LookAtThisPOst Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Some time ago, there was this woman I had been getting to know on OK Cupid and it eventually moved over to the phone conversation. We must've talked a couple of weeks and when we talked about certain restaurants in the area that were nice to eat at, I brought up meeting at one of the places. She is 50, I'm in my mid-40s, but she looks young for her age. She has been divorced and unattached for a while, so trying out dating online, but has of yet met a man in person. Keep in mind, we were talking on the phone by the 2nd week, and she was like "Woah, hold your horses! I'm not quite ready to meet yet! I still would prefer to get to know you over the phone. Plus, I rarely give out my # to anyone" (as if i was special for having give her # to me). And I was thinking, "Still not ready to meet?" Anyhow, I let it fizzle as I got tired of staying in touch, as I thought she was playing games and just doing the cat fish thing. Then I noticed her frequently looking at my profile online and she's added some info at the bottom, citing that SHE will decide when she's ready to MEET when SHE is ready to meet. Same goes with her phone #. It seems that she had to announce to everyone that they ALL must know that she prefers to let things be a process over time, even if it's online. And that she's not there for "games." She comes off as she's seriously looking for a relationship by doing it HER way or its the highway and that talking on the phone and meeting in person is something she wants to be in control of. She even said, "I'm not speaking about anyone specifically, but is for anyone who reads her profile." But I wonder if this addendum to the profile has anything to do with me as she was dragging her feet with meeting me in person, but SHE considers it a "process" that needs to take time and that "good things take time" and some how faults men who are "rushing" to want to meet up. What's funny she says she's not looking to have anyone waste HER time, but she's okay with wasting MEN'S time by delaying meeting as long as humanly possible? I have in MY profile that I'm not looking for "pen pals". What are your thoughts on this as she made this statement public? Is she really looking for someone genuine since she's made things apparent in her profile? Link to post Share on other sites
five2nine Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Everyone has their preferences. Maybe you are not a match if you need to meet now and she needs more time. I met my current BF after 3 weeks of messaging/texting only. I wanted to wait longer because I had something I needed to focus on but he was about to give up and move on so we finally met. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 If it bothers you, then don't pursue women like that. Doesn't seem complicated. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 She's not going to get many dates that way. Who has time to talk on the phone for weeks before meeting someone? Why not meet first and see if there is even chemistry? She sounds like a waste of time to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 She's not going to get many dates that way. Who has time to talk on the phone for weeks before meeting someone? Why not meet first and see if there is even chemistry? She sounds like a waste of time to me. Right, it's pretty much one of the main rules of online dating. Meet within a certain amount of time or don't meet at all. When they start throwing that, "A patient man is a good man" card, I call BS. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 Everyone has their preferences. Maybe you are not a match if you need to meet now and she needs more time. I met my current BF after 3 weeks of messaging/texting only. I wanted to wait longer because I had something I needed to focus on but he was about to give up and move on so we finally met. Well, you see, you had something you needed to focus on. This woman does not. Link to post Share on other sites
deadparrot Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 She may be new to online dating and unaware of what the general etiquette is. She's obviously well within her rights to want to talk to someone for multiple weeks, but I think she's going to have a hard time finding dates. It's online dating, not online soul mate discovery. Dating sites are merely a tool to meet other people looking for a relationship--they exist to facilitate those interactions, and on the date you can figure out if you're a match or not. At least, that's the way I always saw it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Yeah, she sounds like she's probably just going to be like that and have to call all the shots. I can understand if there were any red flags why you wouldn't want to meet right away, but if you're on the dating sites, you should either let someone on or off the hook and not waste their time. 2-3 weeks of talking to someone ought to be enough to either trust them for a quick initial meetup or not. I mean, there is risk, but you can mediate that by meeting them in public, showing up early, or even having a friend come to watch over you remotely. Or just say "I'm not comfortable meeting you." A decade ago I met a guy on a fan board who was always wanting to meet. My main hesitation is I knew I wasn't attracted, but as a friend, fine. So we were going to be in the same city at the same time at a concert and he wanted us to go together. I didn't want to go to the concert with him (I don't usually take people to see my favorite artists - it's a distraction). But anyway I told him we'd have a drink. I did a background check with what I know, which was his name and what state, and it turned up a guy with his name who was in prison. So I finally just told him, and then he was mad I background-checked him. But I mean, I was going to another country for this first meet. And I wasn't interested in him anyway. So I did do things under my own conditions and met him with a group of after-concert friends and not alone. But then over time we became okay friends and I'd have dinner if he was in town on business. My instincts about him kept detecting something, though, and it was how paranoid he was about letting a restaurant run his credit card, etc. It seemed to me he did have a secret and over time, I came to believe he was probably hiding money (child support) from his ex and trying to do things anonymously a lot and not leave a paper trail. But see, if you start detecting that stuff on online dating, why waste time? Just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 To me, her behavior is really not all that different to women that make men go out on an excessive number of dates before kissing or make men wait like a year before sex. It's a dealbreaker, move on. Moving too fast may not work, but moving too slow also may not work. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) I will admit to having done this exact same thing BUT in my defense, I was single again and dating after being away for 20 years! Times had changed and up to that point I had never done online dating before and was a bit freaked out as the urgency with which men wanted to meet. These days it's a whole different story Perhaps she just new to the whole dating scene. Regardless, if it doesn't float your boat, sink it. Edited June 7, 2016 by Michelle ma Belle Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 That seems so odd to me and definitely a waste of time. I was the opposite of her. If we seemed like a good enough match, I preferred to meet within a few days. I hated texting and emailing back and forth for longer than that with total strangers (which everyone is until you meet). I felt it was such a waste of my time. If the guy wanted a "penpal", I told him we weren't a good match and wished him luck. My guess is she's hiding something about her physical appearance. Link to post Share on other sites
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