Adult Parent/Child Relationship

[maxandmolly]

Hi there! I have a question that is really troubling my heart here. My boyfriend of several years has always been good to me. He is a wonderful supporter and helps me out financially when I am in a pinch.

 

I rarely in the years that we have been together "asked" him for money, but he has offered and I would have been dumb to decline since I really needed it. So today, I broke down and asked him if he could help me to get some testing done that I want to get done. It is a psychological evaluation and I have gotten one before but felt the Dr. did not diagnose me correctly.

 

I have tons of anxiety and low self esteem and social anxiety. For these reasons he was more then willing to pay for the testing. The Dr. said I have anxiety and social anxiety and maybe some components of depression, but not enough to need meds and he thinks I might have ADD as well.

 

He gave me some samples of Celexa and I took it for a while. It made me sweat profusely, so I stopped it for now and am doing some intense vitamin regimen. The testing I want done is a test called a QEEG. It is $500.00 and I asked him if he could help me with only half of it. He said he is not doing any more testing.

 

Now since then I feel like he is using one-upmanship on me and I feel {we have} more like a parent/child relationship instead. This feeling is leaving me with very unsettled feelings. I don't know if it is cause he told me no, or cause I feel so dumb for asking him, or what the deal is. All I do know is that I want to pack up and run far, far away cause I do feel embarrassed now too.

 

I don't know how to change this either. I hate this feeling so bad! We are supposed to go to a ball game this evening with an out of town sister-in-law and two newphews. I don't even want to go to do that eiher now, cause I feel so dumb and stupid now. I want to crawl under a rock and hide. I mainly feel dumb for asking him and I wished now that I hadn't. Maybe if he had said yes I would not feel as bad as I do. Mainly I do not like this feelng that he is above me cause financially, he can afford it and I cannot.

 

How can i deal with this?

[lindya]

I don't see, from what you've posted, why you feel he's playing any sort of one-upmanship stunt on you. I don't know the full situation, of course, and there may be other things you haven't mentioned in your post that WOULD indicate some sort of power game's going on.

 

As it is, I can sympathise with your boyfriend not wanting to pay for you to have more tests. Why? Because, to be blunt, I'd be worried that you're in danger of becoming a "test junkie". Forever on a quest for the perfect test that will either yield exactly the results you want to see or uncover some incredible truth about you that will alter your whole existence. That might be very wrong and ignorant of me, but that, being honest, is what my fear would be.

 

What is it that draws you towards having these psychological tests?