Jealous of my girlfriends best friend

[Polepole]

So I've been with my girlfriend for around 8 months now. One of her best friends who she talks to a lot is a guy, and I've known him for longer than I've known her.

 

He is he type of guy who likes to sleep around, isn't really loyal to girls and is generally a sleezebag who has the gift of the gab. Early in our relationship she told me they were talking over he phone while she was at work, and because he knew she was at work he was making things awkward and telling her "tell me you want to have sex with me" and "send me nudes". Now she tells me all of this and I appreciate that, but knowing that made me feel like ****. She didn't reciprocate what he was saying and just told me that's him being a dick and a sleeze as he is. To respond to the joke she sent him a snapchat of her shoulder and was just like "naked shoulder" and then he responded "naked knee". Again, this made me uncomfortable. Throughout their friendship they've both had different partners etc too.

 

My girlfriend has been friends with him for around 10 years now so it's been a while. When We first started dating I had no issues, but as time went on, jealousy and insecurity has grown on me because of the person who he is and how much they talk. He is very chummy with her and this makes me feel jealous. He talks to her about very personal things and about his relationships too. She's assured me nothing has ever happened between them and she knows he is a sleeze and only sees him as a friend. I always kept my feelings to myself until one day I couldn't handle it, because she told me she was gonna watch a movie with him at her house, in her room. So me being my jealous self lost it and told her all my concerns. She accommodated to my concerns and said she understands where I'm coming from - so she prompted to either not do it in her room, do it with more people around, or just go catch up with him for lunch/dinner. Their plans ended up cancelling.

 

Now anyway after this talk we settled things down. But I still can't get rid of the jealous feelings. The other day we were together and he messaged her saying "always for you". I got upset about it and asked what it was about - it was them talking about when they could make time to catch up, as it's been a while since they've caught up in person, and when she asked him when he's free - that was his response. So I told her I don't like the way he speaks to you and etc, but she just said she can't change the way he speaks and doesn't know what to do. And she doesn't know why I feel so threatened by him.

Every time I hear her phone go off, it sends a weird feeling to me because most of the time it's him messaging her. He also works in the same industry as me but has a much better workplace and career progression, which is adding to me feeling this way.

 

I really need help in controlling my feelings because I feel like it's eating away at me and I'm getting less and less enjoyment out of the relationship. Am I being too sensitive? Am I over reacting? Please help

[bubbaganoosh]

Well she's not going to think that it's wrong or how it makes you feel until she's walked a mile in your shoes.

 

I'd bet the house that if you had a real good friend or a best friend that was female and she would ask for nude pictures or flirt, go have lunch with or watch a movie in your bedroom that your g/f would feel the same way. You can ask her to cool it but I doubt that will happen so you either trust her judgement and be uncomfortable or move on.

[Polepole]

Considering this guy is also my 'friend' just obviously not as close as they are, should I speak to him about what I'm feeling or is that a bad idea? I don't know what to do....

[66Charger]

If a "freind" sent texts to my girl, asking her when is she going to have sex with him" and "send me some nudes" "Talking to him" would be a polite way to describe the "confrontation"

 

Either square this guy away, or shut up and take it.

 

No offense.

[Polepole]

Just to reiterate - that whole thing about sex and nudes was done because she had workmates around her and wanted to make her feel awkward. I already talked that part through with her and she said she'd feel the same as me in that situation and she actually told him to stop being a pig - she showed me.

 

The issue I have here is, I 100% know they're not doing it on the dl or anything. But it's moreso I feel jealous because she has such often communication with someone like him - and even though they've been friends for years. It kinda feels like I can't handle the possibility of her caring for someone like him a llot. I Dno how to explain this - am I being possessive ?

[66Charger]

2x4s coming...You are not listening. Even if you "know 100% they arent doing anything shady while they are

 

Sitting in his room

In the dark,

on his bed,

watching movies

WITH YOUR OK

 

WTF? What is your question bro? Are you that stupid to think he hasnt tried?

 

I mean no offense. You teach people how to treat you. You have taught your "friend" you are a worm. He can say whatever and laugh about it, while you believe 100% That nothing happened!!!! Slowly but surely, you are teaching your girl the same thing.

 

Stop with the excuses. Walk up to him and tell him, IN FRONT OF HER, that you dont appreciate him disrespecting you, in any matter and if anyone who is "your girl" feels offended, she can just go.

 

Then walk away, from both of them. You will then learn your value. If she stays with him, keep on walking. If she doesnt and walks with you, let her know you were dead serious, you are not a jealous or possesive guy, but you will leave a disrespectful situation. , and then drop it. She wont forget it. Repect is a 2 way street. Start respecting yourself and never let anyone, your girl or a "freind" treat you in such a manner ever again

 

This is what me and my freinds would say to each other. And where I come from, that freind of yours would get a beat down.

 

Strength and Honor

 

Edit. You are free to ignor this post and search for advice you want to hear.

Edited June 7, 2016 by 66Charger

[Var1ant]

2x4s coming...You are not listening. Even if you "know 100% they arent doing anything shady while they are

 

Sitting in his room

In the dark,

on his bed,

watching movies

WITH YOUR OK

 

WTF? What is your question bro? Are you that stupid to think he hasnt tried?

 

I mean no offense. You teach people how to treat you. You have taught your "friend" you are a worm. He can say whatever and laugh about it, while you believe 100% That nothing happened!!!! Slowly but surely, you are teaching your girl the same thing.

 

Stop with the excuses. Walk up to him and tell him, IN FRONT OF HER, that you dont appreciate him disrespecting you, in any matter and if anyone who is "your girl" feels offended, she can just go.

 

Then walk away, from both of them. You will then learn your value. If she stays with him, keep on walking. If she doesnt and walks with you, let her know you were dead serious, you are not a jealous or possesive guy, but you will leave a disrespectful situation. , and then drop it. She wont forget it. Repect is a 2 way street. Start respecting yourself and never let anyone, your girl or a "freind" treat you in such a manner ever again

 

This is what me and my freinds would say to each other. And where I come from, that freind of yours would get a beat down.

 

Strength and Honor

 

Edit. You are free to ignor this post and search for advice you want to hear.

 

Absolutely. And if it were me, id grab him by the neck and choke him down while telling him. Consequences bedamned, youre a man. How u gona let some dude do this with no consequences?

[lolablue17]

2x4s coming...You are not listening. Even if you "know 100% they arent doing anything shady while they are

 

Sitting in his room

In the dark,

on his bed,

watching movies

WITH YOUR OK

 

WTF? What is your question bro? Are you that stupid to think he hasnt tried?

 

I mean no offense. You teach people how to treat you. You have taught your "friend" you are a worm. He can say whatever and laugh about it, while you believe 100% That nothing happened!!!! Slowly but surely, you are teaching your girl the same thing.

 

Stop with the excuses. Walk up to him and tell him, IN FRONT OF HER, that you dont appreciate him disrespecting you, in any matter and if anyone who is "your girl" feels offended, she can just go.

 

Then walk away, from both of them. You will then learn your value. If she stays with him, keep on walking. If she doesnt and walks with you, let her know you were dead serious, you are not a jealous or possesive guy, but you will leave a disrespectful situation. , and then drop it. She wont forget it. Repect is a 2 way street. Start respecting yourself and never let anyone, your girl or a "freind" treat you in such a manner ever again

 

This is what me and my freinds would say to each other. And where I come from, that freind of yours would get a beat down.

 

Strength and Honor

 

Edit. You are free to ignor this post and search for advice you want to hear.

 

Agree with everything, except the part of talking to the other guy. When he talks to his gf, he can have demands or boundaries. But he has no power over the OM, so her might get the opposite result - he will be concidered as weak.

[iServe]

Jealousy is powerful. It comes upon you when the very girl you deeply care out is at risk and your relationship is vulnerable. What is your vision for your relationship with this girl? Where do you see it 10 years from now? Do you see her as your spouse or soul mate? Its obvious that you have strong feelings for her and you want to protect the relationship. Any healthy and lasting relationship requires honest and straight forward communication. How would you define your relationship with her? Best friends, Boy friend/girl friend, Dating, Courting, ETC? Each different definition will probably invoke different feeling and rightfully so. To protect your heart, be honest with yourself and the lady. Find out where shes at and make some decisions moving forward. She needs to know you can't handle her alone time with this guy. If she feels the same for you she will make the adjustments or you may need to make some adjustments. I hope this helps a little. Take care.