Is This Rape?

[dazedandconfused17]

Hi all,

 

I have a situation that occurred to me this past weekend that has been on my mind a lot and at first I brushed it off as just a drunk night but the more I think about it the less likely it could be that..

 

Over the weekend I went with a group of friends to watch a local band play. At the bar I had 2 drinks and a shot..not that I usually drink a lot but it takes more than that to get me drunk. Tipsy is possible but not wasted..My last clear memory of that night was the shot. After that there is a lot of blackness and minor recalls of thing. I was told that I was making out with a guy that was there who has a gf..which is something I would NEVER do especially since I know he has one. I don't even remember leaving the bar. My next memory is laying in the back of a friends pick-up truck and the guy getting on top of me to kiss me. I don't remember ever even getting to the car let alone the drive home.

 

My next memory is that same guy picking me up from walking home and him taking me to a field where he asked me to give him oral sex..I don't even remember whether I did or did not do it. We apperately had sex because I have a faint memory of him asking if i'm on birth control but I have no recollection of ever having sex but he confirms that we did. I also woke up in the morning with bruises all over my legs and arms. I remember at 1 point falling but not enough to turn my legs purple..I even checked my bank account to see how much I had spent on drinks and it shows the only transaction I remember doing while at the bar. I am sorry if this is all confusing but it's very difficult for me to describe right now. I am trying to remember the night but I have no recollection at all of those moments and i'm starting to become really afraid it might have been him putting something in my drink?

[DreamP]

Something sounds very fishy. Go to the doctor immediately. I think it is too late to get a rape kit done but I think you can still test for drugs in your system.

[dazedandconfused17]

Something sounds very fishy. Go to the doctor immediately. I think it is too late to get a rape kit done but I think you can still test for drugs in your system.

 

I made an appt with my gyno for tomorrow. I heard most of the drugs leave your system after a few hours so i'm not sure how accurate that test would be. I just simply have no recollection of that night besides those faint memories and I dont remember even drinking a lot..

[jen1447]

I made an appt with my gyno for tomorrow. I heard most of the drugs leave your system after a few hours so i'm not sure how accurate that test would be. I just simply have no recollection of that night besides those faint memories and I dont remember even drinking a lot..

 

Good first step. Your gyno should also give you some advice on next steps, which might include a visit to the police.

[AMJ]

You can go to the ER now, and you should. The sooner the better in terms of finding evidence.

 

-Preserve all physical evidence of the assault. Do not shower, bathe, douche, eat, drink, wash your hands, or brush your teeth until after you have had a medical examination. Save all of the clothing you were wearing at the time of the assault. Place each item of clothing in a separate paper bag. Do not use plastic bags. Do not clean or disturb anything in the area where the assault occurred.

 

-Get medical care as soon as possible. Go to a hospital emergency department or a specialized forensic clinic that provides treatment for sexual assault victims. Even if you think that you do not have any physical injuries, you should still have a medical examination and discuss with a health care provider the risk of exposure to sexually transmitted infections and the possibility of pregnancy resulting from the sexual assault. Having a medical exam is also a way for you to preserve physical evidence of a sexual assault.

 

-If you suspect that you may have been given a "rape drug," ask the hospital or clinic where you receive medical care to take a urine sample. Drugs, such as Rohypnol and GHB, are more likely to be detected in urine than in blood.

Write down as much as you can remember about the circumstances of the assault, including a description of the assailant.

 

-Talk with a counselor who is trained to assist rape victims. Counseling can help you learn how to cope with the emotional and physical impacts of the assault. You can find a counselor by contacting a local rape crisis center, a hotline, a counseling service, other victim assistance agencies, or RAINN. RAINN is a national victim assistance organization, at 1-800-656-HOPE. RAINN will connect you to a rape crisis center in your area.

[Tayla]

A rather similar case was just decided.

Read the story and the victims statement.

Rapist?s light sentence and father?s statement draw outrage at Stanford - The Globe and Mail

 

The Op can learn how to proceed ...

[dazedandconfused17]

You can go to the ER now, and you should. The sooner the better in terms of finding evidence.

 

-Preserve all physical evidence of the assault. Do not shower, bathe, douche, eat, drink, wash your hands, or brush your teeth until after you have had a medical examination. Save all of the clothing you were wearing at the time of the assault. Place each item of clothing in a separate paper bag. Do not use plastic bags. Do not clean or disturb anything in the area where the assault occurred.

 

-Get medical care as soon as possible. Go to a hospital emergency department or a specialized forensic clinic that provides treatment for sexual assault victims. Even if you think that you do not have any physical injuries, you should still have a medical examination and discuss with a health care provider the risk of exposure to sexually transmitted infections and the possibility of pregnancy resulting from the sexual assault. Having a medical exam is also a way for you to preserve physical evidence of a sexual assault.

 

-If you suspect that you may have been given a "rape drug," ask the hospital or clinic where you receive medical care to take a urine sample. Drugs, such as Rohypnol and GHB, are more likely to be detected in urine than in blood.

Write down as much as you can remember about the circumstances of the assault, including a description of the assailant.

 

-Talk with a counselor who is trained to assist rape victims. Counseling can help you learn how to cope with the emotional and physical impacts of the assault. You can find a counselor by contacting a local rape crisis center, a hotline, a counseling service, other victim assistance agencies, or RAINN. RAINN is a national victim assistance organization, at 1-800-656-HOPE. RAINN will connect you to a rape crisis center in your area.

 

Thank yyou so much. This is what i'm going to do. It's really scary right now but I just feel like it's the right thing to do. Especially since I know I didnt drink a lot and if I did I would have at least woken up hungover..

[dazedandconfused17]

A rather similar case was just decided.

Read the story and the victims statement.

Rapist?s light sentence and father?s statement draw outrage at Stanford - The Globe and Mail

 

The Op can learn how to proceed ...

 

I saw this and actually this story is what has sought me to believe that rape happened to me. Her letter was so powerful

[spiderowl]

Wow, dazedandconfused, this is really concerning. I think you are doing exactly the right thing. If anyone is spiking drinks, they need catching. I am so sorry you have been harmed like this.

 

Only the other day, a friend was telling me of an episode one of her friends had had. Her daughter and a friend had gone out for the evening. A guy bought them drinks in a bar they'd been in a few times. Shortly afterwards, one of the girls felt really sick and went to be sick in the bathroom. Her friend followed quickly afterwards, also feeling very sick. The girls felt drunk, despite only having had one drink. They felt so bad, one of them called their mum to come and collect them. Fortunately, she did. She turned up and had to help them out of the bar and into the car. By the time she got her daughter home, the girl had to be helped out of the car and into the house. She could barely stand, seemed unaware of what she was doing. Once the mother had got her daughter into the house, she went back to the car for her daughter's friend and found her crawling around on the edge of the sidewalk! The girl was so out of it, she had to be literally dragged into the house or she could have walked into the road.

 

Both girls were got into the house safely, but this seemed like more than two teenage girls drinking too much. My friend was shocked to hear this story and has been warning her daughter how to protect her drink and never to accept drinks from strangers. It seems likely this was an attempt to get the two girls incapable. I think the mother is going to the police to report this (I certainly hope so!). I just hope that women become more aware of the dangers. If this can happen in a small town where people tend to know at least a friend or relative of someone else, then it's pretty scary. There are a lot of reports of teenage girls drinking too much and becoming incapable in the street, but it makes you wonder whether they really have or whether their drinks have been spiked.

Edited June 7, 2016 by spiderowl

[dazedandconfused17]

Wow, dazedandconfused, this is really concerning. I think you are doing exactly the right thing. If anyone is spiking drinks, they need catching. I am so sorry you have been harmed like this.

 

Only the other day, a friend was telling me of an episode one of her friends had had. Her daughter and a friend had gone out for the evening. A guy bought them drinks in a bar they'd been in a few times. Shortly afterwards, one of the girls felt really sick and went to be sick in the bathroom. Her friend followed quickly afterwards, also feeling very sick. The girls felt drunk, despite only having had one drink. They felt so bad, one of them called their mum to come and collect them. Fortunately, she did. She turned up and had to help them out of the bar and into the car. By the time she got her daughter home, the girl had to be helped out of the car and into the house,but she could barely stand and seemed really inebriated. Once she'd got her daughter into the house, she went back to the car for her daughter's friend and found her crawling around on the edge of the sidewalk! She was so out of it, she had to be dragged into the house.

 

Both girls were got into the house safely, but this seemed like more than two teenage girls drinking too much. My friend was shocked to hear this story and has been warning her daughter how to protect her drink and never to accept drinks from strangers. It seems likely this was an attempt to get the two girls incapable. I think the mother is going to the police to report this (I certainly hope so!). I just hope that women become more aware of the dangers. If this can happen in a small town where people tend to know at least a friend or relative of someone else, then it's pretty scary. There are a lot of reports of teenage girls drinking too much and becoming incapable in the street, but it makes you wonder whether they really have or whether their drinks have been spiked.

 

Wow i'm speechless. It really is scary how this is happening so much to girls and women these days. He wasn't even a stranger which is what is so mind blowing to me but then again this world is full of very messed up people..

[DreamP]

Remember, it's not just the date rape drug. Somebody may have given you other drugs (like ecstasy) and it's not a guarantee that you will hit on the drugger.

 

If you do go to the hospital, take somebody with you for support. If you don't have a family/friend you can trust, call the rape hotline. They may offer somebody to go with you.

[BetheButterfly]

Hi all,

 

I have a situation that occurred to me this past weekend that has been on my mind a lot and at first I brushed it off as just a drunk night but the more I think about it the less likely it could be that..

 

Over the weekend I went with a group of friends to watch a local band play. At the bar I had 2 drinks and a shot..not that I usually drink a lot but it takes more than that to get me drunk. Tipsy is possible but not wasted..My last clear memory of that night was the shot. After that there is a lot of blackness and minor recalls of thing. I was told that I was making out with a guy that was there who has a gf..which is something I would NEVER do especially since I know he has one. I don't even remember leaving the bar. My next memory is laying in the back of a friends pick-up truck and the guy getting on top of me to kiss me. I don't remember ever even getting to the car let alone the drive home.

 

My next memory is that same guy picking me up from walking home and him taking me to a field where he asked me to give him oral sex..I don't even remember whether I did or did not do it. We apperately had sex because I have a faint memory of him asking if i'm on birth control but I have no recollection of ever having sex but he confirms that we did. I also woke up in the morning with bruises all over my legs and arms. I remember at 1 point falling but not enough to turn my legs purple..I even checked my bank account to see how much I had spent on drinks and it shows the only transaction I remember doing while at the bar. I am sorry if this is all confusing but it's very difficult for me to describe right now. I am trying to remember the night but I have no recollection at all of those moments and i'm starting to become really afraid it might have been him putting something in my drink?

 

 

I think you were drugged and raped.

 

He seems very confident though that he will not be held responsible for it. He will probably just claim that you wanted it.

 

It's very important to have a friend that's not drinking alcochol watch over drinking friends. That's what my sis who just graduated law school does. When she's out at bars or clubs with friends (she's much more liberal than I am), she doesn't drink. She does however protect her friends and she drives them safely home. That's sadly very necessary.

 

It's really hard currently to prosecute a case with alcohol involved.

[BetheButterfly]

You can go to the ER now, and you should. The sooner the better in terms of finding evidence.

 

-Preserve all physical evidence of the assault. Do not shower, bathe, douche, eat, drink, wash your hands, or brush your teeth until after you have had a medical examination. Save all of the clothing you were wearing at the time of the assault. Place each item of clothing in a separate paper bag. Do not use plastic bags. Do not clean or disturb anything in the area where the assault occurred.

 

-Get medical care as soon as possible. Go to a hospital emergency department or a specialized forensic clinic that provides treatment for sexual assault victims. Even if you think that you do not have any physical injuries, you should still have a medical examination and discuss with a health care provider the risk of exposure to sexually transmitted infections and the possibility of pregnancy resulting from the sexual assault. Having a medical exam is also a way for you to preserve physical evidence of a sexual assault.

 

-If you suspect that you may have been given a "rape drug," ask the hospital or clinic where you receive medical care to take a urine sample. Drugs, such as Rohypnol and GHB, are more likely to be detected in urine than in blood.

Write down as much as you can remember about the circumstances of the assault, including a description of the assailant.

 

-Talk with a counselor who is trained to assist rape victims. Counseling can help you learn how to cope with the emotional and physical impacts of the assault. You can find a counselor by contacting a local rape crisis center, a hotline, a counseling service, other victim assistance agencies, or RAINN. RAINN is a national victim assistance organization, at 1-800-656-HOPE. RAINN will connect you to a rape crisis center in your area.

 

Awesome advice!!!

[dazedandconfused17]

I think you were drugged and raped.

 

He seems very confident though that he will not be held responsible for it. He will probably just claim that you wanted it.

 

It's very important to have a friend that's not drinking alcochol watch over drinking friends. That's what my sis who just graduated law school does. When she's out at bars or clubs with friends (she's much more liberal than I am), she doesn't drink. She does however protect her friends and she drives them safely home. That's sadly very necessary.

 

It's really hard currently to prosecute a case with alcohol involved.

 

Something I found very powerful today was this exert from a CNN report in regards to the Stanford rape case: Why is it that alcohol absolves our young men of privilege, but condemns our young women? If a woman has had too much to drink, our culture writes off anything bad that happens to her as her due. She’s been rightfully punished for the dangers of alcohol. She has been brought up from a young age to know that drinking heavily could lead to her victimization, and she chose to do it anyway. Therefore, her victimization was imminent and her punishment fits her crime. She knew better.

 

Even though it is very hard for me to believe alcohol was involved in this case because if it was I should have woken up very hung over since I blacked out but I did not. I did not feel like I was a part of my body. I felt very dizzy and out of body experience..something I haven't felt every before. As for the friend situation, I did have one there but she left me at the bar and just sent me a bunch of horrible messages calling me horrible names. I have no recollection of many things that night just brief flashes of things that I think might have lead to sex but seriously haunt me everyday because I do not remember ever saying I was ok with performing any sexual acts on him. He is not even someone I would be attracted too let alone sleep with. The very brief moments of the night haunt me and instead of being able to have a friend to talk too she just calls me horrible names and cuts off our relationship. At this point she won't believe me..especially that he feels I wanted it as well when if I was 100% sober would NEVER say yes

[Tayla]

I hope you'll keep us informed of this incident of yours and the results of your exam. More ladies could use a voice to support their side.

 

Have you contacted the crisis center to get support?

[spiderowl]

I am sorry your 'friend' does not believe you. Unfortunately, these drugs do make people look drunk and she probably thought you'd just had too much to drink. It just shows how it can look to outsiders. Just because it looked that way doesn't mean it was the truth though. Trust your instinct. If you've never felt like that before after drinking the same kind of amount, then something was amiss. I'm sure a Rape Crisis Centre or telephone line will be able to offer you support. You might even find they are (sadly) very familiar with this kind of crime.