He rejected me 2 months ago and now shows his interest

[Amyyy]

2 months ago, he rejected my confession and told me he wanted to be great friends with me for many years to come. After that, we still kept in touch through texting and shared about each other's life like before. Now, he just invited me to join an international week-long trip with him this summer (just two of us) and he offered to pay for my expense. I am so confused but then I decided to decline his invitation. Then he told me that he cared about me a lot, he thought of me while walking on the streets, before sleeping and dreamed of me at night… he wanted to get to know me better and would welcome me if I decide to join later.

 

I met him when I joined in the same program with him in my country 2 years ago, after that, we have been good friends and shared a lot about each other’s live via social network, but no face to face meeting since that program ended. We are currently living on two different continents (actually I have plan to move to his country 2 years later from now). So for now, he’s going to start his medical school after the trip so this trip seems like the only chance for both to get to know each other more.

 

For me, somehow, I still want to join the trip to know more about him, but at the same time, I’m still unsure about his feeling for me (just 2 months ago he rejected me), and if I go, I will have to spend a lot of effort and time. What should I do? Should I change my mind to join the trip with him or just stick with my earlier decision? Do I seem to be an inconsistent person if I change my decision?

 

I really need advice on this! Thank you in advance!

Edited June 8, 2016 by Amyyy

[kamani]

Tell him straightforward that you are not interested in joining the trip unless he is romantically interested in you. If he says 'yes' that's that. If he is still like 'I want your company, you are a great special friend etc' say you are not coming and cut all ties. Don't accept intermediate answers. Dont be an ego boost for someone and invest a lot of precious time and energy.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Before I give you my point of view, can you give us a bit more information about your declaration of love for him and his supposed 'rejection'?

 

Also, have you ever slept together or fooled around at all or has it been very platonic up to this point?

[Amyyy]

Thank you so much for your concern. Two months ago, I told him that I thought I had feelings for him and asked him what are the real feelings he had for me. Then he replied that I had been a great friend of him for a long time, he cared for me and he wanted to be great friends with me for many years to come.

 

As I stated earlier in the #1 thread, I met him in a program 2 years ago, we were good friends by helping each other, chatting, playing games together, walking on the streets, nothing more than that. When the program ended, we haven't met again because we are living far away, just contacted (quite often) through social network by sharing good and bad things in our lives, sending pictures and stories, supporting each other... We've been friends like that for 2 years.

 

Looking forward to hearing more from you!!!

Edited June 8, 2016 by Amyyy

[SincereOnlineGuy]

2 months ago, he rejected my confession and told me he wanted to be great friends with me for many years to come.

 

 

The first sentence answers everything:

 

 

Men have zero interest in being mere "friends" with women they wouldn't rather be banging.

[preraph]

I don't know, but it sounds to me like the thought of being romantic with you might have changed and maybe he's ready to consider (or does he just need someone to split travel expenses?).

[Michelle ma Belle]

Thank you so much for your concern. Two months ago, I told him that I thought I had feelings for him and asked him what are the real feelings he had for me. Then he replied that I had been a great friend of him for a long time, he cared for me and he wanted to be great friends with me for many years to come.

 

As I stated earlier in the #1 thread, I met him in a program 2 years ago, we were good friends by helping each other, chatting, playing games together, walking on the streets, nothing more than that. When the program ended, we haven't met again because we are living far away, just contacted (quite often) through social network by sharing good and bad things in our lives, sending pictures and stories, supporting each other... We've been friends like that for 2 years.

 

Looking forward to hearing more from you!!!

 

Okay, thank you for clarifying things for me.

 

I know you feel like it's a rejection but honestly, I think he handled this with a lot of class. Just because your feelings turned romantic doesn't mean his automatically would too unfortunately. You started out as friends and great ones from what I can tell. He sounded like he wanted to preserve that friendship rather than complicate it with romance, at least for the time being. He's entitled to his feelings as are you.

 

As for taking a trip together, I personally would go but that's just me. I mean, if you can't have him as your boyfriend would you still want him as a great friend? If so, then look at this as his way of reconnecting with you face to face doing something fun and enjoyable together, like old times.

 

Personally, I think it was brave of him to still want to meet up and spend time together after your confession. He also admitted to missing you, let's not forget that part

 

Does he still want to remain just friends or is he hoping this trip might be the beginning of something more now that he's felt your absence? Who the hell knows for sure. All I have to say IF you go, go with no expectations other than enjoying yourself and your friendship. If something blossoms, great, if not, you will have had another lovely adventure together as friends.

 

So many guys get weirded out when girls make these declarations of love and it's rare they ever go back to being friends again. He clearly still cares about you and seems to be making an effort which is more than most men in similar situations would do.

 

Celebrate that.

 

Good luck and be safe!

[Amyyy]

Thank you so much for your very detailed advice, it's really helpful for me and exactly what I need to know.

 

From my point of view, this is how I see everything so far: his respond towards my confession still somehow means: No, I didn't want to be your boyfriend, you should find another one.

I think, if after 2 years, he still hadn't any special feelings for me, how could his feelings switch dramatically in just only 2 months after rejecting me? How could he dream about a girl that he hasn't been met for 2 years?

 

I do trust him, as a good friend, but consciously, I suspect his words when he claimed that he thought of me when walking on streets and I visited his dreams at night. Did he just say what I want to hear and he wants a girl to boost his ego? It seemed like I was just a plan B and another option of him at that time so that he didn't want me, but then he reached me because the other girls who are his priorities rejected him, so he chose me as a safe option when I already have some feelings for him.

 

How do you think about that? I really want to know your opinion. I know I'm kinda pessimistic here but his sudden change makes me feel that way. Although I want to join the trip but still need something more to prove that I am wrong with these thought.

 

Also, if I change my earlier decision, do I look like an easy and inconsistent girl? Will he respect me then?

 

I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon! Thank you so much!!!

Edited June 9, 2016 by Amyyy