ladydesigner Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Amnesia and PTSD I think this is probably one of the best cheater excuses I have seen yet. OP my suggestion is to become your own private investegator (it's actually pretty easy to catch a cheater with today's technology) just don't let him know that you are doing this. Dig as deep as you can get: Order and review all phone records Get the app (Dr Fone, etc) to retrieve deleted cell phone texts Install a Voice Activated Recorder in his car Install Keylogger on cell phone and computers 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Chloeiris, Sorry you are going trough this. You need to realize you married a boy, not a man. Having married young myself, and with an older wife, (2 years), I have some understanding. Yes, he is lying. Yes they did have sex. Accept this. So your next move is to decide, if he will grow up and be the husband you would like him to be. I am sure is is scared of loosing you and his child. His whole PTSD, is just a dodge, to try and get himself out of this spot. This may have scared him straight. Do not let him off the hook. He is playing in the adult world now and must face the consequences of his actions. Going forward, you will need to decide if you love him enough to give him a second chance. I would insist on several changes in behavior, if I did so. As for men not being able to cope at that age, BS, I did and many more men have before we as a society decided to infantize all young people. So if you give him a second chance, make sure he acts and works like a grown man, and becomes a good husband to you. Do not mother him. Same advise if you divorce, do not mother him or make excuses, hold him to his responsibilities. I wish you luck...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chloeiris Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 He's a liar. How do you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chloeiris Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 Amnesia and PTSD I think this is probably one of the best cheater excuses I have seen yet. OP my suggestion is to become your own private investegator (it's actually pretty easy to catch a cheater with today's technology) just don't let him know that you are doing this. Dig as deep as you can get: Order and review all phone records Get the app (Dr Fone, etc) to retrieve deleted cell phone texts Install a Voice Activated Recorder in his car Install Keylogger on cell phone and computers I did the dr fone thing and nothing! They texted through words with friends chats and then erased them. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 I did the dr fone thing and nothing! They texted through words with friends chats and then erased them. You have all the information you need to decide the path you need to take that is in your best interest. The onus is on him to prove his innocence so you will stay in a relationship with his cheating a$$(just my personal opinion). Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 I told my husband I'd already forgiven him (untrue) and he should just tell me the truth. So he spilled out all kinds of things he'd done over many years I'd never dreamt possible besides the emotional affair I was suspecting. Then I had a near nervous breakdown and fairly soon he wasn't spilling any more. He was trickling to dry. Just occasional drips of questionable truths. So that's where the memory goes. Fear or discomfort. Whatever has the least difficult result for him, he will do. Telling you is not worth the result for him. The other thing is how young your husband is. 21. If there's no real consequence for his actions, you can be sure it will happen again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 How do you know? How do "we" know he's a liar? Because you took him for a polygraph and he failed, probably. If you're hoping to find something you don't already know, chances are you will be disappointed. More importantly though... if you believed him, you wouldn't be here polling strangers about the line of horse manure he's feeding you. He's telling you what he hopes will be enough to keep you from dumping him. He's not afraid of losing you - he failed the poly and you're accepting his amnesia/PTSD line because why? My husband claimed amnesia for months while trickle truth poisoned my life. It's time to completely flip the tables. Get tested for STDs, find a lawyer and get a separation agreement written up, find a counsellor for yourself, and do a 180 (Google "Michelle Weiner Davis 180" and you'll find out what that means if you don't already know.) Take care of YOU so you can take care of your child. Also, read Linda MacDonald's book here and ask yourself if your WH is behaving anything like a remorseful WS. If the answer is "no", show him the door until and unless the answer is "yes." My heart breaks for you - there's nothing fun about welcoming someone to the BS club, but here you are. Welcome. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 You are like the mom and he is like the son. You aren't going to win this no matter what you do especially since he told you the girl he was with is prettier and thinner than you and that he thought of her when he was having sex with you. He's not even slick enough to tell little white lies. End it. The truth hurts worse. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Hamilton Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) How do you know? Because he is talking. Penile PTSD is not a thing. Neither is adultery amnesia. The only invented condition he's suffering from is Fullofcrapitis. Edited June 7, 2016 by Lady Hamilton 13 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 He is 21 and i am 31You realize, right, that men mature MUCH later than women? So you are basically a young adult dealing with a child. Get out of this marriage fast. He isn't capable of being a husband. And why on earth would you seek out such a child anyway? Ask your therapist about that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 How old was your husband when you first met? Does he have issues with his family? To be honest I'm very shocked that you married a man who cheated on you so early in your dating relationship. It looks to me like he replaced his mother with one who allowed him more freedom. He's living a 'normal' life for a teen/early 20's guy. He just doesn't have to clean his room or stick to a curfew. You 'KNOW ABOUT' 2 affairs already. You've been treated with cruelty & stuck around. Every single time this happens you will loose more & more selfesteem. They will always be younger & thinner than you. They don't have kids needing their attention. He's a child doing childish things. You're a grown woman trying to raise a family! I'm sorry but I only see more pain in your future. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 How many episodes of him cheating will be enough to know he's not going to stop. He's too immature at 21 years old. Seriously the groping for 8 months is proof enough. Honesty is all well and good, but your self esteem must be down the toilet with the things he said. She's thinner and prettier and he thought of her while sleeping with you. That would be all I needed to get rid of the boy. What do you think will happen in 5/10 years with him? Your marriage won't last and the cheating before you got wed was your waving red flag. What's so great about him that you tolerate this? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) Honesty is all well and good, but your self esteem must be down the toilet with the things he said. She's thinner and prettier and he thought of her while sleeping with you. That would be all I needed to get rid of the boy. Exactly. OP If your self esteem is not shot to ribbons already, it certainly will be if you stick around with this guy. Wow, you really chose a winner there. Edited June 7, 2016 by elaine567 typo Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 cheating is NOT a symptom of PTSD or depression. The amnesia claim is a lame manipulative move to not have to answer questions. It is a disservice to those that truly do have PTSD or depression for creeps to use it as a crutch to hurt others. Give yourself some space from this relationship so that you can open your eyes. You owe it to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I'm old. I have adult sons. Believe me - no man forgets who he got some from. Umm. Thats technically not true. But it takes a decade at least. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Umm. Thats technically not true. But it takes a decade at least. I forget a couple partners. By your theory, that makes me... really old? OP, I'm in R with my WH but he is mature, sensitive, and wise enough to figure out he was about to lose a good thing. It sounds like your WH values you and your intelligence about as much as the chick he was groping. I hope some of our "tribal knowledge" is sinking in. If he's already reaching this far, how will he explain away a kid he conceives with some other chick he is only groping? Dn't do it, man. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Who cares if he's lying or not?? This guy has admitted to making out with someone else, and has already cheated on you. How much more pain do you have to go through to walk away from this hot mess?? Btw, I have a friend who married a guy with the exact same age difference as you as your husband. He left her when she was in her 40's. On the flip side of that, I knew a couple where the guy was 10 yrs younger than his wife BUT he was in his 30's and he was unusually mature for his age. I'm guessing their marriage will last. Yours won't. You can bank on it. Link to post Share on other sites
brothers343 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I know you have a kid but you need to leave this character. His going to destroy your life. PTSD is not something you joke about. I have lost good friends becouse of PTSD. Don't let him fool you. He knows what he did and his probably still doing it. The next few months will be critical to the next few years of your life. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 The OP is 31, her cheating husband is 21. I saw your posts on another site. Were you hoping for different answers here on LoveShack? No matter where you post, the result is going to be the same. As many many people have already TOLD you, you're trying to make a 21 year old guy - someone whose barely out of high school and his teens - behave like an adult man. That's not going to happen. He's acting exactly the way guys his age ACT. You may have thought he was the exception to the rule, but he's NOT. And you need to accept that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 I think he is lying and wont stop! You know he's lying and the question is "What are YOU going to do about it?" The rest is obvious! How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 How do you know? Didn't the polygraph test prove this to you? What do you believe is true? I see that you are 31 and he is 21, that is the problem. He still has to live his youth. He is acting the way any 21 year old would. He's too young to be married with kids and will more than likely do this again and again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chloeiris Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 A lot has changed since I posted this. I am going through a lot of therapy and working on myself. I still have a lot of fears. His family is extremely wealthy, and he is a trust fund baby. I think he has around a million in his trust fund. I fear he will use that money to take our son. He has left me with no money to just move out and get a new house. He would never let me work. I have no family to go to either. So I am stuck, currently, and have no clue what to do next. But I do know that I am ready to have him 100% out of my life. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chloeiris Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 File with the courts for support money - for you and your son. Find work ASAP so you have a steady income and can get moved and settled. I am dying to go back to work, but there are O daycares that are reliable in our area. We have 2 and one is ran out of a person's home. My son is only 6 months. I wish I could make my husband move. Our home is 100% paid for, no mortgage, but it is in his mother's name as she bought it. Then I could go back to working from home. I craft and use to make quite a bit of money! Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Hamilton Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 The chances of getting him out of the house if it's in his mother's name is pretty low, especially without you buying out his share (paying him or his mother). Contact a lawyer for help getting child support filed, or contact the court for a liaison to help you file. Contact the state for resources on registered day cares in the area (he should be required to help you pay but it may reduce the amount of child support he's required to pay). Home daycares are not necessarily bad, especially if it is registered by the state. If you file for food stamps, they may actually set you up with a daycare so you can go work. And unless your crafting brings in at least 1-2k reliably each month, and you can prove that over several months, finding a job outside of the home that provides reliable income should be your primary focus. In most states, the less you work and earn, the less child support you are entitled to. Income generated at home is a generally tough sell when it comes to litigating custody and support issues. At the very least, you know you can work when he has custody/visitation time and takes the baby. Does he work? If not, the trust can't be touched by you in a divorce... If that's his income, that will make things tricky. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chloeiris Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 So, is it illegal to out the AP on youtube? Link to post Share on other sites
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