Female friend's new BF is jealous of me and trying to provoke?

[phineas]

They have been together for about 2 months.

I just met him 2 weeks ago.

 

Like all of her BF's he's a douche.

This one is immature and provoking me.

 

We were all at an outdoor concert, I was there and talking to another girl and he comes up and hip checks me during a song spilling my drink all over my hand?

 

I wasn't going to stand for that and hip checked him back. HARD and almost put him on his ass.

he came over and apologized and said he deserved that then tried it again & ran away?

 

Was at a wedding over the weekend and while at the urinal i got hit in the back with dirty paper towels, turned around and he was running out of the bathroom.

 

Last night I was over at her house helping to set up lights for a party this weekend with the rest of our friends.

 

At the end we were all having a beer except him, he was drinking water.

I felt a splash on my arm, looked around and the idiot spit water at me.

 

this man is 48yrs old.

i'm 44.

my female friend was drunk (as usual since she met him) and just giggled about it and probably didn't seem to know what was going on.

 

I just left.

 

No e-brag but i've gotten in shape for an upcoming destination wedding and i'm looking good. now, this female friend is in the group of friends going to the wedding. we booked the trip long before she met him.

 

i don't have a GF but i'm always talking to other women when we go out to bars and i keep my distance from her & him when out. I don't hang out with her alone and in fact hadn't seen her for a few months until recently.

I don't flirt and am respectful, but this man is not respectful.

 

I've talked to her, my friends have talked to her also. Nobody likes the guy. not even her kids. she won't listen.

She is lonely and needs to date someone for the sake of dating someone because she needs the attention.

 

He clearly wants me to confront him or see me lose my cool.

Probably to try & get me eliminated from her list of friends.

Standard weasel tactic.

 

I'll be around her all week helping with setup for the party & cleanup then I go on this trip with her and friends.

 

After that i'm going to make myself scarce.

However it's summer time so we all hang out regularly and i can tell this guy is going to be a problem.

Or not, her BF's don't seem to last long.

They already broke up once and got back together next day.

 

How do you deal with this?

Just put up with it until he goes overboard?

 

Have one of the other people in the group call him out on his idiocy in front of everyone so he looks foolish?

 

kick his ass? (while i'm sure I can do it, eh. i'm 44, not 24. too old for that nonsense unless defending myself)

 

Flirt with her & engage her more so he looses his cool? (i like this one myself and can pull it off because she loves to flirt)

[PegNosePete]

Probably to try & get me eliminated from her list of friends.

That is probably the easiest way to deal with it. You have told her all the idiotic things he has done to you, right? So tell her that you won't be treated like that but you also won't force her to choose between her BF and her friend, so you're going to choose for her.

 

Or you could sit down and have an adult conversation, preferably with them BOTH.

[jen1447]

This is the sort of thing that the reality of makes a lot of ppl uncomfortable, but it's bscly animal kingdom 101. He does all this stuff because he can and you haven't set the boundaries for him. He sounds like a professional s**tbird too so you're not gonna set them by being reasonable and appealing to his intellect or 'sense of right and wrong' or whatever.

 

I get this all the time as the "risky chick" who no one's GF is safe around lol, and I'm sure that's why he's insecure around you - you're that 'friend' who could strike at any time and take her away or just marginalize him.

 

You bscly have to just put him in his place. It can be very demonstrative or subtle based on your style and his weaknesses, but one way or another it has to be done or he'll just keep on w/his acting out and probably even step it up. (And part of his plan is to slowly show that you're a puss for tolerating it.)

 

So to answer your questions, don't put up w/it and don't get someone else to fight your battles for you bc it'll just reinforce his angle of you being a puss. An ass-kicking or making his worst nightmares come true by moving on his GF are viable options. I'd temper the GF angle by genuine concern for your friend tho (don't use her just to make a point). And ass-kicking doesn't have to be like utterly beating his ass, just like forex give him a hardass shove or put him against the wall next time he pulls some crap in the restroom or whatever and have a little friendly chat where you tell him your expectations moving forward. You have to mean what you say tho so any threats of actual ass-kicking have to be real.

 

If you're unwilling to go there so to speak, just separate yourself from that environment altogether, bc you'll only keep getting fed crap from his end which'll just stress you out and lower your social standing overall.

 

Personally I'd never just go quietly but to each their own.

[ChickiePops]

Ugh please don't sink to his level and try to kick his ass or move in on his girlfriend. That would make you just as middle school as he is.

 

What you should do is confront him in front of the group the next time he does it. Cite specific examples and show evidence if you have any. If he's publicly humiliated by his own actions, hopefully he will stop, or the rest of the group will help keep him in check. If he continues, point it out each time and just dead eye him.

 

If he STILL continues, ignore him. Retaliation would just take your dignity away.

[smackie9]

Just talk to the guy, you know just confront him directly.....hopefully you can flush out whatever insecurity he has and set him straight. Sometimes all it takes is a little communication to clear the air.

[ChickiePops]

Ugh please don't sink to his level and try to kick his ass or move in on his girlfriend. That would make you just as middle school as he is.

 

What you should do is confront him in front of the group the next time he does it. Cite specific examples and show evidence if you have any. If he's publicly humiliated by his own actions, hopefully he will stop, or the rest of the group will help keep him in check. If he continues, point it out each time and just dead eye him.

 

If he STILL continues, ignore him. Retaliation would just take your dignity away.

 

Also, kicking his ass for playing stupid pranks on you would almost definitely get you arrested..just saying..