Am I Lost? Ladies advice please?

[PhotoGuyInTexas]

My wife (mid 30s) and I (early 40s) have always thought of each other as soul mates. We get along great and I can't remember our last argument. We have known each other for 10 years and happily married for the last 6. We share a lot of the same friends and after work activities.

 

Somewhere over the last 8-10 months, I think I lost her "LOVE". I'm feeling a disconnect of being close to her. Almost like her work is taking over her personality (removing her fun and stress free). Could she want a different kind of LOVE & LIFE.

 

A month ago we started to talk about the "lost love" and she insists it's not me, its her (sounds to cliche too me).

 

She informed me she is growing older and is wanting more for "Herself". She told me she loves me and knows that I love the hell out of her. She appreciates the gifts, shopping sprees, attention I give her. She said It's not a materialistic thing and life we share, She called it a Possible "Mid Life Crisis."

 

I notice she gets upset when she sees people on FB having fun. She is telling me that she is wanting more from life (example:Having close friendships with other girls, to have a Girls Night Out, Girls Shopping Saturdays, etc. She also explains she is needing time away from me so that she can have "HER TIME."

 

I have no objections with her seeking out these friends and having "HER TIME", but she seems to not have any SOLID girlfriends she can relate too. I think its because she works a lot of hours (Has No Time) and isn't in a work environment where she wants/can meet Close Girl Friends.

 

I also noticed that she is starting to slow down the frequency of our intimate times (every 14-21 days & How boring). To the point, that If I don't plan the perfect date, set the mode, insure she has energy, I'm at a FULL LOST (A BIG TURN DOWN)- As she said:, "I'm Tired Now", "Really, It seems too routine," "I already gave you a strip/dance show, isn't that enough"

 

Doesn't everyone LIKE SEX? Because of this, I've perfected the intimacy so that she will CLIMAX first before I DO (a real must have).

 

As for me, I'm highly ambition and enjoy solving problems (why I'm here). I love my wife to death and hate to think that I would ever fall away, lose her trust, or worst have to end our "seems to be ending" relationship.

 

About me: while being with her, I have completed two degrees, enjoy a FT employment, and own a successful PT photography business, have a few solid friends, and most if all I have "Extra Time". I think she is jealous of the extra time. Our Kids are older (18+). The extra PT income allows us eat out daily, have a nice lifestyle, and allow us to take vacations every other month (Dallas, Oklahoma City, New Orleans, Cancun, New York, Cruise ships, etc).

 

Could there be a point when MY WIFE has it all and wants more "Just Because?"

 

What have I done wrong, I'M LOST? Please give me a LADIES point of view.

 

Lost in TEXAS......

Edited June 3, 2016 by PhotoGuyInTexas
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[Buddhist]

My POV is it isn't anything you can personally do for her or give her. She clearly has everything she could ever want, and yet there is an empty kind of existence in that. What's she's lacking is an authentic connection to herself. She's become bored with life and that would have happened whether you were in the picture or not.

 

What she's going through is [i suspect] just a normal growth phase in life, where we suddenly wake up one day and realise we have been sleep walking for the past however many years. Her desire to spend time with the 'girls' is probably a desire to find her authentic self. She feels as if she has lost that. Eat Pray Love is a perfect example of this kind of thing. She's been married, the kids have grown, and lost her identity temporarily.

 

It does not have to be trouble in your relationship necessarily. But it does need to be navigated carefully. These are the kind of trouble spots in life that if carelessly handled can turn into relationship wrecking stuff. How to handle it? I'm the wrong person to talk to. I've always been single at these turning points in my life. Free to just pack up and do something spontaneous which is what I have always done. I'm your age and I've reset my life like a Phoenix a total of three times now.

 

IDK, perhaps have a conversation about what she feels is lacking in her connection to herself? Maybe she has some impulse/dream she has suppressed for decades and it's itching for expression now? I really doubt shopping trips with the girls is it. But whatever it is, it's important for her to have this one thing entirely for herself. Not something that is part of the marriage or that you guys do together.

Edited June 3, 2016 by Buddhist

[Toodaloo]

I strongly recommend that you read a book called the 5 love languages. If you google it it should be easy to find.

 

She is saying that she likes the gifts but they are not the be all and end all...

 

So gifts are not her primary language.

 

Perhaps you could do some stuff about the house for her (acts of service), perhaps you could get a window pen and write on the windows why she is so special so when she draws the curtains she sees it (words). Sounds as though physical touch is down the list but time... Quality time. Perhaps make a romantic meal at home and set it up as a picnic... Perhaps take her to the place where you went on your first date...

 

Seriously read the book. It will help you.