Ex girlfriend broke up with me i begged and pleaded (really long story)

[mrsteve921]

So this story is really long becouse i want to get it all of my chest and im feeling really guilty.

This post turned into a huge wall of text: Be warned

Would be hugely appreciated for any input, thoughts or whatever anyone has to say.

 

TLDR at the end

 

So i met this girl things where going great. im 24 shes 19 we where together for 11 months and she was my first real girlfriend.

 

We started seeing eachother when summer started and spent most of the summer together.School starts again we are both in school. So we see each other alot less mostly weekends. Untill a few months later she had a falling out with her mother. (all her kids basicly moved when they where 18 not becouse she was a bad person or anything just that they get fed up with her) So she started staying with me alot more. And after awhile she basicly moved in here. Now i also live with my parents atm since im soon done with school and dident want or need to take studentloans. Fall was great. We spent christmas together first with her family then with mine. We went skiing together at new years things where great. But she started to oversleep for school alot and her grades fell abit. i did what i could. Tried to get her up in the morning when i could and so on, she got lazy. but she wasent failing anything and said its no problem even if i miss classes i get my assignments done from home. Which she did. But she started to get stressed alot. Not being able to sleep untill very late then oversleeping. Her sexdrive diminshed abit. But we made it work. Spring comes around we both start looking for jobs so that we can get our own apartment she is is very exited about this looking at apartments everyday. Even though its probably gonna take untill after the summer for us to actually be able to move since its so expensive here to actually move somewhere and so on. There is this spring cruise here that goes for the entire country for a certain age. Its a once in a life time kinda thing. She dident want to go at first. But decided to when her friends convinced her in the last minute.

 

She comes back talks about how this guy hit on her. And how she rejected him. i have a boyfriend and so on. She also reconnected with her first boyfriend apperently who hasent been doing well family issues and so on. And wants us to be there for him if he needs it to go out and do stuff together. (if im comfortable with it she said). okay sure i said. Now things are started to be different she no longer looked at apartments for us on the internet. We where planning on our parents getting together but she dident want to do that any longer. I thought okay maybe later becouse we always had the policy if something is wrong. We talk about it and try to sort it out. So i wasent really worried.

 

Next weekend she goes out with her sister. I ask later if i should swing by she says sure but we need to about stuff first. I say okay girl talk no problem. I started playing some games with my friends over skype by the time she says i can come its already getting kinda late and it took an hour to finish up here. I tell her this she says okay. But by the time im done shes coming home in 2 hours anyway so i dident see the point in making the 30 min trip anymore. She texts again about her ex showing up and that i should met her i just tell her. Next time i promise . She comes back here sooner then expected becouse she missed me. We hang out talk for awhile then fall asleep.

 

The next day shes kinda hungover and i got invited out with my friends and she dident want to go. But she said No problem i can go to my sister since she broke up with her boyfriend the day before shes probably having it rough anyway. (the still lived together at this moment). The plan was she was gonna meet me up at night and go home together but i get really drunk for the first time in a long while. So im given a ride home from a friend who calls her and tells her this. She comes the day after instead i tell her about this girl that hit on me and apparently she works nearby. I told her i have a girlfriend she said no you should have taken her number and become her friend so that she could help you out when your going to apply for a job there. Dident think that much of it. Damn i was naive looking back.

 

Later she asks me if i want to see other people. if i want to be with someone else. I tell her no i want to be with her. Whats the point in being with someone else when i already have what im searching for. Which perhaps wasent the best answer.

 

The next day she looks not herself, upset deep in thought i ask her whats wrong she doesent say. She spent that night at her house. Or so was the plan. I get a text that shes coming over becouse she misses me. Also that shes thinking about moving in with her sister when her boyfriend moves out becouse she cant afford the rent on her own. Im okay with that we are just gonna have to see each other on the weekends then. Maybe school gets easier for you to. Easier getting up in the morning.

 

We cuddle for awhile then she all of the sudden says she wants to see other people. Be able to be single, sleep around and so on. And she thinks i will want the same eventually. Im shocked and cry like a baby ofcourse. She goes home texts me later that shes sorry i was the best boyfriend shes ever had and the best guy shes ever met. i start going of at her alittle bit about how she was saying we should move in together. The next week she wants to be single. She tells me she hasent been happy with her perfomance at school. and lastly that she doesent feel this is gonna work and that she doesent want to invest time into something she feels already isent gonna work (which is fair really)

 

6 days later she comes over and picks up the rest of her stuff. I talk to her about everything and she says she still loves me and so on she just said that she wanted to be with other people becouse she thought it would be easier for me if she said that. she wants to be together. But she wants to focus on herself for now. And that if i get a chance to meet someone else i should take it. But she wont be dating anyone else just focusing on herself/school and taking a break. we talk more she says she wants to stay in contact doesent want to lose me from her life and so on. Stupidly i said i dident want her to change fb status becouse then it would feel like its over. in the end it basicly turned into me pleading Asking her that we meet only when we have everything else done. Use it as a motivation. She just avoids eye contact and says i think it will just be the same and gives me "last" kiss. And ofcourse she changes fb status to single when she gets home. I send her a text going on about how if she wants to be with someone else dropped a few names including her ex. She just says no thats not the case it all. cant belive you think so little of me etc. I say im sorry i dont know what to think since what you said to me a few days ago.

 

 

Next day i met her out with her ex shes very friendly asking me to hang out with them. We talked for awhile and it basicly turned into a bunch of drama about me asking whats going on between her and her ex she says nothing we are just childhood friends and hes having a rough time (just got dumped that day apperently) i ofcourse plead her back again. It all ending with me asking if she still feels anything she says no. Then im pretty sure i see them kissing when i go home with my buss, sure it was dark but its my gut feeling. Also that they stopped and just looked at me when they noticed me going past.

 

This goes on for 2 months with me trying to stay in contact with her asking her how her day went how things are and so on. Trying to win her back (haha) she denied everything even asked her a few times what went wrong. At first it was becouse i got jelous and "accused" for wanting to be with other people. Later it was nothing i did it just was the way it was. Then lastly it she said i did nothing wrong it just that we werent compatible "you need to find someone who motivates you living to live a good life for" which is funny becouse thats what she did for me. but she was adament that there wherent anyone else. Even when i said i saw time she just said they did nothing. In the end i did everything people recommend not doing. Begging her back. Texting her constatly. Wanting to hang out and so on. Being needy saying i needed her. Untill one day a week or so ago i said im removing you from fb and everything. In the end you walked out on me when we hit a rough patch with stress no matter what the reason was in the end, your one the one losing out.

 

 

TL : DR girlfriend breaks up with me saying she wants to focus on herself or screw around who knows. instead of doing what should be done. NC, giving space and so on i did the exact opposite being needy,desperate, and just kinda sad really and probably burned any bridges and i feel like a tool looking back.

 

In the end i feel kinda stupid about this whole thing. Dont be like me kids! Should have realised it from the start.i mean who instantly loses all their feelings for someone becouse of one thing they said, is that even possible? Maybe she got bored of me. (I treated her like a princess, spoiled her the whole thing) maybe she met someone else maybe she just got the Greener pasture thing i see so much about.

 

I kind of want to send a text to apologize for the way i acted the last two months. Just that i accept it that its over, there is no hard feelings on my part. But shes probably really really tired of my **** so to speak. And i kinda feel bad how things ended so badly in the end. And im sitting here feeling really damn stupid how i acted about the whole thing and im kind of hoping to send this text so that she remembers how i was when we where together and not have her memory of me tainted so to speak by the way i acted in the last two months. Im not really sure what the porpuse of this post is in the end. Sharing my story i guess. Want some perspektiv if i did a major **** up here which i probably did. My gut feeling says i was right though that she met someone else but in the end who knows she might have been telling the truth al along and couldnt give her the space she needed and she got sick of me.

 

i realise people might think i still want her back. Sure part of me does even though everything that happend. But i know it wont be the same, especially after the way i acted. Sure in a few years maybe but then we are gonna be completly different persons anyway.

Edited June 7, 2016 by mrsteve921

[mrsteve921]

Anyone? Did i overreact to the whole thing? did i make a way bigger deal then what it was? I just feel all of this came out of the blue or did i miss all the warning signs?

 

Anyway ended upp sending her a text apologizing for how i behaved during this. Just apologizing for accusing her of things, not being able to give her space and so on ending with wishing her a good a summer. She dident reply which was pretty much what i expected.

[Blanco]

Your TL;DR was as long as some people's entire OP. Succinctness is your friend.

 

I wouldn't have sent the text. She's the one who left, so her emotional investment in the relationship and you in general was already dwindled to non-existent.

 

It's not an awful thing to apologize, but in cases such as yours, we do it for the wrong reason. We think, whether we want to admit it or not, that we'll somehow swing their view of us back in a favorable light.

 

Assuming you were a good boyfriend and she's not insane, she'll eventually recall you as a stand-up dude. But right now, in the aftermath of her breaking things off and maybe seeing what else is out there, you basically have no appeal/value to her. Don't take it personally. That won't last assuming you just leave her be.

[mrsteve921]

Your TL;DR was as long as some people's entire OP. Succinctness is your friend.

 

I wouldn't have sent the text. She's the one who left, so her emotional investment in the relationship and you in general was already dwindled to non-existent.

 

It's not an awful thing to apologize, but in cases such as yours, we do it for the wrong reason. We think, whether we want to admit it or not, that we'll somehow swing their view of us back in a favorable light.

 

Assuming you were a good boyfriend and she's not insane, she'll eventually recall you as a stand-up dude. But right now, in the aftermath of her breaking things off and maybe seeing what else is out there, you basically have no appeal/value to her. Don't take it personally. That won't last assuming you just leave her be.

 

 

Haha yeah i know my post huge, sorry. Havent had alot of people to talk about this so i just wanted to let it all out. I guess you are right though wasent really expecting her feelings to change when i sent the text. I just feelt that i needed to clear my conscience, which is abit selfish i guess.

 

Cant help but wonder if i did anything wrong, if id tried harder it would have lasted. We ended up not doing that much for the last few months basicly just hanging out, watching alot of shows together, that sort of thing. It became routine, got stuck in a rut i guess. Maybe she lost that infatuation and got bored? There where also such things as her wanting love letters for quite awhile but i never did give her this. I had planned on giving her one on the 1 year anniversery but that never came so i just gave one i had been working on when she came and got her things after she had ended it.

 

Perhaps to little to late. She was also my first real girlfriend, sure ive had a few flings but this was my first real relationship. So i probably made alot of mistakes without even realising it. Always thought she would tell me if she felt there was problem so we could talk about it and try to work it out.

[Blanco]

Easy for me to say, but she's 19. This was bound to happen sooner than later. Most 19-year-olds aren't on their final boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

At the risk of making young love sound disposable, if I had to do it again with what I know now, I would've approach relationships in my teens and early twenties differently. It's hard to do when you have no point of reference, but essentially, I think it's important to be compassionate and available, but understanding that the prospects are slim that these relationships will lead to anything more than some good times and memories over a year or two.

[mrsteve921]

Easy for me to say, but she's 19. This was bound to happen sooner than later. Most 19-year-olds aren't on their final boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

At the risk of making young love sound disposable, if I had to do it again with what I know now, I would've approach relationships in my teens and early twenties differently. It's hard to do when you have no point of reference, but essentially, I think it's important to be compassionate and available, but understanding that the prospects are slim that these relationships will lead to anything more than some good times and memories over a year or two.

 

Yeah i get it i thought of this when we first started seeing eachother. Thinking i should be careful so it wouldnt end up like this, she is young, it never lasts at this age. Who knows how she feels/what she wants in 6 months, a year, 3 years. But the more time we spent together the better i felt about it. She seemed to have her head on straight, very mature, or maybe i was just biased. She always talked about the future, our future together and at first i was wary but after awhile i started to enjoy that picture and started to get into it so to speak. I dropped my guard and let myself start to get real feelings and get attached.

[Toodaloo]

You had two things going against you

 

1. Long distance rarely works

2. Age

 

Thankfully you are young and if you open the curtains you will discover a whole world out there with lots of women in it.

 

Chin up and never apologise when someone dumps you again!

[mrsteve921]

You had two things going against you

 

1. Long distance rarely works

2. Age

 

Thankfully you are young and if you open the curtains you will discover a whole world out there with lots of women in it.

 

Chin up and never apologise when someone dumps you again!

 

Yeah i hope so. Just wanted to apologize for the way i acted after the break up. Being all pushy, accusing etc, could have handled it all alot better is what i mean.

 

Dono if it came across long distance? becouse it wasent practicly lived together the last months

[gaig]

Yeah i get it i thought of this when we first started seeing eachother. Thinking i should be careful so it wouldnt end up like this, she is young, it never lasts at this age. Who knows how she feels/what she wants in 6 months, a year, 3 years. But the more time we spent together the better i felt about it. She seemed to have her head on straight, very mature, or maybe i was just biased. She always talked about the future, our future together and at first i was wary but after awhile i started to enjoy that picture and started to get into it so to speak. I dropped my guard and let myself start to get real feelings and get attached.

 

Same words here from a girl around that age.. 2.5 year relationship, ended suddenly.

 

If you try to look back for any mistakes you've done, don't pinpoint one or two major ones. You either did a lot (like myself) or she wasn't the ideal person you wanted her to be eventually.

 

Reading your post you sound like a guy with patience and understanding, I hope not too passive.

So, if you gave her your all and that wasn't good enough for her, I dare to say she wasn't worth it in the first place. And I don't believe you did anything wrong in the end besides your apologizing text.

Deep inside her she knows she treated you badly, she will still try to bury it deep, but she will always know..

[mrsteve921]

Same words here from a girl around that age.. 2.5 year relationship, ended suddenly.

 

If you try to look back for any mistakes you've done, don't pinpoint one or two major ones. You either did a lot (like myself) or she wasn't the ideal person you wanted her to be eventually.

 

Reading your post you sound like a guy with patience and understanding, I hope not too passive.

So, if you gave her your all and that wasn't good enough for her, I dare to say she wasn't worth it in the first place. And I don't believe you did anything wrong in the end besides your apologizing text.

Deep inside her she knows she treated you badly, she will still try to bury it deep, but she will always know..

 

Perhaps your right, i hear alot that im very patient even my ex told me this, though i think i am quite passive. Perhaps thats something i need to work on, not sure how though but i guess ill have to figure that out.

 

The general belief on here seems to be that sending that text was a mistake/wrong.

 

Im quite intressted in what peoples reasoning behind this is. I just felt i handled it all poorly, and feel bad for constantly contacting her and pressuring her to meet up, asking about her day and taking me back.

 

Maybe it ended up sounding like me apologizing for her breaking up with me, i dont know

 

This is all new to me and i appreciate all the insight i can get so i can learn from this and hopefully improve myself for the future.

[TooLegitToQuit]

Look, dude, take this from someone in his 40s...we all go through something like this. You went through a rough breakup and when she offered friendship, it was hard for you to just be her friend and you turned really needy. The good news is you'll both survive. I'm not seeing where you did anything beyond the run-of-the-mill needy behavior done after a breakup. And meanwhile you learned not to ever act that needy after a breakup again.

 

And at the end of the day the last text you did or didn't send hardly makes a difference, so no point in analyzing. She has moved on completely and so it is past time you did as well.

 

Finally, yes, she is 19, which is really young. As soon as I read it I knew where this story is going. But the news is that at 24 you are really young too.

Edited June 10, 2016 by TooLegitToQuit

[Blanco]

The general belief on here seems to be that sending that text was a mistake/wrong.

 

Im quite intressted in what peoples reasoning behind this is.

 

Because there's not really a purpose served with these apologies. It doesn't sound like you did anything awful. You just had the natural response to something happening to you that you didn't want to happen.

 

Also, these apologies generally carry a subconscious desire to influence the recipient. We don't want them to forget the good times, the fond memories, or that we were and still are "good." Funny thing is that at that point, it doesn't really matter. If those things hold true, they do and will remember.

 

It seems like an impossible feat when you're in the heart of the storm, but when the relationship ends, it's best to focus as much on yourself as you can and stay mindful of the fact that the other person's opinion of you no longer holds any relevance.

[mrsteve921]

Because there's not really a purpose served with these apologies. It doesn't sound like you did anything awful. You just had the natural response to something happening to you that you didn't want to happen.

 

Also, these apologies generally carry a subconscious desire to influence the recipient. We don't want them to forget the good times, the fond memories, or that we were and still are "good." Funny thing is that at that point, it doesn't really matter. If those things hold true, they do and will remember.

 

It seems like an impossible feat when you're in the heart of the storm, but when the relationship ends, it's best to focus as much on yourself as you can and stay mindful of the fact that the other person's opinion of you no longer holds any relevance.

 

I see what your getting at, your right i shouldnt care if she feels i did anything wrong or what her opinion of me is. I did all i could to make this work and in the end she decided that it wasent even worth trying.

 

Its hard getting her out of my head though, sure im not hurting nearly as much anymore. I still think of her alot, and cant help wonder whats shes up to, if shes found someone else. If the signs i saw/see are where right and shes been lying to me the time we stayed in contact or if she was telling the truth and just needed space, and all of this with other people was in my head becouse i became insecure.

 

Even though its over and i shouldnt care anymore what she does with her life. I cant help myself not thinking about it

[gaig]

Even though its over and i shouldnt care anymore what she does with her life. I cant help myself not thinking about it

 

It is alright man.. There is not a single hour of the day that I don't think of her even for a single second.. If I wake up in the middle of the night, my sleep is over..

You feel me?

[urmysong]

If I wake up in the middle of the night, my sleep is over..

You feel me?

 

I feel this.....

I wish to take sleeping pills so my sleep is straight all the way to morning. I hate when I had to get up to use bathroom, and go back to bed and cannot sleep back. I hope and wish this will be over soon...

[gaig]

I hate when I had to get up to use bathroom, and go back to bed and cannot sleep back.

 

Actually this is exactly what I meant! lol

 

I have stopped drinking any liquids after 9PM (I sleep around 3am) in order to avoid wc, but still.. I wake up every night and then all these thoughts come and wake me up at once, not even gradually..

[mrsteve921]

If I wake up in the middle of the night, my sleep is over..

You feel me?

 

I feel this.....

I wish to take sleeping pills so my sleep is straight all the way to morning. I hate when I had to get up to use bathroom, and go back to bed and cannot sleep back. I hope and wish this will be over soon...

 

yup im the same and i have been able to get some sleeping pills, still only sleep around 4-6 hours a night but hey its something.

 

I wonder if im on her mind at all, if she misses me. Do ex-girlfriends miss their partner they broke up with? can they come back even though what i did/say?

I just cant seem to let go of hope that she will call or text or in one way reach out and say she made this huge mistake and wants to try again. I fear that my needyness, jelousy and general insecurity messed up any chances for another shoot.

She has said herself that she no longer has any feelings for me after the way i acted and probably dating someone new at the moment.

[gaig]

I wonder if im on her mind at all, if she misses me. Do ex-girlfriends miss their partner they broke up with? can they come back even though what i did/say?

I just cant seem to let go of hope that she will call or text or in one way reach out and say she made this huge mistake and wants to try again. I fear that my needyness, jelousy and general insecurity messed up any chances for another shoot.

She has said herself that she no longer has any feelings for me after the way i acted and probably dating someone new at the moment.

 

I think most girls here have clearly said thy wouldn't go back, like no way. It also depends on the circumstance.

But let's hear some other voices..

[mrsteve921]

I think most girls here have clearly said thy wouldn't go back, like no way. It also depends on the circumstance.

But let's hear some other voices..

 

In the end your probably right. Just wishful thinking and false hope from my part. Funny she just contacted me a few minutes ago asking if i remember her origin account details. Nothing about my apologize though

 

i answered her just telling her nope, try to reset your password or send a email to origin support or something. I realise this means nothing at all and she just wanted to play sims or something.

 

Probably shouldnt have answered i can already feel these thoughts about her reaching out "testing the waters" so to speak even though i know its totally irrational and not true.

[gaig]

I know how it feels.. You think/hope she must be plagued by remorse and guilt and it will just take some more time for her to realize that and reach out to apologize and be completely open to whatever plan you have to suggest in order to gain back your trust.. Even though your logic says there is no way of this happening due to a substantial number of reasons!

 

Actually we are projecting our thoughts (false hopes I would say) to them. Truth is, they might be drowning theirs in the companionship of someone else and that's why it will take them much less time to get intimate with him because -of course- they do care about this guy's feelings and they don't want him to get disappointed by thinking that they are still emotionally attached to their ex!

 

Everybody suggests NC, block all channels, don't answer, but if she EVER ****** calls I'm not sure I'm determined enough not to answer..

[mrsteve921]

Last few days have been okay. Trying to keep myself busy. But today i saw her..and her ex whom she reconnected with shortly before we broke up. At the time she told me he had alot of family problems, had some drug problems. How she wanted us together to be there for him, to try and get him away from all that, if i was comfortable with that she said.

 

The same week she broke up with me i ran in to them out at a pub. I was abit drunk, she was to. I was still shattered about the break up. We talked alot that night basicly me begging her back. Asking if she left me for him. No she said We are just childhood friends. Even her sister who also was there told me this that they where childhood friends that she dident think there was anything between them. Apparently (from what my ex said anyway) his girlfriend left him for someone else that same night. Then they went home on the same buss together. Even though he lives about 30 mins away from their destination. No hes gonna walk home she said(yeah right). Becouse the last buss for him left hours ago..which was true. Then i see them kissing..or hugging a very close hug which they immediatly interuppted when she noticed my buss going past, and just stare at me looking very guilty as i go past.

 

Then weeks later she tells me she lost her feelings for me when i got jelous of them that night and questioned her about whats going on between them.

I even asked her about that night about what i saw. to which she replied. I dont know what to say we havent done anything.

Maybe i mentioned this in my original post i dont know.

 

So around i go thinking this is all my fault for letting jelousy get in my head. I thought i messed up my chance to rekindle after school was sorted, becouse i couldnt give her space and accused her of things, that i let jelousy get to me.

 

Today i found out through facebook(i unfriended, should have blocked, was still clutching a glimmer of hope i guess). That they have been seeing each other this entire time. That all the things about focusing on school, how she dident want to be with someone else was bull****.

 

The fact that she turned it around and blamed it on me, that i messed up any chance of getting back together. Taking the high road about no, there was never no one else. She said this for the entire 2 months i talked to her. How she got mad becouse i wouldnt accept, that she just wanted to be by herself for awhile. Making me feel guilty becouse i couldnt shake this feeling and just trust her. When it turns out that i was right the entire time.

 

That she left me for him. Not even admitting she left me for someone else. that she felt we wherent that compatible. That she still cared for me but she needed to focus on herself for awhile, that i needed to give her space (which i admit i failed to give her). That they where together this entire time she was still talking to me.

 

I just cant belive it. Im so hurt, mad, pissed even. I really didnt think she could do something like this.

 

I just really need to vent, hear some kind words/encouragement i guess. Better vent here then write her something i will regret.

Edited June 17, 2016 by mrsteve921

[LD1990]

Then weeks later she tells me she lost her feelings for me when i got jelous of them that night and questioned her about whats going on between them.

 

The hell she did. People love to rewrite history so it better suits their narrative and makes them look like the good guy, and this is a particularly common tactic - "Even though I dumped you, the moment when I really lost my feelings for you is when you screwed everything up." It's cruel and basically twists the situation so in addition to being dumped, you feel like it's all your fault.

 

This touched a nerve with me as I went through a very similar situation with my ex. She dumped me and I found out she was talking to another guy behind my back (she lied and told me he was gay). She moved out but gave me false hope while still usually treating me like garbage. All the while she had already started dating this loser. When I got tired of being her whipping boy and told her she actually needed to get her stuff out of my apartment so I could move on with my life, she told me how she thought about giving things another chance, but after the way I treated her she could never come back to me. Never mind that she'd come over unannounced, throw my stuff when she got mad, talk down to me and curse at me. Nope, no big deal, the real problem was I wouldn't store her things free of charge indefinitely.

 

It sounds like you're still at a painful point here, and nothing anyone can say will magically make that better. But it will get better. As far as your ex, and her little junkie friend she's seeing now? **** 'em. Try to keep them out of your mind, as hard as it is, honestly people like that aren't worthy of occupying any space in your head. Your ex is too weak to take responsibility for any of her actions, that's why she has to find a way to push all the blame onto you. Emotionally fragile people like that tend to create their own misery, so karma will get her eventually. There's a world full of better women out there for you.

[mrsteve921]

The hell she did. People love to rewrite history so it better suits their narrative and makes them look like the good guy, and this is a particularly common tactic - "Even though I dumped you, the moment when I really lost my feelings for you is when you screwed everything up." It's cruel and basically twists the situation so in addition to being dumped, you feel like it's all your fault.

 

This touched a nerve with me as I went through a very similar situation with my ex. She dumped me and I found out she was talking to another guy behind my back (she lied and told me he was gay). She moved out but gave me false hope while still usually treating me like garbage. All the while she had already started dating this loser. When I got tired of being her whipping boy and told her she actually needed to get her stuff out of my apartment so I could move on with my life, she told me how she thought about giving things another chance, but after the way I treated her she could never come back to me. Never mind that she'd come over unannounced, throw my stuff when she got mad, talk down to me and curse at me. Nope, no big deal, the real problem was I wouldn't store her things free of charge indefinitely.

 

It sounds like you're still at a painful point here, and nothing anyone can say will magically make that better. But it will get better. As far as your ex, and her little junkie friend she's seeing now? **** 'em. Try to keep them out of your mind, as hard as it is, honestly people like that aren't worthy of occupying any space in your head. Your ex is too weak to take responsibility for any of her actions, that's why she has to find a way to push all the blame onto you. Emotionally fragile people like that tend to create their own misery, so karma will get her eventually. There's a world full of better women out there for you.

 

 

Just went out for 2 hour walk to clear my head. The sad thing is i still have doubts about myself. If this is all in my head. Even though i saw them, sure i was abit drunk. Saw a few pictures of her on instagram before she removed me about going for a evening drive in what im pretty sure was his car. Sure it wasent an actual relationship update on facebook. Only her sister talking to him about how she still thinks he should go to the movies with ex instead of going to a graduation party. Which to be fair the sister does too with her ex-boyfriend. It just kills me she has made me unable to trust myself. To doubt every kind of thought about them that comes into my head.

I dont even know whats true anymore, if im paranoid.

 

Was this situation you had long ago? how did you manage to move on? to trust a girl again? It sounds terrible what she did to you, just awful. Ive read alot of stories on here and i just cant belive just how awful people can be.

 

 

If this is what happend she used me, she had problems at home so she stayed here(rent free) for months. I made her breakfast in the morning, while spending 30 ****ing minutes to wake her up and get her to go to her classes. I gave her my all, i did all i could for her. Then two days after she got job she broke up. One cant help to feel used.

 

How are you supposed to trust anyone again? I never used to be a jelous kind of guy. Sure she was my first "long term" girlfriend. I always let her do what she wanted. Never bothered when she talked with guy friends. Not even when she reconnected with her ex. Never made a fuss about these things becouse i was secure in myself, in her in us and that got me here.

Part of my was proud for being able to be that kind of guy. Perhaps that was naive.

 

I fear she has broken me, how can i be that guy who isent jelous/possesive when an SO talks to guy friends or perhaps is friends with an ex. When i see this happening all the time on here, other forums and life. As soon as i hear it how am i not supposed to think the same thing will happen again. When it seems to happen to everyone, over and over again.

[LD1990]

Trust your instincts regarding her and the other guy. Where there's smoke, there's fire. You are not crazy or paranoid. I felt the same way, as my ex would lie to me and tell me how she wasn't with anyone. She said she hated that I felt that way. Well, her "gay friend's" Instagram said otherwise when I had a moment of weakness and checked it out.

 

I think you know that she's with this guy. You want to believe that she's not. I wanted to believe my ex. It's better to accept the truth, regardless of how difficult it is, than to believe a lie.

 

Was this situation you had long ago? how did you manage to move on? to trust a girl again? It sounds terrible what she did to you, just awful. Ive read alot of stories on here and i just cant belive just how awful people can be.

 

Broke up February 4 of this year, she moved out February 6, got her stuff March 11 which is also the last day I saw her. She tried texting me towards the end of April and calling me around the middle of May but I ignored both.

 

Moving on takes time, first and foremost, but it takes less time when you go NC and give up any false hope that you and your ex may get back together one day. Talking to people (family/friends) helps, or just doing anything social. Finding a goal to focus on was also really useful for me. I've focused quite a bit of energy on my business after the breakup. Not only does it keep my mind off my ex, but I feel like I'm doing something positive. Setting goals is also a good way to actually enjoy what you're doing, instead of just doing it so you do something. "Go work out" is common advice after a breakup, but instead of just going for a run, start timing yourself and trying to improve. Make it a challenge, not just a way to kill time.

 

If this is what happend she used me, she had problems at home so she stayed here(rent free) for months. I made her breakfast in the morning, while spending 30 ****ing minutes to wake her up and get her to go to her classes. I gave her my all, i did all i could for her. Then two days after she got job she broke up. One cant help to feel used.

 

I feel your pain. I'd wake up early to help my ex get ready for her school. Made her coffee for her long drive. Made her lunch since she had a very long day. All so she could start an emotional affair with some guy at said school. Ain't that a kick in the balls. Don't let how you were used change you though. Be that same good guy who would do that for someone he loved. I still believe that you get what you give in this life. Hell, I've seen it. My ex's mother used men just like my ex. Well, now she's middle aged and her body is already breaking down. Her oldest daughter hates her. When all her kids were gone and she had an empty nest, she practically had a mental breakdown. And you know what? She deserves all of that.

 

How are you supposed to trust anyone again? I never used to be a jelous kind of guy. Sure she was my first "long term" girlfriend. I always let her do what she wanted. Never bothered when she talked with guy friends. Not even when she reconnected with her ex. Never made a fuss about these things becouse i was secure in myself, in her in us and that got me here.

Part of my was proud for being able to be that kind of guy. Perhaps that was naive.

 

I fear she has broken me, how can i be that guy who isent jelous/possesive when an SO talks to guy friends or perhaps is friends with an ex. When i see this happening all the time on here, other forums and life. As soon as i hear it how am i not supposed to think the same thing will happen again. When it seems to happen to everyone, over and over again.

 

Now, in all fairness, I haven't been in a relationship again yet. I've dated, but haven't found anyone I clicked with enough for a serious relationship, so I haven't had to trust anyone.

 

I was kind of the opposite of you, as I could be jealous and insecure about our relationship (although she sometimes texted guys behind my back and I stupidly forgave her so I had my reasons for being that way). At this point, I feel at peace about the whole thing, and even better for it. I look at it like this - my biggest worries were her cheating on me and leaving me. Well, both of those happened, and I'm still here, and my life is awesome again. I've realized that I don't need anyone to have a great life, a relationship is just icing on the cake. Will I find it hard to trust a woman again? I think I'll be better at spotting red flags that demonstrate when someone isn't trustworthy, and I won't settle for a liar. When the right woman comes along, I'll trust her. Hopefully she'll be trustworthy and treat me as well as I treat her. If not, well, that's the risk we all take. It's life.

[mrsteve921]

Trust your instincts regarding her and the other guy. Where there's smoke, there's fire. You are not crazy or paranoid. I felt the same way, as my ex would lie to me and tell me how she wasn't with anyone. She said she hated that I felt that way. Well, her "gay friend's" Instagram said otherwise when I had a moment of weakness and checked it out.

 

I think you know that she's with this guy. You want to believe that she's not. I wanted to believe my ex. It's better to accept the truth, regardless of how difficult it is, than to believe a lie.

 

 

 

Broke up February 4 of this year, she moved out February 6, got her stuff March 11 which is also the last day I saw her. She tried texting me towards the end of April and calling me around the middle of May but I ignored both.

 

Moving on takes time, first and foremost, but it takes less time when you go NC and give up any false hope that you and your ex may get back together one day. Talking to people (family/friends) helps, or just doing anything social. Finding a goal to focus on was also really useful for me. I've focused quite a bit of energy on my business after the breakup. Not only does it keep my mind off my ex, but I feel like I'm doing something positive. Setting goals is also a good way to actually enjoy what you're doing, instead of just doing it so you do something. "Go work out" is common advice after a breakup, but instead of just going for a run, start timing yourself and trying to improve. Make it a challenge, not just a way to kill time.

 

 

 

I feel your pain. I'd wake up early to help my ex get ready for her school. Made her coffee for her long drive. Made her lunch since she had a very long day. All so she could start an emotional affair with some guy at said school. Ain't that a kick in the balls. Don't let how you were used change you though. Be that same good guy who would do that for someone he loved. I still believe that you get what you give in this life. Hell, I've seen it. My ex's mother used men just like my ex. Well, now she's middle aged and her body is already breaking down. Her oldest daughter hates her. When all her kids were gone and she had an empty nest, she practically had a mental breakdown. And you know what? She deserves all of that.

 

 

 

Now, in all fairness, I haven't been in a relationship again yet. I've dated, but haven't found anyone I clicked with enough for a serious relationship, so I haven't had to trust anyone.

 

I was kind of the opposite of you, as I could be jealous and insecure about our relationship (although she sometimes texted guys behind my back and I stupidly forgave her so I had my reasons for being that way). At this point, I feel at peace about the whole thing, and even better for it. I look at it like this - my biggest worries were her cheating on me and leaving me. Well, both of those happened, and I'm still here, and my life is awesome again. I've realized that I don't need anyone to have a great life, a relationship is just icing on the cake. Will I find it hard to trust a woman again? I think I'll be better at spotting red flags that demonstrate when someone isn't trustworthy, and I won't settle for a liar. When the right woman comes along, I'll trust her. Hopefully she'll be trustworthy and treat me as well as I treat her. If not, well, that's the risk we all take. It's life.

 

Ended up confronting her about it all and yup apparently i was right. Though the reason she gave me was that she started to fail school. That i digged her into this hole she couldnt come out of. That sure she sees no future with him like she did with me but she needed him to get her life together. I dident manage to get her up every morning and started slacking with trying.

 

She couldnt sleep and we started to smoke weed to help her sleep. She even came up with this idea and i just went along with it.

 

 

Though she admitted she never talked to me about this. I dident know there was such a big problem going on. So who knows if this time shes actually speaking the truth this time.

 

She also has no feelings for me anymore so maybe its backwards rationalizing who knows.

 

Apparently i ****ed it up when we started smoking i started slacking off not keeping up with my school work so she had to almost force me to do it. I started slacking with everything job searches everything, she had to almost force me to do everything. Just like i was in high school. She had no energi left for her own life and responsibilites. My bid in trying to help her sleep and get to school ended up costing my relationship. Just becouse i couldnt take care of my life. In the end it was all ny fault

Edited June 18, 2016 by mrsteve921