Is this harmless flirting?

[Tasha49]

It's not 'magic'. It's called 'experience'.

 

I've shagged plenty of girls who had 'boyfriends' - even a couple that had husbands

 

I know when a door is open or closed. And the door here was definitely 'ajar' here.

 

Of course, you were just being 'nice, friendly, personable' etc.

 

I believe you that you had no intention of ever sleeping with this dude. But I'm also telling you where the validation for attention leads.

 

You can either listen to that, or continue to play the victim card. It's ultimately your life - not mine.

 

 

 

I'm not 'throwing rocks'; I'm being straight.

 

Why is anything other than a pat on the head considered a personal attack?

 

"Experience" is a bunch of bologna. Just because you've had certain experiences or encounters or whatever you want to call it, does not mean it's the same for everyone else. My intentions behind this whole thing were never meant to be taken as I wanted this guy. In fact I made it very clear several times. I have no cheating bone in my body. I've had so many good looking guys try and get with me while I'm taken and it never went anywhere. If I really had those types of intentions if have been in bed with another man a long time ago. I DO know where the line is being crossed. I do not believe the door was "ajar." I didn't give him anything to go off of. Other than the plane comment but I said I was justkidding after.

[Tasha49]

I am not throwing rocks at you like the others. You were flattered by the attention, you said some things that you did not fully understand the underlying message. I am sure when you told him you'd fly to him you didn't think it was a hook-up offer. You have to be careful of what you say because men see offers where sometimes there is none, so imagine if you say something that is half suggestive then you're in trouble.

 

I am sure this was a lesson and you won't do anything like this again.

 

Thank you for being level headed and not trying to dig for some ridiculous meaning behind my actions. This has definitely been a wakeup call for me. Never again. And I mean that with my very heart and soul.

[Jabron1]

"Experience" is a bunch of bologna. Just because you've had certain experiences or encounters or whatever you want to call it, does not mean it's the same for everyone else. My intentions behind this whole thing were never meant to be taken as I wanted this guy. In fact I made it very clear several times. I have no cheating bone in my body. I've had so many good looking guys try and get with me while I'm taken and it never went anywhere. If I really had those types of intentions if have been in bed with another man a long time ago. I DO know where the line is being crossed. I do not believe the door was "ajar." I didn't give him anything to go off of. Other than the plane comment but I said I was justkidding after.

 

I can't argue against illogic.

 

I never said you were cheating. I said you were attention 'seeking'.

 

So, I'll just say this: if a guy is constantly hitting on you, and has made his intentions clear, it's best not to carry on speaking to him for weeks/months over facebook. And it's certainly not 'nice' to encourage him with certain comments, then pull away.

 

By the way, the original question was 'is this harmless flirting?'. No, it isn't IMO. Why ask and then get annoyed? Makes no sense?

Edited June 3, 2016 by Jabron1

[Tasha49]

I can't argue against illogic.

 

I never said you were cheating. I said you were attention 'seeking'.

 

So, I'll just say this: if a guy is constantly hitting on you, and has made his intentions clear, it's best not to carry on speaking to him for weeks/months over facebook. And it's certainly not 'nice' to encourage him with certain comments, then pull away.

 

I didn't say you said I was cheating. Im stating I don't have a cheating bone in my body which is why to me... this whole thing was not as bad as you're seeming to make it out to be. And it wasn't weeks or months or whatever. It was one week. Not all day every day of the week. Just some chatting when I was working night shift. I also never encouraged him with comments. He kept insisting on flirting regardless of me saying no. Yes it was wrong of me not to block him or delete him sooner. But I didn't and now I know what not to get into next time e.

[Jabron1]

I didn't say you said I was cheating. Im stating I don't have a cheating bone in my body which is why to me... this whole thing was not as bad as you're seeming to make it out to be. And it wasn't weeks or months or whatever. It was one week. Not all day every day of the week. Just some chatting when I was working night shift. I also never encouraged him with comments. He kept insisting on flirting regardless of me saying no. Yes it was wrong of me not to block him or delete him sooner. But I didn't and now I know what not to get into next time e.

 

Fair enough.

[Tasha49]

 

By the way, the original question was 'is this harmless flirting?'. No, it isn't IMO. Why ask and then get annoyed? Makes no sense?

 

I'm not annoyed that you don't think it's harmless. I'm annoyed by your delivery of your points.

[Jabron1]

I'm not annoyed that you don't think it's harmless. I'm annoyed by your delivery of your points.

 

[Tasha49]

Dang it. Why did I have to open that and laugh...

[Art.at.Heart]

Good grief. I said I don't know why I would say the plane comment when I LITERALLY wouldn't even do that if I was single. I just said it to make him feel better because I was flattered. I don't know how to flirt I never flirt with people so I said something awkward I never actually meant. I never said anything sexual and never said he was hot or I liked him or that I wished I was single. I am plenty ready for marriage thank you.

But in your response to my post, you went on to tell me why you said the plane comment. Look, I'm not trying to pile it on but you're either being dishonest with yourself or you're extremely confused.

[Poutrew]

Originally Posted by Tasha49:

 

Good grief. I said I don't know why I would say the plane comment when I LITERALLY wouldn't even do that if I was single. I just said it to make him feel better because I was flattered. I don't know how to flirt I never flirt with people so I said something awkward I never actually meant. I never said anything sexual and never said he was hot or I liked him or that I wished I was single. I am plenty ready for marriage thank you.

 

Well, I am glad you decided to tell your fiancé and let him actually read the chatlog. You can take this as a life lesson and go on from there. I do have a explanation for why you did this, however. People are really very complex machines. We have control code, just like a computer. Actually there is more than one computer running the show: Your DNA, which is responsible for running low level stuff, like breathing and heartbeat. But, it can also run some very complicated behaviors as well. The other major controller is your brain. In humans, our brain is powerful enough to over ride the DNA programming. If it weren't we would be just like the other animals on this planet, totally a slave to what our DNA considers important: Food gathering, mating, and reproduction. Our Mammal brain allows us to walk away from this and create, for example, art, and music, and civilization. I'd say this little episode introduced you to DNA- Tasha49. Your brain got lazy and left a gap open, which your DNA promptly stepped in to fill with behaviors important to DNA, which is why some evolutionary biologists dub DNA 'the selfish gene'. You should consider yourself lucky that you regained proper control as early as you did. Loveshack is filled with examples where this never happened or that it happened too late : "Why did I have an affair? I love my mate, and even when I was in bed with the other person, I was thinking why am I doing this and ruining a beautiful marriage...woe is me, woe is me. " These people were being run like an avatar by their own DNA and they don't even realize it. You had a close call...welcome to the human race.

[Tasha49]

But in your response to my post, you went on to tell me why you said the plane comment. Look, I'm not trying to pile it on but you're either being dishonest with yourself or you're extremely confused.

 

Yes I said the plane comment awkwardly. I wouldn't even get on a plane for a random stranger if I was single. I clearly didn't mean it but I said it anyway. I'm not confused. And immediately after I said that comment i regretted it so I said "jk" after so it wouldn't seem so bad. But when he commented after about sending me a picture i shot that down. It's really not something that needs to be read into. This is how my brain works. I'm not a flirter by nature. I literally never do it unless with my fiance.

[Timshel]

Yes I said the plane comment awkwardly. I wouldn't even get on a plane for a random stranger if I was single. I clearly didn't mean it but I said it anyway. I'm not confused. And immediately after I said that comment i regretted it so I said "jk" after so it wouldn't seem so bad. But when he commented after about sending me a picture i shot that down. It's really not something that needs to be read into. This is how my brain works. I'm not a flirter by nature. I literally never do it unless with my fiance.

 

Ok, you do not flirt by nature Tasha and you are not confused..got it. Clearly you had some remorse for the ongoing exchanges between you and xbox guy and wanted to mull it out and exonerate yourself.

 

You have shown your fiance' these exchanges and he has given a pass. Do not be surprised if in the oncoming weeks/months he brings this up again. Sometimes these things stew a bit. You have surprised him with it and it may take some time for him to consider and have it sink in.

 

You have not committed any horrible relationship crime (although insensitive) and have caught yourself and been candid....so lesson learned.

 

I agree with other posters that though disaster has been averted, you may want to look at why you felt the need to appease some dude to whom you have no obligation or loyalty. It could come up again and if there is something in your relationship that prompted this behavior, or.....there is something about your own sense of self that needs to be addressed then this would be the tap on your shoulder to fix.

 

Glad that you were honest with your bf/fiance' and seem to know how to conduct moving forward.

[joseb]

OP, I hope you have learned from this.

The correct response would have been to shut down the flirting immediately the guy started. If he continued, then you should have ceased all contact with him.

 

Honestly, if I was your fiance, I would be beyond angry right now.

I would be reevaluating the whole thing. I'd be wondering why you let this go so far, and why you would think it was ok to do that.

 

Consider yourself very lucky that he is so understanding.