How did this guy friend I liked and had a nice bond with become a total stranger ?

[Jane18]

This guy and I met a year and a half ago at school, became friends and really clicked. He even seemed to slightly court me at first, was seemed sweet and caring (buying me food without asking for instance when he'd know I didn't have time to have a breakfast), he'd compliment me, walk me to my bus stop each evening, was really flirty and a bit touchy-feely (hand on my lower waist for instance), but he never clearly mentionned he was interested. A few weeks after we met, he told me he had a gf he was about to dump, out of the blue (regarding his attitude towards me, I had no idea he had a gf and he never mentioned her). He kept being gentle for a little bit and I was slowly falling for him, then he started to change.

He was still nice and even kind of caring, but he started to be more distant and to make jokes about me I found undelicate (I think he has this humour with his close guy friends, but he didn't have it with me the first weeks, he was very charming and gentle, considerate...and it seemed like there was animosity sometimes, he was just keep making jokes, about how I dress, speak, my parents, anything he could find) . But he also was still around, asking to see me, have lunch together, flirtig/complimenting me, telling me he was worried when I wouldn't give news for a little while.

 

 

A few months after we had met, my dad found a job elsewhere and we had to move to a different town. We had already become a bit more distant at this point, but still shared a nice connection (when he wasn't making too many lame jokes). I distanced myself cause his attitude was hurting me, and I had started to like him and felt like there was no hope. There were many unsaid things between us, at least on my side. But judging from his weird changes of attitudes, also on his maybe. Also I was missing the nice one from the beginning, and having the impression that this jokingly attitude was all I could get from him was hurting me. I think I wanted a bit more, it made me feel like I didn't matter to him and like he wasn't taking me seriously. Undelicate jokes was 98% of what he'd tell me, the caring or even just friendly vibe seemed to fade away. It was silence or 98% of lame personal jokes.

 

 

He asked for news a few weeks after I had left, but the correspondence died fast after I had replied. He was busy with important and urgent things in his life, but well. He called me once weeks after, but to ask for help for stg... and made bad/insensitive jokes again, I was offended and felt used, we had a fight on Skype. I told him what i thought about his attitude, that i was tired of it, he seemed offended, he blamed me, said I lacked humour and had a problem with him. His offensive jokes would maybe hurt me less if I didn't have feelings for him, and he doesn't know I like him, but I just couldn't spit it out and explain myself and I was so sick and tired of his behaviour... I felt like he didn't deserve such a confession. He didn't even deserve a romantic interest actually.

We talked again a bit after that (he needed to ask me something, again) but I voluntarily distanced myself and stopped showing signs of affection when we'd talk, and he was distant too. I was feeling like he was using me. I was very neutral, sometimes a bit disagreeable... I was tired of being so hurt and mistreated. I could feel things were weird, awkward, disagreable in our interactions, the little sparkle was gone i guess. It's been 10 months and we haven't talked since then. He said he should talk to each other again and stuff but I don't know if he meant it -his tone was very neutral, almost professional - and he hasn't even asked for news since then, not once. His behaviour really disappointed me, I don't feel like contacting him again to be honest. He hasn't apologized about his behaviour, while a year ago we would talk everyday, and he was caring. He knows that I'm in a difficult period and very stressing period right now, he knows I could use his help, but he doesn't try to ask how I am or to offer me support (even if I did support him when he needed me eventhough his attitude didn't quite encourage me to do so).

 

What do u think happenned , does it look like we're never gonna be in touch again? How can people/guys change so fast, have you ever experienced that and is there anything to do?

[privategal]

When he was sweet, kind, flirty...its because you were about to be used as his plan b-rebound girl.

He knew he built up a little hope and spark with you, and when he either found another flirting friend or reconciled with the girlfriend...rather than talking with you and saying he knew there was initially some affection shown but decided on platonic friends with you instead....he resorted to pulling back without a word and distracting and annoying you with jokes to put you off so you'd forget him romantically and be distracted that it was a rude thing to do.

 

He came back around because he's the type to want to have alot of girls on the backburner to talk to for boredom, in case he needs a stand in or attention, but he isnt invested.

He doesnt care a whole lot so he wont put in the effort.

There was a friendship and history with you guys but not a solid foundation built on good honest communication and trust, therfore space and time make it easy for that to crumble and fall away.

Thats whats happened.

Hes too young and immature to be the kind of friend your hoping he will be.

Id not write him any longer.

Look for better friends.