witmadskilllz Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Hello folks! It has been a long time since I last made a post here on LS. It is good to be back and things are going forward in my life I suppose. I'm currently in a LDR where me and my SO are in different countries. We're both not financially stable, it's a long shot in terms of ever meeting each other in person. We've been dating for about 3+ months already with phone sex to help keep the attraction between us and constant phone calls everyday. The problem is that she has expectations of me working in her country which I have been telling her I can't make false promises and commit since I have my obligations with my family to take care of, especially with my grandparents. I like her and she helps me with my 2nd language since she's a native speaker in Chinese. We're both Chinese. Anyhow, I would like to keep her as a friend if things don't work out but I don't want to squeeze most of her time to be with me when she wants to. So I told her and have been encouraging her to find/seek any opportunities with any males to have a FWB. Bottom line is to not fall in love. I guess this is to sort of ease the guilt in the long term if things don't work out so I won't be such a waste of her time and preventing her from making any friends and such. This is the sacrifice I suppose in LDR if the reality is that we will unlikely see each other in person. She has high hopes and expects me to find a career in her country which in my mind is impossible. So I guess we're both stringing along in this fantasy relationship until one gets sick and tired. Anyways, although I encourage her to meet new people, make new friends, and have any possible FWB with them so she can not regret anything in life while she's with me, I'm not the same nor is she pushing me to do the same, so it's pretty one sided haha. But I'm okay with it as well since she will share with me if she encounters a potential FWB and such and I'm okay with it as well. To be honest, I'm focusing on my own career path as I'm still trying to get back in school and finish it. Has anyone ever experience this type of LDR and if so, how did it end? Did you guys end up meeting each other in person? Were you guys truthful of the expectations of the relationships such that there won't be any time wasted or any regretful things between the two of you? I don't know but I guess I'm just going with the flow here. I value any inputs whether negative/positive and I'm open to anything regarding my current situation and my SO. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Anyhow, I would like to keep her as a friend if things don't work out but I don't want to squeeze most of her time to be with me when she wants to. Perhaps instead of forcing a LDR that you aren't 100% into and recommending she have FWBs (?!), why not just be FWBs instead and free her to seek a real relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author witmadskilllz Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 Perhaps instead of forcing a LDR that you aren't 100% into and recommending she have FWBs (?!), why not just be FWBs instead and free her to seek a real relationship? She insist on not letting me go. So eventually some FWB will take her away from me or she realizes she can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Have you met her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author witmadskilllz Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 Have you met her? nope She wants me to fly over which costs me $$$. I don't have that much time and money to spare. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 This relationship is pointless. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 She insist on not letting me go It doesn't matter. Either one of you can make the executive decision to leave. Yes, that means you as well. You don't have to wait for her permission to leave. If you are never planning to meet her IRL, then leaving would be the kindest thing you could do for her. If I could talk to her obviously I would advise her to leave as well, but I can't. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 This relationship is pointless. Exactly. OP, this isn't going anywhere. You need to cut ties with her; you're already too attached to someone you've never even met. It's not healthy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 This relationship is pointless. ^^^ Repeated for TRUTH. ^^^^ What a waste of texting/Skyping time when you could be living a REAL life outside the computer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author witmadskilllz Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 Perhaps instead of forcing a LDR that you aren't 100% into and recommending she have FWBs (?!), why not just be FWBs instead and free her to seek a real relationship? Yeah, that's a good point. She deserves someone in real life that can provide the things that I physically can't But... deep inside, I'm just kind of testing her to see whether she's able to have FWB's while in a relationship. She told me she rather be exclusive to each other but yeah, really touching. She's a sweet heart. This relationship is pointless. I've heard this many times, it'll be a miracle if it does work out in the end. It doesn't matter. Either one of you can make the executive decision to leave. Yes, that means you as well. You don't have to wait for her permission to leave. If you are never planning to meet her IRL, then leaving would be the kindest thing you could do for her. If I could talk to her obviously I would advise her to leave as well, but I can't. Yeah, to be honest though, she has been advised by many of her friends to leave me as well but she greatly thinks we can work things out which touched me a lot. She loves me more than I love her apparently, accordingly to her. Exactly. OP, this isn't going anywhere. You need to cut ties with her; you're already too attached to someone you've never even met. It's not healthy. I agree with this, I too think I'm getting too attached which is preventing my future from ever going forward. I need to settle this somehow with her soon but for now, I guess I'm trying to hear everyone's input before I make the final decision. ^^^ Repeated for TRUTH. ^^^^ What a waste of texting/Skyping time when you could be living a REAL life outside the computer. Yes yes yes, I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Yeah, that's a good point. She deserves someone in real life that can provide the things that I physically can't It's not just that - it's the fact that you NEVER plan on seeing her, have NEVER met, and will NEVER move. LDRs can work, but not those where both people have never met and never plan to. What if you carry this on and finally are able to meet 4 years later and it turns out that there is no chemistry in person? If you can't even travel to see someone, you shouldn't be in a LDR with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author witmadskilllz Posted June 10, 2016 Author Share Posted June 10, 2016 It's not just that - it's the fact that you NEVER plan on seeing her, have NEVER met, and will NEVER move. LDRs can work, but not those where both people have never met and never plan to. What if you carry this on and finally are able to meet 4 years later and it turns out that there is no chemistry in person? If you can't even travel to see someone, you shouldn't be in a LDR with them. Two of her FWB's are going to see her first before I will ever do. I'm stuck, emotionally, still attached, to her. I found myself lost Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Two of her FWB's are going to see her first before I will ever do. I'm stuck, emotionally, still attached, to her. I found myself lost If she means that much to you then go and see her. If you won't even do that, how attached could you truly be? Also, now she does have FWBs? I thought she'd declined your offer? Link to post Share on other sites
Trebor2 Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 It is so sad that so many have LDR yet it is all through text, skype and no possible chance of meeting. These relationships are not relationships at all. How can it be if you have never met. You are wasting yours and her time. I know it is hard to hear this but let go and find someone in your neighbourhood it will be better. Real love where you can be together is for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author witmadskilllz Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 It is so sad that so many have LDR yet it is all through text, skype and no possible chance of meeting. These relationships are not relationships at all. How can it be if you have never met. You are wasting yours and her time. I know it is hard to hear this but let go and find someone in your neighbourhood it will be better. Real love where you can be together is for you. You're right, it was not going anywhere except ruining my life and potential. I have finally dumped her but the real question is, can I even call her an ex at this point????? Link to post Share on other sites
longjohn Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 You're right, it was not going anywhere except ruining my life and potential. I have finally dumped her but the real question is, can I even call her an ex at this point????? No, you never met her, never kissed her, never took her on an actual date, never held her hand, looked into her eyes or whispered into her ear. You never met her. She might walk past you in the street looking slightly different and you may never know the difference. I hate to say it but you should move along or find a way to meet and and see where it goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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