How do people date when everyone is expendable?

[bson1257]

I genuinely do not understand the concept of dating, especially in the 21st century. I don't understand how people date when you can be replaced at any moment. Any person can join a dating site and date whomever they want whenever they want. If I was in a relationship I would be paranoid that my significant other would be searching for someone that was better than me. I don't know how people do it.

[ASG]

I genuinely do not understand the concept of dating, especially in the 21st century. I don't understand how people date when you can be replaced at any moment. Any person can join a dating site and date whomever they want whenever they want. If I was in a relationship I would be paranoid that my significant other would be searching for someone that was better than me. I don't know how people do it.

 

That has always been the case. And will always be. it is not truer now than it was before, expect that WOMEN have financial independence and therefore do not NEED a man to survive.

 

People date. Sometimes relationships end. Sometimes they don't. And we carry on.

[todreaminblue]

i feel if you treat every body with respect understanding and honesty and not be concerned with the way others treat other people....then it can spread ...like a contagion....make a ripple....forget about the waves.....you can control your own choices and how you treat people...and eventually...i believe ..you will find a like minded soul creating their own ripple who are also forgetting about the waves....dont settle for less than a person that treats as you treat them......deb

[Justanaverageguy]

People date. Sometimes relationships end. Sometimes they don't. And we carry on.

 

Basically this. The majority of romantic relationships don't last. This is something we know but strangely don't really admit. We have an cultural "ideal" of having one partner for life but in truth is that really "ideal" for most people ? Depends what you want out of a relationship and life and that changes over time.

 

A summer fling can be fun. An overseas romance exciting. A long distance relationship can be challenging and rewarding. These usually don't lead to anything long lasting but we chose to engage in them anyway because they are fun and exciting and we make the choice to hope for the best and enjoy them while they last even knowing they will probably end.

 

And yes sometimes even when we put all our ducks in a line, do all the right things and act like mature responsible adults and really try to make the relationship last - it still doesn't work out that way. Its life. Nothing ventured nothing gained. It's still more fun to be in the swimming pool flailing your arms around wildly trying to keep your head above water then sitting on the pools edge watching others and wondering what it feels like to swim

[Toodaloo]

For me people are disposable until the prove to me that they are not. My friends circle is small but exceptional people are in that circle. I see no reason why dating should be any different. I am not looking for the masses. Just one. And if I can't find that one then that is OK I will just carry on living life and looking.

 

I don't need everyone to love me. Just a chosen few.

 

Life does go on regardless. Death and not even taxes stop it from moving on. Why should dating be any different?

[Zippy2000]

People can date and do well as long as people dont lie, cheat, dont follow up on promises or fade to a ghost.

 

 

Not everyone is disposable. If someone you like meets all your expectations and if he/she likes you back. There is no reason why relationships wont work.

 

 

People may "dispose" of someone due to many reasons. Dont analyse it but you should just date to find out if that person is compatible for you.

[Larryville]

How do people date when everyone is expendable?

 

We are all now disposable humans, few of us process the overall societal implications of a throwaway culture.

 

The hyper-consuming culture we engage in and has an impact on our environment and our relationships. The one-use products consumed in this culture while it may enhance our daily lives, many members of society view fellow human beings with the same disposable attitude.

 

We live in a society that expects items and technology to swiftly solve trivial problems. The products’ we use conveniently fixes every day issues, however it generates a throwaway culture. The emphasis on disposability triggers a similar lack of appreciation toward other humans.

 

We have no qualms about using and abusing fellow human beings and treating other human beings like garbage seems to have become the norm in our society. Modern dating involves test driving any number of different models for however long they are “useful”. Marriages are frequently terminated when selfishness outweighs togetherness. We live in an age of throwaway humanity. And that is not changing on our lifetime.

[tinkerbell16]

We are all now disposable humans, few of us process the overall societal implications of a throwaway culture.

 

The hyper-consuming culture we engage in and has an impact on our environment and our relationships. The one-use products consumed in this culture while it may enhance our daily lives, many members of society view fellow human beings with the same disposable attitude.

 

We live in a society that expects items and technology to swiftly solve trivial problems. The products’ we use conveniently fixes every day issues, however it generates a throwaway culture. The emphasis on disposability triggers a similar lack of appreciation toward other humans.

 

We have no qualms about using and abusing fellow human beings and treating other human beings like garbage seems to have become the norm in our society. Modern dating involves test driving any number of different models for however long they are “useful”. Marriages are frequently terminated when selfishness outweighs togetherness. We live in an age of throwaway humanity. And that is not changing on our lifetime.

 

This and sadly people don't realize the grass is greener where it is nurtured and fertilized.

[Buddhist]

I genuinely do not understand the concept of dating, especially in the 21st century. I don't understand how people date when you can be replaced at any moment. Any person can join a dating site and date whomever they want whenever they want. If I was in a relationship I would be paranoid that my significant other would be searching for someone that was better than me. I don't know how people do it.

 

Some people trust in the unique connection they have with a particular individual and they also trust that the world won't fall off it's axis should their lover leave them. It's a little something called internal security.

 

If your entire dating life depends upon alternatives to you simply not being available then I'd suggest this concept of internal security it something you might like to investigate. Dating sites don't actually make it any easier for your lover to leave you. People have always had the option of leaving a relationship or finding someone else.

 

The OP is a bit Henny Penny for my taste.

[Grapesofwrath]

Dating online and dating IRL are quite a bit different, I think. I agree that in the world of on-line dating, people are disposable. There are other choices just a click away. (Part of our disposable culture.) I always assume that anyone I meet who is dating online is also dating other people unless that is expressly discussed. I've also seen several male friends who are "in relationships" and still have dating profiles online. (Maybe they forgot to delete them? I don't know, but they were only friends so it's not my problem.)

 

Meeting someone IRL, through friends, work, or common interests, demands that we be more accountable for our actions. We cannot so easily "ghost" a person who has a connection to our lives. I like that much better. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. And most of the time the relationship ends, the question is whether it was a positive experience in one's life for as long as it did last.

[Buddhist]

We have no qualms about using and abusing fellow human beings and treating other human beings like garbage seems to have become the norm in our society. And that is not changing on our lifetime.

 

What do you mean become the norm? It has always been the norm. Look back in history and you'll see slavery, capital punishment for minor crimes, feudalism, injustice, imperialism, economic restriction. At what point in history are we imagining a world were humans were not seen as expendable, disposable, cannon fodder and the like? I honestly can't think of a single decade where that attitude has not existed on pretty major levels. This fantasy that at some time in the recent past were were actually better people is just that, a fantasy.

[dichotomy]

exclusivity & monogamy and commitment are hard to come by these days. I get why - but it does not not make it easy for those of us hard wired for different types of relationships.

[Alamo657]

Western world enhance your self-esteem direction. If it was high, it will rise as you get more conquests, if it was low, it will go down as you get rejected.

[thelastunicorn]

Demonizing modern dating gets old super fast. None of this is really new. People are treating each other the same way they always have.

 

1)Ghosting isn't a new concept. Ever heard of the guy that goes to the store for cigs and never comes back? Or the girl that gets cold feet before her wedding and leaves before walking down the aisle? These examples are much worse than someone that you've been messaging for two weeks disappearing or the person you went on three dates with pulling a slow fade.

 

2)Everyone is disposable until you meet someone who you think is not. And even if you ask couples who have been together for 50+ years they will tell you they could've made it work with someone else (because its the truth)

 

3)Why do people try to behave like dating before now was so great? It has always sucked and been unpredictable lol. This is why you cant take the awesome ppl for granted. There is no golden age of dating.

[Lady Hamilton]

I think there's freedom in the expendibility. We aren't trapped with people or situations that are born out of obligation.

 

It also means when somebody says they'll stay, it means far more.

[basil67]

This and sadly people don't realize the grass is greener where it is nurtured and fertilized.

 

Of course, sometimes people withhold the fertilizer. And then they get all upset when their partner leaves for someone who doesn't withhold fertilizer and has truly greener lawn.

[SammySammy]

I would argue the opposite. Very few people are being real about their relationships. Look at wedding vows. "For better or worse, til death do us part." You don't hear any vows mentioning people will stick around until they are bored, no longer happy, or meet someone they think is better. People say they will stay. Difference is, no one feels obligated to actually stay. That's why people saying they will stay means even less, because they probably will not actually stay.

 

True. Our word means nothing these days. People are fickle.

 

Some of us are jaded. Feeling little, believing nothing and taking life as it comes.

 

Others want a real connection. In meaningless relationships. That could end for the silliest reason.

[VeveCakes]

I would argue the opposite. Very few people are being real about their relationships. Look at wedding vows. "For better or worse, til death do us part." You don't hear any vows mentioning people will stick around until they are bored, no longer happy, or meet someone they think is better. People say they will stay. Difference is, no one feels obligated to actually stay. That's why people saying they will stay means even less, because they probably will not actually stay.

 

And most people shouldn't stay in unhappy, abusive and sometimes violent relationships. Tired of people saying people divorce because they "gave up" or "were too lazy to try". Truth is most people divorce because they are in a very bad relationship and deserve better.

[thefooloftheyear]

I dunno.....Perhaps be someone who isn't expendable....

 

TFY

[Gloria25]

This and sadly people don't realize the grass is greener where it is nurtured and fertilized.

 

And tending to your garden (nurturing, fertilizing) takes work, and people don't wanna work at anything anymore. They want instant gratification. They wanna sit around waiting for a "feeling".

 

So, they jump from person to person when it gets hard and/or boring.

 

They also don't chose wisely. They get with people cuz it "feeeels" good, and when there's no glue (things in common) they cut bait and move on to the next person that makes them "feeel" good.

 

I talk about this with my Mum a lot. I tell her IMO, Americans are so lazy. They don't wanna cut their grass, clean, cook, etc. So, what do they actually do? Lazy in raising their kids, lazy in their marriages. Geesh.

[Gloria25]

I think there's freedom in the expendibility. We aren't trapped with people or situations that are born out of obligation.

 

But, IMO, why even bother getting with someone who you don't wanna be with in the long run?

 

So don't marry. Just date around. Be a perpetual bachelor/bachelorette.

 

If I got with someone who told me upfront that they didn't see me as someone that they wanted to be "trapped" with out of "obligation", I'd tell them to get lost.

 

IMO, those people who are in sucky marriages/RLs for the long run more than likely chose poorly. In other words they are not "victims" of their sucky RLs/marriages. But sure, I guess many people - instead of choosing wisely, wanna just lean on the "I don't wanna be tied down" excuse for them to not take any responsibility/effort in choosing who to date, marry, and/or have kids with.

 

My FWB, upon his divorce told me he didn't wanna be tied down with me or anyone and IMO, I believe that it had to do with him just wanting to date/sleep around after being stuck with one woman for 10 years - not cuz monogamy is a bad thing. And, while it hurt me that he didn't see enough in "me" to be with me upon his divorce, what he decided to do made sense. I would prefer he get out there and date and figure out himself, why he stayed 10 years with an Ice Queen like her, and hopefully one day be ready to "choose" wisely next time around.

[ASG]

How do you know this? You cannot. My belief, which I will not pass off as fact, is that yes, most people just plain give up. Yeah, maybe their relationship is bad at the moment, perhaps even very bad. Do they deserve better? That is debatable.

 

I know this is very simple and everyone acts as if they already know, but I think that for this thread especially, it bears repeating. Relationships are hard. They require work. They require sacrifice. A lot of the threads on here, advice is dispensed, and often that advice is to get away from the person you are dating. I have even been the person giving that same advice. It's crap. Sometimes, the person you are dating is a disaster, but you love them, and you stick by them. My point is, no one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. People leave because that is often the easier path. That is my belief.

 

But why should people stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy??? At a certain point, there IS not "working on it". Happiness is just never going to happen again. You won't fall back in love. So you're staying for the sake of staying.

 

What's the great thing about *that*? Just so you can say you didn't divorce? That's not a great achievement. Why *wouldn't* you divorce, if you're in a bad situation that is getting worse??

 

My mom and my step dad have been married for nearly 20 years, together for about 25 or so. They should have divorced years ago. Seriously. They are not happy. Neither of them. They're in therapy and it's not helping. They bicker and fight *every time they talk*!!!! It's painful to watch.

 

What exactly is she gaining by staying? The star for "not giving up"? If this had happened 10 years ago, when they were both younger, you can bet your ass they would have divorced already. But my step dad is nearly 80, my mom feels some obligation in relation to that, and there's also the financial matter. So they'll carry on. Mostly unhappy. Because they decided to stay in an unhappy relationship. Yay for them...

[elaine567]

How do you know this? You cannot. My belief, which I will not pass off as fact, is that yes, most people just plain give up. Yeah, maybe their relationship is bad at the moment, perhaps even very bad. Do they deserve better? That is debatable.

 

I know this is very simple and everyone acts as if they already know, but I think that for this thread especially, it bears repeating. Relationships are hard. They require work. They require sacrifice. A lot of the threads on here, advice is dispensed, and often that advice is to get away from the person you are dating. I have even been the person giving that same advice. It's crap. Sometimes, the person you are dating is a disaster, but you love them, and you stick by them. My point is, no one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. People leave because that is often the easier path. That is my belief.

 

The issues in relationships that end up on here are usually at the extreme end of the spectrum and so there is little room for working on anything, that is why the advice is often to run and don't look back.

The problems on here are often not the usual everyday work around issues that occur in marriages and relationships.

 

I also think that too many people stay stuck and unhappy in relationships for far too long, under the illusion of "being in love".

Life is short.

[carhill]

I genuinely do not understand the concept of dating, especially in the 21st century.

IME, pretty much the same as in the 20th.

I don't understand how people date when you can be replaced at any moment.

Nothing new. I first experienced that back in, well, the mid 1970's and nothing has changed since.

Any person can join a dating site and date whomever they want whenever they want.

Well, dating sites haven't always been around but people have and people are people and do what people do, including expend and dispose of assets they are finished with

If I was in a relationship I would be paranoid that my significant other would be searching for someone that was better than me. I don't know how people do it.

 

Get used to it. It'll go on until you're dead.