Is he gay?

[Carrie]

My friend Patti has been married to Bobby for more than two years. Patti is a fan of figure skating. Patti watches it all the time. She says that when she watches it when her husband is there, he never complains. After a while her husband Bobby began to enjoy figure skating also. Together they would look forward to watching whenever it would come on. Bobby began to like it more than Patti.

 

Bobby would then check the t.v. listings every week to see when it would be on. Patti became suprised at how much he began to like it, but didn't think much of it. Apparently, Bobby would rather watch figure skating over any other t.v. event. When he cannot watch it live, he tapes it. I'm Patti's closest friend. She told me that Bobby doesn't want any of his family or friends to know that he likes figure skating because it's a "sissy" sport. Bobby does not know that I know all about this. When Patti told me this, I thought it was a little odd, but didn't assume he was gay because of it. Neither did Patti.

 

About a year ago, Patti noticed that he seems to watch more of the mens figure skating than the womens. When the men were skating, he wouldn't leave the t.v. screen. When the women would skate, he didn't pay very close attention. When Patti said to him, "you like to watch the men more than the women, don't you?" He denied it at first. She repeated the question several times over the winter and he eventually admitted it. When Patti asked why, he said he just liked to watch the men skate more.

 

Patti began to wonder about his desire to watch the men more than women. Patti told me that on at least three occassions, she sat next to him while he was wathcing the men and gave him a kiss and then a quick "feel". She said Bobby was actually aroused. When she accused him of being turned on by watching the men, he denied it. Patti says that she has done the same manuever when he's watching the women, and he has not been aroused.

 

Patti told me that just recently Bobby admitted to her that for some reason he does get turned on from watching mens figure skating. Pattie questioned him big time. He swore to her that he's not gay. That he has no desire ever to be with a man, and that he has never thought about it. He said he has nothing against gays, but personally he thinks the idea of two men having sex is gross. He says he can't understand why it turns him on. He is embarrased by the fact that it does. Patti was afraid that it might have an effect on her marriage. He convinced Patti not to worry about it. He said he would never cheat with another women, and definetly not a man.

 

Patti doesn't like it, but accepts it. She loves him and their marriage. Although all that he tells Patti may be true, I can't help but wonder, is he gay? I don't want to see my friend get hurt. What do you think? Can he be turned on by watching mens figure skating, and not be gay?

[Tony T]

1. "What do you think?"

 

I think he has a fetish for male figure skaters but I definitely don't think he's gay. It could even indicate he is more masculine. It may very well have to do with the fact that his wife loved figure skating before he did and now he identifies with the male skaters in some morbid way.

 

As long as he and his wife have a satisfactory sex life, I think things will be fine. However, I would discourage him from watching so much of this stuff. I would have a major problem with him going out of his way not to miss this kind of thing.

 

2. "Can he be turned on by watching mens figure skating, and not be gay?

 

Oh, yes. He could be turned on by watching Superman break through a brick wall. He is no more gay than male ballet dancers who dress up in tights and dance with the ballerinas. I think sometimes men are somehow aroused by seeing other men with bulky muscles and that's what inspires them to go to the gym. Let's face it, some people were made weird.

 

I think this is really none of your business, though. It is the very private business of Patti and Bobby and should be kept within the confines of their very sacred marital union. Couples don't need those outside their marriage worrying about whether Bobby is gay. I promise you, Patti will be the very first to figure it out if he is.

 

In and of itself, I don't think this guy getting aroused by male skaters is an indication he is gay. But going out of his way not to miss this stuff is a bit of a red flag. If he starts to want to go to these skating events in person and get autographs, etc., Patti should get real concerned. But you should just let it alone.

 

If any outsider is going to have input into this very sensitive issue, it should be a licensed psychologist or other competent therapist. Just to be sure, Patti ought to schedule a visit and bring Bobby along.