power of packaging. Het guys tend to dress according to personal comfort and pretty awful taste if I'm being honest. If you have a buzz cut and wear band t-shirts and jeans this is that 'awful taste' being talked about. It just says not a clue and no different to every guy out there. Men are in the enviable position of enjoying a large tolerance for facial beauty, as long as, your body rocks and your personal style makes the best of you, you can pretty much have any mug and women will think you rock. Vin Diesel is about as attractive as a bull terrier facially but he rocks the look he's got. A certain percentage of women would not mind him messing with their ovaries. If you're lucky enough to actually have a good face you can propel yourself to model/movie star level with the right look. The Hemsworth brothers are in my estimation entirely ordinary looking guys, I can find similar in my local neighbourhood. Abs and pecs made a huge difference to a guy's attractiveness. You don't have to be a roid raider, just a little definition is enough. You can even forgo any kind of body building if you lean more towards the cuter guy look and sport some serious fashion. It's the difference between a woman with an arse like a peach and one who has something resembling a flat truck tyre. Same goes for men. Think about it. Edited June 5, 2016 by Buddhist 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Heracles Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 If you really want a relationship, stop looking for one. I know it sounds counterintuitive. If you feel desperate, I can bet you anything that you sub-communicate that to them through your body language and micro-expressions. Non verbal communication trumps words Link to post Share on other sites
kittyxo Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Sometimes you just have to filter out through a bunch of people before you meet that ONE person that finally gets you and you have a crazy chemistry with.. Currently going through the filtering process..it sucks and although I feel kind of bad when I don't have chemistry with someone, or if someone disappoints me otherwise, I just tell myself that I'm a little bit closer to the one than I was yesterday Link to post Share on other sites
Sunnymae Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Have you heard the expression she's out of my league. I use to know a guy who had so much going for him a house, a job, sense of humor, but he was a little bit too white, with red hair,and a double chin. He never could find a girl. I would try to set him up with girls I thought were nice but, he only wanted really attractive girls. I guess what I'm saying is that if you want to be in a relationship look for a girl who has a wining personality, even if she's a little lacking in looks. I personally always look for guys that are my equal in looks or if they have good character traits at my age I'll settle for that. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Honest to God truth here? Maybe your personal legend/style sucks. It just doesn't bring out the special in you and instead you come across as guy wallpaper. Okay to look at but pretty bland and forgettable and as soon as a more exciting model comes along they are out of there. The recent "How do people date when everyone is expendable" thread mirror s this. With that post, saying someone's "personal style" sucks is completely subjective. Unfortunately, a lot of people in society bore so easily and looking for the bigger better deal will never be satisfied. Those kinds of people are basically...spoiled. They aren't in it for the long haul and not someone you want in your life anyway, much less jumping through hoops to appear "exciting" to them. When I hear if a guy isn't exciting enough for a woman, as such a woman raises red flags with me. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) With that post, saying someone's "personal style" sucks is completely subjective. Unfortunately, a lot of people in society bore so easily and looking for the bigger better deal will never be satisfied. I use that philosophy in my every day life. I don't think of people as boring. I think "Everybody has something to say." Now I do know a couple of people (mostly co-workers) who really do very little with their lives, but I find those people usually to be nice people who I can talk to and in some cases, easier to talk to than exciting people. 'Exciting' people sometimes expect a lot from simple social interactions. Edited June 6, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) The recent "How do people date when everyone is expendable" thread mirror s this. With that post, saying someone's "personal style" sucks is completely subjective. Unfortunately, a lot of people in society bore so easily and looking for the bigger better deal will never be satisfied. Those kinds of people are basically...spoiled. They aren't in it for the long haul and not someone you want in your life anyway, much less jumping through hoops to appear "exciting" to them. When I hear if a guy isn't exciting enough for a woman, as such a woman raises red flags with me. And yet men have been expecting women to be exciting (read physically attractive to them) for centuries. Don't make me laugh. Yes [some] men are outraged these days because women have, surprise surprise the same expectations of men that they display towards women. Except when a woman does it, it's an outrage right? A sign that society is going down the toilet, that people just don't value things etc. Please if a woman is overweight, never wears makeup and comes here complaining she can't keep a boyfriend everyone would be telling her well she needs to have a look at how she's presenting. There's even a thread in the break up section where a guy is basically dumping his girlfriend because she is no longer exciting (physically attractive) to him. People don't turn up for job interviews in their sweat pants for a reason. Yes absolutely how you present yourself matters. I'm sorry but anyone who thinks otherwise is just off in la la land. So spare us the holier than thou talk. The guy has a problem, I pointed out one aspect he may not have considered. Doesn't mean he needs to take my advice nor consider what I've said. It's just out there for consideration. Women care about what their boyfriends look like okay? That is no secret and no different to men caring what their girlfriends look like. This isn't a difficult concept, really. Edited June 6, 2016 by Buddhist 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 Sounds like keeping one is the biggest issue for the OP Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 You play the lottery and hope your numbers come up. Link to post Share on other sites
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