Problems with Mum

[Kirsten35]

Hi All, Its the first time I've posted abput anything like this but I'm really stuck for asking for advice from friends and family.

 

Basically, my Mum suffers with Schizophrenia and I've cared for her (with some support from relatives) since I was a kid. Lately though, she has become very needy, demanding and difficult. Often, I might sounds paranoid, but I feel like she is antagonising me. It's extremely draining and leaves my very little energy to put towards friends, and sometimes work. My love life is basically non-existant.

 

I've recently been offered the opportunity to go and work in Germany. The job is not well paid but I feel like it might be a great opportunity. However, although I know my Mum will be fine without me (she has a good support network seperate from me, much bigger and better than mine, which makes it all the more strange why she is so needy with me) I feel guilty leaving her and my family to support her.

 

However, at the same time, I feel like living in the same city as her is killing me, I've been diagnosed with depression and I feel like it is from the strain of my circumstances. I'm also 35 and worried about what will happen if I don't meet someone soon (I would like to have kids) I feel most of the time like I don't have the energy to put towards anyone.

 

Am I selfish for wanting to get away? Really not sure what to do about this and would appreciate any advice.

[DreamP]

No you are not selfish, you are just human. It sounds like you desperately need some self care. Take the Germany job with a plan to only go for a year. See how things go. Come back if you mom needs help, but at least you will have a break.

[BettyDraper]

Not selfish at all.

 

You are a wonderful daughter for taking care of your mother so well but it's time for you to live life as a young woman.

 

Take the job in Germany. You have certainly earned the right to take a break.

[Tayla]

It's self worthy to attend to your endeavors. Take the job and keep in touch with your mum.

 

You will find this transistion may have time of grieving. By that I mean, you have been attending to her so long... So to surrender that and find your passions may be an adjustment. Bless you for caring about your parent and your well being. Take care!

[Gloria25]

Mother birds' job is to kick their little birdies out of the nest...

 

That's nature, our parents don't have us so that they have "insurance" - they give us "life".

 

Now yes, when they are older and can no longer take care of themselves, I do believe we have to return to them the compassion they had for us as a child, but at the same time, IMO, we're only required to provide the basics (food, shelter, clothing, medicine).

 

Now, with your mom's condition, realize that it's not "her" you're dealing with. Her mind is not ok. But, at the same time, older people - especially if she still has "some" mental faculty left - she may clinch on to you harder because she's scared. I mean, I hear the stories of elder abuse in those facilities and/or from family members and its sad. I sometimes wonder who will take care of me when I get older (as I don't have kids). I pray that God will look over me and give me strength when that time comes.

 

Anywho, if you guaranteed that she has care - then yes, I believe you need to live your life. Show her how to chat with you electronically (i.e. Facetime, Skype, WhatsApp, etc.) and/or call her on the regular. Also, not sure if you can afford to visit her in person, but try to as much as you can afford it.

 

Go forth and do great things!!!

[SisterGoldenHair]

I hope you take the job in Germany. You do deserve a life and to do the things you want to do. You will kick yourself if you pass this up.