mikeishurt Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 For months, my wife has had an online friendship with someone I did not approve of. I found him way too flirty and thought he had a thing for her. Long talks online, even phone conversations... but without proof, I generally let it go. Well, she went out to near where he lives a few days ago, but to visit a friend of hers that is in town. When she was impossible to get ahold of, I looked in her work email account, to see if there was another number besides the one I had. I found a transcript of an online sex session she'd had with him. When I confronted her with it today, she put all the talk off until she returns home Sunday. I let her know though, that if she even thought about visiting him, not to come home, and she promised she wouldn't. But I don't know what the deal's going to be when she gets here. I have absolutely no doubt that she also had phone sex. I can forgive the actions, but I can't forgive the lying... not yet. But I love her enough that I'm willing to try. Does anyone have any recommendations as far as to how to handle this? While it wasn't physical, it sure hurts... but I want our marriage to work. Link to post Share on other sites
ollydolly Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 Your marriage is badly in trouble. Treat it as an affair and go for crisis counselling. Forgiveness so soon seems inappropriately desperate. She has not been faithful to you! Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 Think about it logically here. She's had cybersex with this guy at least once that you know of (my god, why she's saving transcripts of it, is beyond me), you strongly suspect she's also had phone sex with him. She's now out of town and near where he lives. You'd tried to call her but she was "impossible to get ahold of." I hate to say it but do the math. People don't have cybersex and carry on like that if they have no intention whatsoever of meeting - particularly when you already know he's got the hots for her and they spend a lot of time communicating. So my goodness, what was her reaction when you confronted her about the cybersex transcript/log? Did she sound shocked? Upset? Indifferent? That was swell of her to suggest you discuss this when she's back home but gee, was there another reason she couldn't talk? Like he was there? Sorry to say it but I'll bet she went there this weekend to see him. How had you tried to reach her, on her cell phone? The number of her friend's house? Call her @ 1am and see where she is. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeishurt Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 Trust me, I am treating it as a serious affair. I have told her, in every conversation, that in every sense of the word, what she's done is cheated, and I've asked her if she truly understands what she's put me through. In the last 2 days since I've found out, I've had one meal, I can barely feel anything... I feel emotionally shut down. And when I do feel, I feel like running my car off the side of the road. Talking to her today, I was able to get some answers. I've told her that I have a hard time believing anything she says. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to trust her again, but I love her enough that I don't want our marriage to end. But she's told me she doesn't know how it started, or why she did it. She said there was no phone sex, but enough online encounters that she couldn't place a number to them. Even when she was considering meeting him, that a sexual encounter was not what she had in mind(see what I said about having a hard time believing her). Fortunately, if she has lied, I know she can't f*** him physically. I never thought I'd say this, but god bless "that time of the month". The provisions we've set: -We will get counseling. -As for right now, as long as he is blocked from her instant messengers and emails, that she can visit the message boards she did before.. but only if. -If I find any proof that she's been lying to me, or keeping something from me, as much as I love her, as much of my world as she is, that I will walk away. At this point, all I want is to come face to face with him. I would punch until he stopped moving. See, if this was just some random guy, someone that didn't know she was married, then I might feel different. But he lied to me. He's a piece of sh**, and and all I want to do is hurt him like he's had no problems hurting me. Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 You say he lied to you......about what? And how did she ever meet him to begin with? Online? A forum? chat room? But did she sound upset or shocked, was she crying when you busted her with your revelation.................that's what I'd like to know. How far away is she from your home? Personally I think given the seriousness of the situation, she should have hightailed it back home to sort this out - and be there for you. Sorry you're going through this. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeishurt Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 Originally posted by shygurl You say he lied to you......about what? And how did she ever meet him to begin with? Online? A forum? chat room? He told me that I had no reason to be suspicious of their friendship, that all they did was carry on like friends did. And they met on a Smallville forum. But did she sound upset or shocked, was she crying when you busted her with your revelation.................that's what I'd like to know. She sounded 100% shocked. Like she couldn't believe I'd found it. How far away is she from your home? We live in Texas, she's in LA. Personally I think given the seriousness of the situation, she should have hightailed it back home to sort this out. She'll be home tomorrow night at midnight. We'll have a long conversation then. Link to post Share on other sites
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