My girl friend

[DJ]

She is not a virgin, she is 20 years old and we have been together for a year already. She was in a three year relationship before me, and lost her virginity to this guy. I am 23 on the other hand, and lost my virginity to a girl for whom I was the first man as well. For some reason, I can not deal with this. Every time I attempt to make love to her, I always think of the guy who she slept with, and it feels like I am with a woman, who has been "used". I know it is wrong, because in this respect, I am "used" as well. But I wish things worked out with my first girl friend. Unfortunately it did not, and now I find it very difficult to be intimate with her. It feel like this guy took away something from her, that belonged to me. I have these images in my head, where I track him down and shoot him/kill him/torture him. It souns craz but, I am devastated here. A friend suggested a shrink, but I really do not want to listen to his/her idea that maybe I have problems because of my mother (They always talk about your mother for some reason - maybe b/c of Freud)

 

Well, anyway, i have not had sex with her, and to tell you the truth I don't know what to do. We love each other very much, but unless this situation is rectified, we are going to mess this up big time. HELP PLEASE!!!

[Tony T]

You have got a REAL problem because as you get older, the odds of dating a virgin become less and less. What the hell is the big deal about a virgin anyway? Everyday in millions of situations, men go out with women who are NOT virgins and are just fine with it.

 

So let's say this girl was a virgin...so you have sex with her and date her for six months or so and move on. What's the next guy supposed to do? You have got a major problem here because girls just don't stay virgin until they have had a chance to pass through your life. Get used to it! The greatest majority of ladies you date in your life will NOT be virgins and why should they be?

 

A non-virgin is simply a female who has had all the work done to clear the way for having enjoyable sex with YOU!!!

 

As far as this having anything to do with Freud or your mother, I doubt they lived in the same time period or would have had any kind of fling. But, generally speaking, the vast majority of mothers all over the world had sex with other men prior to us being conceived. In a few cases, our moms were impregnated by a guy other than the one we think is our dad. Does that make us yukky?

 

Your problem here is simply one of being irrational. You should see a psychologist who is trained in Rational Emotive Therapy (REM). He/she will never mention Freud or your mother, I promise. But he/she will get you through this. To get the name of a psychologist who uses the REM technique of therapy in your area, call the Institute for Rational Living in New York, 1-212-535-0822. In a session or two, the therapist can help you with this and any other issues you may have.

 

Getting some counselling from a rational therapist may be the best thing you could ever do.