Another MM

[veryhappy]

You should have posted on the ow forum. It sems to me that your problem is being stuck poking your ow, while knowing you have nothing to offer. You know that, you know you want to stay married, and yet you're a monkey pressing the lever to get that banana.

 

Your wife has cancer, doesn't she? Were you afraid writing it down was going to give you a worse backlash? Men are terrible caregivers, and many bail on sick wives, so you're hardly the exception.Now you seem intent on being there while she's sick, and I say it's a good thing.

 

 

Now about your issue of trying to get validated in an impossible situation: you touched on thefact that it stems from childhood issues.The people who can help you with that are called therapists. That's your best bet, and staging in nc with the ow. If you love her you need to leave her alone, because any contact with her is just virtual non existant carrots you are dangling. She wants a life with you, you don't. She lost a future husband and confused her child with your presence, and is trying to do damage control. The only way to belp her is by leaving her alone.

 

Try being more present in your life, and acknowledge the real issues there. Yes, you'll ruminate over your lost love, but you can still make a decent attempt to deal with your married life.