merrmeade Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 I can understand triggering from an A after only 10 months, it takes awhile but honestly there's just honest triggering & there's over reacting & she changed her password, told you about it & that's it. I had an A & never had a password on my phone ever. Passwords don't cause or add to the A, it's the person decision to have an A, all that other crap doesn't matter. Try not to focus on petty things. There you go again with that "should" speak, i.e., what-a-BS-OUGHTa feel. Maybe trust can be more of a decision than a BS's need to know what happened, but it's still a feeling you might not be able to think away. What do you suggest then? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author strugglinghubby Posted June 19, 2016 Author Share Posted June 19, 2016 I can understand triggering from an A after only 10 months, it takes awhile but honestly there's just honest triggering & there's over reacting & she changed her password, told you about it & that's it. I had an A & never had a password on my phone ever. Passwords don't cause or add to the A, it's the person decision to have an A, all that other crap doesn't matter. Try not to focus on petty things. Well I'm not sure if you've ever been a BS before, but my experience is that you don't get to 'choose' what you trigger on. It just happens, I actually wish it didn't but it does and there's nothing I can do about it. So it's not as simple as not focussing on the petty things, and besides who defines what is petty or not? What is petty to you might be a big thing to me and vice versa. Also I acknowledge that the password makes sense, in terms of the reasons for the change etc. my post wasn't complaining about the change in password, it was to understand what other BS's have been through with regard to triggers, to help get an insight into what I'm feeling and what I can expect. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 Well I'm not sure if you've ever been a BS before, but my experience is that you don't get to 'choose' what you trigger on. It just happens, I actually wish it didn't but it does and there's nothing I can do about it. So it's not as simple as not focussing on the petty things, and besides who defines what is petty or not? What is petty to you might be a big thing to me and vice versa. Also I acknowledge that the password makes sense, in terms of the reasons for the change etc. my post wasn't complaining about the change in password, it was to understand what other BS's have been through with regard to triggers, to help get an insight into what I'm feeling and what I can expect. Exactly. You can judge all you want that a BS shouldn't react a certain way but it's completely irrelevant to what that BS can do or "should" do about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 SH: PTSD is common in regards to infidelity aftermath....it is not a petty thing to the person experiencing it. There are therapies that deal with PTSD specifically, which just so happen to involve reliving the events that caused the triggers....yup reliving the trauma...not burying it....as some suggest. But you do need a specific IC for that, it's not a DIY project. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Liam1 Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Well I'm not sure if you've ever been a BS before, but my experience is that you don't get to 'choose' what you trigger on. It just happens, I actually wish it didn't but it does and there's nothing I can do about it. So it's not as simple as not focussing on the petty things, and besides who defines what is petty or not? What is petty to you might be a big thing to me and vice versa. Also I acknowledge that the password makes sense, in terms of the reasons for the change etc. my post wasn't complaining about the change in password, it was to understand what other BS's have been through with regard to triggers, to help get an insight into what I'm feeling and what I can expect. If you research triggers sparked by a prior emotionally traumatic event, you will see that you are right You can not control when you trigger or what will cause it. Rest assured the triggers, when they happen, will lessen in intensity with time and stability from your spouse. You are normal. Link to post Share on other sites
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