Kovalchoke Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 Theres this new intern girl at work (she's 20) from a nearby city that would come upto my desk every day at least 5-6 times and would flirt. She doesn't really know anybody at work, and shes not really the flirty type. She would get into my personal space (like a few inches away) and would ask me weird questions sometimes. She asked me if i'm a raver, if i'm aggressive/passive. This one time she wanted to know how tall I was and got me to do a back to back comparison. I would notice her glance at me a lot too. The way I found out she had a boyfriend was via Instagram. The weird thing is she would never mention him (like If I asked her what she did on the weekend). One weekend she told me she would be driving down to her hometown with "another intern". I would ask her if she or her roommate cooks and she would immediately get nervous and mumble something, so I thought it was really strange. People at work thought she fancied me. I had lunch with her and in the middle of it she dropped the "boyfriend bomb" but I wasn't phased and I continued with the convo. I then ask if her boyfriend is her roommate, and she reluctantly nods. I was inclined to not assume and not do anything, so a few days pass and it keeps happening. She asks me to have lunch with her again and it was pretty awkward, because I wasn't sure what her intention was, but I keep the convo going. As the days go on I notice her body language is a bit different from before, and I notice she's kind of giving me a cold shoulder. Today, being the nice guy I was, I bought her something for lunch. Afterwards we were interacting with another employee about traveling, and she talks about her travels with her boyfriend - but I was unphased and afterwards I just went to talk to another girl, I don't know if she saw but me and the other girl shared a laugh and right away the girl calls out to me and asks if I want to go bug this other co worker (it was about work). I felt so ****ty like a dog on a leash being controlled by her. It was just a spur of the moment that I didn't have enough time to say no. What exactly happened? am I being friendzoned? was she looking for attention? I get so frustrated because it's so hard reading girls. What should I do now?
Conviction Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 Spuds like attention seeking to me. Plus she's getting a free lunch put of it, she's got nothing to lose. I wouldn't be as invested in this girl as you are if I were you.
Buddhist Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 In my professional opinion, attention seeker possibly looking for a new SO prior to dumping the old one. She's gauging your interest level before she's ready to jump ship. It's a really bad idea to date people who monkey grip in relationships like this. It won't be long before she's lining up your replacement too. Easy way to frustrate her is to start showing complete disinterest in her. Decline the odd invitation to lunch, go have lunch with someone else instead. She'll get the message and move on. 1
Author Kovalchoke Posted June 3, 2016 Author Posted June 3, 2016 Now I'm starting to notice she drops the boyfriend bomb alot more often now, not around me but around others. Am I just reading too much into it? Today after an interaction with her and another coworker we all exchanged numbers, ploy to get my number?
Miss Peach Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 I think it may be related to her age. When I was 20 I thought all these guys just hung out with me because of my stellar personality. I realize now that I'm older that most do it for a reason. 1
Conviction Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 I think it may be related to her age. When I was 20 I thought all these guys just hung out with me because of my stellar personality. I realize now that I'm older that most do it for a reason. I've tried to explain this to so many women! All I hear is "oh no, he's just a sweet guy" "no no, we're just really good friends". Coming from a guy, it's completely different, we don't see it that way. If he's putting that much attention/time into you, he's got hopes of more than just "friends". Sure, there's exceptions, but it's rare. 1
Author Kovalchoke Posted June 3, 2016 Author Posted June 3, 2016 So I kind of have feelings for her ( I'm 22) and there's a coworker hangout session tomorrow. The thing is she asked the organizer if she could bring her boyfriend. Should I still go or just forget it? I feel like if I went I would have to out man the guy and basically ignore her. Or should I just not go? I wouldnt want to see them cuddling upto each other id feel pretty ****ty. Wouldn't she kind of get the hint that I like her?
Author Kovalchoke Posted June 7, 2016 Author Posted June 7, 2016 Okay so I ended up not going to the event. I was told her bf didnt go either. Next day at work she asks me what I was doing. I tell her I was "out with a friend". She quickly asks "were you on a date?" And I laugh and say "uhh.. nope". Why would anyone ask that question?
smudge21 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 She's playing you like a fiddle mate. She's set the rules of this engagement by making it clear she is with someone. Now she can flirt and chat and have you run around after her, and then should you start to get really interested or begin making moves, she can "remind" you of the boyfriend. Hence why whenever you're initiating and making the effort, she's happy to chat about him. The moment your interest fades and she sees you with someone else or you're not around, she's right back in your face. As someone who has been there many many years ago (in a work environment too) I would say try to cut out any hopes of anything happening here and just see her as a work colleague. Nothing more. You don't want to start having feelings for someone who IMO will never ever be with you and you will have to see every single day. For me, I fell for her badly and as soon as I did, she made it clear that she was with someone. It was just about wanting the attention, the ego boost. When I first started, she was no one to me, so she did all she could to get my attention (even hooking up a few times). But she always had her "get out of jail free card" to play, and she did. Working alongside her after that was torture for many months. So yeah, keep it friendly, but close that door - even make a joke about how she'd be the type you'd date, but then laugh it off as she's already with someone... and then focus on someone who is single, truly interested and NOT into playing pathetic games with other peoples emotions. I feel sorry for her boyfriend too.
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