My gf says she need to start stay away from me in order to get back with her ex

[Mike91]

I'm with this girl for almost a year (I'm 25 and she's 27). The other day she told me that she needs to distance herself from me in order to go back with her ex.

 

She says I'm what she always dreamed about and that she cannot break up with me straight away. She needs to do it gradually by stop seeing each other everyday, texting and so forth.

 

She also says she wants me in her life, no matter what, because after all we've lived together she would die if I cut all contacts with her.

 

The all situation sounds a little bit weird to me and her attitude seems somewhat dysfunctional. She talks about it like she MUST go back with her ex. She's even planning how to do it, like it was a project assigned at work.

 

I don't know what to do and what to think. I'm really in love with her (it is also my first girlfriend), so for me it's really difficult.

 

What do you guys think?

 

Thank you!

[Zahara]

Don't be a putz. She's using you as a back up. A fallback. As the transition guy that gets her to the other side.

 

I'm sure you see the selfishness in her demands. She has no care as to how you feel but only to use you until she gets what she wants.

 

What kind of crazy -- asking your boyfriend to stay in the picture until she can get back with an ex? Insanity. And you're asking?

[GorillaTheater]

The other day she told me that she needs to distance herself from me in order to go back with her ex.

 

 

The only thing you say to her (like, ever) after she drops a line like that is "Okay. Bye."

[Alamo657]

 

What do you guys think?

 

Thank you!

 

I think if you still love her, or think you do, it's because its your first GF at 25.

 

I also think you learn trough experience, and you're gonna leard very hard what it means to be a backup plan.

Edited June 8, 2016 by Alamo657

[SammySammy]

You know you don't have to accept being treated like this, right?

 

Don't have to go along with her plan to leave you and go back to her ex in the way that's least traumatic for her.

 

You could stand up for yourself. Have some self-respect. Immediately dump her on her ass for even thinking she can treat you this way. And having the audacity to tell that's what she's going to do to your face!

 

Incredible.

 

What is wrong with people these days?

[kendahke]

I'm with this girl for almost a year (I'm 25 and she's 27). The other day she told me that she needs to distance herself from me in order to go back with her ex.

 

She says I'm what she always dreamed about and that she cannot break up with me straight away. She needs to do it gradually by stop seeing each other everyday, texting and so forth.

 

No, what you do is break up with her now. She doesn't want to be with you--she wants to use you for her soft landing when she bounces into the arms of her ex. That's who she wants to be with.

 

She also says she wants me in her life, no matter what, because after all we've lived together she would die if I cut all contacts with her.

 

Then let her "die". She made the choice to put her ex before you, so she can sit by herself, without your friendship, and enjoy getting back with the guy with whom things didn't work out the last time. She's not owed anything.

 

The all situation sounds a little bit weird to me and her attitude seems somewhat dysfunctional. She talks about it like she MUST go back with her ex. She's even planning how to do it, like it was a project assigned at work.

 

I don't know what to do and what to think. I'm really in love with her (it is also my first girlfriend), so for me it's really difficult.

 

What do you guys think?

 

I think you should quit being so passive and derelict in the guarding of your boundaries.

 

It is extremely, extremely rare that people make a life with their very first girlfriend/boyfriend. And BTW--she's not a good girlfriend. You can do way better than this, but you won't as long as you keep her up on a pedestal, believing that you can't ever get another girlfriend. Set her adrift while you still have some semblance of self confidence about you--be the one who makes the decision, not the one affected by her decision. She'll get over it while she's in her ex's bed.

[CupCakess]

I'm with this girl for almost a year (I'm 25 and she's 27). The other day she told me that she needs to distance herself from me in order to go back with her ex.

 

She says I'm what she always dreamed about and that she cannot break up with me straight away. She needs to do it gradually by stop seeing each other everyday, texting and so forth.

 

She also says she wants me in her life, no matter what, because after all we've lived together she would die if I cut all contacts with her.

 

The all situation sounds a little bit weird to me and her attitude seems somewhat dysfunctional. She talks about it like she MUST go back with her ex. She's even planning how to do it, like it was a project assigned at work.

 

I don't know what to do and what to think. I'm really in love with her (it is also my first girlfriend), so for me it's really difficult.

 

What do you guys think?

 

Thank you!

 

She is using you. Maybe she does care for you and isn't sure about what she wants (as most people do), but she is clearly just interested in you as long as it suits her "plans". Maybe she is just waiting for her ex to do go back to her, and is dragging you along the run, using you as a puppet to fill her needs on the mean time.

 

Break up with her.

 

Also that whole thing about her "needing" to go back to her ex, as if it was some sort of planned thing is seriously weird.

[Jersey born raised]

As others have urged you need to move on. Read the 180 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce. This is a tool to help you to detach.

 

As to staying in your life, ask for time apart before making that call. As to staying friends; staying friends with an ex leads to the situation you face right now. Do you really want to play the pick me dance.

[LostOnes05]

Bruh...smh. What color are the pills she's taking or rather not taking? And I thought the woman I dealt with had birds flying around in her head...

 

This is simple...Take her out to dinner and then ask for separate checks. Then break up with her after dinner and wish her well with her ex. In fact, be a good guy and drop her off at his place lol.

[CupCakess]

To be fair, is she even your actual girlfriend? or does she consider you more of a friends with benefits things? Seems to me like she thinks of you as more of a friend than anything else.

 

I mean let me highlight some stuff from your post:

 

- she wants to distance herself from you (not to break-up).

- she confides in you her "plan" to get him back, as if talking to a friend.

 

I think you should end things with her, and ignore her completly.

 

But seems to me she does not consider that what you guys have is serious to begin with, thus why everything seems so strange.

[bubbaganoosh]

 

She also says she wants me in her life, no matter what, because after all we've lived together she would die if I cut all contacts with her.

 

What do you guys think?

Thank you!

 

I would ask her to have someone inform you which funeral parlor to send flowers to after you leave. The woman is jiving you friend. Get real and tell her to take a hike and tell her that you don't play second fiddle to anyone and end it. Your being taken for a ride.

[sorano]

is this real life? dude, lol. This chic sounds crazy lol. You need to bounce. fast

[Giggles666]

She sounds like drama, run as fast as you can and do not look back. No one deserves to be backup.

[lolablue17]

For me it sounds more like "The summer has began", and many kids are bored and have nothing to do.

[Buddhist]

The other day she told me that she needs to distance herself from me in order to go back with her ex.

 

Her body might be 27 but I think her mind is somewhere around age 10 or so.

 

She says I'm what she always dreamed about and that she cannot break up with me straight away. She needs to do it gradually by stop seeing each other everyday, texting and so forth.

 

Do not entertain this. Since she wants her ex back then you walk away now, no contact and she can deal with it. She can instead learn what it feels like to walk away from 'all that she's dreamt about' in favour of what she had that didn't work out. It's the only way she will learn.

 

She also says she wants me in her life, no matter what, because after all we've lived together she would die if I cut all contacts with her.

 

And you get what out of this exactly? No she's made her choice she can't have it both ways. You can walk out of her life because you don't need the endless drama of having her in it.

 

The all situation sounds a little bit weird to me and her attitude seems somewhat dysfunctional. She talks about it like she MUST go back with her ex. She's even planning how to do it, like it was a project assigned at work.

 

She either is highly dysfunctional, in which case she's not GF material, or she's lying out of her ass and is playing you for a fool. Which means she's also not GF material. I'd actually err on the side of she's crazy here and has not a clue how to conduct a sane relationship because in all honesty this just looks like walking neurosis.

 

I don't know what to do and what to think. I'm really in love with her (it is also my first girlfriend), so for me it's really difficult.

 

What to do - Get away from this girl. Establish no contact and stick with it. In time you will get this bunch of crazy out of your head.

 

What to think - She has just told you it's over because she plans to go back with her ex. Anything else she tells you at this point must be considered highly suspect and not in your best interests. Not only has she told you something that's likely very hurtful to you but she also expects you to stick around and hold her hand while she does it. This defies any known logic on the planet. Do not do this to yourself.

[keiji]

Jesus, she's so selfish and immature that she doesn't even realize what she's telling you is horrendous. Get out of there asap. It's humiliating, to say the least.

[PrettyEmily77]

She also says she wants me in her life, no matter what, because after all we've lived together she would die if I cut all contacts with her.

 

Cut all ties with her now. There's every chance that she'll be just fine while giving it a shot with her ex (provided he wants her back at all, of course).

 

That's a tad dramatic as emotional blackmail goes, but it's also very transparent - if she's already made moved to get the ex back, you are de facto her ex anyway.

[Toodaloo]

I'm with this girl for almost a year (I'm 25 and she's 27). The other day she told me that she needs to distance herself from me in order to go back with her ex.

 

Oh my days she is a wrong 'un isn't she...

 

She says I'm what she always dreamed about and that she cannot break up with me straight away. She needs to do it gradually by stop seeing each other everyday, texting and so forth.

 

She also says she wants me in her life, no matter what, because after all we've lived together she would die if I cut all contacts with her.

 

She is not going to die she is just being overly dramatic and pulling on your heart strings so she can use you a bit longer.

 

The all situation sounds a little bit weird to me and her attitude seems somewhat dysfunctional. She talks about it like she MUST go back with her ex. She's even planning how to do it, like it was a project assigned at work.

 

Seems? Wrong word there. It IS dysfunctional.

 

I don't know what to do and what to think. I'm really in love with her (it is also my first girlfriend), so for me it's really difficult.

 

What do you guys think?

 

Thank you!

 

I think you need to take a deep breath the look her in the eye and say "Cherrio - Do not contact me, do not speak to me, pack your bags now and leave now, leave you key as you walk through the door".

 

Get her out of your life and get on with yours.

 

Its (I can't use the word she) your first girl. There are lots of others out there who are sane, sensible, loyal, fun and will not treat you like this.

 

I know its hard but after a while it stops hurting and you find the world is a better place when you treat yourself with a bit of dignity and refuse to let others treat you any less so!

[Chi townD]

No dude. I mean, come on! She's putting more of a value on what she had with her Ex than she has with you. How do you feel about that?

 

Dude, you deserve to be with a girl that wants to be with you because there's no other place in the world she would rather be. She wants to dump you; yet, dictate what kind of relationship she wants to have with you.

 

Personally, she's already made her choice and, stupidly, her choice is her Ex. She wiling to give you up. Therefore, she either gets 100% of you or nothing at all. She isn't THAT stupid. There is a reason our Ex's are our Ex's. So, she wants to keep you on the sidelines and she can go play the field with her Ex and it things don't work out. Then, she's got you waiting on the sidelines. And that's not fair to you! xxxxxx

[Escobar95]

shes clearly using you to feed her guilt, dude listen to me cut all contact with her its going to be tough at the start but gradually you will come to a point were shes not even on your mind anymore squeeze your teeth you deserve a better woman man.

 

- Sometimes you need to walk away, not to make someone else realize how worthy you are. But for you to understand and acknowledge your own self-worth.

[Satu]

The way she is treating you is outrageous.

 

You should go NC and block her.

 

 

Take care.

[ChickiePops]

Basically she's asking you to help her get over you...she wants you to be her emotional tampon.

 

I'd laugh in her face if I were you.

[elaine567]

I know most want their SO to be honest with them during a break up, but this is ridiculous.

She cannot expect you to continue to be her emotional support system whilst she attempts to get back with her ex.

 

YOU have to cut all contact and protect yourself here.

Its over, get her out of your life, ASAP.

[Mike91]

Guys, I've stopped answering her messages and so forth. I told her that I cannot stand to be the second choice, especially when the first one is a guy whom she already broke up with, and she's constantly complaining about him with me.

 

I don't even understand why she wants him back, but as I told her yesterday, at this point I simply don't care. It doesn't make any sense and I told her "good luck, because you'll need it".

 

Thank you so much for all your answers! I hope I'll cope well with this.

[keiji]

Well done, man! Her attitude doesn't make any sense, so you're way better off keeping your distance