burito Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) My ex (25) and i (26) were best friends for 3 years before we got into LTR (4 years). In the 2nd year of our relationship, she got into depression (questioning life) and pushed me out, asking for break up to leave her alone. It was a hard decision for me to make, I stayed with her for 6 months before finally deciding to give her the space and suggested that we take a break. She was heartbroken, and begged me to get back with her. I helped her through her depression as a friend, and we got back together. It felt like we were the happiest couple in the world. Fast forward 1 year later, I started a new business, it didnt go well. I got into a depressed mood. I became negative about everything, shut out my friends and her, started caring less about everything else. Sex and conversation got scarce. This happened for 1 year. She started texting and hanging out with one of her colleagues alot, and I started doubting her. I confronted her, but she said there were just friends. and a month ago, I confronted her again over an argument we had. She suggested that if we should just break up because she felt that she loves me but don't feel attracted to me anymore and she found comfort in talking to others, and she wasn't sure what she. I asked her for explanation, and she gave me various answers. -She doesnt know what she wants in life or relationship -There is no difference how we are now and during the relationship (because of the lack of communication) -She felt more like a friend than a lover, too comfortable with each other -What we want in life is different (I find this not true) -She can't feel that i can provide her security -She was selfish and she can't stand me being like that anymore I was shocked and I did everything (beg, cry, start caring more). I asked if it was because of her colleague. She said its wasn't and stop asking her that because it makes her want to go find someone. I asked her if we could fix this but she said it's not easy and she's not ready to go back into a relationship with me but she's ok to try if theres someone else. She asked me to stay friends, when I told her that I can't do friends, she got mad. I got into NC for a week, she texted me asking if I was ok, she was worried etc We met up to talk, and she was giving me mixed feelings, she tried to kiss me but pulled back. She said that she misses me and us. and she still loves me but wouldn't want to get back in to a relationship with me now. She told me she stalks me on Facebook. Few days after, she asked me out, but when we were out she ignored me. Yesterday, I found her car parked in front of her colleague's house, I confronted her and asked if she was lying to me about her colleague and her the whole time. She said that it didn't happen before our relationship, she said she felt something only recently, and she wasn't sure if it was rebound feels. (I know that she wasn't banging that dude because she's not the kind that sleeps around). She told me that if it makes me happy she will cut contacts with her colleague. I apologized to her, and she said she understand (I kinda stalked her) I'm so depressed right now, I love her so much. What is happening and what should I do? Edited June 7, 2016 by burito Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Sure sounds like a lot of turmoil to me. And personally, the not attracted part is a huge red flag. I haven't seen attraction restored again. You are both young, ans it sounds like you have know each other since you were in highschool - people grow and change. If there was something to salvage here (I don't think there is), where do you see you two in 5 or 10 years? Has there been talk of marriage? Children? Link to post Share on other sites
Author burito Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 Yes We talked about about marriage and having kids. I also made jokes about getting married at 40 and adopting kids cause we should be enjoying life before having kids first. Which she strongly opposed the idea, but she knows that i was joking. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 We met up to talk, and she was giving me mixed feelings, she tried to kiss me but pulled back. She said that she misses me and us. and she still loves me but wouldn't want to get back in to a relationship with me now. She told me she stalks me on Facebook. Few days after, she asked me out, but when we were out she ignored me. Yesterday, I found her car parked in front of her colleague's house, I confronted her and asked if she was lying to me about her colleague and her the whole time. She said that it didn't happen before our relationship, she said she felt something only recently, and she wasn't sure if it was rebound feels. (I know that she wasn't banging that dude because she's not the kind that sleeps around). She told me that if it makes me happy she will cut contacts with her colleague. I apologized to her, and she said she understand (I kinda stalked her) I'm so depressed right now, I love her so much. What is happening and what should I do? Sorry you're going through this man. It sounds like she wants to try before she buys. The "I love you but I'm not in love with you/attracted to you," line is a classic telltale sign that she has moved on, but before she lets you go it appears she wants to date this other guy, keep you on the hook, just be friends, just in case. She wants have her cake and eat it too. I would like to ask you a question. She claims she just "recently" developed these feelings, but if she's not the type to sleep around that means she's either lying about how long she has had feelings, or you have her pegged wrong. That means either she's a liar, or you don't know her as well as you thought you did. Which do you suppose is better? I doubt she has any intentions of not seeing him again - she works with him. I vote you go full NC and start looking after Number One. (That's you, by the way.) Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author burito Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 She has issues with hiding her emotions and shrugging them away in her head. I think that she had feelings for him for some time now but didnt want to admit it to herself because it would feel like she was cheating. I had suspected it for some time now. Thats why she broke up with me in a rash.. I didnt even get the chance to talk about fixing us.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author burito Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) Edit: above post, she said that she was planning for her trip for the coming month, which i know of, shes travelling with 2 of her colleagues But I think the she's had those feelings for some time. I dont know if I'm just jumping to conclusions.. She's had history of exes who dumped her because they found someone else.. Broke up with her and got together with someone else the next week. Edited June 7, 2016 by burito Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts