igiveup12910 Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 How do I cope with this I ended things with my boyfriend because he treated me horribly - jealous/paranoid/cheated in past. We all know the drift - he was a loving and supportive person the rest of the time and I really fell in love with him. The relationship lasted 18 mo months and I hurt like he'll and miss the "nice/happy" him. I've been okay from Monday until today. But now it's Friday. And guess what he'll be doing - partying all weekend. He has issues at weekends because of drink and cocaine and he can't bear to be alone when the pubs shut so he will 100% be hooking up with someone. I can't cope with this The thought of him with someone else kills me. I can't go out and distract myself because my beautiful kiddies are in bed. Trying to calm myself with a cup of tea and some TV but I know I won't sleep and ill be hurt and worried all weekend. I don't want him back. he'll never change and he treated me so poorly and isn't good for me or my kids. So why do I still have doubts. I text him earlier and he hasn't even replied. We talked a few times during the week and I made it so so clear that we will never be in a relationship again so I just know if he can't have me he'll find a random to take home for sex/cuddles/company. Why is it so hard even though I know I don't want to be with him. I'm just ttying to quietly do my own thing, keeping busy with work and the kids but being left alone at nights grieving really bloody sucks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Patrice Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 If he treated you poorly, he will do that to other people too. Dump him. You need to try and get to the bottom of why you want to be a glutton for punishment. You made a choice, and you recognized he wasn't what you needed or wanted. That's a first step. Get busy taking care of you, your children and heal. {hugs} 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trinity_84 Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Try to stop yourself from thinking about what *he* is doing/not doing. When you catch yourself doing this, say "STOP!", and ask yourself, what am *I* doing? And then list the stuff you will do that day. Just focus on *you*. Try it. Once you start thinking about yourself you'll feel so much better. And eventually you'll have to say "STOP!" less and less. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author igiveup12910 Posted June 3, 2016 Author Share Posted June 3, 2016 Thank you. I dumped him (I hate that word) and he knows it's over. Other times I haven't been serious and he's constantly called or showed up but he knows that's it so there's been nothing Tomorrow I have a busy day with the kids so that will help. They keep me busy and smiling through the day but it's lonely at night. I know 100% that time will make this better it's just muddling through now that's hard 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 You did the right thing. Substance abusers are chaos generators, and neither you nor your kids need that in your lives. Its rough now, but you'll be OK. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
NolaLeForte Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 It doesn’t sound like you are having doubts so much as you are reeling from the breakup and the thought of him being with someone else. The thing is, people don’t change overnight. As much we may want to believe otherwise, the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior- if he was a jerk to you with substance abuse problems, then you can be reasonably sure that this is a pattern that he will bring to whatever relationship/interaction/ thing he has with someone else. I think at this point it’s probably partially the idea that someone who you invested so much time in is out doing whatever they want with someone else, partying and all that while you don’t have that option and are left at home trying to sort out your feelings. I’ve had experiences like this before and it always made me feel like I was missing out, even though I didn’t want to be there with him because I had already had that time with him and I knew there was nothing positive there for me. It was like, how is it possible that I’m sitting here feeling like crap about not only the breakup and everything else I went through, while he is out enjoying his life and doing whatever he wants? How was it that I put so much into this person and when it ends he just runs off and does whatever he wants with whoever he wants? It didn’t seem fair. When it starts getting to you, take a deep breath (this is important), and tell yourself, “I am happy that I am not there with him and I am happy that I am not the girl he is spending time with, because not being there means I am free to receive what is best for me and my children”, or whatever is best suited for you. That exercise really helped me because even though I knew it mentally and logically, I wasn’t feeling that in my heart quite yet because I wasn’t emotionally totally out of the relationship. Breathing and repeating that will help you really feel and take in what you already know. Focusing on gratitude will also help. Satu is right- this guy seems like a chaos generator (especially since you have kids) and being grateful that you are not with someone who will invite such negativity will help set you free from this pain. The things he is doing now are a reflection of what you consciously decided to leave behind. Whenever you feel the pain and sadness coming in, focus on gratitude and how all of the problems he caused you are now in the past, and how you have nothing but a positive future to look forward to. It will only get easier x Link to post Share on other sites
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