Wife wants kids...

[BetheButterfly]

All his family want kids, he is hoping her sister will be on his side and manage to convince his wife NOT to have kids. I think that is unrealistic.

What sort of sister would tell her own sister NOT to have children if children was what she wanted - a jealous one maybe??

 

Exactly.

 

Wedding vows is a very western concept. You cannot apply it here.

 

Promises when getting married is a very old and ancient concept, and yes nowadays - promises can be applied here.

 

If I recall, many American vows have the word "obey" in them too. I don't think women take it literately to mean it.

 

Do you know that Americans can change their vows? I did. I didn't promise to obey my husband. I did promise to love him, respect him, support his dreams, and be a team with him though.

Regardless, marriage is not a set in stone contract.

 

Promises mean something. If not, why promise anything? The OP obviously has a problem with his wife changing her mind about kids. However, he has his own desires set in stone, and the problem is his wife does not. His marriage vows however support his wife's new desires.

 

it is an evolving relationship that needs to be negotiated.

 

True, though people decide whether to honor their word or not. Obviously, the wife is going back on her word, yet she is not going back on her promises in her marriage vows.

 

 

The couple clearly agreed to certain parameters. However, the wife is changing her mind. This is not a business transaction. She has the right to do so. However, this is not what the OP wanted. You have 2 people who are not willing to compromise.

 

True. One has verbal agreements in the past as his reason, and the other has centuries of marriage vows that advocate procreation supporting her.

 

OP, would your wife, and you, be open to unofficially adopting one of her relative's children? I've seen this in my culture a lot. A child ends up living/being raised by an uncle/aunt without children. The unofficial adoptive parents have no legal obligations to the child. Once the child is an adult, the birth parents may step in to pay for college and weddings. Often, the "adoptive" parents become pretty attached and support the child financially. This works even better if the "adoptive" parents live abroad. This may be a compromise for you.

 

That's an awesome idea.

 

Some women however want to experience the fullness of motherhood - which starts with being pregnant, obviously.

[BetheButterfly]

What happens in Indian marriage is you call a Pandit (Indian Priest). You and your wife sit around fire while the Priest chants. Its an 2 hour long chanting process. They say million things and no body knows what it means. They all are in Sanskrit which hardly anyone speaks. After couple of hours or so we both get up and walk around fire 7 times. The priest keeps chanting. This is how a traditional Hindu marriage happens.

Like I said the vows are pre written and are probably 1000 years old. You dont alter the chants. You dont have a choice. Just because something is written 1000 years ago doesnt mean you should go by it.

 

Cultures can change, if the people decide to change. So yes, you do have a choice. You can decide to change the vows if you so desire. After all, you want to be different, yeah? So why follow centuries old traditions if you don't want to 100% follow your culture and religion, which includes procreating?

The real vows were not the chants done by a 3rd party but the meetings which we had before marriage. She knows this and she acknowledges this.

 

Do you have the real vows written in paper, with her signature - stating that you two will not have kids?

 

There is another vow in the chants which says women will take care of house duties. But there are millions of women who are working and have never entered kitchen. They have servants and managers who take care of everything.

 

Some women think overseeing house duties can include servants and managers, I guess. However, having children normally is something a husband takes care of with his wife, unless you want a surrogate husband for your wife?

In court of law, it wouldnt matter what I agreed to or what I didnt. Court will favour her because of the reason for divorce. That is not something I am worried about.

 

What are you worried about, yourself?

 

If you don't want to love your wife and the children she wants to have with you, by all means get a divorce and marry a woman who can't have kids, who is barren. Make sure you demand proof of her barrenness first, and make sure she writes down in writing that she won't change her mind about not having kids with you.

 

My hubby and I were planning on having kids 2 years after getting married, but life changes people. I'm barren. I can't have kids. (We know it is me, not him as to why.) Instead of using $ to figure out what's wrong with me, we decided to wait till my hubby is ready, and then we will adopt a child or children who need a loving family.

 

My hubby could have gotten all mad that I'm barren and decide to divorce for because our plans have changed, but he's not mad. He would like to have his own kids, but out of love for me, he's decided to adopt someday (when he feels ready - I would like to adopt right now but I respect his desire to wait more time) and if someday we have a surprise child, awesome!

 

I am grateful that my hubby loves me so much that even when plans in life change, he puts my desires and thoughts above his own. I strive to do the same. That is true love.

 

Do you love your wife, or would you prefer just being married to you?

[GunslingerRoland]

Convincing someone who really doesn't want kids to have kids, is not a good idea. The man will be miserable for the rest of his life.

 

 

I'm firmly of the belief that if the only reason he doesn't want kids is because of the plan, the plan can be changed (plans are never set in stone) and I don't think most people do well with the workaholic-dead stop retirement plan. But if he doesn't want kids, there is no negotiation on that, in 2016 parenthood is too big of a commitment to take on if you don't want it.

[kamani]

OP, I think some people had already told you this, but I haven't read all the posts.

 

Life is not something where you can work on a 'fixed plan'. So many unexpected things happens and your attitudes and goals can change. Decision making is also a skill and many people regret a number of decisions they took at a latter stage of life.

 

Women who said they'd never marry at 25 regret their decision at 50. The same about having children.

 

Further I don't understand how you can work so hard and retire at 40. This can stress you and subject you to number of other consequences including bad health. For some people career success begins at 40.

 

At 42 I can say that my 'plan' of life didn't work the way I wanted. It was 50% due to poor decision making, but the remaining 50% was totally out of my control. Yet I'm happy and content.

 

It seems you are so sure about your plan as you had achieved your goals so far. However there's no warranty what will happen in the future. It's time to reassess your plan before you regret at 40.

[DreamP]

OP, I just want to advise you on the advice you are getting here. Take it with a grain of salt.

 

Retiring at 40 is not impossible. I know somebody who did it. They also had a very Taoist take on life. They lived a simple life after retirement and invested their savings wisely. So don't let others dissuade you from that goal.

 

Most people on this site are from America so their views are very western. Many of the advice won't apply to your situation. Unless they have lived in your culture, they really can't under it. Their advice is well intended but lacks the full understanding of the situation. I grew up in a different culture from the one I live in, so I understand this well.

 

I see many advice here pushing you to have kids. They think it is selfish of you to deny your wife. That is because society (all of them) encourages procreation and not doing so is outside the norm. You are basically defying the social norms which will result in people knocking you down. Your wife is getting the same pressure that you are facing from people on this site. You can sympathize with how she feels now. But remember, you shouldn't have children just because of social pressure. Personally I think having children is an extremely selfish thing to do. You create and bring a human being into this word with no certainty. They may face war, hunger, violence, etc. If it's a girl, then she would have a 1 in 4 chance of being sexually assaulted. And a person does this just to fulfill their personal need for procreation. Now that is incredibly selfish.

 

If you weren't married, I would have told you to walk away. Having/not having children in one area a couple should not compromise on. However, you are married and from a culture that doesn't view divorce very favorably. Let me ask you this question, beside the fact that you don't want to spend money on a child, is there other reasons you don't want children? If you didn't have the 40 year retirement plan, would you still be against having children? If you were to have children, would you resent them for taking away your dreams?

[PrettyEmily77]

I see many advice here pushing you to have kids. They think it is selfish of you to deny your wife. That is because society (all of them) encourages procreation and not doing so is outside the norm.

 

The advice I read on here is more along the lines of letting his wife go because she wants kids and he doesn't. That's nothing to do with procreation or being outside the norm.

 

It's no better to force him to have kids that he doesn't want than to deny her the chance to have kids that she wants.

[DreamP]

The advice I read on here is more along the lines of letting his wife go because she wants kids and he doesn't. That's nothing to do with procreation or being outside the norm.

 

There is a lot of guilt written into many advice here in so many words encouraging him to see it her way.

[PrettyEmily77]

There is a lot of guilt written into many advice here in so many words encouraging him to see it her way.

 

Yeah, but telling him it's ok for him not to have kids AND to stay married because divorce is frown upon in his culture (referring you to your own post) sucks for his wife, don't you think?

[noelle303]

OP, it's a situation which sucks however it ends up.

 

You choosing to have a child and not wanting it sucks.

 

Your wife choosing to remain childless and wanting children sucks.

 

Divorcing when it is frowned upon in your culture sucks.

 

But it will ultimately lead to one of these choices and you just have to choose which one sucks the least for all parties involved.

 

Your wife won't change her mind, just like you are saying you won't change yours, so don't even waste your time trying to get her to change it.

 

I know that you feel betrayed because prior to marriage she said she doesn't want children, but you have to accept the fact that she doesn't feel that way anymore. I'm sorry you are going through this, it's really not fair as you feel like you did everything right and did not deserve this, but that is just life sometimes.

[mikeylo]

Counseling won't work in this situation. Kids is either you want or you don't. Divorce is the only answer.

[Emilia]

Hi OP,

 

First of all, I really like your posts, I think that you are a good man. I have some experience of Indian culture. I understand the implications of divorce for your wife, here in the West we don't have that. People don't understand the stigma, this is why they are advocating it. They are right however that having or not having children is a fundamental compatibility issue. We don't really consult our families over matters like this, it's usually decided between two people, this is because we are given more freedom within our communities, we aren't judged as much.

 

I would like a different angle: you mentioned your father. You were obviously raised by a man who had intimacy difficulties and who shut himself away at work rather than deal with his family.

 

Has your parents' marriage been a happy one? Considering arranged marriages can be a bit of a lottery. Do you think that perhaps growing up witnessing some fundamental issues between your parents is the reason that you don't want children?

 

I'd just like you to try a different angle. I am a childfree woman, myself and never wanted kids (I'm 43) so I'm not trying to convince you. Only to understand.

 

Do you think your wife agreed to the 'no kids' part because she just wanted you to marry her and she would have agreed to anything? Maybe her family told her that you would change your mind.

[JS84]

All you're doing is looking for excuses to drag out the inevitable. You guys just need to get a divorce and quit wasting time (mostly hers). She only has a set window of opportunity to bear children and if you change your mind 20 years from now you could still have kids if you wanted. The more time she wastes with you the less of an opportunity she has to have her own kids.

 

I really have no idea why you're bringing family members into your marital issues. That just comes off as extremely immature and manipulative but maybe it's a cultural thing IDK.

 

You're 100% set on not having kids, I'm pretty sure your wife is 100% on having them regardless of what you guys agreed to when you first met. People do change in relationships and so do their wants and needs. What you want right now might not be what you want 15 years from now. The same goes for you. You might hit 40 and realize retirement isn't all it's cracked up to be at such a young age.

 

From the outside looking in, your situation isn't confusing or complicated in the slightest. And all the family members, marriage counselors, and arguments aren't going to change it in the slightest. She's not going to suddenly stop wanting kids anymore than you suddenly will.

 

Neither one of you are wrong. But you should do yourselves both a favor and move on.

[DreamP]

Yeah, but telling him it's ok for him not to have kids AND to stay married because divorce is frown upon in his culture (referring you to your own post) sucks for his wife, don't you think?

 

Can you point out where I ever did that? Never have I said it was OK for him not have kids AND stay married. The OP is in a tough situation. As somebody else pointed out, whatever choice he makes will suck. The realities are the realities. Many tell him to divorce. But that is not so easy in his culture, so you can't expect him to just take that advice so easily. Basically, if he does divorce his wife, he is pretty much ensuring she will be childless because remarrying is a low probability for her. So now he loses his love, no guarantee he will find somebody else and also the guilt of leaving his wife childless and alone. Also, India is not a country that looks upon single women very favorably. I don't know what the OP's wife relationship is with her own family, but often divorced women become outcasts and their own family won't accept them. For those not from the Indian or similar cultures, did they think about all this before advising that it is better for his wife if he left her? They have no idea what is better for her because they have no concept of what she may have to face culturally as a divorced woman.

[Emilia]

Can you point out where I ever did that? Never have I said it was OK for him not have kids AND stay married. The OP is in a tough situation. As somebody else pointed out, whatever choice he makes will suck. The realities are the realities. Many tell him to divorce. But that is not so easy in his culture, so you can't expect him to just take that advice so easily. Basically, if he does divorce his wife, he is pretty much ensuring she will be childless because remarrying is a low probability for her. So now he loses his love, no guarantee he will find somebody else and also the guilt of leaving his wife childless and alone. Also, India is not a country that looks upon single women very favorably. I don't know what the OP's wife relationship is with her own family, but often divorced women become outcasts and their own family won't accept them. For those not from the Indian or similar cultures, did they think about all this before advising that it is better for his wife if he left her? They have no idea what is better for her because they have no concept of what she may have to face culturally as a divorced woman.

Good post. People don't realise that in India a decision you make such as divorce is seen as a reflection on the whole family, not just yourself.

[DreamP]

Hi OP,

 

First of all, I really like your posts, I think that you are a good man. I have some experience of Indian culture. I understand the implications of divorce for your wife, here in the West we don't have that. People don't understand the stigma, this is why they are advocating it. They are right however that having or not having children is a fundamental compatibility issue. We don't really consult our families over matters like this, it's usually decided between two people, this is because we are given more freedom within our communities, we aren't judged as much.

 

I would like a different angle: you mentioned your father. You were obviously raised by a man who had intimacy difficulties and who shut himself away at work rather than deal with his family.

 

Has your parents' marriage been a happy one? Considering arranged marriages can be a bit of a lottery. Do you think that perhaps growing up witnessing some fundamental issues between your parents is the reason that you don't want children?

 

I'd just like you to try a different angle. I am a childfree woman, myself and never wanted kids (I'm 43) so I'm not trying to convince you. Only to understand.

 

Do you think your wife agreed to the 'no kids' part because she just wanted you to marry her and she would have agreed to anything? Maybe her family told her that you would change your mind.

 

Thank you for being somebody who not only understands another culture but also understands that there are things you don't know about other cultures. The imposing of western values on other people is something that drives me mad. I don't mean to derail this thread, but I think it is very important that the OP understand he is getting advice from people who do not understand his situation at all.

[Emilia]

Thank you for being somebody who not only understands another culture but also understands that there are things you don't know about other cultures. The imposing of western values on other people is something that drives me mad. I don't mean to derail this thread, but I think it is very important that the OP understand he is getting advice from people who do not understand his situation at all.

Thanks, I agree 100%.

[BettyDraper]

Thank you for being somebody who not only understands another culture but also understands that there are things you don't know about other cultures. The imposing of western values on other people is something that drives me mad. I don't mean to derail this thread, but I think it is very important that the OP understand he is getting advice from people who do not understand his situation at all.

 

This. It's awful to impose a Western way of thinking on those who come from different cultures. I notice that North Americans have a tendency to believe that every country in the world has the same society and traditions as we do. Divorce is verboten in India and so are vasectomies. I grew up with many children of Indian immigrants so I understand certain aspects of that culture.

 

The OP is in a situation which would be best understood within the framework of Indian society. It is a very traditional country where marriage and children are expected and presenting a certain image to the outside world is extremely important.

 

I am a childfree woman partly because I survived much abuse from my mother in a my childhood. When people talk about how wonderful it is to be a parent and how the sacrifices as worth it, those words seem like a foreign language to me because of what I experienced with my mother. Since the OP mentioned that he felt a lack of emotional intimacy with his father, it is worth considering how this could have cemented his decision to be childfree.

[Hodor]

Hi OP,

 

First of all, I really like your posts, I think that you are a good man. I have some experience of Indian culture. I understand the implications of divorce for your wife, here in the West we don't have that. People don't understand the stigma, this is why they are advocating it. They are right however that having or not having children is a fundamental compatibility issue. We don't really consult our families over matters like this, it's usually decided between two people, this is because we are given more freedom within our communities, we aren't judged as much.

 

I would like a different angle: you mentioned your father. You were obviously raised by a man who had intimacy difficulties and who shut himself away at work rather than deal with his family.

 

Has your parents' marriage been a happy one? Considering arranged marriages can be a bit of a lottery. Do you think that perhaps growing up witnessing some fundamental issues between your parents is the reason that you don't want children?

 

I'd just like you to try a different angle. I am a childfree woman, myself and never wanted kids (I'm 43) so I'm not trying to convince you. Only to understand.

 

Do you think your wife agreed to the 'no kids' part because she just wanted you to marry her and she would have agreed to anything? Maybe her family told her that you would change your mind.

 

Thank you for the bolded part.

 

India is extremely diverse. Many families in big cities have started adopting the western culture. I myself am not tied to any traditional values. My parents have given me complete freedom. But like any other parents in the world they will give their advise from time to time and check regularly how you are doing.

 

That being said judgement does prevail in our society. Specially amongst relatives. Uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. I dont care what they think. Its my life not theirs. As for friends it depends on your circle. People talk and will keep talking behind you back. I dont let these things affect me one bit.

 

Divorce was a big no no a decade or so back. But people are slowly accepting it. There are now special matrimony services for divorced people. In big cities people dont care so much.

 

My parents had love marriage. I would say their marriage has been pretty successful. The only issue was and is time. But its all because my dad wanted to give us a great life. I dont recall a single time he has said no for anything. He himself comes from a very modest background and while growing up enjoyed no luxuries. But we got everything.

 

Had he not worked so hard I doubt I could have got such a good education and seed money to invest with my friends. My house and my car is paid for by my dad. I have got atleast a 10years head start in life because of my dad.

 

Reality is I have never experienced a tough life. Touch Wood. There was a period which my dad lost nearly everything but he sent us to boarding school for 3 years till he got things back together.

 

The sacrifices my parents have made for us are incomparable. If I have to summarise my thought for not having a kid in on sentence then I would say I cant do for my kid what they have done for me.

 

In our culture we are dependent on our parents till pretty late in life. Many dont even leave their family and live together forever. I see in english comedy shows that people laugh when they say you are 25 and live with parents. Here this is pretty normal. Not only normal, you are expected to live with parents if you are working in the same city. That is why they say, when a girl marries a guy, she is not only marrying her husband but the whole family.

 

Arranged marriages aren't a lottery here. Love marriages are. Chances of arranged marriages being successful is more than love marriages. This trend is however changing now. More love marriages are happening.

 

My wife's family is highly educated. Both her father and mother holds very good position in a bank. She told me she isn't being forced into marriage and its completely her choice. This was very important for me. I also had asked how much will her family interfere in our married life. She told me they wont. And the truth is they havent. So I am very lucky on this part because I have heard alot of horror stories when it comes to family brainwashing their daughter/ son.

 

What my wife saw that time is she is getting full freedom to work after marriage. She is getting a very understanding husband. She is getting in laws who wont question her actions. And most importantly she liked me. So my best guess is she didnt have desire for kids that time or these factors combined outweighed having kids but now due to indirect social pressure her desire has kicked in full force.

[elaine567]

What my wife saw that time is she is getting full freedom to work after marriage. She is getting a very understanding husband. She is getting in laws who wont question her actions. And most importantly she liked me. So my best guess is she didnt have desire for kids that time or these factors combined outweighed having kids but now due to indirect social pressure her desire has kicked in full force.

 

YOU underestimated the human drive to reproduce, as did your wife, now she understands.

This is not solvable, you do not want to give up your dream of a child free life and your wife does not want to live her life as a childless woman.

Divorce is the only answer, else you will both be miserable, whether you decide to have children or not. .

[Emilia]

My parents had love marriage. I would say their marriage has been pretty successful. The only issue was and is time. But its all because my dad wanted to give us a great life. I dont recall a single time he has said no for anything. He himself comes from a very modest background and while growing up enjoyed no luxuries. But we got everything.

 

Had he not worked so hard I doubt I could have got such a good education and seed money to invest with my friends. My house and my car is paid for by my dad. I have got atleast a 10years head start in life because of my dad.

 

Reality is I have never experienced a tough life. Touch Wood. There was a period which my dad lost nearly everything but he sent us to boarding school for 3 years till he got things back together.

 

The sacrifices my parents have made for us are incomparable. If I have to summarise my thought for not having a kid in on sentence then I would say I cant do for my kid what they have done for me.

 

In our culture we are dependent on our parents till pretty late in life. Many dont even leave their family and live together forever. I see in english comedy shows that people laugh when they say you are 25 and live with parents. Here this is pretty normal. Not only normal, you are expected to live with parents if you are working in the same city. That is why they say, when a girl marries a guy, she is not only marrying her husband but the whole family.

 

Arranged marriages aren't a lottery here. Love marriages are. Chances of arranged marriages being successful is more than love marriages. This trend is however changing now. More love marriages are happening.

 

My wife's family is highly educated. Both her father and mother holds very good position in a bank. She told me she isn't being forced into marriage and its completely her choice. This was very important for me. I also had asked how much will her family interfere in our married life. She told me they wont. And the truth is they havent. So I am very lucky on this part because I have heard alot of horror stories when it comes to family brainwashing their daughter/ son.

 

What my wife saw that time is she is getting full freedom to work after marriage. She is getting a very understanding husband. She is getting in laws who wont question her actions. And most importantly she liked me. So my best guess is she didnt have desire for kids that time or these factors combined outweighed having kids but now due to indirect social pressure her desire has kicked in full force.

See what I see in your post is that you don't understand what being a woman is like. I dated Indian men (one was from India, another from Kenya) and they come from good, sophisticated families. Well brought up, etc, not from some poor agricultural area. But I think that men struggle with understanding what it's like to be a woman and Indian men do even more so because you are socialised differently, you are socialised separately. I understand that your cities are sophisticated but I think what you are not getting is that Indian women aren't really assertive, I have met a few, used to work with them too.

 

I know your wife wasn't forced, I wasn't suggesting that. However, saying that she truly had a voice when she said she didn't want kids is a little naive because she would have wanted to get married. People who want things say whatever is needed to get it done and it's only over time that you learn about their true wants and needs.

 

Also, YOU may not bow to pressure and you may not care what others think but she most likely does. She isn't like you.

 

I completely disagree with your view on arranged vs love marriages. What matters is getting to know each other, to make sure you are compatible, there are no guarantees but as you are finding out, not really knowing whom you marry is a high price to pay. However, it's too late for that.

 

I suppose I don't understand what you are so scared of. When men don't want children, they usually have a very strong reason (which is why I thought your parents had problems) since it's usually the women that do most of the work. Your reasons not to want children doesn't seem to be a very strong one as the financial background is there.

[kamani]

[quote=elaine567;6935656

Divorce is the only answer, else you will both be miserable, whether you decide to have children or not. .

 

What if the OP forgets his life plans and overwhelmed with love once he holds his own baby?

 

This is not impossible, though he sounds very firm in his decision at the moment.

 

Seeing his father working to death to give him all comforts of life has caused a huge negative image on paternity in his mind.

[Hodor]

See what I see in your post is that you don't understand what being a woman is like. I dated Indian men (one was from India, another from Kenya) and they come from good, sophisticated families. Well brought up, etc, not from some poor agricultural area. But I think that men struggle with understanding what it's like to be a woman and Indian men do even more so because you are socialised differently, you are socialised separately. I understand that your cities are sophisticated but I think what you are not getting is that Indian women aren't really assertive, I have met a few, used to work with them too.

 

I know your wife wasn't forced, I wasn't suggesting that. However, saying that she truly had a voice when she said she didn't want kids is a little naive because she would have wanted to get married. People who want things say whatever is needed to get it done and it's only over time that you learn about their true wants and needs.

 

Also, YOU may not bow to pressure and you may not care what others think but she most likely does. She isn't like you.

 

I completely disagree with your view on arranged vs love marriages. What matters is getting to know each other, to make sure you are compatible, there are no guarantees but as you are finding out, not really knowing whom you marry is a high price to pay. However, it's too late for that.

 

I suppose I don't understand what you are so scared of. When men don't want children, they usually have a very strong reason (which is why I thought your parents had problems) since it's usually the women that do most of the work. Your reasons not to want children doesn't seem to be a very strong one as the financial background is there.

 

I think you misunderstood me somewhere or I didnt write it properly. I never compared love marriages to arranged marriages. I am not saying one is better than the other. What I said is arranged marriages tend to work better than love marriages over here. I dont have any stats to back it up. Its purely based on my observation. I maybe wrong.

 

Money is there, but its not so much to raise a kid and live the way I want. We get one life and if you spend it living the way others want you to then its wasted. This is my belief and I know its somewhat selfish

[kamani]

This is not solvable, you do not want to give up your dream of a child free life and your wife does not want to live her life as a childless woman.

Divorce is the only answer, else you will both be miserable, whether you decide to have children or not. .

 

 

What if the OP forgets his life plans and overwhelmed with love once he holds his own baby?

 

This is not impossible, though he sounds very firm in his decision at the moment.

 

Seeing his father working to death to give him all comforts of life has caused a huge negative image on paternity in his mind.

[elaine567]

We had a perfect life. Exactly the kind of life I had in mind. No issues, no family tensions, no financial burdens.

 

I suppose I don't understand what you are so scared of. When men don't want children, they usually have a very strong reason (which is why I thought your parents had problems) since it's usually the women that do most of the work. Your reasons not to want children doesn't seem to be a very strong one as the financial background is there.

 

But it is not just a financial problem, this is about lifestyle, a lifestyle he cannot have if he has children complicating it.

He doesn't want to be his father, sacrificing himself for the good of his children.

[GunslingerRoland]

Counseling won't work in this situation. Kids is either you want or you don't. Divorce is the only answer.

 

 

 

I don't completely agree with that. There are many reasons people want kids. There are many reasons people don't want kids. Getting to the bottom of those reasons and trying to find if there is a common ground is what a good counselor can do.