butterfly29 Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by ChuckDee33 Butterfly, did you even read my latest posts here...I have in fact realized NC is the only way to go! I know you are quoting me from an earlier post from like two months ago, which is understandable. But since then, more has happened to the point of me now understanding there is no going back and any amount of contact is doing me no good. Now I just have to let her know I don't want her contacting me. Sry, I thank you for your input and it is very accurate. I just wanted to make sure everyone knows things have changed for me since I first started this thread. I could have started a new one but for continuity sake I decided to post to my old one. I am confident that sending the email is the right thing to do. It's just time to do this and not look back because that's all that's left to do. Thanks for your encouragement people. Yes, you're right! My post did refer to your very first posts in this thread. But I also did scan your later posts and the keywords like "I answered her call" or "sending email is the right thing to do" were enough for me to gather the big picture. I still feel that in a way you're keeping contact with her, and fooling yourself it's ok. Please don't get me wrong, I am not judging you, or if it looks like I am, I'm sorry. And I have to admit kind of disturbed me when you said that no contact is pointless. I am sorry I got slightly anoyed by this statement because I sensed a hint in it that I should perhaps email my ex. I CAN'T do that! I've been there a thousand times before. My ex who dumped me in March (and I still have feelings for him by the way) emailed me yesterday. And I wanted to reply BADLY. But I know I can't. I got rush all over my body just to see a new email in my mailbox with his name on it. And I wasn't sure what to do. All I know is that replying would really be bad for me. Even if I just say one word, to me that would mean I am still hanging in. But I do know that for my own sake I have to let him go COMPLETELY. I'm in the same boat as you, he wants to be friends and doesn't want me to dissapear out of his life. All I see it as his way to get reasurance that in my eyes he is not a bad person. Well, objectively he is not. But I can't be his friend. I just don't see what's in it for me, besides a constant lingering feeling that I could perhaps get him back someday. And I can't, because whatever he choses to do is outside of my control and I can't trust him anymore. He isn't the one to walk away with a broken heart, neither is your ex gilfriend, I can see why they want to be friends. All they have is a memory of us and how close we used to be. But they have to learn that when you break someone's heart like that, the price for that is losing their trust, and therefore friendship as well. Not because you want to punish them, but because friendship is a demotion in a way. You used to be an executive, now you're just a regular employee. Will you suffer and stay just to be in the same company or will you keep your pride and quit to find something else that you truly deserve. Go ahead and write that last email if you think it will help you. I felt like I had to do that. But keep in mind that after it's sent, you need to stick to your words. Meaning no ocational emails or casual phone calls once a month just to see how they are doing. That could also mean no talking to her friends/family about her life. For your own sake. By the way, have you ever wondered why people stay in abusive relationships or situations? Thank you Mary3, I appreciate your kind words. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Wayyyyyyyyyyy down the road after you sucessfully complete NC and they are but a distant memory and you sleep better at night and when you hear their name you think " Oh um ...whatever " lol .. THEN and only THEN does it feeeeel greeeeeeeat ! You are free ! Fly away. ........ Link to post Share on other sites
ButtonPusher Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Wow butterfly, you're on fire on this post! Did you drink from the fountain of wisdom recently because you're talking like a sage Link to post Share on other sites
samski3409 Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 butterfly is kicking some serious knowledge. so much of what butta said applies to my situation.i've come to all the same conclusions on my own but it's so good to hear somebody reiterate it all!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly29 Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Awww! thank you thank you people No I just made all those mistakes in the past and learned. Plus, I'm a bit older... During my early twenties I was just as much of a hopeless fool as many people I see on this forum. Oh well, maybe I just should shut up and let everyone learn on their own mistakes... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChuckDee33 Posted August 30, 2005 Author Share Posted August 30, 2005 So I ended up writing a long letter on the computer to her...but it ended up being just for venting. Writing to your ex but not sending it really DOES help out. It's like it just flushes all the bad stuff out for a while. I've decided instead of sending anything to her to say I don't want to keep in touch with her, I'm just not gonna say anything anymore. Silence is golden and hopefully she'll get the idea after a while. It used to be worth it, keeping in touch with her. But it's just not anymore. She just one freakin girl and there's no good lookin to her for happiness. Life awaits me and she cannot hold me back anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Good for you ! Link to post Share on other sites
smile Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Man ChuckDee33 I am on the same roller coaster you are on. Yeh thats me three rows back on the left. This is the toughest thing ever to figure out. I mean here is this person you cant imagine hurting and you loved them and you always believed they would never hurt you. You trusted them. So even after the break up you convince yourself that they are confused and still don want to hurt you. So you stick around bc you understand them, bc you care about them, you love them. But whether they want to or not they are hurting you. The first blow was the breaking up. But the next is wanting to be friends. And the most painful part of all expecting you to be there to hear all of the new gf (in your case bf) drama. I went through the same game. I did and when he called after 5 times or so I would answer. I figured he needed me. And he never said he didnt. He always agreed that he needs me. He just doesnt want me. When him and the rebound broke up we even had what I thought was a second chance. I went to family parties and helped him decorate his house. He took me out to dinner and we slept together. But he never wanted me all the way back. And that hurts. I am back to NC after 8 months of this in between no commitment bs and it hurts worse than the first time. It has been 6 weeks since we have seen eachother, 4 weeks since we talked and 2 since he tried to contact me. And it hurts more and more everyday. I was contemplating calling him or txting him hi. Or even deciding to answer if he ever happened to call again but reading this made my mind up. He has done nothing in the past year to deserve my friendship or emotional support. I will love him forever but he hurt me too much for me to stick around for more. I have never hurt this much in my life. But I cant go back to that lack of self esteem I had when I was ok being whatever he wanted me to be. Afraid to ask what we were, afraid to ask what he did on a sat night. I deserve better than that. I am nowhere near being ready for a new relationship, but I know I dont want the scraps he is throwing me from this one. You deserve more and I say staying away is a great idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Great Post Smile Could not have said it better ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChuckDee33 Posted August 30, 2005 Author Share Posted August 30, 2005 I can sit back and see that this entire thread has been an evolution for me, and other's I'm sure. I can see the fallacy of my logic in the past and on my other posts too from when I first posted here way back in March. Just goes to show that any type of contact with you ex is bad news. You might not be able to see through the BS when you're hurting but it's still true no matter what you think. Don't make the same mistakes I did...NC is the word of the day, week, month, year. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 You are exactly right on ChuckDee ! It really does benefit you to move on Link to post Share on other sites
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