andie1969 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 We broke up 3 months ago, initiated by him, said he was feeling the way he should about me when thinking about "taking it to the next level". We broke up over phone and I sent him an email the next day. Other than that I've been NC with him. About 2.5 weeks ago I got a text from him about a show on Netflix we watched, a week later another text asking if I was getting in some pool time. Now both times I replied, but very shortly and he did not continue the conversation. Last Wed. I did send him a text because it was the anniversary of his dad's death and I simply said, thinking of you and your family today. He said "thank you" and that was it. Nothing over the weekend at all. THEN, last night around 7:30 I get a text that said "I do miss hanging out on the patio". UGH! We spent several evenings a week last summer on his screened in patio drinking wine, listening to music and talking. Note, he didn't say he misses ME though. He also hasn't initiated hanging out with me either. I know, I know, I should have blocked him months ago. I blocked him (and all his family) on FB, so I haven't been stalking him or anything, but I did not block his phone #. Obviously I still have feelings for him, I've tried to date others but haven't met anyone I wanted to see again. I know I should probably just point blank ask him what his intentions are with the slivers of communication now. He said he wanted to be friends (while he was dumping me), I told him on the phone and in email that was NOT an option, I had no interest in being "friends". So, I don't know if he thinks enough time has passed and we can be buds, or if he is regretting breaking up. BTW, we are in our 40's so shouldn't be acting like this I know! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Unfortunately, YOU put yourself in the "friend" zone, just as he asked. He texted you, you texted him and he's under the impression you're okay with being friendly. He is looking at contact as nothing more but contact -- unfortunately you being still emotionally attached to him, you're reading into it and wondering if there is a hidden meaning. Dumpers often revisit the dumpee when there is a need for attention, an ego boost or sometimes when they're bored or even when they're having a fleeting moment of melancholy. This is why strict NC is advocated. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author andie1969 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 thanks for setting me straight. I needed that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 thanks for setting me straight. I needed that. Block him. This is only going to keep setting you back. If he wants to be with you, he knows where to find you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I went through the same thing with my last breakup. My ex would text me similar things like, "I wore the tie you bought me today," "X soccer team won today," "Hope you're having a great day," and so on and so forth. The texts would come in about every 3 days. He even asked to meet up for lunch a few times, and I foolishly went. When I asked him about his intentions, he gave me the usual, non-committal answers. "I just want to be friends right now," "Maybe a few years down the line," "I still love you, but I can't be with you." It's so stupid and pointless. The end result was that it took longer to heal and move on. I've seen my story countless times on LS. You wanna know the real kicker? The guy was dating someone else during all of this. So I wouldn't read anything into his texting, and it's got nothing to do with age. Literally, he could be bored, and that is the reason he texts you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 We broke up 3 months ago, initiated by him, said he was feeling the way he should about me when thinking about "taking it to the next level". We broke up over phone and *I sent him an email the next day. Other than that I've been NC with him. About 2.5 weeks ago *I got a text from him about a show on Netflix we watched, a week later *another text asking if I was getting in some pool time. Now *both times I replied, but very shortly and he did not continue the conversation. Last Wed. *I did send him a text because it was the anniversary of his dad's death and *I simply said, thinking of you and your family today. *He said "thank you" and that was it. Nothing over the weekend at all. THEN, last night around 7:30 *I get a text that said "I do miss hanging out on the patio". UGH! We spent several evenings a week last summer on his screened in patio drinking wine, listening to music and talking. Note, he didn't say he misses ME though. He also hasn't initiated hanging out with me either. *Your version of no contact seems to involve quite a lot of contact... *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete him from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Yeah, you aren't doing No Contact and you haven't from the start. You're responding, so he thinks all is kosher. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 You may have said you don't want to be friends, but you are sending the opposite message. I read some of your past threads about this guy, and I think it's just a case of him feeling it's not a long term thing. The relationship stalled and never progressed past a certain point. It happens. It's better that he let you go now than waste years of your time. I don't think there is any real reason that you will find. He just didn't feel strongly enough about you, and that's no one's fault. It's always hard when you were the one who wanted more. You had hopes that this would be more, and it didn't pan out. There are other men out there who would be thrilled to date you, so don't give up hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author andie1969 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 Thanks for the insight everyone, it's so much harder to see clearly when you're in the midst of it. I'm great at giving the same advice to others, but it's much harder to implement myself! For the record, I WAS totally NC for 2.5 months, total silence until he reached out to me 2 weeks ago. Yes I have replied, but before then there was no contact whatsoever from the day after we broke up. Link to post Share on other sites
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