How to end things

[Bdsmaffair]

I'm married to a man and have been for 17 years.

 

5 years ago as a bored stay at home mum I started an Internet bdsm D/s type affair.

It progressed and we were seeing each other weekly communicating all the time. I completly love this man. So much some days I think I would leave my husband and children for him. We share everything. The intimacy Is incredible.

 

A few months ago he went on a trip abroad which resulted in his wife discovering us. Now things are incredibly difficult. I want to walk away. He is sticking with her. Google tells me all his reasons are the same ones played out accross the world.

 

Anyway. I'm at marriage councelling g with my husband now. And things are going ok.

 

It seems a good time to make that break and refocus on my marriage.

 

But I'm so scared. I love him so much and have devoted so much Time and energy to him for so long I'm not sure I even know who I am anymore.

 

Can I really break out ? How do I do this ? Is it feasable to make my marriage work now? Should I tell my husband.

 

My whole life feels like a lie. And one I convinced myself of. I just truely believed that he would leave her and everything would work out. But I see now that he will never leave her.

 

How can I do this.

[Satu]

snip

But I'm so scared. I love him so much and have devoted so much Time and energy to him for so long I'm not sure I even know who I am anymore.

 

Can I really break out ? How do I do this ? Is it feasable to make my marriage work now? *Should I tell my husband.

 

My whole life feels like a lie. And one I convinced myself of. I just truely believed that he would leave her and everything would work out. But I see now that he will never leave her.

 

How can I do this.

 

*I would.

 

And then I'd get a divorce.

 

I don't see how you can repair your marriage if your feelings for another man are so much stronger.

 

 

Take care.

[HeCantBreakMe]

Um, should I say welcome on a site like this? Probably not because we don't post here for the fun of it but because it has become a necessity- at least for me it has.

 

YOU have a choice in this. You can choose the Affair - which means you will come second to his wife and the pain will only get worse. Every wonder what it would feel like to have someone knife up your insides- well stay in the affair and you will find out.

 

Your other option is to CHOOSE to walk away. End the affair but KNOW it will HURT LIKE HELL. Trust me I am in 13 days NC in ending mine. I can tell you though the pain of being in an affair was still worse than what I am feeling now and i work with my exMM.

 

I am married too. I would say at this point don't focus on if you can move forward with your husband- that will come. You can't focus on anything until you decide to walk away from your MM who has said he will never leave his wife for you.

 

If you do decide to walk away. tell your exMM you are doing this for you because you love yourself. Then go no contact. No contact means NO CONTACT. Block and delete him anywhere you can. Do NOT keep him on you social media and DO NOT i repeat this DO NOT look back. If it is meant to be it will be.

 

Cheering for you! Feel free to read my story, my affair was 10 months both PA and EA.

[Bdsmaffair]

I'm 5 years in so I certainly know what the constant disappointment makes me feel inside.

 

He just tells me he loves me and I have his heart.

 

How do you break that habbit. I'm scared I'm going to be so lonely.

 

Im cross that I'm so addicted to him.

 

But since his wife found out he's just throwing me enough to keep me hooked.

 

I keep telling myself maybe she will leave him. But I know it's just a fantasy. Part of me wants to tell her make her leave. But then I know I'd only be hurting more people.

 

So just one conversation? I'm leaving and then cut him off.

 

Face to face? Email? By phone which is easier?

[Satu]

I'm 5 years in so I certainly know what the constant disappointment makes me feel inside.

 

*He just tells me he loves me and I have his heart.

 

How do you break that habbit. I'm scared I'm going to be so lonely.

 

Im cross that I'm so addicted to him.

 

But since his wife found out he's just throwing me enough to keep me hooked.

 

I keep telling myself maybe she will leave him. But I know it's just a fantasy. Part of me wants to tell her make her leave. But then I know I'd only be hurting more people.

 

So just one conversation? I'm leaving and then cut him off.

 

Face to face? Email? By phone which is easier?

 

*Its incredibly cruel of him to say that to you.

 

What he's doing there, is just making you want something that he's told you, you can never have.

 

No matter what you do with your marriage, you'll be better off without him manipulating your emotions.

[HeCantBreakMe]

My exMM told me all of those things. He loves me, I have his heart, he cannot imagine his life without me, we WILL be together someday, he is my best friend. Oh my the list COULD go on and if we want to compare notes I bet yours said much of the same.. THEY ALL DO! (not bitter lol).

 

Okay, I have walked away numerous times. I wouldn't suggest face-to-face because then you have to see him be sad or try and talk you out of it which you dont need. I would go as impersonal as possible and if that sounds cowardly WHO CARES!

 

No lies here, you will be lonely. You will itch to text him, email him, call him whatever him. For me one day is great the next day sucks. It is a roller coaster ride so anticipate it. BUT you have to ensure your reasoning for wanting to do this overpower your reason to stay. That will be the ONLY thing keeping you going when the pain is unbearable, but you know what you? YOU CAN DO THIS. Life is about choices and 5 years is a long time to spend destroying two families and hurting a lot of people including yourself.

 

Remember NC, BLOCK and DELETE DO NOT go back. One conversation of you telling him its over and you do not want him to contact you moving forward is all it should take.

 

It's gonna hurt but i bet you feel a sense of relief almost like throwing off the chains.

[Bdsmaffair]

Thank you.

 

I'm starting to see the things they all say now. He always just tells me things aren't simple.

 

I think I'll compose an email. That way I can give him my thoughts.

 

The thought of deleting 5 years of emails is such a scary one. So stupid right

 

I'm starting to feel as though I have been manipulated.

 

Thank you

[Satu]

Sometimes I wonder if all these MM are being made in a factory somewhere, or all go a special school to learn their craft.

 

 

Here's a clip from my journal:

 

 

What the other woman believes.

 

"He's a great guy, but he's trapped in an unhappy marriage. He and his wife haven't had sex in years. He says he has no feelings for her, and loves me. He feels that he can't leave because of what it would do to his kids, but I do think that he'll leave her though, when the kids are a bit older."

 

The greater part of any affair is fantasy and make-believe.

 

This is life on the edge of reality, in a little bubble of imaginings.

 

 

Take care.

[Jersey born raised]

Does your husband know you are submissive and slave to another man?

 

Have you shared what occurs between you and your master?

 

These are the terms those in a BDSM use. You said BDSM, a lot of people enjoy domination and bondage but adding SM to the mix indicates pain and humiliation.

 

As to your husband, why can't he be that for you?

[Satu]

snip

 

*I'm starting to feel as though I have been manipulated.

 

Thank you

 

*You have been, and you deserve better.

[HeCantBreakMe]

Sometimes I wonder if all these MM are being made in a factory somewhere, or all go a special school to learn their craft.

 

Here's a clip from my journal:

 

 

What the other woman believes.

 

"He's a great guy, but he's trapped in an unhappy marriage. He and his wife haven't had sex in years. He says he has no feelings for her, and loves me. He feels that he can't leave because of what it would do to his kids, but I do think that he'll leave her though, when the kids are a bit older."

 

The greater part of any affair is fantasy and make-believe.

 

This is life on the edge of reality, in a little bubble of imaginings.

 

 

Take care.

 

Thank you Satu. I needed this giggle today.

[Bdsmaffair]

Does your husband know you are submissive and slave to another man?

 

Have you shared what occurs between you and your master?

 

These are the terms those in a BDSM use. You said BDSM, a lot of people enjoy domination and bondage but adding SM to the mix indicates pain and humiliation.

 

As to your husband, why can't he be that for you?

 

No I've never shared what occurs. But he knows my desires. He has no desires to entertain them. But my husband is a good man that loves me. Many years ago we tried to explore some stuff. But it wasn't his thing.

[Bdsmaffair]

It's funny when you hide something for so long you stop seeing it for what it really is.

 

I'm going to cry it out now and send the email in the morning.

 

I'm considering asking a trusted friend to change the email password so I can't check. But maybe this is too risky

[Satu]

Thank you Satu. I needed this giggle today.

 

I think I'll just stick with my imaginary friend.

 

At least I know he won't leave me for somebody else.

[HeCantBreakMe]

It's funny when you hide something for so long you stop seeing it for what it really is.

 

I'm going to cry it out now and send the email in the morning.

 

I'm considering asking a trusted friend to change the email password so I can't check. But maybe this is too risky

 

Cry it out. It sucks.

[Satu]

It's funny when you hide something for so long you stop seeing it for what it really is.

 

*I'm going to cry it out now and send the email in the morning.

 

I'm considering asking a trusted friend to change the email password so I can't check. But maybe this is too risky

 

Its better out than in.

 

Keep posting.

 

There are other people here who've been in your position, who will do their best to support you through this.

 

Cry, shout, do whatever you need to do.

 

Whatever is good for you.

[Jersey born raised]

Do you have the courage to let him read the last five years of texts and emails.

 

He knows your desires, does he know you are engaging in them with your MOW?

[malvern99]

How sure are you his wife will not tell your husband? Given the option of your A being discovered by your BH or you coming clean, coming clean is always the better way to move forward.

 

Honestly speaking though, in your shoes I would suggest you let your BH go so he can find someone who loves him like you love the other man, and end the A. The other man's actions speak louder than any of his words. If he wanted to be with you, that is exactly where he would be. He chose his wife and that is what you should focus on. As your BH should not be second in your heart, you should not be second in your lovers heart. It is unfair to both of you. I hope you find your happiness. Good luck.

[Bdsmaffair]

How sure are you his wife will not tell your husband? Given the option of your A being discovered by your BH or you coming clean, coming clean is always the better way to move forward.

 

Honestly speaking though, in your shoes I would suggest you let your BH go so he can find someone who loves him like you love the other man, and end the A. The other man's actions speak louder than any of his words. If he wanted to be with you, that is exactly where he would be. He chose his wife and that is what you should focus on. As your BH should not be second in your heart, you should not be second in your lovers heart. It is unfair to both of you. I hope you find your happiness. Good luck.

 

 

 

I'm 100% sure Mm wife won't tell. He's completely distance from my life in all other ways.

 

i can't believe I've felt like the only person in this situation for so long. I'm so glad I found this forum. I'm just reading other people posts now.

[HeCantBreakMe]

I'm 100% sure Mm wife won't tell. He's completely distance from my life in all other ways.

 

i can't believe I've felt like the only person in this situation for so long. I'm so glad I found this forum. I'm just reading other people posts now.

 

This forum has helped me tremendously. I have read stories about women whose MM left their wives to be with them, only to go back to the wife. Imagine the torment that would cause. So be happy he never tried to screw around with you by leaving her only to go back to her.

 

Best run away now!

[Onlywhenitrains]

Welcome to LS, BDSMAffair!

 

Not much to add to previous posters. Run away now, and run away fast! It won't be easy, but don't ever lose hope it's doable and possible. I'm in NC since early/mid April, after 1yr affair. It's not easy, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.

 

But I can tell you this - pain and hurt of NC are a little easier to go through than pain, humiliation, lack of dignity and self-respect of being the second best, dirty little secret who accepts breadcrumbs and leftovers. And, it gets easier each day.

 

In the beginning, you might not notice it. But, with time you will. In my darkest hours of wanting to break NC, I come here and write.

 

All the best to you, and stay strong!

[Patrice]

Hang strong, there are many people here to support you. YOU deserve better than this.

[Confused9999]

My Affair lasted 3 years and I'm NC for 3 months now.

 

Very hard in the beginning but gets much easier with time. I thought of telling my W but decided not to and it was the right thing for me since my feelings are coming back.

 

 

I would not tell your BH at this point. The chance of discovery is very low, like you said.

Let the emotions settle after NC and then after 6 months or so decide if you want to tell your BH to force him to change or leave the marriage or things are better for you emotionally with your H at that point.

 

You have to make these big decisions when you are emotionally ready and not in a panic or in affair fog.

[ChickiePops]

I'm married to a man and have been for 17 years.

 

5 years ago as a bored stay at home mum I started an Internet bdsm D/s type affair.

It progressed and we were seeing each other weekly communicating all the time. I completly love this man. So much some days I think I would leave my husband and children for him. We share everything. The intimacy Is incredible.

 

A few months ago he went on a trip abroad which resulted in his wife discovering us. Now things are incredibly difficult. I want to walk away. He is sticking with her. Google tells me all his reasons are the same ones played out accross the world.

 

Anyway. I'm at marriage councelling g with my husband now. And things are going ok.

 

It seems a good time to make that break and refocus on my marriage.

 

But I'm so scared. I love him so much and have devoted so much Time and energy to him for so long I'm not sure I even know who I am anymore.

 

Can I really break out ? How do I do this ? Is it feasable to make my marriage work now? Should I tell my husband.

 

My whole life feels like a lie. And one I convinced myself of. I just truely believed that he would leave her and everything would work out. But I see now that he will never leave her.

 

How can I do this.

 

You would leave your children for a random dude you met online?

[BuddyX]

Please get counseling. The fact you entertained leaving your kids is frightening. You said, "I don't want to end up alone", Ahem, you have a husband and kids, hello.

Time for being selfish is over. Go NC. Cut all ties. Focus on your family.