long distance girlfriend doesn't know what she wants

[obamahasmyvcr]

Hi,

 

I have been dating this girl named gabby for 3 years. She is 24 and I am 26 We met 4 years ago on twitter. We been traveling to see each other every 3 to 4 months. Every time we are together it's amazing. Every goodbye is the worst. She gets depressed for weeks. Me on the other hand does get sad but I get over it quick. We used to fight about it because it she never was getting happy. It was a common thing. After awhile she becomes herself and we are all golden again. After awhile she started to be more okay with the distance. We always talked about moving in with each other. I kept getting her hopes up by saying that I will come but never do.

 

So jump to about a couple months ago. I made a plan to come a month ago. I got in legal trouble and had to throw away a good chunk in my savings. So I called her up and said that I want to quickly make that money up by working here so I told her that may isnt going to work out. She got so pissed and sad. Saying that I will never come.

 

Me on the other hand was like you don't understand why I am doing this. I dont want money trouble when I move there. All this time that we have been together she hasn't really gone out with friends. I always yelled at her for not doing anything and that she needs to get out because she always blew me up and wanted to facetime and hang out. I ignored her a lot in those last 6 months.

 

A month ago I told her a suprise. I got her a one way ticket here to help me pack so I can move with her. She didn't see so excited. This is when I knew something was up. Well this pass month she started going out and ignoring me. Didn't blow me up. I felt that there was something wrong. I found out that she was talking to a guy.. They didn't do anything. Ignored her for the night and she was blowing me up the next day.

 

She said she was sorry and that she messed up. I couldn't believe it. That is not the type of girl she is. We finally talked and she said she was unhappy of the distance and how I was treating her. She said she needed time to think. I couldn't help but to try and talk. She said she would get anxiety every time we'd talk about it. I then said that I don't want to play these games of not knowing what she wants so I said Im out. She flipped. She said that she will stop talking to this guy. I made her prove it by sending me a screenshot of the message.

 

The guy said he was fine with not talking to her ever again. We took a week space. It was so hard. In that week she would still text me and saying she was sorry. She called me a million times.

 

Finally I called her and we spoke. She said that she doesn't want to let me go but a little part of her doesn't want this. She said the distance is the huge issue. I kept telling her that we will be together soon. What end up happening is that She bought a ticket for me to come and see her in a week and half. She said that we need to be together. And talk.

 

During this time I know I have no chance here. A couple days ago we were good. Talking like we usually do and all of a sudden she flipped out at me. Saying something talking to her friends about what is going on. I only spoke to one of her friends and all he asked was if I was coming. She was like im done, I can't do this. I am not happy. So I facetimed her. She was pissed that I was talking to her friends.

 

I said so I guess I am not coming then. She goes no. So we stopped talking. Yesterday I tell her that this is all messed up. Why can't I come to try and fix things. We just need to be together. I tell her that we can facetime our last goodbyes. She says okay.

 

During this time I deleted her off of everything. She finds out about and and starts to go crazy like "why are you deleting me. oh that was fast. Like we were together so long and you want to be done just like that". I am like gabby, you don't make any sense. You broke up with me. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to see you anymore. You're ****ing up.

 

I been in her position. I know what she is doing. I said to her that she is going to regret it and later on try and get me back but it won't happen. She starts to cry and is like I am done playing these games with you. I want you to come. I don't know if we will work out but I miss you and all this stuff that is going on has got my head spinning. I keep going back and forth. But when you started to delete me from your life I start to think.. I told her that I will think about coming.

 

I also mentioned that I don't want to talk to her for the rest of the week. In this time I will start to get over you. Again more crying. How can you move on that fast she says. She says If i do plan on coming tell me so I can get you. She Still says the i love you and i miss you. I am going to to the no contact rule. What do you guys think?

Edited June 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added paragraphs, please use them in the future ~6

[MargoJones]

I think no contact is best. You sound like you have been insensitive to her needs and dismissive of her feelings for a long time. She obviously cares a lot more than you do and the best thing you can do for her in the long run is to go no contact so she can move forward with her life.

[obamahasmyvcr]

I agree where you're coming from. During the times of neglect I did still treat her great. But there were those times where I didn't. The only issue being is she wants me to come. All her friends that she has spoke to also hit me up and are like you have to be here. She needs you here.

[basil67]

Forgive me if I missed it, but how often was she coming to see you?

 

Her cries of being neglected mean nothing if she's not putting in equal work from her end of the deal.

[obamahasmyvcr]

We switched back and forth seeing each other every 3 months.

[ExpatInItaly]

I agree where you're coming from. During the times of neglect I did still treat her great. But there were those times where I didn't. The only issue being is she wants me to come. All her friends that she has spoke to also hit me up and are like you have to be here. She needs you here.

 

This is utterly contradictory. Neglecting someone by definition means you are not treating them well.

 

You have said you yell at her, ignore her, and don't fulfill your claims of coming to see her. (apart from the financial troubles associated with the most recent canceling)

 

I'm not saying she is perfect, but your behaviour in the relationship demonstrated that you were just not as invested or sensitive to her feelings. Sorry, but I think you need to let her go.

[obamahasmyvcr]

I mean I didn't constantly yell, ignore and fight with her. It was a mix. I also did treat her good. How does it take someone less than a month to just not know what she wants? I do understand somewhat but then again I am confused. there was a lot of love there. Whats going to come from this visitation? Would it be bad to go even tho she wants me to.