Held in contempt

[merrmeade]

I said a lot to him last night. I am hoping to feel free. Right now I just feel exposed and raw - we've never talked about *this* stuff outside of counselling.

Yes, of course you do. Exposed and raw are exactly the right words. That is the reason you were carrying it around for so long. It takes a lot of courage to make yourself that vulnerable, and you need to understand your partner well enough to be able to process the response. Since you're still in MC, can't you take it up there? And "free" is simply the absence of the previous brooding/obsessing. Not a dramatic epiphany or anything.

 

It's why they say reconciliation is not for the feint of heart. It can be grueling and doesn't mean steady recovery either—for us anyway. If you're not Mr. and Mrs. Adams — that is, you don't BOTH have that skill, security and familiarity with communicating deep doubts to each other freely—then the reaction to feeling "exposed and raw" can be powerful. Out of control for some. My husband can't handle it sometimes and kind of explodes. We try to stop before it gets there because there's no rational discourse after that happens. I guess how each couple handles the aftermath of those sessions is telling and maybe predictive about the resilience and prognosis of the relationship.

[merrmeade]

If ... he is striving to make good on his transgressions, the you should have the confidence and large heartedness to give him enough space to keep working on himself to make reparations to you.

 

... The fact is that you will have yo fig deep and trust your intuition to guide you in the right direction

 

.... be charitable towards your husband and see to what extent you can accommodate him. ....

Yep. Bottom line.

[Lobe]

I think both of us were on our best behaviour in front of the MC and didnt really get to the "raw and exposed." (Maybe we need a different MC?) WH was angry and defensive at first but I took MJA's advice about "calling the shots" and said you don't get to be mad at me, not right now. As tired as I am of hearing my own voice, and as much as I didn't get all the answers I had hoped for, it felt good to let him know that I am still hurting, every day. I'm going to let it steep for a couple of days and ask for a follow up conversation, to see what sunk in.

 

And, I need to acknowledge the triggers, even when they come at awkward times - the one takeaway from last night's chat was that he is seriously edging clueless. Why do so many boys need to have the obvious stated? (Using small words and short sentences.) I've never understood that.

Edited June 6, 2016 by Lobe
Typos.

[merrmeade]

I think both of us were on our best behaviour in front of the MC and didnt really get to the "raw and exposed." (Maybe we need a different MC?) WH was angry and defensive at first but I took MJA's advice about "calling the shots" and said you don't get to be mad at me, not right now. As tired as I am of hearing my own voice, and as much as I didn't get all the answers I had hoped for, it felt good to let him know that I am still hurting, every day. I'm going to let it steep for a couple of days and ask for a follow up conversation, to see what sunk in.

 

And, I need to acknowledge the triggers, even when they come at awkward times -

Good, yes, it's a start.

 

And this question:

the one takeaway from last night's chat was that he is seriously edging clueless. Why do so many boys need to have the obvious stated? (Using small words and short sentences.) I've never understood that. Why do so many boys need to have the obvious stated? (Using small words and short sentences.) I've never understood that

Read this book: Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys by Michael Thompson. He cites studies and analyzes why men don't value, understand or know how to talk about theirs and others' emotional lives - why girls and women seem closer and talk better. Basically he says it's because society likes for females to do that kind of talk and it doesn't like for boys to do it. It starts early. Mothers encourage little girls from a very young age - and discourage little boys - from acknowledging and talking about how other people feel.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I think both of us were on our best behaviour in front of the MC and didnt really get to the "raw and exposed." (Maybe we need a different MC?) WH was angry and defensive at first but I took MJA's advice about "calling the shots" and said you don't get to be mad at me, not right now. As tired as I am of hearing my own voice, and as much as I didn't get all the answers I had hoped for, it felt good to let him know that I am still hurting, every day. I'm going to let it steep for a couple of days and ask for a follow up conversation, to see what sunk in.

 

And, I need to acknowledge the triggers, even when they come at awkward times - the one takeaway from last night's chat was that he is seriously edging clueless. Why do so many boys need to have the obvious stated? (Using small words and short sentences.) I've never understood that.

 

and this is what he needs....oh it will piss him off....but he will also respect you for it. You don't get to be mean to him...but you CERTAINLY get to tell him how he makes you feel. For you to bury those feelings and allow him to be in charge only tells him you are desperate. There are times when a betrayed has to step up and say...now WAIT A DAMN MINUTE....this reconciliation is about BOTH of us....this is about mutual respect and satisfaction.

 

I think some imagine that reconciliation is a free pass for the wayward...it isn't...it is about BOTH parties doing the lifting....it is about BOTH parties becoming selfless.

 

Lobe....as silly as I know it sounds...if you don't tell him when you trigger...if you don't tell him when you hurt...if you don't tell him you did not like what he said or what he did....How is he to know he needs to fix it?

 

every October...the month of my affair....john would go into deep depression...and I can still hear myself BEGGING him...WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? I was desperate. His reply.....I don't know.

 

Do you know why? Because my question should have been...HOW CAN I HELP YOU? WHAT DO YOU NEED?

 

You see? The focus needed to change from my desperation to HIS.

 

You might say...wow that is really picky....and yes it is. But I think betrayeds are LISTENING for something from their waywards...that assures them in a real sense...that the wayward "gets it".

 

SO the simple wording of a question....can make a huge difference in the reaction.

 

I think you handled that conversation beautifully Lobe. You gave him information he needs to help you.

 

A truly remorseful spouse...wants to help their betrayed...they just don't know how to do it...so sometimes the Betrayed has to lead us.

 

I hope this conversation opened a new door for you...I am willing to bet...it did.

 

Tiny little steps...one day at a time.

[merrmeade]

... HE has demons from the affair, too. Sometimes, good people do bad things. He is disgusted by his own behaviour during the affair. I see the pained look on his face. I watch him struggle. I see him go down his own rabbit holes. I don't want him to wallow in his pain but I cannot tell a lie - watching him fight those demons is (oddly) reassuring.

Your understanding and compassion are good and all and well said. There's no doubt that you have empathy. Just don't forget that he's the perpetrator, not the victim.

 

And don't give him more credit than he deserves or forget what you've learned about his general cluelessness (his):

WH was angry and defensive at first but I took MJA's advice about "calling the shots" and said you don't get to be mad at me, not right now...

 

... the one takeaway from last night's chat was that he is seriously edging clueless.

And he's most assuredly not going to seek you out fo talk about his screw-ups in the past yet again (how it feels to him). It's up to you - whether you need it.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Lobe, hope you ate doing well and have been able to get your feelings more under control. What I have gathered from your various posts is that a) You do not think your husband is a 'BAD' person at heart. b) You think that both of you love each other deep down and that you do not want to dump your husband for what he has done. c) You have been very hurt by your husband's infidelity and in the space of time since D Day he has come to realize the enormity of his bad choices and the terrible effect they have had on you. d) You get the recurring feeling that he holds you in contempt at various times which may be more a figment of your imagination than something based on actual fact. e) Your husband feels repulsed by his own behaviour when he reflects on his actions.

I may have missed some more of the points that your posts have revealed but these are sufficient for the point I wish to make. My point is that as per what you have stated in one of your posts, you two had drifted apart for two years or more and you had compensated for the ever widening distance between you two by finding comfort in food, which led to your putting on a lot of extra weight. Inspire of this your husband still found you attractive and wanted intimacy which you steadfastly refused. It was after this dry period that you discovered that your husband was having an affair. From what you have written, your husband thought that you had lost all interest in him and in the midst of his affair he thought he was in love with the OW. Probably he would have asked for a divorce so that he could marry her. My point is that sometimes it is the perception that the marriage is dead is what drives p e spouse to have an affair which might not have occurred if things were good in the marriage. Keep that in mind when you try and heal from the trauma of infidelity as it might give you a reason to to strengthen your marriage and foolproof it in the future. This is just something for you to reflect on. I may be wrong in my reading of the situation so you have to take what you think is of value from it. Cheers!

[Lobe]

Hi Lobe, hope you ate doing well and have been able to get your feelings more under control. What I have gathered from your various posts is that a) You do not think your husband is a 'BAD' person at heart. b) You think that both of you love each other deep down and that you do not want to dump your husband for what he has done. c) You have been very hurt by your husband's infidelity and in the space of time since D Day he has come to realize the enormity of his bad choices and the terrible effect they have had on you. d) You get the recurring feeling that he holds you in contempt at various times which may be more a figment of your imagination than something based on actual fact. e) Your husband feels repulsed by his own behaviour when he reflects on his actions.

I may have missed some more of the points that your posts have revealed but these are sufficient for the point I wish to make. My point is that as per what you have stated in one of your posts, you two had drifted apart for two years or more and you had compensated for the ever widening distance between you two by finding comfort in food, which led to your putting on a lot of extra weight. Inspire of this your husband still found you attractive and wanted intimacy which you steadfastly refused. It was after this dry period that you discovered that your husband was having an affair. From what you have written, your husband thought that you had lost all interest in him and in the midst of his affair he thought he was in love with the OW. Probably he would have asked for a divorce so that he could marry her. My point is that sometimes it is the perception that the marriage is dead is what drives p e spouse to have an affair which might not have occurred if things were good in the marriage. Keep that in mind when you try and heal from the trauma of infidelity as it might give you a reason to to strengthen your marriage and foolproof it in the future. This is just something for you to reflect on. I may be wrong in my reading of the situation so you have to take what you think is of value from it. Cheers!

 

With the exception of him probably asking for a divorce, you're pretty much spot on with everything. We both see how we allowed the space for the affair to happen, and we've worked through it. The marriage is strong, the triggers infrequent, and when they come, they just knock me flat on my ass. Most people say it's the WS asking, "Can't we just get past this?" but he's never said that to me. I only say it to myself. Sometimes I still blame myself for the whole situation but at the end of the day, I was still eating at home, both literally and figuratively. lol

 

In the bigger picture, this convo here in LS translated to some real convos with my WH. We talked again about the BDSM thing and he says that it wasn't about the BDSM so much as feeling wanted. To him, her desire to be sexually dominated was the perfect antidote to my independence and lack of self-esteem. I asked him about the "contempt" and he said something to the effect that when I tell him to tone it down a notch, it's a reminder of his behaviour, not my lack of prowess. His actions are more congruous with that theory than with him being sad or angry he can't slap my ass during sex without getting slapped back. He says the thought of having that kind of sex with me revolts him, so it looks like I'm off the hook trying to "live up" to her. Maybe we'll take up something completely different together, like tantra or erotic massage. But not clown sex... I'm definitely not ready for date night with Pennywise...

[13Hearts]

Hi Lobe. I haven't read your entire thread, but I did read your other post, and just want to give my own two cents.

 

If he hasn't sent the NC letter of his own accord, he's keeping that door open. I know that doesn't help you feel better, I'm sorry.

 

Now about these questions...

 

Do you think he feels guilt over his sexual proclivities and takes it out on our family?

No, it's not guilt he's taking out on the family.

 

Is there any way for a non-sub to fulfill a dom's sexual desires when it's not a bonding experience but one during which my husband shames and humiliated me for being a "prude"?

No.

 

But I assure you, she may like it as a GF or OW, but eventually she would want more from the relationship, which he likely would not be able to deliver, partly because they are playing roles. And those roles transfer out of the bedroom and into real life. Doubtful she'll choose to be submissive to a man in every single area of life. And anyway, that dom/sub thing, even when you like it, gets very heavy and very old, unless you're mindless. Just my opinion.

 

From the way you post and describe what is and has been going on, I wonder why the heck you're keeping him around. He doesn't sound like someone I would want to live with. And quite honestly, I know of no man I would want to keep around after they'd shown they are capable of lying to and deceiving me. Just not worth it. My life and happiness are just too important to me and I choose to surround myself with happy people who are doing what they want to do. Sounds to me like he thinks you are forcing him to not go after his dreams. I say cut him loose and let him see how happy he is a year from now.

 

PS I wouldn't have unprotected sex with him.

[heartwhole]

I was reading your post about a NC letter and it directed me to respond here.

 

It sounds like he did say what he needed to say as far as having moved on and how she needed therapy and to stop contacting him. So at this point, I think if he says it again, he's just giving her the power back because she didn't take no for an answer and eventually got more contact.

 

My husband did the same as yours . . . in the beginning, he didn't want to "reset the clock" so he basically ghosted the OW. My OW only attempted to contact him directly once after DD but she does Tweet star-crossed lover stuff every so often. About 7 months after DD, we read How to Help Your Spouse Heal and he willingly did a proper NC letter stating that he regretted their very wrong relationship and the damage he caused, that he loved me, and to please not contact him again. Who knows how she took this, but it was helpful for me.

 

I do finally feel like it's just the two of us in our marriage. It took a while (we're 14 months post DD). It wasn't until the start of this year that my WH really started working on himself. He's worked hard to develop empathy and to shift his priorities from being what he wants to being what's good for the family/marriage. I also came on here to work through some residual anger towards the OW. Finally I have accepted that forgiving her is a gift I give myself.

[Lobe]

PS I wouldn't have unprotected sex with him.

 

You wouldn't have sex with him at all - he's my husband lol

 

13,

 

I can't do the multiple level quote thing so I'll do italics...

 

Before that though, I think I need to clarify. Let's face it - recovery is a years-long process. I'm only 18 months out from d-day. My triggers are far and few between compared to 18 days post d-day, but I have the occasional bad day. The after-effect of that is, I gave my husband a really terrible introduction, especially since I *may* have had a few mojitos before getting the gumption to hit "post." If you read my writing and think the first post in this thread is a bit incoherent in comparison to most of my writing it's because the alcohol was talking. In short, you "met us" (me and WH) on a really off day. (It was also how I found out you couldn't edit posts - if I was granted one wish today it would be to go and fix all the grammar, typing, punctuation, and spelling errors in that first post... sad drunk people shouldn't be allowed near computers lol)

 

WH and I are in MC and IC, and he is the guy I fell in love with again. He has given up being the cheating yogi vegan astrologer lifestyle in favour of being the committed husband and father type. We had 10+ solid years of a very happy marriage before I spiralled into my self-esteem crisis and he went into his mid-life crisis. there was that ugly middle part where I thought I was too fat to have sex and he got laid by someone other than me, but now we cook and clean together, we make plans together, we go on dates, we hold hands, we make out, we talk, we play... and our sex life is really really good except on those rare occasions when I trigger. While I know it's his fault they exist in the first place, it's not something he is doing during sex on purpose that he refuses to stop doing.

 

I've talked to my husband since posting about the BDSM thing. It was the first time I had brought it up outside of counselling, where we both tend to be on our best behaviour on this particular topic. I asked him about the BDSM thing with me and he said, it makes him feel awkward when I bring it up because he feels guilty and ashamed. In retrospect, every time I have ever brought it up, he starts off with the face that reads "Oh god not this again I wish we could move on" (which I read as contempt) but his face quickly softens to one that reads guilt and shame and remorse. He never tells me to shut up or get over it or asks me to stop; he quietly and patiently listens, answers my questions, holds me, apologizes.

 

A lot of my triggers actually developed in the first several days after d-day. I kept him home. I took his cell away. I called in sick to work for him. I would not let him leave my sight. During that (awful horrible) time is when the comments about OW didn't mind and you're a prude and this is what you signed up for etc. were made. It is those comments, made from the height of anger and the depths of despair, that haunt me, but I am pretty sure I took just as many if not more below-the-belt swings at him. I admit I wanted to cut him, with every syllable I uttered, so that he would feel the pain I did. I went out of my way to be as crass and hurtful as possible, which isn't to say I deserved his back sass because I'm not the one who had the affair. Putting Alanis Morisette to shame, I crafted zingers that would remind him of the mess he made and then some. That was maybe not the best way of communicating, "I am really hurt and sad and angry about your actions." I invited the same level of crass insensitivity in his replies. Neither of us can unsay those words, neither of us can unhear them, and even though forgiving has happened, forgetting never will.

 

Now, to your comments:

 

If he hasn't sent the NC letter of his own accord, he's keeping that door open. I know that doesn't help you feel better, I'm sorry.

 

Since WH hasn't responded to xOW in any way shape or form and has maintained NC for about 16 months after telling her to "please stop - get therapy" I was unsure if sending an NC letter would open a can of worms or help stop the harassment. Jury's out until and unless she contacts us again.

 

To put it on a calendar for reference, the last time the NC letter was on the table was a year and a half ago, on the MCs advice. I was all over it. WH asked at that time to wait as xOW was posting suicide threats all over her IG and FB and I let him defer to "later" because well - I didn't really want either of us living with thinking we pushed her over the edge. Sure, it was probably just her trying to manipulate him into rescuing her and sure, it was him trying to not have to admit to me he still had too many foggy affair feelings to say something he a) thought would hurt her and b) wasn't 100% sure he meant...

 

But that's in the past. We're not in that emotional or mental headspace anymore. Those were trying times and I made a lot of "rookie" BS mistakes, including asking him to try BDSM-style sex with me because *I* thought it would make him feel loved. (Apparently it made him feel awkward and bad, which is good because it made me feel pretty bad, too.) Rather than harbouring anxiety about not being a good lover, I came right out and asked him what *I* do that he likes. It's a slow conversation - we're rediscovering each other's sexuality. I can say with confidence that none of it will ever include me gagging, getting slapped or choked, or having anything larger than an average-sized penis shoved in any of my orifices. Light bondage, blindfolds, and things that vibrate are totally in.

 

From the way you post and describe what is and has been going on, I wonder why the heck you're keeping him around. He doesn't sound like someone I would want to live with.

 

What WENT on. Past tense. Not what's still going on. If you put the affair, a period of about 6 months, against the backdrop of 20 years, the good times far outweigh the bad. I contributed to creating the perfect storm for the affair to happen by being caught up in my own sh*t, and while that does not justify his affair, it does play an important part in our reconciliation - if we don't know how the time and space for an affair developed, how can we make sure it doesn't happen again? There are happy triggers we share - our wedding song,

 

I say cut him loose and let him see how happy he is a year from now.

 

I did cut him loose. Day 8 he left, day 10 we were in the laywer's office with a notarized separation agreement. I loved my husband and was angry he had chosen her but this is my second marriage and being familiar with how things would shake down in divorce court, I was not planning to lose my marital equity. But here's the thing. WH never planned to leave - she was 100% a side piece, not an exit affair. When I asked WH how exactly he saw things playing out, it came out that their future faking never included figuring out how to merge the kids (there are 5 between our families, 6 if you include stepkids) or extended families. I am trying to imagine my witty fork-tongued SIL trying to be civil to her over Thanksgiving dinner...

 

(I wonder if their fantasy future was something like just the two of them in a thatched hut on a beach, him sipping a mojito and watching National Geographic videos, her on all fours beside him sporting a fist-sized butt plug and ball gag, watching the sunset together...)

Edited June 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[yodelwithyu]

Hey Lobe,

 

So I was ONLY going to comment on your thread to tell that you are mad funny and awesome as I read more and more of your comments on recent threads. Also, I may or may not have wanted to ask if we could be best friends.

 

I was just going to leave it at that and be short for once in my life. Buuuuut…your other thread that was closed led me here to this one. I cannot believe that the same person, by each and every post she makes on others’ threads, shows herself to be a hysterical, kind, really f**king intelligent, thoughtful and made of rainbows (uh, yeah…basically) would ever be subjected to "well, this is what you signed up for" and "the OW didn't seem to mind..." OH. HELL. NO. So much NO that I can’t even!! I am not even going to get into the dom/sub thing with your history of abuse. Revolting. To me, this IS a form of abuse. Let us put aside the actually cheating for a moment. Any of the two aforementioned examples are so freaking out of bounds. I am sure others have said it too—but seriously. I think that the good person rainbow cloud that you wear as a feather boa everyday is obscuring your view of total crap that you don’t need or deserve.

 

And for what it is worth, I don’t know about sending an NC letter to your particular total bunny boiler and seemingly super skankalicious (um, myPIsBetterThanYourP@email …holy moly), but you definitely need to send a legal letter as others have mentioned, even if it doesn’t actually help. Also, please do have some extra safety precautions in place for your H and more importantly, yourself. You just never know. She sounds rough, man.

 

Anyway, back to the original point. Can we be BBFs already? That the second intentional smiley I have ever posted on LS. No pressure.

 

Y

[Lobe]

I think that the good person rainbow cloud that you wear as a feather boa everyday is obscuring your view of total crap that you don’t need or deserve.

 

And for what it is worth, I don’t know about sending an NC letter to your particular total bunny boiler and seemingly super skankalicious (um, myPIsBetterThanYourP@email …holy moly), but you definitely need to send a legal letter as others have mentioned, even if it doesn’t actually help. Also, please do have some extra safety precautions in place for your H and more importantly, yourself. You just never know. She sounds rough, man.

 

Anyway, back to the original point. Can we be BBFs already? That the second intentional smiley I have ever posted on LS. No pressure.

 

Y

 

Well now... the first cease and desist letter will be addressed to creepy stalker xOW, the second to Yodel... uh, thank you for your kind words, though...

 

To clarify (again) my very first post was rambling and not very detailed so there are a few misconceptions about what I was asking/saying. To really make sense of it I suggest youre-read the original post with a slur and ugly cry hiccups and snot dripping over your lips. For an authentic reproduction, you will need to consume 6 very strong mojitos, heavy on the mint. Then read the post right before this one, replying to 13hearts, for clarification...

 

In short, I was drunk and having a bad day and feeling sorry for myself and hit post... and then discovered in the morning I couldn't even correct my spelling and typing much less delete the damned thing. FML

 

I wish I could retype the entire first post. I hate that I sound like a weak pathetic headcase (which I totally am, but only for short intense bouts) only slightly less than I hate how much I demonized my husband, who is a lovely human being and tolerates all my crazy mood swings.

 

FWIW... I don't wear a rainbow cloud as a feather boa - I wear it as panties. It hides my cellulite and the droopy elephant belly skin you can only achieve by gaining and then losing 100 lbs in the span of 2 years. (I'd endorse the company that helped me lose the weight but in this forum everyone would think I was thankful for married women who have affairs...)

 

June 10 tomorrow. If I get the "kissaversary" email from "IneedMoreHelpThanThereAreTherapists@yahoo" indicating I'm in for another 6 months of stoopid... I'm totes sending her a virus.

[Sabella]

(I wonder if their fantasy future was something like just the two of them in a thatched hut on a beach, him sipping a mojito and watching National Geographic videos, her on all fours beside him sporting a fist-sized butt plug and ball gag, watching the sunset together...)

 

LMAO...you sure can paint a picture with words Lobe. This had me laughing so hard. But lol, I hope I can erase this visual from my brain soon!

[merrmeade]

My husband did the same as yours . . . in the beginning, he didn't want to "reset the clock" so he basically ghosted the OW. My OW only attempted to contact him directly once after DD but she does Tweet star-crossed lover stuff every so often. About 7 months after DD, we read How to Help Your Spouse Heal and he willingly did a proper NC letter stating that he regretted their very wrong relationship and the damage he caused, that he loved me, and to please not contact him again. Who knows how she took this, but it was helpful for me.

 

I do finally feel like it's just the two of us in our marriage. It took a while (we're 14 months post DD). It wasn't until the start of this year that my WH really started working on himself. He's worked hard to develop empathy and to shift his priorities from being what he wants to being what's good for the family/marriage. I also came on here to work through some residual anger towards the OW. Finally I have accepted that forgiving her is a gift I give myself.

Just wanted to underscore the power of the NC letter. Yeah, maybe it's more effective as a response to some unacceptable attempt at contact from the OW, but you're really good with words and I'm sure there's a way to say that he's doing it for you, so you never have to worry about what she might do. Because actually that would be the truth.

 

I'll say with complete conviction it's the one thing that my WH did right. Well, he copied some sample NC letter online, but the point is we did this whole ritual before we sent it. He wrote it, let me read it, added whatever I said, then sealed it and let me send it.

 

I mean the reason you do it is because you don't want any lingering worry that she'll pop up somewhere or time you least expect, or worse, start stalking or something. If you were traumatized by the contact she tried to make before, you know what I'm talking about. In my case, the OW was my sister-in-law, so I was the one that first told her there should be no contact. So what does she do? She gets her neighbor/friend to text WH regarding a lingering business matter he had to finalize for her. And what does he do? He doesn't hesitate one second and texts back. I find the texts, flip out and text SIL to cease and desist. (Later OW/SIL told me the friend asked at that point why didn't I "just get over it already.") That's when I pulled out the NC card. The whole process - watching him write it, checking it while he watched me read, sealing and sending - was like nailing shut a coffin. She's never tried to contact him since.

 

Well, once. When she apparently signed up for Google Plus and it sent requests to all her contacts. I just nipped the history of that action plus her contact information from his account. When the question of her attending my son's wedding arose, he was adamant he wouldn't go if she was there.

 

Just saying - it's pretty therapeutic.

[Lobe]

Just saying - it's pretty therapeutic.

 

it's official. happy kissaversary has passed with nary a "YourHusbandPutHisFistInMyRectum@live" email, to WH or to me.

 

Skipping NC and heading for mojito-land...

[Just a Guy]

Well done Lobe, I guess you're well on your way to to a Happy and Positive Relationship in the future. I really wish there were more level headed people who could handle things the way you and your husband have. Sadly, people like you are a rare breed. I'll also include Merrmeade in that group! Best of luck going forward.

[66Charger]

Lord, woman, you are one of a kind. I formally invite you to one of my poker parties. Grey Goose is served, No butt plugs allowed.

[Lobe]

Lord, woman, you are one of a kind. I formally invite you to one of my poker parties. Grey Goose is served, No butt plugs allowed.

 

You know you're running with a new crowd when there's a "no butt plugs allowed" clause...