I’m addicted to cheating on my wife [updated 2016-06-14]

[dreamingoftigers]

Pretty much sums it up.

 

What stops you from doing that today, instead of posting here?

 

Because a big part of his thrill is sneaking around on his mother-figure like a sick game.

 

"Look what I get away with."

 

If he treats her like a partner with equal footing that he's betrayed on the most basic level multiple times, then shyte gets real and his little game ends.

 

At least 90% of these guys can't sexualize their wives. And they have power issues. They appear "charming and sweet" to their wives and "assert themselves" by screwing strange because they never learned how to set any reasonable boundaries.

 

Plus they bounce back and forth on giving themselves some "moral justification" to do it by telling themselves that they "feel bad about it" that "their wife can't give them X" (even though THEY are the ones withholding it on their sexual power-trip), or that "she doesn't love him anyway" or whatever.

 

I haven't heard a case yet where they didn't parentify their wife on top of it all. Because it's every little girls dream to grow up and have to supervise and raise the child they married......

[xxoo]

Because a big part of his thrill is sneaking around on his mother-figure like a sick game.

 

"Look what I get away with."

 

If he treats her like a partner with equal footing that he's betrayed on the most basic level multiple times, then shyte gets real and his little game ends.

 

Exactly.

 

Even posting here is part of the game, feeding the obsession, swimming in the validation.

 

OP, if you want to end it, end it. It's quite easy to do. No handwringing or therapy needed to figure that out.

[dreamingoftigers]

And it's pretty easy to "not get caught" when you are the only one that knows you are playing the game.

 

There isn't a 'game' at all and OP knows it.

 

He might've been able to set it up innhis head as such buy the only thing he's actually doing is destroying another human being, intentionally. He knows how sex works, what marital vows are (and, no, they didn't 'trap him.' He made a choice, appearing to be an adult at the time), he knows what STIs are and where babies come from. He also knows of his job is too tempting that there are OTHER jobs on this planet. And chances are he also knows what sexual harassment in the workplace is as well, just in case it has spread there.

 

OP is surely bright enough to know what action/consequence is.

 

Go see a CSAT OP.

 

Do the WORK. Stop dragging the people you pledged to love through your garbage with your bullcrap justifications.

[Mr. Lucky]

Exactly.

 

Even posting here is part of the game, feeding the obsession, swimming in the validation.

 

OP, if you want to end it, end it. It's quite easy to do. No handwringing or therapy needed to figure that out.

 

Bingo.

 

OP, addiction and loss of moral compass aren't the same thing. Having seen addiction close up, there's a loss of control and disconnect from cause/effect that your carefully orchestrated activities don't come close to.

 

You enjoy cheating on your wife. Big difference...

 

Mr. Lucky

[ladydesigner]

I think you should let your wife get her rockers off I mean it's only fair.

 

Joh I think you have let this go on far too long like you said. You should have addressed the issues with your wife in MC before embarking on an A. I think my WH may be like you, but I don't think my WH respects me because he has NPD tendencies.

 

Joh it sounds like you are not M material or monogamous and should not be with others who do want those qualities. There are tons of open marriages and polyamorous relationships out there.

 

Joh if you really want the help you are seeking here, you should see a therapist who specializes in sex addiction.

[Lois_Griffin]

I do not hate my wife, in fact, I love her. She is a great woman and takes care of our family. She has worked extremely hard to get where she is today in her career and life. She makes 6 figures and is in a high demand career; read: very busy. She continues to raise our kids wonderfully. She is a good partner but I would be lying if I said I was totally satisfied with the marriage.

LOL. Of course she's a 'good' partner. That's because SHE does it all while you do nothing. Yet another one who has NO qualms about letting his wife be a damned pack mule - working outside the home and bringing in a fantastic salary AND doing all the work inside the home and raising the kids as well. Why am I NOT surprised?

 

I honestly wonder why she even needs YOU in her life? You bring nothing to the table. Nothing. She's doing it all.

 

If I were, I wouldn’t be cheating. Her priorities are our kids, as they rightfully should be, our own relationship between the two of us as taken a back burner.

I'm just curious as to why you think your fist priority SHOULDN'T be your children as well? I mean, they're yours too, are they not? Or is that just HER responsibility so that leaves you free to roam?

 

Here's a crazy thought. Yeah, I know it's going to sound wildly crazy but just humor me for a minute, will you?

 

How about YOU actually get off your lazy ass and contribute EQUALLY to the overwhelming amount of WORK at home that your wife has been single-handedly doing since the day she married you? Or does being a male somehow preclude you from having to lower yourself? And I said EQUALLY, not 'helping' with things here and there and thinking you're doing HER a favor. It's YOUR house and they're YOUR kids too. She works just like YOU do. so why are YOU free to roam while she's tied to everything?

 

This is ALL about a huge case of self-entitlement and a sense of selfishness that defies description.

 

I have had 2 solid relationships go on. One lasted a year and the other lasted 3 years. There have been numerous flings that last a few months and many hook ups.

My goodness. If you actually put all the EFFORT you put into working your con on any woman who doesn't run away from you,, and put it into actively participating in raising your children and doing your SHARE around the house, maybe your poor wife might actually have the energy to spend more quality time with you. It's very rare when a beast of burden like your wife actually has ANY energy left for ANYONE at the end of the day after working her ass off from sun-up to sun-down. Especially when that person is a selfish, self-entitled man who thinks he doesn't have to do anything at home simply by virtue of his gender.

 

I am not proud to say, that I have slept with about 30 women during my marriage. I am not proud of it but cannot stop myself from doing it.

Oh please. You'll tell anyone who'll give you a high five for it and you wanted to brag to all of us about it as well. Honestly? Anyone whose not sporting a 3rd eye or a hunchback can get laid if he puts a little effort into it. Big deal.

 

I initiated marriage counselling but because I have never admitted my cheating it didn’t accomplish anything. To the best of my knowledge, my wife is not aware that I am cheating. She has had suspitions at time but I thus far have managed to convince her otherwise.

Of course you've lied your fool head off about it. You don't want to lose your workhorse do you? Where else are you going to get the sweet deal you've got where you have to do practically nothing and get to enjoy her big paycheck and all her hard work cleaning YOUR house and raising YOUR children?

 

Hell, I want that deal.

 

Having many women want and enjoy me makes me feel good. Watching another woman please me. I get turned on just thinking about possible other women I could have.

You actually sound like a horny 16 year old teenage boy. That's what boys that age do - live for their genitals. It's expected at that age.

 

Your problem is that you want it all. You want everything you've got at home and you want to be able to have sex with any woman with a pulse.

 

Well, you CAN'T have both. One day you're going to screw up and your wife is finally going to find out exactly what a sh*t hand she was really dealt. I can only hope when she does, she's smart enough to move on and find someone who actually VALUES her.

[xxoo]

 

I honestly wonder why she even needs YOU in her life? You bring nothing to the table. Nothing. She's doing it all.

 

Exactly.

 

She has nothing to lose from finding out that her marriage is a sham. There is no risk of "hurting" her by telling the truth. She would only benefit from being free from her adult child husband. Less work, less risk, and maybe even some love and sex in the future.

 

OP, you keep her in the dark for selfish reasons. At least be honest with yourself.

[Joh]

I do not use protection with my wife. We are trying for our 4th baby right now. She has never had a STD test. I'm the only sexual partner she has had. I have not had an STD since I've met my wife. If STDs can be spread without me contracting it than I suppose she should get tested. But that involves admitting what I have been doing, maybe not to the extent.

 

I help my wife around the home and with the kids when I am home. I work away from home, aside from finding a new job I cannot help that. And finding a new job means taking a serious pay cut - about half of my current salary. That's not do-able with our life goals, saving goals, early retirement and lifestyle. I love my wife and I love my kids. I spend a lot of time with them when I am home. I work 14 hours away from home, I cannot just pop in. I own the decision that I have made to stay longer than I have to. I know that is wrong and I should spend as much time with my family as I can.

 

I know I need to stop. For myself, my wife and my kids. I'm well aware of that. And I want to stop. I honestly do not know how much good it would do to tell my wife.

 

She doesn't know, to the best of my knowledge. If she did she would confront me. She is self conscious about my previous partners but never mentions current partners. She has had suspicions in the past that surface every now and then, but I convince her that it's nothing. I don't want to tell her because I know how much it will hurt her. I don't even know if she would believe me. She is always excited to see me and has the house spotless and a nice meal ready. She has the kids make drawings or paintings. Her actions are not that of a woman who thinks her husband is cheating. She says things like I am the love of her life, best man she knows, so lucky to have me, etc.

 

Either she decides to stay or leaves. If she leaves there is nothing stopping me from sleeping with other women. I don't want to lose my family or keep sleeping with woman after woman. But yet, at the same time I do. Inside I think "No, enough is enough. Just stop" but I can't.

 

If she stays she is always going to worry when I leave for work and there is still nothing really stopping me from continuing to cheat. Nothing more than what should be right now.

 

Yes, my wife does more around the house and for the kids. But that is because of how our careers fall. She works during school hours so she takes care of the kids before and after school. She has weekends off so she takes care of the kids then. I am gone half the month, sometimes more. I can't help that she does more work. I cannot drive 14 hours there and 14 hours back to do the dishes. Working away from home is not easy, of course I miss my family when I am gone, after I get my "fix".

 

I have tried to stop by taking time off work. I can't cheat when I'm in my hometown with my wife. But I get such a strong urge to go back and be with other women. I can't be happy with just one, or so it seems. Before I met my wife I cheated in every relationship I had, with the exception of one which lasted 3 years.

 

I feel the best when I am pursuing other women and start the sexual encounter. Seeing and feeling another woman. Towards the end of the sex things start to "calm down" internally, and once it's done I regret what I've done. Most of the time. The exception is the few relationships/flings I have had. There was still a lot of remorse in them, but it was overpowered by having the other women.

 

When I'm home and back with my family I feel like a complete a-hole. I wonder how my wife could ever love someone like me and why my children look up to me. Because they don't know who I really am is the answer. I want to do better for my family and wife. I want to be better. Then I go back to work....

 

My therapist wants me to go to an in-patient treatment centre. To get 1:1 therapy in a closed setting.

Edited June 4, 2016 by Joh

[elaine567]

She is always excited to see me and has the house spotless and a nice meal ready. She has the kids make drawings or paintings. Her actions are not that of a woman who thinks her husband is cheating. She says things like I am the love of her life, best man she knows, so lucky to have me, etc.

This just breaks my heart...

The poor woman.

[Joh]

This just breaks my heart...

The poor woman.

 

Every time she says those things or does something nice it makes me feel like an a-hole. I know I don't deserve that. And because of what I've been doing our sex life is down the toilet. I cannot stay hard or finish with her, it's not exciting enough. So she thinks something is wrong with her and tries to make it up by doing things for me and being more romantic, etc. It doesn't work and she tries harder, still doesn't work and she's left feeling bad about herself and I go screw someone else. I know that's wrong and I feel terrible. There is many times I want to just leave (in one way or another) for her sake and not go back.

[lemondrop21]

Glad you are in therapy and the in-patient treatment center that your therapist proposes sounds appropriate.

 

You are going to keep getting loads of backlash here because it's very difficult to find any sympathetic bits to your story. I'd suggest that you stop posting to be honest. I don't think this board can offer you anything that you don't already know. Most people on this board are dealing with the aftermath of one or maybe a few affairs... Not 30 one night stands. It's a completely different scenario, it's truly an addiction for you, and unfortunately the words of random strangers are unlikely to help you at all.

 

Please stop trying for a fourth child at this time. I'm sure others will also slam you on this particular point so I'm not going to bother much, but... It's a REALLY bad time for that.

[Moxie Lady]

I am literally sick to my stomach.

 

Every time she says those things or does something nice it makes me feel like an a-hole. I know I don't deserve that. And because of what I've been doing our sex life is down the toilet. I cannot stay hard or finish with her, it's not exciting enough. So she thinks something is wrong with her and tries to make it up by doing things for me and being more romantic, etc. It doesn't work and she tries harder, still doesn't work and she's left feeling bad about herself and I go screw someone else. I know that's wrong and I feel terrible. There is many times I want to just leave (in one way or another) for her sake and not go back.

 

You dont deserve her and what is the matter with you that you are trying for a 4th baby? How can you possibly think that is the thing to do?

 

You are on here basically whining about how you cant stop this behavior and you cant "help" around the house because you are gone most of the time and then you go on and justify your future one night stands with strange women by saying if she leaves you can keep doing it and if she doesnt leave you can keep doing it! You don't love her - you love YOU.

 

Do her a huge favor and leave her. It wont change her life at all, except that she might be able to find some decent sex.

 

Are you going to the inpatient treatment center? Because if you dont then you really dont want help.

[Arieswoman]

Joh,

All I want to say to you is that you should either $h!£ or get off the pot.

 

You have admitted you have an addiction, so you either take steps to deal with it or you don't.

 

It really is that simple...

[LivingWaterPlease]

.....I want to be excited to go home to my wife, the way she is excited for me to come home...... I want to fully be able to enjoy my wife in every way and no compare her to OW or think of OW while I am with her........

 

Sexually we are having a hard time because now (only with my wife) it's hard for me to finish or stay hard for a long time. I get bored.....

 

.........I want to be as happy and excited to see my wife as I am when I see other women. She deserves that and I want that. I want to stop before it's too late. I don't want to hurt my kids either and have them think of me as a terrible person. Thus far I have been lucky not to have been caught or have health problems. I don't want to keep playing with fire. It's not as easy as, just stop.

 

Joh, I haven't read many of the responses so perhaps someone has already written this, but I doubt it so I'll go ahead and post because I believe there is great hope for you!

 

I am sorry to read that you have hurt yourself in this way. Yes, you have treated yourself very badly. Listen to this:

 

"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." 1 Corinthians 6:18

 

The Bible is right on target here and in all things.

 

Because you have done this sin against your own body, you are unable to enjoy the greatest thing a married man and woman can enjoy together; physical and emotional intimacy.

 

You have robbed yourself and there's nothing you can do to repay it to yourself. You are stuck, my friend. You have spread yourself far and wide while married and you have nothing with anyone, except for a bunch of ill-begotten memories.

 

I am so happy for you, though, because you want to get away from this lifestyle. You write that you want to enjoy your wife and you want to stop cheating on her.

 

Well, there is a way for that to happen. A friend of yours has stepped in for you. This friend took every putrid moment you've spent lurking behind closed doors with other women and credited these nasty actions to Himself. Then He was killed for it. Just for you. As He shed His blood there on Calvary that very blood was given to cleanse you from these sins and to heal you.

 

All you have to do is to accept this friend for who He is, your Savior and Lord.

 

This can happen as you tell Him in your own heart and mind that you want Him to be your Savior and the Lord of your life.

 

Then, in order to get to know Him as a close friend, spend five minutes a day reading His Word, the Bible, asking Him to reveal Himself to you. As you do this daily, consistently, you will find that you are being healed.

 

You will find that He is not only healing you of your past but that He is providing a way for you to be released from a future of this type behavior.

 

Only thing is you must do this every day, read the Bible and talk to God about what you've read and also about your life. Share with Him as you would a friend, your thoughts about your joys, your hardships, every little or big thing that concerns you. He wants to hear you because He really loves you and wants to enjoy your friendship, too.

 

I guarantee you, absolutely no holds barred, you will be healed of your wounds to yourself. God can and will restore the desire you had at one time for your wife.

 

This is the only way it will ever happen. As you have mentioned, you've had therapy and that hasn't helped you. Nothing else will. You need to be recreated by the God who created you in the first place.

 

If you decide not to do this it's just a matter of time until you meet with consequences that will be painful beyond anything you can imagine.

 

The choice is yours, a joyful fulfilling life with your wife and family, or certain disaster at a time which you know not when it will take place.

Edited June 4, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease

[coolheadal]

Going by your first post here. You can't stop cheating it's in your blood. You love it so much you need it because it's addiction which you find challenging enough now to tell us all here about what your doing. That even makes it really exciting because now others know what your doing behind your wife and family back. Can't have it both ways you need to either pull yourself together, seek help (I doubt they can stop you). You can get hypnotize into thinking you normal again. That should stop this behavioral issue you have. If you have kids with these other women you'll have to decide what's more important your current family or your cheating results new families. I know you like doing this I can feel you do. Not much else I can say get it out of your system with professional hypnotize.

[wmacbride]

I do not use protection with my wife. We are trying for our 4th baby right now. She has never had a STD test. I'm the only sexual partner she has had. I have not had an STD since I've met my wife. If STDs can be spread without me contracting it than I suppose she should get tested. But that involves admitting what I have been doing, maybe not to the extent.

 

.

 

Um, are you serious? You are sleeping around with a very high frequency and think that just because at some point yo had an std test and came up negative? How long ago was that? How many women have you slept with since then?

[AlwaysGrowing]

STIs are difficult to self diagnose, especially for women. Regular check ups do not screen for the multitude of potential infections that one gets when exposed to multiply partners. Pap tests do not regularly screen for HPV infections (wart/cancer infections).

 

Your sexually behaviour is deemed high risk for all STIs. Your wife is entitled to have a voice in her sexual health. It is her choice...and hers alone..if she chooses to expose herself to the same risks that you have chosen for yourself. You have an ethical duty to inform her of the risks she has been unwittingly exposed to.

 

Whether or not you want to "keep" the status quo is irrelevant. Your sexual preference of multiply partners is irrelevant. Whether or not your wife will divorce you is irrelevant. Whether or not you have a sexual addiction is irrelevant. The only relevant part is your wife's right to know of the real health risks she has been exposed to.

 

That should be your focus right now. Her right to self protect. Her rights over her own body.

[Mr. Lucky]

My therapist wants me to go to an in-patient treatment centre. To get 1:1 therapy in a closed setting.

 

What would you tell your wife ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[VeveCakes]

Why are you trying for another baby?

 

Just more child support payments that will be coming your way someday.

 

She's going to find out, just a matter of when.

[ShatteredLady]

Your wife will be checked for a lot of STD's when/if she gets pregnant. Depending on the results she will need to choose between abortion or seriously risking her long term health, or taking medications that could hurt your baby. Fun huh!!

 

After a 26 year marriage one of my cancers is from HPV & the poster who stated that it's not regularly tested for is correct. She needs to request it. There are steps she can take to limit her cancer risks & she should be having more frequent Pap tests if she is positive.

 

The probability of her NOT having HPV after you've had sex with so many women is very slim. Your life is a lie. Use a little of that cheater head space to come-up with a reason for her to be tested...maybe you read an article or a wife of a work colleague has cancer...you're not going to tell her the truth so at least have the heart to lie her into getting her tested!! (BEFORE she gets pregnant!)

 

It's possible you got & passed HPV from a sexual liaison BERFORE you were married.

 

You're breaking her heart. You've destroyed her self-esteem (no matter what she does she can't keep her H hard!! OMG!). Please don't wreck her body too. The more of me they cut away the less of a woman I feel. I can't have anymore children.

Edited June 4, 2016 by ShatteredLady

[heartwhole]

Chances are that one way or another, your wife will find out. When she does, she will almost certainly leave you. She already makes more money than you do and takes care of the kids entirely by herself for weeks or months at a time. I highly doubt she will see the merit in trying to make it work once she discovers who you really are.

 

The only way I can see any chance of long-term happiness and success in your marriage is if you choose a path of honesty. If you put your fears and self-interests and shame aside and own up to what you are doing, then she may choose to give you a chance to work on yourself and make things right. But if you simply continue the cycle and wait for her to find out, I would bet serious money she will immediately file for divorce.

 

I think honesty is the best policy regardless, but in your case, it's your only shot. You know deep down that you don't have the strength to end it on your own. You need help from all the people closest to you in your life. You can't hide it and deal with it at the same time.

[BettyDraper]

.....Because I want to stop cheating on my wife. I don't want to hurt her anymore than I have, even though she doesn't know it yet. I want to be excited to go home to my wife, the way she is excited for me to come home. I want to want to make her happy the way she wants to make me happy. I want to fully be able to enjoy my wife in every way and no compare her to OW or think of OW while I am with her.

 

Sexually we are having a hard time because now (only with my wife) it's hard for me to finish or stay hard for a long time. I get bored. She thinks that it's her and that either I don't find her attractive anymore after having kids or that I she doesn't compare to OW I've been with. She doesn't know about the cheating, but she knows I was with about 25 women before we met and has always been self conscious of being good enough sexually. She is still very sexy she wasn't the type of woman to let herself get fat just because she was pregnant. She doesn't look much different than she did pre-babies.

 

Going home to my wife is just comfortable. I want to be as happy and excited to see my wife as I am when I see other women. She deserves that and I want that. I want to stop before it's too late. I don't want to hurt my kids either and have them think of me as a terrible person. Thus far I have been lucky not to have been caught or have health problems. I don't want to keep playing with fire. It's not as easy as, just stop.

 

You do not love your wife or care about her so stop lying to yourself and LS members about that. A man in love does not treat his wife with such blatant disrespect. I believe that you could stop but you love the rush and variety of sleeping with other women more than you love your wife or children.

 

It's time to come clean with your wife. She could have an STI from your cheating and not be aware of it. You owe that to her. There is no reason for you to be in a monogamous relationships since that is not the kind of man you are. I feel sad for your wife that her only sexual partner and her husband has deceived her in such a terrible way. Your wife will be very emotionally damaged by your actions if not physically.

 

Having another baby is just a band aid for the gaping wound of your sexual addiction. I would suggest taking your therapist's advice about inpatient treatment. You are not emotionally healthy.

[Moxie Lady]

Just to put some perspective on this, lets consider just the 30 women you have been with since you got married (wow, I can hardly type that). Lets say that each of these women have had sex with 10 other people (that is actually conservative because I would think that women who have random sex with married strangers would have more sex partners than that). But using that conservative number, you have been exposed to 300 people sexually. Worse than that by far is that you exposed your wife to these 300 people WITHOUT HER PERMISSION.

 

The proportion of women who have HPV is approximately 25% (google it). So statistically, the likelihood that you have not been exposed to HPV is small. Keep in mind also that men generally dont have symptoms to HPV and that it is spread during oral sex not just vaginal sex (again, thanks to google).

 

And also keep in mind what Shattered Lady said, the 25 women you had sex with before her marriage could have infected you too. If you dont have HPV its a statistical miracle.

 

You owe it to your wife to come clean (figuratively and literally). If I were her I could not begin to express the amount of rage and hate I would have at you for putting my entire life at risk because of your selfishness and "sex addiction" (even if that is an actual thing, seems you arent ready to do anything about it).

 

Ugggh!!!!!!!!!!

[BettyDraper]

I do not use protection with my wife. We are trying for our 4th baby right now. She has never had a STD test. I'm the only sexual partner she has had. I have not had an STD since I've met my wife. If STDs can be spread without me contracting it than I suppose she should get tested. But that involves admitting what I have been doing, maybe not to the extent.

 

I help my wife around the home and with the kids when I am home. I work away from home, aside from finding a new job I cannot help that. And finding a new job means taking a serious pay cut - about half of my current salary. That's not do-able with our life goals, saving goals, early retirement and lifestyle. I love my wife and I love my kids. I spend a lot of time with them when I am home. I work 14 hours away from home, I cannot just pop in. I own the decision that I have made to stay longer than I have to. I know that is wrong and I should spend as much time with my family as I can.

 

I know I need to stop. For myself, my wife and my kids. I'm well aware of that. And I want to stop. I honestly do not know how much good it would do to tell my wife.

 

She doesn't know, to the best of my knowledge. If she did she would confront me. She is self conscious about my previous partners but never mentions current partners. She has had suspicions in the past that surface every now and then, but I convince her that it's nothing. I don't want to tell her because I know how much it will hurt her. I don't even know if she would believe me. She is always excited to see me and has the house spotless and a nice meal ready. She has the kids make drawings or paintings. Her actions are not that of a woman who thinks her husband is cheating. She says things like I am the love of her life, best man she knows, so lucky to have me, etc.

 

Either she decides to stay or leaves. If she leaves there is nothing stopping me from sleeping with other women. I don't want to lose my family or keep sleeping with woman after woman. But yet, at the same time I do. Inside I think "No, enough is enough. Just stop" but I can't.

 

If she stays she is always going to worry when I leave for work and there is still nothing really stopping me from continuing to cheat. Nothing more than what should be right now.

 

Yes, my wife does more around the house and for the kids. But that is because of how our careers fall. She works during school hours so she takes care of the kids before and after school. She has weekends off so she takes care of the kids then. I am gone half the month, sometimes more. I can't help that she does more work. I cannot drive 14 hours there and 14 hours back to do the dishes. Working away from home is not easy, of course I miss my family when I am gone, after I get my "fix".

 

I have tried to stop by taking time off work. I can't cheat when I'm in my hometown with my wife. But I get such a strong urge to go back and be with other women. I can't be happy with just one, or so it seems. Before I met my wife I cheated in every relationship I had, with the exception of one which lasted 3 years.

 

I feel the best when I am pursuing other women and start the sexual encounter. Seeing and feeling another woman. Towards the end of the sex things start to "calm down" internally, and once it's done I regret what I've done. Most of the time. The exception is the few relationships/flings I have had. There was still a lot of remorse in them, but it was overpowered by having the other women.

 

When I'm home and back with my family I feel like a complete a-hole. I wonder how my wife could ever love someone like me and why my children look up to me. Because they don't know who I really am is the answer. I want to do better for my family and wife. I want to be better. Then I go back to work....

 

My therapist wants me to go to an in-patient treatment centre. To get 1:1 therapy in a closed setting.

 

With all of the income that you and your wife earn, I wonder why the two of you cannot hire babysitters once in a while and focus on each other sometimes when you are home?

 

Your story illustrates the reason why I would never want a husband who traveled for work all the time. I have heard too many stories of husbands cheating because they think it is easy to hide due to the distance. I also notice that cheating husbands will often use the "My wife focuses on the kids too much" excuse to have affairs-as if it is a surprise that children require much attention and effort! Parenting is for adults and not self centered children who find new ways to amuse themselves because kids need a lot of devotion.

 

"If she stays there's still nothing stopping me from continuing to cheat." Hmmm...what about integrity and respect for your wife? What about the vows you took? What about the affect your behavior will have on your children when they find out? It seems like your wife is just a prop. I suppose you married just for the security of having a wife and family while screwing around. You come across as a very narcissistic person.

[Whoknew30]

You do not love your wife or care about her so stop lying to yourself and LS members about that. A man in love does not treat his wife with such blatant disrespect. I believe that you could stop but you love the rush and variety of sleeping with other women more than you love your wife or children.

 

It's time to come clean with your wife. She could have an STI from your cheating and not be aware of it. You owe that to her. There is no reason for you to be in a monogamous relationships since that is not the kind of man you are. I feel sad for your wife that her only sexual partner and her husband has deceived her in such a terrible way. Your wife will be very emotionally damaged by your actions if not physically.

 

Having another baby is just a band aid for the gaping wound of your sexual addiction. I would suggest taking your therapist's advice about inpatient treatment. You are not emotionally healthy.

 

 

If he truly has an addiction (which it sounds like) it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love his wife, he has a problem. He's definitely broken & is starting to realize it, which is a step in the right direction. Does it make it ok, of course not but addiction in anything is a very tough battle. If he spent all their money to gambling, no would say "you don't love your spouse" sexual addiction is no different. I also wonder if any of this is happening while consuming alcohol, away from home sitting at bars is also a way to go in the stray wrong direction.