did he back off because he did not like my video?

[chumly]

I think the other thing that was keeping me in this thing with him was not only the mooshy words but the promises of all the hugs and kisses he said he will give me when he sees me.

 

In reality I know that it is ridiculous to make a promise like that with someone that you have not met but yet we did. I guess I did not reaiize how much I can use a hug and kiss until he started mentioning all of it to me. Now if we meet I am not sure if he would still be willing to do all that with me. I guess I almost feel like he kind of teased me with all these promises that will probably lead to nothing now.

 

I guess I feel a bit heartbroken in a strange sort of way but have definitely learned my lesson about talking to people this much before meeting.

 

anyway, like prettyemily77 said, I guess this is the perfect time to work on my self esteem. It is easy to feel good about yourself when everyone is telling you how great you are but I guess it is times like these that build character.

 

Thanks everyone again.

[katiegrl]

You seem to think it was all about your looks...

 

With a video, it's more than looks, he gets to see "you" ....your essence, how you speak, sound of your voice, how you present yourself...

 

I am sure he liked your looks ..... he had seen your pics before that and still kept pursuing you.

 

So pls stop thinking it was your looks...

 

I think it was what Buddhist said...... viewing the video burst his bubble of the image (beyond just looks) he had built up in his head of who you were.

 

The fantasy died, reality set in and reality is never as good as the fantasy.

 

Same thing would have happened had you met in person...

 

 

 

 

 

.

Edited June 9, 2016 by katiegrl

[Toodaloo]

It is easy to feel good about yourself when everyone is telling you how great you are but I guess it is times like these that build character.

 

Thanks everyone again.

 

That is why you develop friendships with people because they are the ones who will support you and help you out when things do not go to plan.

 

If a grown man has no friends and lives with his mother it doesn't really bode well for you I am afraid...

 

Everyone knows someone that things have worked out for someone else just like the my great grand mother smoked 90 cigs a day and lived to be 102...

 

We all learn through experience so stick around and hopefully we can help you find your prince charming and weed out the unsuitable ones before you get hurt.

 

Good luck.

[katiegrl]

Imo bullet dodged!

 

Red flags flying all over the place...

 

Next time, try not to get too caught up with all the compliments and sweet talk, especially before meeting in person!

 

He doesn't know you!

 

It indicates he is more into the fantasy of you, or any woman, rather than the *real* you..

 

Stay grounded ......

 

Best of luck moving forward....

[Just a Guy]

Hi Chumly, much ado about nothing! I wonder why you are so fixated on this internet guy who you haven't even met. I think, whoever he is he is just having fun with you till he gets bored after which he will drop you like a Hot patato. Involve yourself with a real physical guy not some phantom on the internet. Cheers!

[chumly]

thanks everyone for being so supportive and helpful through this and all the great advice.

 

it is so weird that I got so caught up in any feelings with him because I was seeing all these signs that he was not really good for me from the beginning but just fell so in love with all the attention he was giving me.

 

it is so true that he probably was just playing games all along and he probably does this with everyone. He wants to still meet me but I am going to just back away from him now. I dont think anything good can come from this at this point and there are a few other much more interesting people that have showed interest in me. I think I will focus on them and from now on when someone starts with the heavy sweet talk right away I will not allow myself to be pulled into it. I will talk to people enough to get to know them and see if there is an interest enough to meet them but I wont go further then that without meeting them first. I definitely learned my lesson about this.

 

Thanks Katiegrl, for saying it is not about my looks. I think that is what is making me feel so bad about the whole thing now. I keep thinking something is wrong with me and keep looking at the videos and feeling bad about myself. I am going to stop doing that now and just realize it is definitely him that has the problem and not me.

 

Thanks everyone for all this help. I really appreciate it and I know i will eventually find someone worth my energies. Thanks again:)

[chumly]

it kind of helps to put my feeling out on here so I hope it is ok that I do this periodically...

 

I get the feeling that this man is trying to now downgrade to doing the friendship thing with me. he is still in contact with me and is still expecting to meet me and signs off with xoxo but the major lovey dovey stuff is not there at the time. i have absolutely no problem being friends with people and that is what i was initially looking for all along but he was the one who continuously persued me in a romantic way and kept talking about hugging and kissing me when he sees me. I dont know..maybe he is still wanting to do all that with me but he is certainly not being as vocal about it anymore.

 

I just cant believe a few videos of me would make this kind of a difference. I actually have these same videos on another dating site and have had a decent response to them. In other words, everyone who liked my pics also liked my videos. I know i should not be taking this personal but it is kind of difficult not to in a way.

 

The other part of this is the fact that I would even attract someone that would be this superficial and shallow..especially when I have gone to such GREAT lengths to discourage these kinds of people in my online profile. I also never exaggerated anything to him about myself..in fact, if anything I constantly downplayed myself to him. The bottom line is that I did not think my pics were so great to begin with to cause anybody to fantasize about me to such an extent. I have actually never experienced anybody reacting to me like this before. I mean, I have had people interested in me but never to where they have had dillusions about me... I am even wondering if i should take some of my better pics down now if it is causing some kind of false advertising. I post both my best pics and my not so good pics. I figured people would realize that we all do this.

 

The bottom line is I cant believe I would ever attract this kind of a person to me. It actuallly shocks me beyond words when that is sooo not me. I also dont think I could just be friends with this man after how he talked to me and tried to seduce and romance me. I mean, he was merciless with me.

 

I am even starting to wonder if there is some sordid motive behind all of this. He made a very strange remark to me yesterday. I asked in a very casual way if he was still planning on kissing me when he sees me and he jokingly remarked that he thinks his kisses should be worth something now. That I should have to pay him because he is such a good kisser. the thought did cross my mind at that time that maybe he is wanting to be a paid escort for me of some kind of gigolo. I know he said it in a joking way but at the same time what do I really know about him anyway. I am sure online dating sites are filled with people who do things like that anyway. whos to say that might be what he is after with me:sick:

 

Anyway, I know I will get over this eventually but it still does hurt right now. thanks everyone again for listening and the great advice.

[blackcat777]

Sometimes people hiding behind computers are every strange. When I did OLD, there were a fair amount of guys who would talk me up sooo hard and then disappear the minute I suggested a phone call or meeting up.

 

If that happens, it isn't you.

 

The best thing you can do is let them go and move on. Why keep spending time on this guy - who is clearly a dud match - when you can free up that energy to talk to someone who is into you and a joy to be around?

[chumly]

thanks so much blackcat777, that is so true!

 

I have actually been traveling back from my trip and stayed at a hotel last night. He called and sent an email to make sure i was alright on my trip back home. His voice message was a bit more lovey dovey again..saying that he was thinking about me all day long.

 

he seems to run hot and cold with me in his messages. I guess he really is just playing games or maybe other things are going on that i dont know about in his life.

 

Anyway, I will just do as you all have suggested and back away...who knows, maybe eventually i can do the friendship thing with him after some time. I mean, it is not like he was outright cruel to me and we have had some decent conversations here and there. I would not rule anything out but I am putting him on the back burner for now....and will concentrate my focus on others.

 

Thanks again for the help:bunny:

[tinkerbell16]

I think the other thing that was keeping me in this thing with him was not only the mooshy words but the promises of all the hugs and kisses he said he will give me when he sees me.

 

In reality I know that it is ridiculous to make a promise like that with someone that you have not met but yet we did. I guess I did not reaiize how much I can use a hug and kiss until he started mentioning all of it to me. Now if we meet I am not sure if he would still be willing to do all that with me. I guess I almost feel like he kind of teased me with all these promises that will probably lead to nothing now.

 

I guess I feel a bit heartbroken in a strange sort of way but have definitely learned my lesson about talking to people this much before meeting.

 

anyway, like prettyemily77 said, I guess this is the perfect time to work on my self esteem. It is easy to feel good about yourself when everyone is telling you how great you are but I guess it is times like these that build character.

 

Thanks everyone again.

 

Chat briefly, a few still photos and then if YOU LIKE HIM meet up. Endless love notes to you is a red flag... he doesn't even know you. Sending a stranger videos is also a red flag (you don't even know him) imo. Take time an recalibrate.

[Tahirthegreat]

Another weird thing is that I actually kind of confronted him about taking so long to get back to me with something nice to say about my videos later that day.

 

Next time dont confront when someone takes too long. Ive personally went ghost on women for that type of behavior. He may have really been having a hard time and that attitude might of pushed him away.

[chumly]

i have gotten home from my trip and had decided prior to doing so not to check my email messages from him. However, he called a few times and left voicemail messages to make sure I got home safe. After having got those voicemail messages I broke down and checked the emails. I was disappointed to find just a few of them in the course of a couple of days and definitely not very mooshy. His last one was just to make sure I got home safe..similar to his voice message and he did indicate in both the emails and voicemail that he still looks forward to meeting me.

 

Why is he even bothering with me now?? I almost feel like tell him off for coming on so strong with me like that and now being so different based on videos but how do you tell someone off for something like that??

 

also, why does he even still want to meet me? he obviously does not have the same enthusiasm about me as he originally did. God, I should have dumped him on his butt the minute he started talking about looks to me. There were so many signs that he is an a**hole and I should have dumped him then. I know it is crazy but i almost feel like i want revenge. he totally played with my emotions!!! I hope someone does that to him sometime soon so he knows what it feels like.

 

I was going to send him a courtesy email back to let him know I got home safe but now I am thinking that maybe i will just let him wonder the rest of his life. what does he care anyway?? his feelings for me are about as genuine as the length of my video!! He probably only wants to meet me to satisfy his curiosity. I am wondering if he really meant anything he said at this point.

 

i know i might sound irrational right now but i just need to vent somewhere!! this whole thing had affected me more than I thought it would and i just feel so bad about myself. I am going to go cry for a little while and hope i feel better. Thanks for listening!!

Edited June 14, 2016 by chumly

[katiegrl]

Sweetie, have your cry and then dump him. Although, since you never actually met in person, not sure if there is even anything to dump.

 

But yes stop communicating with him...

 

Block delete next.

 

Time to let this go and move on....

 

Best of luck as you move forward....

 

Hugs

[hippychick3]

Your best revenge is to stop all contact with him. Don't confront him, don't tell him off, don't tell him how you feel....that will only make you appear needy and a bit crazy (even if you're not). Leave him with the impression that you're secure, confident, and happily moving on. That is true "revenge."

[chumly]

thanks katiegirl and hippiechick3, to you both so much for the supportive messages.

 

Well unfortunately, he sent another email to me through the dating site we met on and he kind of caught me while i was online so i felt like i had to talk to him. he kept asking if i was alright and wanted to make sure i got home safe and why i was ignoring him. I felt a bit cornered so i just made up a lie as to why i did not message him when i got back and he is now saying how much he is wanting to finally meet me and he is again saying how he cant wait to kiss and hug me when he sees me....ugh!! i really dont understand what he wants or why he is trying to toy with me like this. the only thing that makes sense to me is that he is just very curious to meet me..maybe hoping i will look better in real life than i do in my videos. as much as i wish there was any sincerity behind it i somehow doubt there is.

 

i made an excuse up and got off the dating site quickly. i just told him that i needed to go to sleep since i had come back from a long journey. i guess i will have to avoid that dating site for a while now. or block him like Katiegrl said.

 

it is just amazing to me that he thinks i would want to meet him after he went from so hot for me to lukewarm and i guess if he thinks i look worse in real life than my video he will drop down to dead cold to me.

 

hippychick3, i think u r right..the best revenge is to get on with my life which is exactly what i am going to do;)

 

thanks again to u both so much:)

[Toodaloo]

chumley

 

I think you have just got to call this guy out or ignore him.

 

How much do you like him?

 

In all honesty just ignore or block. Enough is enough and you have to learn to put your foot down.

 

This guy says all sorts but then doesn't follow it up.

[chumly]

thanks Toodaloo...I agree

 

The problem is that I am very physically attracted to him and I wish to God I was not...although the attraction is dying down more and more everyday when i think of how stupid he really is. i just keep reminding myself of this everyday and it helps.

 

ok, thanks again for the advice. I will be okay. There is others that i am talking to now that are so much nicer and much more worthy of my time so I am going to try hard to concentrate on them now. Although i may come back on here to vent about this at the same time. I hope it is alright to do that.

 

Thanks again:bunny:

[katiegrl]

thanks Toodaloo...I agree

 

The problem is that I am very physically attracted to him and I wish to God I was not...although the attraction is dying down more and more everyday when i think of how stupid he really is. i just keep reminding myself of this everyday and it helps.

 

ok, thanks again for the advice. I will be okay. There is others that i am talking to now that are so much nicer and much more worthy of my time so I am going to try hard to concentrate on them now. Although i may come back on here to vent about this at the same time. I hope it is alright to do that.

 

Thanks again:bunny:

 

You are attracted to him? You mean your image of him right?

 

You've never met.

 

Time to let that shyt go chumly, seriously. It's not real, it's fantasy...

 

Please please please, block and delete... it is the only way you will be able to move on...

 

K?

[chumly]

thanks katiegrl...I know u r right but a part of me really wants to tell him off. he claims to be a christian but yet I think the way he acts is not very christian like at all.

 

Seems like he is only nice to people based on how good he thinks they look. He has got to be one of the most shallow people i have ever come across but yet, is not even honest enough to admit it. In fact, he lied and said looks dont matter to him at all.This was all just lies because he had a superficial interest in me based on my pics. What a horrible person! I so much want to tell him off but just not sure what to say. i feel like i would feel better in a way but again, not sure what to say. Maybe i could just simply tell him that i dont think he is a good person as much as he wants to think he is.

 

Anyway, i know i should block him and thanks for listening. i still feel very bad about myself:sick: and will likely just take some time to cry again

[blackcat777]

If you can't block him on the dating site, delete your old account and open up a new one. This guy sounds like he's in love with himself - dating himself - and he gets off on how much he can reel you back in by getting you to respond to him. It's a game he most likely plays with everyone.

 

I know it hurts and I'm sorry it turned out that he was like this. But the sooner you block him, the sooner you can move on and free yourself up for someone who isn't a big fake shallow attention hog who doesn't care about other people's feelings!

 

It's okay to cry as much as you need to... I promise you will eventually feel better. Even if you don't yet, you will.

 

The trick is to busy yourself with things that make you happy in the meantime... Focus on how awesome you are! His bad behavior has NOTHING to do with you, it's NOT a reflection of how you are... it's all 100% about him!

 

I know it hurts, but it's really truly nothing about you... don't get caught up in thinking how you could have been better, what you could have done differently, because you're great. You have to next the guys who don't appreciate what you have to offer.

 

(And seriously, not another word to this guy because he's a fake. Give yourself the gift of no more heartache from fakers.)

[chumly]

If you can't block him on the dating site, delete your old account and open up a new one. This guy sounds like he's in love with himself - dating himself - and he gets off on how much he can reel you back in by getting you to respond to him. It's a game he most likely plays with everyone.

 

I know it hurts and I'm sorry it turned out that he was like this. But the sooner you block him, the sooner you can move on and free yourself up for someone who isn't a big fake shallow attention hog who doesn't care about other people's feelings!

 

It's okay to cry as much as you need to... I promise you will eventually feel better. Even if you don't yet, you will.

 

The trick is to busy yourself with things that make you happy in the meantime... Focus on how awesome you are! His bad behavior has NOTHING to do with you, it's NOT a reflection of how you are... it's all 100% about him!

 

I know it hurts, but it's really truly nothing about you... don't get caught up in thinking how you could have been better, what you could have done differently, because you're great. You have to next the guys who don't appreciate what you have to offer.

 

(And seriously, not another word to this guy because he's a fake. Give yourself the gift of no more heartache from fakers.)

 

Thanks so much for this wonderful advice and encouraging words. I really appreciate it! I actually decided to give that dating site a rest for a while and you are right, maybe i will just set up a whole new acct if need be when I go back on. I have also decided not to even check the email acct that he messages me through. i cant tell u enough how i appreciate the encouraging and supportive words. I really appreciate it once again.;)

[chumly]

Everyone on here has been so helpful with advice and encouraging words and I would like to thankyou all again. I would also like to get some further input on another aspect of all of this....

 

like i said, i am giving the dating site a rest for a while, but I have been getting calls from him still wanting to get together with me and meet me. I have NOT been returning his calls.

 

Not that any of this really matters at this point but curious as to what others on here make of him still wanting to meet me? I would think if he was really trying to get rid of me he would not be interested in meeting me at all?? this part is a bit baffling.

 

I am wondering if he wants to meet me just to have something to do now?? just to satisfy his curious mind?? do u guys think that is it? it would be nice to think he really still has an interest in me at this point but since he backed down so much in his emails and calls to me i am thinking it is just a meeting for curiosity rather than meeting because he is actually interested in me?? what is your thoughts on it?

 

Thanks for any input.

[VeveCakes]

thanks katiegrl...I know u r right but a part of me really wants to tell him off. he claims to be a christian but yet I think the way he acts is not very christian like at all.

 

Seems like he is only nice to people based on how good he thinks they look. He has got to be one of the most shallow people i have ever come across but yet, is not even honest enough to admit it. In fact, he lied and said looks dont matter to him at all.This was all just lies because he had a superficial interest in me based on my pics. What a horrible person! I so much want to tell him off but just not sure what to say. i feel like i would feel better in a way but again, not sure what to say. Maybe i could just simply tell him that i dont think he is a good person as much as he wants to think he is.

 

Anyway, i know i should block him and thanks for listening. i still feel very bad about myself:sick: and will likely just take some time to cry again

 

I don't even know how you can make these judgements on him having never even met him. You yourself said there is nothing appealing about him except his looks and that he flattered you, so how is he the shallow one?

 

Why are you wasting any time on this guy? It makes no sense. Get your attention filled elsewhere.

[chumly]

vevecake...i am able to make those judgments on him because he talked about looks quite a bit but denied that he was superficial when I questioned him on it. I kept talking to him to give him the benefit of the doubt and because he was SO interested in me but then kind of got addicted to the attention. I dont really think that liking attention is shallow but maybe i am wrong.

 

I am just trying to figure out why he still wants to meet me so much when he seemed like he was giving me a bad case of the brush off. that part is baffling to me.

[katiegrl]

vevecake...i am able to make those judgments on him because he talked about looks quite a bit but denied that he was superficial when I questioned him on it. I kept talking to him to give him the benefit of the doubt and because he was SO interested in me but then kind of got addicted to the attention. I dont really think that liking attention is shallow but maybe i am wrong.

 

I am just trying to figure out why he still wants to meet me so much when he seemed like he was giving me a bad case of the brush off. that part is baffling to me.

 

My guess is he really doesn't want to meet you but senses you are pulling away, and misses the attention.... so tells you what you want to hear in order to get you fawning all over him again...

 

He's a scammer.... probably doing the same thing to 20 other women he met on the internet too...

 

Probably married or in a RL and bored.

Edited June 17, 2016 by katiegrl