TOYAJ85 Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Good Morning ALL, I have a question really need some honest feedback. Me and My mate Have be together exclusively for 2 years now, Friends with benefits for 8. Mind you he's 13 years old than me I'm 30 he's 43 Now that we're in a relationship things has really changed. He blames everything on me. EVERYTHING! My issue with my him is trust he has lied to me in the past. I forgave him, but I still see some signs that I don't like. He hides his phone, he has so called female customers calling him at 7am & 3am. (He sales cars). He lies about the pettiest things. Like if I walkout of the room he'll check his phone and I'll say well who called or texted he says I haven't touched my phone but I see it's moved from where it was.He always threatens to leave me then once we make up he says he didn't say that. He says he's tired of talking about the same thing I say maybe you need to make some changes he says I'm the one that needs to do the changing. Like I said before my issue is Trust and communication. Help? Link to post Share on other sites
Cymbeline Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 I would say to my daughters that if anyone lies early on in a relationship - even white lies about unimportant things - it is likely to be a pattern they are developing and it is likely to get worse and hurt you some day. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Seems like shady behavior in my eyes. Years ago I would have been quick to say you should talk to him about it. These days after being cheated on by three different women I now believe why waste your time on someone that can't be honest from the start. Life is to short and there are far better people out there. C 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TOYAJ85 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Share Posted June 2, 2016 Thank You. I think I'm trying to hold on to something that's not there for my kids. smh Link to post Share on other sites
Author TOYAJ85 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Share Posted June 2, 2016 What should I do as far as cutting ties and we have kids? This is my first real committed relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Joie Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Dump him...if you can't trust him now and have talked to him about it then I don't see it getting any better. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Just say you're not happy in the relationship and have decided you will be ending it. Then talk about arrangements for the children... like visitation, custody and child support. He is shady and it's not worth arguing with him anymore or your stress levels will hit the roof. Just say it nice and calmly and don't be swayed to stay with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Good Morning ALL, I have a question really need some honest feedback. Me and My mate Have be together exclusively for 2 years now, Friends with benefits for 8. Mind you he's 13 years old than me I'm 30 he's 43 Now that we're in a relationship things has really changed. He blames everything on me. EVERYTHING! My issue with my him is trust he has lied to me in the past. I forgave him, but I still see some signs that I don't like. He hides his phone, he has so called female customers calling him at 7am & 3am. (He sales cars). He lies about the pettiest things. Like if I walkout of the room he'll check his phone and I'll say well who called or texted he says I haven't touched my phone but I see it's moved from where it was.He always threatens to leave me then once we make up he says he didn't say that. He says he's tired of talking about the same thing I say maybe you need to make some changes he says I'm the one that needs to do the changing. Like I said before my issue is Trust and communication. Help? Oh, goodness. Think about this alone. Who would ever call a car salesman about a car at 3am? You are going to have to take off those rose colored glasses and see him for what he is. I'm sorry. My XH blamed me for everything. Not too much fun, is it? Don't put up with this. You deserve better and you will have years of misery with a liar until you finally can't put up with it anymore or he leaves you for one of those women he selling cars to at 3am. I always try to think about what I would tell a daughter. What would you tell your daughter? To continue to put up with this nonsense? Or to put she and the children first and have honor in your relationships? It is your choice. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 I'm so sorry. You're getting me on a bad day. I used to be a hapless romantic, the sort who would suggest MC & individual therapy for him, books to read etc. I know after living through my H cheating on me twice now (as soon as I say "twice" you're thinking I'm 'one of those' women!!) cheaters lie. Cheaters blame their partner for 'making them cheat' even when you've done nothing. I'm guilty of being very sick & having surgery, not making him feel "special" enough, not cleaning correctly, the sink had a odor!! not keeping the kids calm enough, letting them do things like splash in the bath!! Burn me at the stake!! You can do no right & you're completely insane! When 'wives' are being cheated on they become delusional, they invent things said & done. You're so paranoid that you imagine him checking his phone!! You crazy lady! Be careful! The day may come when you start to actually believe him over yourself & then you're in real trouble! I was heavily medicated & even started to doubt my sanity. Oh course he could have crazy customers who need car questions answered at 3am...why only women?? Hmmmmm! Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 "I wonder how many times we forgive someone just because we don’t want to lose them" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Conviction Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 "I wonder how many times we forgive someone just because we don’t want to lose them" I can relate to this. Too many times is the correct answer. Love makes us do things we vowed long before not to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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