I'm in a new LD situation...I have many qs!

[jelly11]

I've never done long distance before. I'm trying to keep this short so there's not a wall of text but basically I met someone two months ago on a date in a foreign country. I don't know what we both thought was going to happen but I don't think we imagined we would like each other this much. We kept in touch and agreed I'd go back to visit, which I did last week and it was wonderful. Stayed with him for four nights. This is a 1500 mile distance btw.

 

There's many things I'm finding hard to deal with. Things I don't know if they are normal or not. So I want to ask some general questions.

 

1. One thing I keep reading about when it comes to LDR success is an "end goal". But at what point is it okay to discuss an end goal? I mean I've known him two months now - is that too fast to be talking about how to close the distance?

 

I think I found a way that makes logical sense for both of us. It would be in January. But I don't want to scare him by mentioning it as I realise it could see a bit fast...but at the same time I feel having a goal would make the gap easier.

 

2. How often are you generally supposed to speak? This is something I find difficult to balance.

 

3. How do you deal with saying goodbye? Do you get used to it? It really hurt and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought "is this going to be worth it?".

 

Thanks in advance

[LOVEATRUCKER]

Hi,

I have been in a relationship with an OTR truck driver for about a year and a half now. The first several times I had to watch him driving away were awful and I was sad for days...then it started to get better.Now I am at the point that I am sad to say goodbye, but know he will return as soon as possible.

It helps if you anticipate feeling sad, and plan to do some things you enjoy in the immediate time after goodbye to distract yourself. It does get easier after you deal with it a few times.

How much to talk? That's really relative to your situation. If either of you have a job and or family responsibilities that limit your availability, you have to work around those. Think of what is reasonable for you to expect from your partner, as well as what amount of communication you are comfortable with. Talk it over and come to an agreement both are happy with.

Closing the distance? You'll have to feel that one out, but I would caution you not to start talking about concrete plans too quickly - that might freak a person out. Instead, try talking about where each of you wish to be at in life in the next 6 months, year, etc. The responses to those types of questions can be a good indicator of how your partner is thinking about closing the distance.

Good luck, it can be really hard sometimes. "Normal" relationships are a lot of work, and LDRs throw in many obstacles of their own. But if you both work at communicating, being honest, trusting, and really love each other, it can work.

[coolheadal]

Welcome to LoveShack.org with you first post - LDR, been doing that for a very long time. It has it's ups and downs. But if you really care about the other person so much you'll make do. All that you do on the internet is sort of like a LDR the only difference is that your actually have feelings for that other person. Most of what you say will fall into place. Time you talk depends on when you both right each other. How often do you do that? Every day, every other day and sort forth. I can of move things to the phone since I like to talk a lot. I can't keep up with my typing skills. LOL. All you can do right now is try it and see how it goes for you. Each person has a different story. I've seen a lot online using LDR but again just have to go with flow I say.

[justwhoiam]

I met someone two months ago on a date in a foreign country

Does that mean you were both in a foreign country? Or you travelled to meet him?

 

1. One thing I keep reading about when it comes to LDR success is an "end goal". But at what point is it okay to discuss an end goal? I mean I've known him two months now - is that too fast to be talking about how to close the distance?

I don't have an end goal and I've been with him for years now. Live your story as it's all yours and not by anyone else's standards. I'm not sure how old you are and what you both do in life, so it's difficult to talk about end goals. Just have goals. A talk about future is always nice, to me even on a first date. It's general and it will let you know if you share the same views. Like he hates kids, you love kids, then I see no future. It doesn't have to do with short-term goals. At least you know if it's worth investing any time at all.

 

I think I found a way that makes logical sense for both of us. It would be in January. But I don't want to scare him by mentioning it as I realise it could see a bit fast...but at the same time I feel having a goal would make the gap easier./QUOTE] It makes logical sense to you, but not to me. What would be in January? You'd like to move to where he lives? Be cautious with such things. First, you don't know him enough now; and secondly, that might scare someone away.

 

2. How often are you generally supposed to speak? This is something I find difficult to balance.

You need to find a good balance. And it should vary depending on events. So not always the same, there'll be times with more communication and times with less, provided you never reach too low levels for too long. Going MIA is not allowed in my book.

 

3. How do you deal with saying goodbye?

Usually pretty well. The goodbye is at the airport. Hug/kiss, last message written in my diary, he usually stays until he can't see me anymore, after security. And then he goes home and we usually text throughout until I get on the plane, if I able to get connection. Or he sends me texts, I don't need connection to get those. Just a working mobile phone.

 

Do you get used to it?

The moment itself was never too hard. Maybe I felt it was harder in the morning, having to pack, as I usually leave in the afteroon. The time leading to that moment, I know I'm leaving soon, and last time I felt quite lovesick.

[smackie9]

Just treat it like any other relationship....you let things naturally progress. You spend time together using skype, text each other during the day, etc. At this point you yourself don't know if you want this to evolve into a serious/lead to marriage relationship. You barely know the guy. Get to know him more before you think far into the future.

 

If you fear scaring him away then you shouldn't waste your time anymore. He wasn't for you.

[Elwood]

A LDR is tough but it can be done. Right now it's too early to worry about an end game. If you two continue to see one another and establish a relationship then yes at some point you would need to come up with a plan to be together. However, right now it's too early just enjoy it. I was in a LDR and I think I moved too fast and scared her off. Don't worry about how often you talk, just let everything happen. Don't overthink it that's what I did and it cost me.