marioncrane Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 I'm posting this here because I didn't know where it should go. I'm married. I have had a very intense crush on a co-worker for the past several months. He's also married. Nothing has happened between us. At the beginning I really enjoyed the crush; it gave me something to look forward to at work, and made the workday lots more interesting. However my feelings developed and became stronger and the crush went from something fun to something painful. He is being transferred far away and even thinking about not seeing him hurts. How do I get over it? Link to post Share on other sites
Porter56 Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 They invented this thing called alcohol..... I highly recommend it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JLeaks3 Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) Focus on your marriage and honor your husband that way you would have him honor you. Get excited about your own marriage and stop looking outside of it. Edited June 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 I'm posting this here because I didn't know where it should go. I'm married. I have had a very intense crush on a co-worker for the past several months. He's also married. Nothing has happened between us. At the beginning I really enjoyed the crush; it gave me something to look forward to at work, and made the workday lots more interesting. However my feelings developed and became stronger and the crush went from something fun to something painful. He is being transferred far away and even thinking about not seeing him hurts. How do I get over it? Look, you have no control over this. Does he even know you have a crush on him? Getting over this is just deciding to. Take your desire, and emotions, and put back on your husband. Sense you have done nothing, talk it out with him. This should help. This is just hormones, Men to, happens to everyone from time to time. The best thing is to remember, it is not love, and just lust. Going forward, I suggest you adopt the rule of never fantasizing or even thinking in a sexual way, about co-workers. Stop yourself early, and it will not happen. Be in control. You will find it does make the work environment, much more professional, and in the long run will help you. I wish you luck.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marioncrane Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 They invented this thing called alcohol..... I highly recommend it Yeah. It's getting to the point where I might just take that advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marioncrane Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 Look, you have no control over this. Does he even know you have a crush on him? Getting over this is just deciding to. Take your desire, and emotions, and put back on your husband. Sense you have done nothing, talk it out with him. This should help. This is just hormones, Men to, happens to everyone from time to time. The best thing is to remember, it is not love, and just lust. Going forward, I suggest you adopt the rule of never fantasizing or even thinking in a sexual way, about co-workers. Stop yourself early, and it will not happen. Be in control. You will find it does make the work environment, much more professional, and in the long run will help you. I wish you luck.... Thanks. Does he even know I have a crush on him? Not because I've ever said or done anything that made it obvious, but he's probably noticed that despite being an adult woman I lose the ability to speak like a normal human when he's around. I get tongue-tied and overly shy and then I beat myself up for acting like an idiot. I don't know if I could talk to my husband about this. You're right, I haven't done anything, but I think it would be a difficult conversation, and my husband isn't the kind of person who would laugh it off. We've been having our own difficulties not related to my crush, so it might not be the best time to bring up something like this. Realistically, I don't want to screw up my own or anyone else's marriage. But I wish that in situations like this it was okay to just let the person know that you think they're great. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeCantBreakMe Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 You will feel better when he is transferred and you do not see him anymore. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Marion, I know it feels painful, but believe me when I that this is a blessing in disguise. It sounds like you are already in the early stages of an EA, and it could so easily have escalated into a full PA. I know that these illicit attractions and connections can be so exciting and addictive, but they are a recipe for complete devastation, heartbreak and destruction. Let him go, allow yourself time to recover and throw yourself 100% back into your marriage. You may never know what a lucky escape you had - it truly is the best thing that could have happened him moving away, even though it doesn't feel like it right now. Get past it, evaluate your marriage and try to reconnect with and appreciate your husband. Learn from this and never allow anything similar to happen again. You can do it. Keep posting - we are here for you. Be strong and take each day as it comes. You can do this. You will miss him for a while, but strict NC does wonders. If you are in any doubt, spend a couple of hours on these boards to find out typically what happens when people take their work crushes a few stages beyond what you have done - it's really not pretty. Good luck to you! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 He is being transferred and even thinking about not seeing him hurts. How do I get over it? You may not appreciate this right now, but you are a very lucky person. The fact that he is getting transferred means that you will not have to find out the hard way how fighting yourself feels like; nor will you have to worry about letting this crush slip out of control and become something of a true nightmare. Just give it some time. Yes, you are feeling hurt now. That's normal. For a little while after he's gone, you will still feel hurt--that's also normal. But it won't last too long. Once you stop seeing the person, your mind will stop obsessing over what your eyes can no longer see. It's not as bad as you think. Hang in there just a little longer. You'll be ok. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 His leaving is a gift. Read stories here that began with coworkers. Read these pages for hours, as many pages as you can read and I hope your end result is "thank God it was just a crush and he left" The damage and heartache from work affairs is deeper than words can express. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 You've done well. Even though you are suffering now, you did absolutely the right thing in not pursuing an affair. If you had, you would be brewing suffering like you could never imagine. Keep posting. You are amongst friends. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) Burnt! Great minds think alike! I think we were posting at the same time, but what we've said is almost identical! And as I this, more posts are arriving that concur. OP, this truly is a blessing for you and your marriage. Be strong, let him go and post to us Edited June 6, 2016 by jenkins95 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Yep, you are lucky it's getting cut off now before you go down thT slippery slope. NOW, time to examine yourself and your relationship to figure out why you were so drawn to the attention. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Out of sight, out of mind. Let him leave. If you are still all hot and bothered with thoughts of him, go home and take it all out on your husband in bed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 They invented this thing called alcohol..... I highly recommend it They also invented this thing called VOWS and INTEGRITY. I highly recommend that. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 We've been having our own difficulties not related to my crush, so it might not be the best time to bring up something like this. Then realize that this and your crush are related, those feelings are a symptom of what's going on in your marriage. Address the marital issues and the likelihood of this or other similar situations declines. The feelings mean that you're alive and connected to other people. Use that energy on your spouse to fix/improve your marriage... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Grey Cloud Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 This sounds exactly how it started out with my xMM co worker. That feeling of something to look forward to each day, enjoying hanging out at work together and the long conversations/emails. If I could have ended it there it would have solved a lot of problems and heart ache. Except things went further. He asked me out for a drink after work, we talked about our feelings, we kissed and the EA progressed into a PA. No turning back the clock. When he found another job I thought I was going to die. The pain of not seeing him every day felt unbelievable. And it was awful. But it has slowly got easier and most days I get on with my job and not think about him. You will survive. Don't cross the line before he goes. Don't go out for that farewell drink or give him a goodbye hug. Because you might start something up that will destroy everything. Just put it down to a work flirtation then re-focus on your husband and marriage. It's the only way forwards. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Then realize that this and your crush are related, those feelings are a symptom of what's going on in your marriage. Address the marital issues and the likelihood of this or other similar situations declines. The feelings mean that you're alive and connected to other people. Use that energy on your spouse to fix/improve your marriage... Mr. Lucky Don't forget the most important part. Communicate with your HUSBAND. If you honestly can't talk to him about this then why are you together. Crushes are normal its how you deal with them after you recognize you have one is what counts. It sounds to me like you allowed this to go to far and you are damn near at the edge of a emotional affair. Hopefully you list to Charger and Lucky and get back to your marriage. C 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sfd'swife Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Be glad he's leaving. Nothing good comes from having an affair. It may seem all innocent and fun, but that's playing with fire. It's easy to flirt and feel good when someone compliments you, but that's not reality. You need to figure out what's missing in your marriage that is causing you to feel this way about this man. Spend time re-connecting with your husband and rekindling your love for him, instead of spending time on someone who is not yours. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marioncrane Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 You've done well. Even though you are suffering now, you did absolutely the right thing in not pursuing an affair. If you had, you would be brewing suffering like you could never imagine. Keep posting. You are amongst friends. Take care. Thanks to you and everyone else who has been supportive, and who get how hard this is. I know logically that I should be glad he's leaving because it will mean anything more than just the crush is impossible. But it's still so hard and I dread his leaving... Link to post Share on other sites
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