TomTurn Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 First of all, she's really nice (sometimes) like she says she loves me and would do anything for me and would even die for me . But one time we was walking to a shop with her friends and I made a joke about her liking someone else and she hit me really hard in the chest twice. She threatens to slap me when I don't tell her what she wants to hear. Sometimes when she doesn't get what she wants she threatens to break up with me and usually does, but then comes back later and gets ME to apologise. She also said one time that I would be fine if she cheated on me suggesting she would. I honestly feel like I'm being controlled and one day she will beat the crap out of me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 I honestly feel like I'm being controlled and one day she will beat the crap out of me. Well, get out now, what are you waiting for? She is not the woman you want or a woman you need in your life, she is making you miserable. Relationships are supposed to be fun and make you feel safe and secure and happy. P.S. Abusers are almost never abusers 24/7, they can be lovely people when they want to be, that is why so many people stay with people who abuse them. They think wrongly that this time they will just continue being nice... but it doesn't happen and before they know it they are back in hell, and then the abuser does something nice again... on and on and on. The cycle of abuse 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TomTurn Posted June 1, 2016 Author Share Posted June 1, 2016 its true she says stuff like "but tom its your fault and you need to stay with me" and "I'll forgive you for what you've done" even though its her that does something bad like flirts with another guy Link to post Share on other sites
Author TomTurn Posted June 1, 2016 Author Share Posted June 1, 2016 Update: I've realised I could get beaten up for making this forum post because she demands control over my phone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 Is she actually able to physically overpower you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 I have great success with repeatedly tazing people who beat me up. Make sure you get long-life batteries. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 The problem is she doesn't RESPECT you because you're a pushover. Women hate weak men so toughen up and put her in her place. The next time she swings at you grab her arm really hard and stop her. Tell her you are not going to put up with her crap. Just break up with her she sounds horrible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 The problem is she doesn't RESPECT you because you're a pushover. Women hate weak men so toughen up and put her in her place. The next time she swings at you grab her arm really hard and stop her. Tell her you are not going to put up with her crap. Just break up with her she sounds horrible. No offense but that's not a good idea at all unless she's really about to knock your lights out (which is why I want to know how OP actually stacks up against her), bc she could spin it as him abusing her. If this is really a problem and he's in legit danger from this chick, he shouldn't be in this relationship at all. If it's moreso her flailing away at him harmlessly in stereoptypical woman style, he should walk away from the altercation and then keep walking away from the relationship right out the door. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 The next time she swings at you grab her arm really hard and stop her. Tell her you are not going to put up with her crap. Here's hoping there won't be a next time because OP will wise up and leave now; a heart-to-heart or word of warning at this stage is totally optional, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 Stillafool- actually we were taught that in self defense class. to Deter any further onset of aggression.Blocking, grabbing to cease motions are common techniques. This is a gender neutral defense tactic. Ultimately this Op needs to cease and dismiss any contact with her. She is grooming him to be passive victim. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 Is it your fault? Yes. It's your fault. You allow it to happen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 Just look her in the eyes, get her attention, and say "I will not allow you to physically attack me again. If you touch me again, I will leave you whereever we are and go home. If we're home, I'll leave the house. Your choice: respect me or do without me." And then go on about your business, and just wait for the next time she does it - and then, without a word, leave IMMEDIATELY. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Why are you with her? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 First of all, she's really nice (sometimes) like she says she loves me and would do anything for me and would even die for me . But one time we was walking to a shop with her friends and I made a joke about her liking someone else and she hit me really hard in the chest twice. She threatens to slap me when I don't tell her what she wants to hear. Sometimes when she doesn't get what she wants she threatens to break up with me and usually does, but then comes back later and gets ME to apologise. She also said one time that I would be fine if she cheated on me suggesting she would. I honestly feel like I'm being controlled and one day she will beat the crap out of me. I'd give a girl in your situation the same advice. END this relationship. It's unhealthy and toxic, and will do damage to you as time goes on. Please, as much as you say she's 'nice' and loves you, she's abusive and has major issues. It's NOT normal to do what she does. Break up with her. You don't deserve this treatment! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Just look her in the eyes, get her attention, and say "I will not allow you to physically attack me again. If you touch me again, I will leave you whereever we are and go home. If we're home, I'll leave the house. Your choice: respect me or do without me." And then go on about your business, and just wait for the next time she does it - and then, without a word, leave IMMEDIATELY. Would you give a woman this same advice? Abuse is abuse, doesn't matter if it's a woman or man on the receiving end of it, it's sickening and wrong. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 its true she says stuff like "but tom its your fault and you need to stay with me" and "I'll forgive you for what you've done" even though its her that does something bad like flirts with another guy Update: I've realised I could get beaten up for making this forum post because she demands control over my phone. May I ask how old you two are? END it with her. You can do this and talk to your family and trusted friends to help you, do they know she's smacking you around? Your gf has so many issues and she's not going to change, things aren't going to get any better, it'll only get worse. If she finds this thread, and threatens you or hits you, then LEAVE. Call the cops and have her arrested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Would you give a woman this same advice? Abuse is abuse, doesn't matter if it's a woman or man on the receiving end of it, it's sickening and wrong.Of course I would. You accept abuse...or you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 This is unacceptable. Get out while you can. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Of course I would. You accept abuse...or you don't. Some people aren't mentally strong or they've been manipulated for so long that when the physical abuse starts the abuser has such power over them and ruins their self esteem. They probably don't accept it but don't have the courage to leave and are also terrified to be on their own. It isn't just about accepting abuse or not accepting it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Some people aren't mentally strong or they've been manipulated for so long that when the physical abuse starts the abuser has such power over them and ruins their self esteem. They probably don't accept it but don't have the courage to leave and are also terrified to be on their own. It isn't just about accepting abuse or not accepting it.I understand that. I'm the same way. And the only way I started changing was by listening to forum posters telling me to stop accepting it. Once I heard it from everyone, I started thinking that maybe it WAS possible for me to just say I won't accept it, since everyone was telling me the same thing. It took me a few years, but I never would have gotten better without those posters telling me to stand up for myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 First of all, she's really nice (sometimes) like she says she loves me and would do anything for me and would even die for me . But one time we was walking to a shop with her friends and I made a joke about her liking someone else and she hit me really hard in the chest twice. She threatens to slap me when I don't tell her what she wants to hear. Sometimes when she doesn't get what she wants she threatens to break up with me and usually does, but then comes back later and gets ME to apologise. She also said one time that I would be fine if she cheated on me suggesting she would. I honestly feel like I'm being controlled and one day she will beat the crap out of me. I saw a couple arguing in the street yesterday. He was pulling at her arm, she was shouting and hitting him. I don't know what substance fuelled drama might have ignited it, and I didn't care either - though from the volume of their squawking, they were desperate to try to share the details of their sordid lives and conflicts with anybody within a half mile radius. All I cared about was avoiding the unsightly, noisy obstacle the pair of them were presenting on the street. Other people seemed to be of a similar mindset to me. That's the usual story. If you stick in a relationship with somebody who behaves like that, people will tend to assume you're much the same way. Is that who you are? The partner of a shouting, abusive, classless girl who thinks nothing of whacking you in the street as you're walking to a shop with her friends? If you feel like the two of you are generally compatible, then perhaps it's time to think seriously about some self improvement. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 This sounds familiar. I've been both the abuse-er and the abuse-ee in relationships. A lot of it is learned from parents, from society, and from your surroundings. If the girl is worth it (and I mean she has some HIGHLY desirable qualities, not just that you like her) then it can be ironed out with counseling. If not, then say goodbye. In my case, I learned my bad behavior from my parents. I just didn't know any better. It took a good friend and a few failed relationships to set me straight on what was not acceptable or beneficial. Yes, you can overcome the urge to hit your partner. Yes, people can change. But the sad truth is that change is tough and generally unlikely to happen. As someone who has also been abused, I can tell you there are four ways this relationship can go: 1. She stops the behavior and begins to change. Or probably not. 2. You keep taking the abuse and stay miserable. 3. You don't take the abuse, and you leave. 4. You become mutually abusive, like Taramere's example situation.... Only two of these situations end well, and only one of those is likely - the one in which you leave. One thing all of these situations have in common is that YOU are the one who can instigate change in any direction. Figure out what your priorities are, get a plan of action, and get to work. Be smart, be safe! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 How can it be your fault that someone hits you? She's really messing your head up good buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
contel3 Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Other posters have already said it, you need to leave her. Abuse is never your fault. It doesn't matter how much other people tell you that, I know it's still hard to believe when someone really messes with your head. Maybe you can start with making a list of all the ways she mistreats other people. Whenever someone treated me badly, there were always situations where they treated other people the same (or even worse). Do you know anything about her past relationships? How does she treat her family? How does she treat waiters? Her friends? It's not about you it's about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Just leave her, she is not the last girl on earth. You deserve better! Link to post Share on other sites
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