My girlfriend is pregnant with her ex. I don't know what I should do.

[Armageddon]

Hi everyone, for those of you who know me, I was dumped by my girlfriend in September last year and I attempted suicide and posted a thread which you can find here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/556651-if-dumpee-disappears-completely-dumper-s-life-8.html - asking if disappearing from her life can get her back.

 

I haven't been updating about my story for the past 6 months since I got back with her because so much has happened since. Basically, I flew over to Thailand to see her in December after her ex made problems for her. I'll just try to explain the story as clear as possible.

 

She left her ex in mid November last year and she lived with him for around one and a half month from October to mid November. She left him because she found out that he's crazy and she can't live with him. Whenever they have a fight or an argument, he would break everything around him. Apparantely, he's even more crazy than me. And he is actually really crazy, he has anger management issues and he has to take medication to calm down. So on one morning when he left for work, she left his house and never came back. He started calling her and tried to find her but he couldn't. Then, she told him that she is very tired of fighting with him and because of what happened in her home, (her house burnt down and her grandmother died in the fire), she is going to go back to prostitution that night. Therefore, he told her that she will not go back and he warned her to watch what what he would do to her. Thus, he went to the police station, bribed the police and made a false police report that she stole his gun and 400,000 baht ($16,000) from his house. The police were looking everywhere for her and she "surrendered" at the police station because she had to fly back to her country anyway, and she would have been stopped at the airport because she's on the watch list. The police confiscated her passport and told her to pay up 20,000 baht ($800) and a return ticket to her country if she wants her passport back, or she would be black-listed for 5 years and thrown into jail.

 

That's how I came back into her life. I flew back to Thailand in December to save her. I paid off the police and gave her a sum of money around $3,000 for her to go back to her country and some money for her family. Basically I solved all her problems she had at that time. So for 3 weeks, she stayed in her country and I went back to my country. I was supposed to visit her in her country in February this year and she texted me on Christmas eve to come in March instead. I asked her why and she said she's going to China and she told me not to ask her why. Obviously I know the reason why she wanted to go to China and I was extremely upset and devastated because I can't let her go back to her old life. I persuaded her to be a webcam model instead and I can help her to set up everything and she can start the work rightaway in Thailand, because webcam modelling, even though isn't the kind of thing I want my girlfriend to do, at least it's better than doing the real sex. She agreed to this arrangement and I arranged for her to come back to Thailand in early January and that's how we started our life together for 3 months in Thailand. Of course, I sent her a lot of money so she can leave some money with her mum and to fly her back to Thailand. I wasn't happy with how she emotionally blackmailed me into giving her money or else she would go to China for prostitution. That's how we always fight and argued when we were in Thailand.

 

We reunited in Thailand and on the first day, she refused to do the webcam modelling because she didn't know she had to strip and do all those disgusting acts and she said she would rather do the real sex than this. I couldn't understand why she would think like this and we fought over this. I accused her of lying to me and using me to come back to Thailand and because I feared she would go back to prostitution, I took up a bank loan of $14,000. I lost my job and I neglected my business because of her. That's how my business failed and I'm in debt now because, I took up a $6,000 bank loan back in December to help with her her problems and including this additional $14,000 loan in January, I owe my bank $20,000 now. After staying with her, I realized how fast she spend my money like water.

 

Anyway, I still took care of her and supported her from January to mid April because she admitted to me in January she was pregnant but her baby isn't mine, but her ex - the guy she left me for. I was devastated as I planned to have a future with her but her baby ruin my plan and the future I plan to have with her. I was filled with so much anguish because as much as I love her, I couldn’t bear the thought of raising another man’s child, especially the man she dumped me for. Her ex refused to take responsibility for the baby because he doesn’t believe the baby is his, but mine. How ironic. Every time I see her stomach/her baby, he will remind me of her ex and the hurt she put me through. We agreed to take a 2 week break from each other to think through about our future and she would not blame me if I decide to leave her as she doesn’t want to break my life.

 

During that 2 weeks, I think of her every day and I didn’t know what to do. On one hand, I decide to raise her baby as my own but on the other hand, I was so worried what if her ex comes back to her and when the baby grows up, he will acknowledge her ex as the father. After all, he is the biological father so there is nothing I can do. After careful consideration, I decided to raise her baby as my own and be the father of the baby. What truly makes a father is how you raised up the child and be there for him through every single step of his journey, and not who contribute the sperm.

 

Now, I'm doing better and things are starting to fall in place for me. I just got a new job ($7,000 a month) and my business is starting to pick up. with my new job and my side business, I can probably make more than $12,000 a month which is quite high for a 24 years old. I just got a project worth $20,000 and the client paid me $10,000 deposit so I have the money to pay off all most of my debt now but I'm still holding on as I don't want to give away one lump sum in case of an emergency like her doctor's check-up, labor, baby etc.

 

Even though I have accepted the fact that her baby isn't mine and I will father the baby, deep down inside, I still can't get over this. Everytime when I fight with her, I would just tell her to go back to her ex because financially, he is much better off than me and she should go back to him since he is the real father of her baby and they would be a proper complete family. I don't know what to do now. I love her and I would do anything for her but to raise another man's child? I just turned 25 recently and I don't think I'm ready to be a father yet. I know I have a great future ahead of me and many people tell me that I can make a name for myself in this world so why take on this burden now? I just don't know what to do.

 

To all those guys out there, would you raise another man's child as your own?

Edited June 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact personal photo

[Blanco]

I would and did in my last relarionship.

 

But in your case, no way, because this woman doesn't actually love you. You're just the guy who can and will bail her out of situations caused by her poor decisions.

[Armageddon]

I would and did in my last relarionship.

 

But in your case, no way, because this woman doesn't actually love you. You're just the guy who can and will bail her out of situations caused by her poor decisions.

 

Blanco, you're a very honorable man and I have so much respect for you for this. It's not easy to raise another man's child. How did you manage to do this?

However, in my situation, it's much harder to accept this fact because her baby belongs to the man she dumped me for. Not sure about yours.

[BC1980]

Is she really your GF? It sounds like she is using you, and you are playing her savior. You need to be careful. She will drop you like a hot potato when something better comes along.

[Jabron1]

There's nothing honorable about bringing up another man's kids.

 

I have no idea why you would allow one woman to disrupt your life this much.

 

Cut her out of your life like a cancer is my advice.

[Armageddon]

Is she really your GF? It sounds like she is using you, and you are playing her savior. You need to be careful. She will drop you like a hot potato when something better comes along.

 

I have already accepted the fact that being with her is like a business transaction. Yes she is my girlfriend but because of her past, she always expect her boyfriend to help her out financially in the relationship which is not easy for me because of my relatively young age.

 

There's nothing honorable about bringing up another man's kids.

 

I have no idea why you would allow one woman to disrupt your life this much.

 

Cut her out of your life like a cancer is my advice.

 

I feel that it's a very noble thing to do. I mean how many men in this world can raise another man's child like his own?

 

How can I leave her now when she is 8 months pregnant now and due to give birth at the end of this month? She's at the most important time of her life and you are asking me to leave her now?

[Blanco]

There's nothing honorable about bringing up another man's kids.

 

I don't agree with this. In situations such as the OP's, I agree with you.

 

I'll say that my parents divorced before I was really making memories, so I only remember my dad as the unreliable alcoholic. My mom wound up with another man in the years following and he treated me and my brother as his own. I appreciated that so much as a kid, and as I've gotten older, that appreciation has only grown and become deeper as Ive realized what it takes for a man to do that.

 

So I respectfully disagree that a man raising someone else's kids as his own isn't a honorable feat.

[Jabron1]

I feel that it's a very noble thing to do. I mean how many men in this world can raise another man's child like his own?

 

I disagree.

 

If you want to go around raising random children, that is your prerogative. But to tell yourself that it makes you 'noble' is a bit much.

 

You aren't being made 'noble'. You are being made a fool out of.

 

You're thinking with your penis, and then rationalizing that there is some sort of honour here in order to save your ego.

 

You are positioning yourself in the role of white knight.

 

Don't be in denial. Dump her and move on to bigger and better things.

 

How can I leave her now when she is 8 months pregnant now and due to give birth at the end of this month? She's at the most important time of her life and you are asking me to leave her now?

 

Why is any of this your problem?

 

Why don't you go and find another girlfriend?

[Armageddon]

I disagree.

 

If you want to go around raising random children, that is your prerogative. But to tell yourself that it makes you 'noble' is a bit much.

 

You aren't being made 'noble'. You are being made a fool out of.

 

You're thinking with your penis, and then rationalizing that there is some sort of honour here in order to save your ego.

 

You are positioning yourself in the role of white knight.

 

Don't be in denial. Dump her and move on to bigger and better things.

 

Why is any of this your problem?

 

Why don't you go and find another girlfriend?

 

Calm down mate. Stop putting words into my mouth. When did I mention that I'm very noble? I was just saying that it's very noble of Blanco to raise another man's child.

[gimlynick]

Dude, drop her.

 

She is using you in a major way.

 

Someone who can't help herself isn't worth keeping.

You don't get in a relation to save someone. You get in a relation because it will make you both stronger in life.

 

Be smart and block her out of your life. She is ruining you.

 

Please do this. I'm not replying over here anymore because you probably will be in denial. Just BLOCK

[Jabron1]

Calm down mate. Stop putting words into my mouth. When did I mention that I'm very noble? I was just saying that it's very noble of Blanco to raise another man's child.

 

Mate, you are coming out with all sorts of white knight things that don't make any sense. I'm not going to go back and quote them all. I'll just make this significant point and be done:

 

What truly makes a father is how you raised up the child and be there for him through every single step of his journey, and not who contribute the sperm.

 

Not in the eyes of the law.

[LD1990]

She's played you for a sucker over and over again. You've got one purpose to her, and that's handing over your wallet. Her whole life revolves around using her sexuality to get what she wants out of men, and that's not going to change.

 

She doesn't care about you. She doesn't love you. If you're that desperate for a companion, you could buy a better wife than this girl for what you've been paying. You're going to get stuck changing diapers while she bangs other guys, and before you know it you'll have three or four children to raise, none of them yours.

Edited June 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[kidm]

Are you really that desperate to want to be with such a horrible girl? You're just an ATM machine to her. Raising her child in this context just makes you the fool she has at her beck and call. Congrats on the new job and getting your business back on track. She must be ecstatic to have more money for herself, her mom and her baby until she runs off again with another man and gets into another bind and you will be waiting in the wings to rescue to her again. Bravo!

Edited June 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[Armageddon]

The thing I don't understand is why are all of you saying she just "love" me and use me for my money? Her ex wanted her back, he contacted her in April. She is aware that I was broke then because I lost my job and my business failed and my money was running out and I was $20k in debt. Yet she still chose to stick with me. Her ex contacted her and he is a very wealthy young man in his 30s. He lives in a big house, owns a fancy car and runs one of the biggest tea business in Thailand.

 

He can give her a very stable life and support her and when she was with him, he gave her money every week, much more than what I gave her. Moreover, he's the real father of her baby. Yet she still chose to stay with me. If she was really using me for my money, why did she not go back to her ex?

 

I don't understand her. Sometimes her decisions don't make sense.

[BC1980]

I have already accepted the fact that being with her is like a business transaction. Yes she is my girlfriend but because of her past, she always expect her boyfriend to help her out financially in the relationship which is not easy for me because of my relatively young age.

 

I feel that it's a very noble thing to do. I mean how many men in this world can raise another man's child like his own?

 

How can I leave her now when she is 8 months pregnant now and due to give birth at the end of this month? She's at the most important time of her life and you are asking me to leave her now?

 

That's just sad. You are already 20,000 in debt from following her around and rescuing her from her bad choices. I guess she doesn't have to bear much responsibility with you around. It sounds like she is only with you because she is pregnant and alone.

 

What is your motivation for doing this? Do you want to be noble or thought of as her savior? Those reasons are selfish. Do you want to do all of this in some attempt to get her to love you or want to stay with you? I can guarantee you that won't work. She will find someone else to replace you. Someone with more money or more stability than you can offer.

 

Now seems like a great time to leave her. Next month, you will ask how you can leave when she has just given birth. A year after that, you will ask how you can leave a single woman with a 1 year old. So on and so forth. You are about to get caught up in a situation where you are bankrolling another child that you have no rights to. Remember that. After you have paid for this child for however many years to come, she will take him away, and you won't see him again. You are caught up in some sick delusions, and you need some sense knocked into you.

 

Save

Edited June 4, 2016 by BC1980

[Armageddon]

That's just sad. You are already 20,000 in debt from following her around and rescuing her from her bad choices. I guess she doesn't have to bear much responsibility with you around. It sounds like she is only with you because she is pregnant and alone.

 

What is your motivation for doing this? Do you want to be noble or thought of as her savior? Those reasons are selfish. Do you want to do all of this in some attempt to get her to love you or want to stay with you? I can guarantee you that won't work. She will find someone else to replace you. Someone with more money or more stability than you can offer.

 

Now seems like a great time to leave her. Next month, you will ask how you can leave when she has just given birth. A year after that, you will ask how you can leave a single woman with a 1 year old. So on and so forth. You are about to get caught up in a situation where you are bankrolling another child that you have no rights to. Remember that. After you have paid for this child for however many years to come, she will take him away, and you won't see him again. You are caught up in some sick delusions, and you need some sense knocked into you.

 

Save

 

I'm aware of this too. We stayed together for 3 months and every time when we fought, she told me that if she wasn't pregnant, she would never give me a chance to **** her mind. It means she wouldn't put up with my bull**** and stay with me.

 

My only motivation for doing this is to protect her and save her. I don't want her to go back to her old life. I don't care if she loves me or not and I'm not doing this for her to be thought of a savior or to get her to love me. In fact, I even told my close friends that if she can go back to her ex, I'd be so happy because financially, she is such a burden to me and every time she asks me for money, I feel so stressed, especially with my current situation. I wish she can just go back to her ex. Read my post above this. If she really wanted to find someone who can give her more money and stability, why did she not go back to her ex? Why is she still with me?

 

I'm pretty sure if I raise her baby or should I say our baby, he would take after my surname and even though I'm not his biological father, he would still be my son and I'm his father. I have all rights to the child because I'm the one who raised him up, not her ex even though he's the real father.

[LD1990]

I'm pretty sure if I raise her baby or should I say our baby, he would take after my surname and even though I'm not his biological father, he would still be my son and I'm his father. I have all rights to the child because I'm the one who raised him up, not her ex even though he's the real father.

 

No, you wouldn't have all the rights to the child. All she has to do is say you're not the father and you don't have ****.

 

This isn't "Pretty Woman." You're not going to protect her and save her. You're going to get used, over and over again. Why hasn't she gone back to her ex? Who knows, and more importantly, who cares? You're probably easier to control. Her ex may not have even contacted her, it's not like you can trust what this girl says.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm aware of this too. We stayed together for 3 months and every time when we fought, she told me that if she wasn't pregnant, she would never give me a chance to **** her mind. It means she wouldn't put up with my bull**** and stay with me.

 

My only motivation for doing this is to protect her and save her. I don't want her to go back to her old life. I don't care if she loves me or not and I'm not doing this for her to be thought of a savior or to get her to love me. In fact, I even told my close friends that if she can go back to her ex, I'd be so happy because financially, she is such a burden to me and every time she asks me for money, I feel so stressed, especially with my current situation. I wish she can just go back to her ex. Read my post above this. If she really wanted to find someone who can give her more money and stability, why did she not go back to her ex? Why is she still with me?

 

I'm pretty sure if I raise her baby or should I say our baby, he would take after my surname and even though I'm not his biological father, he would still be my son and I'm his father. I have all rights to the child because I'm the one who raised him up, not her ex even though he's the real father.

 

I suggest you do some legal research because you are very mistaken. You do not have all the rights to the child and you believing that this is true tells me you have no idea what you're doing.

 

You are being used, plain and simple.

[kidm]

Her more wealthier ex doesn't want the responsibility of her or his child. You think if he wanted to be with her and the baby, she'd still be with you? She didn't choose you. You're just the convenient option for her. She reached out when she was in trouble and needed someone to bail her out. She probably knows you're the only doormat to tolerate her shenanigans.

Edited June 4, 2016 by kidm

[Blanco]

Are you repulsively ugly or something? You're a relatively young guy and it sounds like you're doing quite well for yourself financially. Seems odd that this early into adulthood, you would punt the idea of finding someone who actually loves you. Instead, you seemed determine to double down on your past mistakes and not only be with someone of such low moral character as your girlfriend, but also help her raise another man's child.

 

This woman will destroy and devour you. She's already shown a capability to send your life into previously unimaginable depths. You're young. Why settle for a loveless business arrangement that will go south if ever there comes a time when you cannot be this woman's ATM any longer?

[BC1980]

I'm aware of this too. We stayed together for 3 months and every time when we fought, she told me that if she wasn't pregnant, she would never give me a chance to **** her mind. It means she wouldn't put up with my bull**** and stay with me.

 

My only motivation for doing this is to protect her and save her. I don't want her to go back to her old life. I don't care if she loves me or not and I'm not doing this for her to be thought of a savior or to get her to love me. In fact, I even told my close friends that if she can go back to her ex, I'd be so happy because financially, she is such a burden to me and every time she asks me for money, I feel so stressed, especially with my current situation. I wish she can just go back to her ex. Read my post above this. If she really wanted to find someone who can give her more money and stability, why did she not go back to her ex? Why is she still with me?

 

I'm pretty sure if I raise her baby or should I say our baby, he would take after my surname and even though I'm not his biological father, he would still be my son and I'm his father. I have all rights to the child because I'm the one who raised him up, not her ex even though he's the real father.

 

So you're basically incapable of saying no to a person that is bad for you?

[VeveCakes]

Don't do it! She will squeeze you dry and drop you like rock when she finds someone else.

 

Find someone to start your own family with who truly loves you.

[gaig]

Just read your thread.. The million dollar question, is she southeastasian??

[sooshi]

Armaggedon, I feel for you. You care so much for this woman, and you're doing everything you can to help her.

 

But it is not your responsibility to save her. You've already done so much for her. You're burning yourself out, at very least financially. It's draining you. Now it's time to focus on you and to stop making excuses for her. You may think you're doing all of this out of love for her. What about love for yourself?

 

This sounds like an all-around awful situation that isn't going to lead you or her anywhere good. Unfortunately, I don't sense any love from her end. All I see is her taking money from you.

 

What are you getting out of this relationship? Do you feel like it's healthy and nourishing?

 

You really deserve so much better.

[ChocolateRain]

Hi everyone, for those of you who know me, I was dumped by my girlfriend in September last year and I attempted suicide and posted a thread which you can find here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/556651-if-dumpee-disappears-completely-dumper-s-life-8.html - asking if disappearing from her life can get her back.

 

I haven't been updating about my story for the past 6 months since I got back with her because so much has happened since. Basically, I flew over to Thailand to see her in December after her ex made problems for her. I'll just try to explain the story as clear as possible.

 

She left her ex in mid November last year and she lived with him for around one and a half month from October to mid November. She left him because she found out that he's crazy and she can't live with him. Whenever they have a fight or an argument, he would break everything around him. Apparantely, he's even more crazy than me. And he is actually really crazy, he has anger management issues and he has to take medication to calm down. So on one morning when he left for work, she left his house and never came back. He started calling her and tried to find her but he couldn't. Then, she told him that she is very tired of fighting with him and because of what happened in her home, (her house burnt down and her grandmother died in the fire), she is going to go back to prostitution that night. Therefore, he told her that she will not go back and he warned her to watch what what he would do to her. Thus, he went to the police station, bribed the police and made a false police report that she stole his gun and 400,000 baht ($16,000) from his house. The police were looking everywhere for her and she "surrendered" at the police station because she had to fly back to her country anyway, and she would have been stopped at the airport because she's on the watch list. The police confiscated her passport and told her to pay up 20,000 baht ($800) and a return ticket to her country if she wants her passport back, or she would be black-listed for 5 years and thrown into jail.

 

That's how I came back into her life. I flew back to Thailand in December to save her. I paid off the police and gave her a sum of money around $3,000 for her to go back to her country and some money for her family. Basically I solved all her problems she had at that time. So for 3 weeks, she stayed in her country and I went back to my country. I was supposed to visit her in her country in February this year and she texted me on Christmas eve to come in March instead. I asked her why and she said she's going to China and she told me not to ask her why. Obviously I know the reason why she wanted to go to China and I was extremely upset and devastated because I can't let her go back to her old life. I persuaded her to be a webcam model instead and I can help her to set up everything and she can start the work rightaway in Thailand, because webcam modelling, even though isn't the kind of thing I want my girlfriend to do, at least it's better than doing the real sex. She agreed to this arrangement and I arranged for her to come back to Thailand in early January and that's how we started our life together for 3 months in Thailand. Of course, I sent her a lot of money so she can leave some money with her mum and to fly her back to Thailand. I wasn't happy with how she emotionally blackmailed me into giving her money or else she would go to China for prostitution. That's how we always fight and argued when we were in Thailand.

 

We reunited in Thailand and on the first day, she refused to do the webcam modelling because she didn't know she had to strip and do all those disgusting acts and she said she would rather do the real sex than this. I couldn't understand why she would think like this and we fought over this. I accused her of lying to me and using me to come back to Thailand and because I feared she would go back to prostitution, I took up a bank loan of $14,000. I lost my job and I neglected my business because of her. That's how my business failed and I'm in debt now because, I took up a $6,000 bank loan back in December to help with her her problems and including this additional $14,000 loan in January, I owe my bank $20,000 now. After staying with her, I realized how fast she spend my money like water.

 

Anyway, I still took care of her and supported her from January to mid April because she admitted to me in January she was pregnant but her baby isn't mine, but her ex - the guy she left me for. I was devastated as I planned to have a future with her but her baby ruin my plan and the future I plan to have with her. I was filled with so much anguish because as much as I love her, I couldn’t bear the thought of raising another man’s child, especially the man she dumped me for. Her ex refused to take responsibility for the baby because he doesn’t believe the baby is his, but mine. How ironic. Every time I see her stomach/her baby, he will remind me of her ex and the hurt she put me through. We agreed to take a 2 week break from each other to think through about our future and she would not blame me if I decide to leave her as she doesn’t want to break my life.

 

During that 2 weeks, I think of her every day and I didn’t know what to do. On one hand, I decide to raise her baby as my own but on the other hand, I was so worried what if her ex comes back to her and when the baby grows up, he will acknowledge her ex as the father. After all, he is the biological father so there is nothing I can do. After careful consideration, I decided to raise her baby as my own and be the father of the baby. What truly makes a father is how you raised up the child and be there for him through every single step of his journey, and not who contribute the sperm.

 

Now, I'm doing better and things are starting to fall in place for me. I just got a new job ($7,000 a month) and my business is starting to pick up. with my new job and my side business, I can probably make more than $12,000 a month which is quite high for a 24 years old. I just got a project worth $20,000 and the client paid me $10,000 deposit so I have the money to pay off all most of my debt now but I'm still holding on as I don't want to give away one lump sum in case of an emergency like her doctor's check-up, labor, baby etc.

 

Even though I have accepted the fact that her baby isn't mine and I will father the baby, deep down inside, I still can't get over this. Everytime when I fight with her, I would just tell her to go back to her ex because financially, he is much better off than me and she should go back to him since he is the real father of her baby and they would be a proper complete family. I don't know what to do now. I love her and I would do anything for her but to raise another man's child? I just turned 25 recently and I don't think I'm ready to be a father yet. I know I have a great future ahead of me and many people tell me that I can make a name for myself in this world so why take on this burden now? I just don't know what to do.

 

To all those guys out there, would you raise another man's child as your own?

 

Have you ever considered the fact that she is a scammer ? Have you ever heard of bezness ? you should look it up ... it happens in most 3rd world countries ... i could be wrong but what i read from your post it pretty much sounds like that .

 

Some people bezness for marriage to get access to another country ( Visa ) , Expensive Gifts but MOSTLY PEOPLE GET SCAMMED FOR MONEY ...

 

please take the time and read some peoples stories on this subject ...it all sounds too familiar to me

 

Bezness Alert | What is Bezness?

Edited June 4, 2016 by ChocolateRain