Any successful Open Relationships?

[mizunomead]

Simple answer. Its possible for it to work. But not probable. It takes two very unique individuals that are completely on the same page, completely open, completely confident and completely trusting for it to ever work long term. And two people that can completely compartmentalize fun/sex and emotions. And lining all of those factors up is pretty rare.

I have some personal experience. It was not a good experience for me personally. But i don't judge people that do it. Just don't take it lightly. Most people i know or met in any kind of open or swinging lifestyle end up separated or divorced.

[DKT3]

I appreciate where Jen147 is coming from as she lives the lifestyle and will always be an advocate.

 

I do believe Open relationships only work for such an extreme vocal minority. The silent majority simply do not bother getting online to raise there troubles.

 

There are just so many "Open marriage failures" stories around to study but as i said, the vocal minority will dominate these type of sites, blogs, forums etc that resonates it's a successful practice.

 

This is not about personal experience and being scorned. it's about me having life experience.

 

A friend of mine approached her husband last year to discuss an open marriage. She read about then in a Cosmopolitan magazine and over a short period of time she became excited and overwhelmed by the concept. She told me when she first raised it with her hubby she really had to sell it as a package that was "more for him to twist his mind"

 

She said he was clearly stunned but remained composed. He was relatively silent about it all but over the next few days she "Kept at him" She spoke of all the rules they could have in place to ensure his piece of mind that she would not fall for another man. She told me she looks back at it now and fully appreciates he only agreed because he believed she would f*ck guy's behind his back.

 

She also told me how she spoke to him about honesty, open communication, trust and loyalty as the saviour of their marriage. Again! upon reflection she stated they're words that are great when using a sales pitch to hubby but what's your definition of each of these words.

 

She told me her intention was maybe meet a guy a few times a year and maybe the same for hubby to hook up with women. In her sales pitch to hubby she never gave numbers or time periods, she conceded she pushed they can " Hook Up" as it happens.

 

She is 30 and hubby is 31. He is a good looking guy and in good shape.

To get things rolling she new she would have to push hubby first and let him experience another woman to help garner support for her plan.

 

She encouraged him to sign up with a "Hook Up" site. He immediately began to receive messages from women and she noticed he was often at home texting away and stating he was talking to friends. In the first week, he went out and spent the night with a woman. He also began to go out with his friends to clubs and would message her that he had found a lady and was going home with her. That was part of their rules. Letting each other know what was happening.

 

Within a month he was going out 3 times a week and coming home very late or going out on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon for hours on end. He would openly tell her he was with women. She was stunned and struggling as she had not hooked up with any guy's and she felt it was all spiraling out of control. When she sat him down to discuss the matter he used all her comments from her sales pitch back at her. She felt lost and realised this is not what she expected but he was only living out what i pushed him into that he did not want.

 

She eventually said she was going out one night for a date with a guy and that she would not be home. She said he did not even flinch and that shocked her. The next day when she mentioned the guy to him he was dismissive and simply said "Ah yeah! as long as you had fun"

 

Fast forward nearly 3 months and this is what shocked her to her core. She came home to hubby one night after work to a bouquet of flowers and chocolates. Hubby was in a spirited mood and she thought things maybe changing. As they sat on the couch, she asked why the pleasant surprise.

She told me he was excitedly happy and stated how 3 months ago he only ever wanted her and no other woman, he only ever wanted to be her husband and live a great life together and how shocked he was by her proposal of an open marriage and never wanted to but believed she would screw around behind his back if he said no. He then told her how grateful he was to her for presenting such a rare opportunity to screw so many different women and to find new love.

 

She said LOVE! WTF do you mean love? he stated he was no longer screwing other women and exclusively dating this one lady. He began a sales pitch to his wife on the benefits of knowing there is only one lady and he's not out with different unknown women. When she said this had blown out of control and wanted to end the open marriage and for him not to see this lady again he again used all her reasoning for the open marriage as his argument to continue it with this one lady.

 

Needles to say, he left not long after and his lady is pregnant with their first child. As my friend said, the child that was meant to be mine.

 

So here she is now, in her 30's and divorced by her own hand as she puts it. The point she kept continually making was for all the rules she put in place and there was regular communication between them there is no way to rule the heart.

 

Normally if the woman is pushing it's because they already have a guy lined up...so what happened with her guy on deck

[darkmoon]

the only way they can work is if you know that you are the favourite, sorry, but I d not see that is clear-cut here

 

have had open relationships, ok

 

but always knew I had a hold on my partner, ask him to find somebody who is more distant, less pally, a pretty hooker, say, if he does not say ok, then meh

Edited July 19, 2016 by darkmoon

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry OP, but he likes her more than he is telling you. You can all feel it.

 

It won't be just sex between them. It's already more than that. Adding sex to the mix?

 

Disaster waiting to happen.

[Lanah102]

Normally if the woman is pushing it's because they already have a guy lined up...so what happened with her guy on deck

 

Yeah I assumed she did but she swears she never did have a guy. I do think she must have had an affair or two which generated her interest. I really don't know and that's just a wild assumption.

[Space Ritual]

OP,

 

Open relationships take a BOATLOAD of trust and communication. Your BF has already exhibited a lack of both with you.

 

Continue this relationship at your own peril. It will not work in it's current state.

[Bichunmoo]

I have a friend whose kind of in a open relationship with his wife. Except his wife isn't there one, it's just him. He goes around hooking up with girls when we're all out and his wife doesn't mind. I've never seen his wife do the same. But he's never talked to his "other" partners like that. Either he's called them to pick up for sex or anything but no intimate talk about life or anything so I think it's def a red flag if he's talking to this woman like that, but at the same time. Your allowing him to have sex with other women but not talk to them? That sounds very silly to me. My advice would to be just talk to him, as it could probably be nothing. BUT you make SURE they don't talk anymore like they're in love because one way or another he WILL gain a connection if he continues to talk to her. Either intentionally or unintentional, it WILL happen if it continues. Let him have sexual relations with other woman. Just no long conversations like that. If my friend can do it, he should be able to.