Missi Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 (edited) I met him 15 years ago when I was 22yrs old and he is 33. We dated like 3years. But he was already married when I met him so after 3years with him, i decided to break-up and find another man. All this years, I have never forgotten him and I regretted for leaving him...he was my first and I truly love him, the feelings I had for him was so much different and I couldn't find that kind of love with anyone else, even with my current husband. I'm married with two kids now. A month ago, I met my ex. We chatted about the past and he also misses me. We had sex, only one time. I feel bad for doing this behind my husband but I miss my ex very much too. We are still in contact now, exchanging messages from time to time. I really really miss him very much....and I'm going crazy....don't even know what to do...... Edited June 3, 2016 by Missi Link to post Share on other sites
HeCantBreakMe Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 I met him 15 years ago when I was 22yrs old and he is 33. We dated like 3years. But he was already married when I met him so after 3years with him, i decided to break-up and find another man. All this years, I have never forgotten him and I regretted for leaving him...he was my first and I truly love him, the feelings I had for him was so much different and I couldn't find that kind of love with anyone else, even with my current husband. I'm married with two kids now. A month ago, I met my ex. We chatted about the past and he also misses me. We had sex, only one time. I feel bad for doing this behind my husband but I miss my ex very much too. We are still in contact now, exchanging messages from time to time. I really really miss him very much....and I'm going crazy....don't even know what to do...... Missi- so just to make sure I understand he was married when you dated him back when you were 22 correct? was there ever talk of him leaving his wife for you? Does he have kids? So you recently ran into this same guy and you both realized you missed each other but he is still married and now you are too correct? If you both miss each other so much why don't you get divorced from your current spouses? I just want to make sure I have the full picture. I am sorry to hear you are hurting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Is he still married to the same woman? If he really couldn't forget you then wouldn't he have come after you sometime in the past 15 years? How did you two meet again? Preliminarily, it sounds like he will not leave and wants you on the side (again). You surely remember all of the torment from when you were 22. Since you're now much more mature and able to stand up for yourself, why not lay everything out there in one conversation up front - that is, if you actually want the two of you to end up together? Or perhaps you aren't sure? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Sex does not equal love nor doesl missing someone. He had already groomed you to be his OW so he wouldnt turn down free sex on the side. All he has to do is say the right words and sentiments to have you wrapped around his finger again. The stakes aare so high for both your marriages. Id get out. Consider it nostalgia and a mistake and cut all ties. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 This is my worst nightmare to still have feelings for years to come. If I were you I'd try to remember how much it hurt you years ago when you two finished or what it felt like every time he left you to go home to his wife Someone on this group said something and it's helped me so much in my healing: They're where they want to be with the person they want to be with If you wanted each other sooooooo much you'd be together surely? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 I met him 15 years ago when I was 22yrs old and he is 33. We dated like 3years. But he was already married when I met him so after 3years with him, i decided to break-up and find another man. All this years, I have never forgotten him and I regretted for leaving him...he was my first and I truly love him, the feelings I had for him was so much different and I couldn't find that kind of love with anyone else, even with my current husband. I'm married with two kids now. A month ago, I met my ex. We chatted about the past and he also misses me. We had sex, only one time. I feel bad for doing this behind my husband but I miss my ex very much too. We are still in contact now, exchanging messages from time to time. I really really miss him very much....and I'm going crazy....don't even know what to do...... He was never yours to begin with, he had a wife and a life built with someone already and now you are married with children. Respectfully, you've just messed up your life and made it so complicated by having sex with him. This affair will blow up your whole world as you know it, the comfort and safety of your family life, turning your kids lives upside down and of course devastating your husband from your betrayal. Affairs usually lead to a DDAY so end this before it goes any further. End the contact, get to counseling so you can fix what's broken inside of you and learn to rid of your feelings for your exMM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Missi, You are so fortunate to have a family... you don't want to risk losing it for a lying cheating married man. He won't support you if you lose everything. Put this firmly in the past and give your time and thoughts to your husband and kids. You are chasing the memory of something that was never real to begin with. Poppy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 (((Missi))) Can I ask how were things with your husband BEFORE your ex appeared back on the scene again? If they were generally pretty good and you have a happy marriage, please have no more contact with your ex and put everything into your marriage. His reappearance seems to have unsettled you and reawakened something in you, but please recognise that this may just be based on a warped fantasy-like image of the intense relationship you had in the past...... Which was itself an affair, was it not? He seems like bad news for you and could be a cancer for your marriage. If you love your family, cut out that cancer now. On the other hand, if your marriage was unhappy anyway, now could be the time to really assess your life. The appearance of the ex and the effect it has on you could indicate that things are not right at home. Presumably if you were ecstatically happy at home, you wouldn't look twice at him? Look at the whole situation really carefully and assess where you are in your life and want to be. For me, bottom line, if you were happy and content before he showed up, my advice is to cut him out of your life and give 100% to the people who truly love you - your wonderful husband and family... Good luck Missi, we are here 4 Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Girl, you have something that many...many....many women would give their right arm to have; a family. You have a husband and two beautiful children. Please tell me...why do you want to throw that all away for a married man that you had an affair with 15 years ago? He may have been your true love but you were not his because if you were he would certainly not have spent 15 years living without you. Please do not embark on an affair with this man. Do not do this to your husband; do not betray him this way. There was a time when you were a 22 year old young girl who had an affair with a married man. Today, you are an adult woman with a husband and two children. If you embark on an affair with your married man the most likely outcome is he will stay with his wife, he will not leave her for you, he didn't then, he won't now. You on the other hand if your affair is discovered could lose your husband, your children, your family, your home, your friends and your reputation and all for what? An imaginary Romeo & Juliet love affair that you created in your head. Pfffff!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missi Posted June 4, 2016 Author Share Posted June 4, 2016 Missi- so just to make sure I understand he was married when you dated him back when you were 22 correct? was there ever talk of him leaving his wife for you? Does he have kids? So you recently ran into this same guy and you both realized you missed each other but he is still married and now you are too correct? If you both miss each other so much why don't you get divorced from your current spouses? I just want to make sure I have the full picture. I am sorry to hear you are hurting. when i met him, i was still young and I didn't have the courage to ask him to divorce his wife. and yes, he is still married to the same wife and I am married too. we just met again recently and the idea of divorcing our own spouse have not cross our mind yet. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 when i met him, i was still young and I didn't have the courage to ask him to divorce his wife. and yes, he is still married to the same wife and I am married too. we just met again recently and the idea of divorcing our own spouse have not cross our mind yet. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. Of course you can help it. You don't want to. The least you can do is take responsibility for what you're doing to your family. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dancewithme Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 (edited) Don't own that mindset. You can help it. You were a brand new adult, your first time with this MM. Wet behind the ears, immature, no life experience, 22 year old. 15 years later, you are a mature, married mother. You have people who count on you, and look up to you. This time around, you have a better sense of knowing better. I'm sure that the everyday domesticity of marriage and kids can't compete with the fond memories of an exciting, illicit sexual awakening. But, the past is the past. Leave it there. Don't demean yourself and your family this way. If MM wanted you, he would have divorced and sought you out a long time ago. You asking him to leave his wife would not have mattered. If he wanted to do it, he would have done it. Don't romantacize this situation into the "Great Romance that never got to be". I'm guessing his mindset now is " hey, I got 'it' from Missi once before, I'm not going to turn it down if she's still offering 'it'". Don't you want to be more than that? You are more than that, to your family. You know what you need to do. That is NC. You lived without him in your life for 15 years, you can do it. I think you need to explore with IC why you are obsessing over this MM, all of these years later. What do you feel is missing from your life, or lacking in you that you turn to the past to help you deal with it. Is married life satisfying you? Is this re-visiting of your past affair an attempt to exit the marriage? Are you satisfied with where you are in your life? I think you have a lot of self-exploration ahead. Edited June 4, 2016 by Dancewithme 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Katyp Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) Why don't you ask him what his future plans are with you and watch him protect his life with his wife or even future fake you. To you he is your long lost true love and to him you are no strings attached sex servicing his physical needs as and when he wants it. Nothing more than that. You were far too young for him to have an affair with. I was 23 and he was 33 when it happened to me and my A lasted 7/8 years until I finished him. Not because I didn't love him but because I did. He never tried coming after me and in a split second he was gone. And that was after 7/8 years. He didn't even try contacting me afterwards. He chased me throughout the A and kept telling me how much he cared about me. He said sex had nothing to do with it. We didn't sleep together for the first year. I'm sure my XMM has had other affairs since me and I bet your MM has as well. I understand the pain you are going through and after 25 years I even had intense counselling for it but it never worked. Only thing that has helped me is reading what others say about an affair on here and I have learned to live with my feelings and just get on with my own life. You must too. Otherwise he will just carry on using you again. I bet your husband has higher morals and integrity. I know my husband does. If your MM wants you for himself he will do something about it but I bet he doesn't and you will end up making yourself more and more unhappy. Take back your power girl and look a million dollars so he can see what he's missing although he's a wimp so he still won't do anything about it. These MM want no string attached sex. That is all. Edited June 7, 2016 by Katyp Link to post Share on other sites
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