My gf says she need to start stay away from me in order to get back with her ex

[CupCakess]

I've basically stopped replying to her, but still reading what she writes to me.

 

Anyway, I can't really wrap my head around what she's thinking. One of the weirdest thing she told me was that she wanted me to leave her as her bf (but still remains friend), so that she'll be completely free to trying to go back with her ex.

 

Basically, she wants me to leave her so that going back with her ex will be the only option for her. She wants me to help her get over me. She told me something like "if you leave me, it would be easier for me, because I'd know that being together is not an option. but you need to do it, because having you around only makes me confuse".

 

I really don't get it. You need my help to go back with the person you want to be with? It should be easy for you, since you want to stay with him. Why leaving me is so difficult that I've to do it for you? :\

 

If I would have to guess, she probably knows that going to her ex is a bad idea, maybe he wasn't a good boyfriend (given that she stressed that you are a really good to her), so she may truly be confused about what she thinks its in her best interest.

 

....but unfortunatly that only means she just thinks of you as the "better" choice, not the one she loves. As you have mentioned over and over, she keeps referring to you as "everything she needed", while complaining about the other guy. You are probably the complete opposite of her ex.

 

A friend of mine had sort of a similar situation with an ex, in which the girl seemed to be interested in him because of his job, while still sleeping with her unemployed ex-bf.

 

What she is doing is cruel, and you should block her. She is essentilly using you as a backup/safety net in case he rejects her, or in case things don't work out (again)., and you do not deserve that.

[Mike91]

If I would have to guess, she probably knows that going to her ex is a bad idea

 

Of course it is.

 

Yesterday her mother wanted to talk with me face to face, and she told me she's really worry about her daughter going back with that guy (he does things that I'd define as "emotional abuse"). But in all honesty, I can't force her daughter to do things she doesn't want to. Even the mother said that "she's the only one able to make a decision about this."

 

I even told the mother that if her daughter is really trying to going back with her ex, she really deserve to be treated they way she treated her.

[Satu]

You should just walk away from this.

[CupCakess]

Of course it is.

 

Yesterday her mother wanted to talk with me face to face, and she told me she's really worry about her daughter going back with that guy (he does things that I'd define as "emotional abuse"). But in all honesty, I can't force her daughter to do things she doesn't want to. Even the mother said that "she's the only one able to make a decision about this."

 

I even told the mother that if her daughter is really trying to going back with her ex, she really deserve to be treated they way she treated her.

 

Well you know, she hasn't gone back to him yet, and she did mention she might get "rejected"....so most likely she will end up being rejected by him, and being rejected by you.

[ExpatInItaly]

Of course it is.

 

Yesterday her mother wanted to talk with me face to face, and she told me she's really worry about her daughter going back with that guy (he does things that I'd define as "emotional abuse"). But in all honesty, I can't force her daughter to do things she doesn't want to. Even the mother said that "she's the only one able to make a decision about this."

 

I even told the mother that if her daughter is really trying to going back with her ex, she really deserve to be treated they way she treated her.

 

While I'm sure her mother has legitimate concerns about her daughter, it is inappropriate for her to be bringing those to you. It is only going to make matters worse. If she reaches out to you again, you need to be polite but firm that you don't wish to discuss this issue and that the only person she needs to be speaking to about it is her daughter. Not you. Full stop.

 

As Satu said, you really need to walk away from this completely.

 

it is unhealthy on so many levels and will not end well for you.

[DKT3]

At least she came to you being open and honest about her feelings for another man, she is giving you the option to accept or reject it before forcing it on you like so many others do. We preach all the time here to be honest with your partner before creating, end the relationship first. In many ways this is respectful and mature. But damn the sense of entitlement on this woman...

[Toodaloo]

Wow, I'm sorry. It feels exactly like my situation.

 

She also has that attitude of constantly praise how "loving and caring and cute" I'm, and how "we're so good together". But then she'll still talk about her ex (of which she's always complaining about it).

 

I don't even know how to call this.

 

Call it BS and carry on ignoring her.

 

She really is a case isn't she. Seriously you really DO NOT need that in your life. You do not need someone being so upsey daisey round and round all the time...

 

Ask her mother to leave you alone as well.

 

Chin up chook. If you keep ignoring her the texts etc will eventually stop. Sometimes takes a while if they are cray cray. Sound to me as though she really is cray with a capitol C!

 

Close call here - be glad you got out now before all of this became "normal". Yes there are people out there who think this is normal behaviour..!

[Simon Phoenix]

I've basically stopped replying to her, but still reading what she writes to me.

 

Anyway, I can't really wrap my head around what she's thinking. One of the weirdest thing she told me was that she wanted me to leave her as her bf (but still remains friend), so that she'll be completely free to trying to go back with her ex.

 

Basically, she wants me to leave her so that going back with her ex will be the only option for her. She wants me to help her get over me. She told me something like "if you leave me, it would be easier for me, because I'd know that being together is not an option. but you need to do it, because having you around only makes me confuse".

 

I really don't get it. You need my help to go back with the person you want to be with? It should be easy for you, since you want to stay with him. Why leaving me is so difficult that I've to do it for you? :\

 

You really need to stop trying to make the illogical logical. Not only do you need to stop replying (which you have it seems), you need to block so you get no correspondence from her. You're going to drive yourself insane trying to figure this out. Stop trying.

[Mike91]

I told her that if she's really trying to go back with her ex, I don't want to have anything to do with her.

 

I can't even stand the thought of a person that has a full relationship with me and a few days later is able to go with another man, just like that.

 

That's something I don't really need in my life.

 

As I told her this, she was trying to find all the possible explanations for her behaviour, but I stopped her there by saying "you don't get it. you can find all the possible explanations for yourself, as long as you can live with that. you can do whatever you want. what I'm saying is that for me that shows lack of empathy and I find it unacceptable. if you think that's normal, that's fine. I'm only telling you that for me, as a person, I won't even be able to talk to you again if you do something like this".

 

After that she told me I was right and that she cannot go back with her ex.

 

But yeah, words are not enough, and I don't know what she's going to do now. The only thing I know is that, after I told her this, for me the situation ends here.

 

Maybe she'll understand that she can't go back with her ex? Or she'll just try anyway? I really don't know.

Edited June 14, 2016 by Mike91

[CupCakess]

I told her that if she's really trying to go back with her ex, I don't want to have anything to do with her.

 

I can't even stand the thought of a person that has a full relationship with me and a few days later is able to go with another man, just like that.

 

That's something I don't really need in my life.

 

As I told her this, she was trying to find all the possible explanation for her behaviour, but I stopped her there by saying "you don't get it. you can find all the possible explanation for yourself, as long as you can live with that. you can do whatever you want. what I'm saying is that for me that shows lack of empathy and I find it unacceptable. if you think that's normal, that's fine. I'm only telling you that for me, as a person, I won't even be able to talk to you again if you do something like this".

 

After that she told me I was right and that she cannot go back with her ex.

 

But yeah, words are not enough, and I don't know what she's going to do now. The only thing I know is that, after I told her this, for me the situation ends here.

 

Maybe she'll understand that she can't go back with her ex? Or she'll just try anyway? I really don't know.

 

I don't get it. She is saying she is going to ...but she hasn't done it yet? or at least tried?

 

I'm beginning to think she is not only crazy, but also stupid. Whats her big plan lol?

[Toodaloo]

Mike.

 

With age comes perspective and I can tell you now life is a heck of a lot easier if you just chippity chop people like this out of your life.

 

Get rid and quit letting her mess with your head.

 

This girl is NOT marriage material. She is not the love of your life all she is is a ball ache.

 

Get rid and be done with it.

 

You will be a whole lot more relaxed and happy with her gone. She will have to find her own way.

[Mike91]

Whats her big plan lol?

 

She has not tried yet.

 

Her big plan is this:

 

1. gradually start to break the habit of staying with me (?)

 

2. then trying to go back with her ex (she said she can't do it right away, because she's in a full relationship with me at the moment and she'd find that difficult)

 

3. stay friend with me, because she can't let me go from her life just like that (and that's an important part of the plan, because she won't be able to go back with the ex if she knows that this will lead to me disappearing from her life)

 

It is simply the most disturbing thing I've ever heard of.

 

Mike.

 

With age comes perspective and I can tell you now life is a heck of a lot easier if you just chippity chop people like this out of your life.

 

I know. And I will not tollerate this more than I've already have.

[Toodaloo]

Good.

 

Quit letting her back into your mind then. She really is screwed up and needs some form of therapy...

 

Wacky way of thinking... You do not need her screwing you up and making you bitter or angry in the process.

[CupCakess]

She has not tried yet.

 

Her big plan is this:

 

1. gradually start to break the habit of staying with me (?)

 

2. then trying to go back with her ex (she said she can't do it right away, because she's in a full relationship with me at the moment and she'd find that difficult)

 

3. stay friend with me, because she can't let me go from her life just like that (and that's an important part of the plan, because she won't be able to go back with the ex if she knows that this will lead to me disappearing from her life)

 

It is simply the most disturbing thing I've ever heard of.

 

 

 

I know. And I will not tollerate this more than I've already have.

 

Well she is clearly an idiot. At this point you should be laughing rather than crying.

 

I mean:

 

Her ex-boyfriend (future boyfriend), will probably not be cool with her staying friends with you (future ex-boyfriend), thus making "step 3" irrelevant. And if in turn she chooses to stay friends with you over her new future relationship, and cuts loose her ex, then she is throwing away her relationship with you for no reason.

 

Why did she and her ex break-up? and was she the one got dumped?

 

I certainly think she isn't thinking things clearly. The whole concept will end up failing, and its most likely she will loose both of you in the process. So her plan is just dumb, and will fail either way lol.

[Blanco]

How on earth is a thread with the first post being, "My girlfriend told me she is going to leave me for her ex" now nearing six pages?

[Simon Phoenix]

I told her that if she's really trying to go back with her ex, I don't want to have anything to do with her.

 

I can't even stand the thought of a person that has a full relationship with me and a few days later is able to go with another man, just like that.

 

That's something I don't really need in my life.

 

As I told her this, she was trying to find all the possible explanations for her behaviour, but I stopped her there by saying "you don't get it. you can find all the possible explanations for yourself, as long as you can live with that. you can do whatever you want. what I'm saying is that for me that shows lack of empathy and I find it unacceptable. if you think that's normal, that's fine. I'm only telling you that for me, as a person, I won't even be able to talk to you again if you do something like this".

 

After that she told me I was right and that she cannot go back with her ex.

 

But yeah, words are not enough, and I don't know what she's going to do now. The only thing I know is that, after I told her this, for me the situation ends here.

 

Maybe she'll understand that she can't go back with her ex? Or she'll just try anyway? I really don't know.

 

No more talking to her dude. C'mon.

[Mike91]

Why did she and her ex break-up? and was she the one got dumped?

 

No, she dumped him.

 

Anyways, this situation is making my life a living hell and I can't stand it anymore. I'm probably finding it more difficult than it is because she's my very first gf.

 

I also find difficult to accept the fact that the person I thought had my same sensibility, she's really capable of staying with another man just after being in a relationship with me.

 

I should probably just stop thinking about it and relocate my energies into something else.

[Toodaloo]

I should probably just stop thinking about it and relocate my energies into something else.

 

Yes you should.

 

Firsts are rarely lasts...

 

Take time out to get your head straight again then start from scratch.

 

Better luck next time but this one there is nothing you can do.

 

Blanco is right. 6 pages? You have known all along what you needed to do so trust yourself more.

[CupCakess]

No, she dumped him.

 

Anyways, this situation is making my life a living hell and I can't stand it anymore. I'm probably finding it more difficult than it is because she's my very first gf.

 

I also find difficult to accept the fact that the person I thought had my same sensibility, she's really capable of staying with another man just after being in a relationship with me.

 

I should probably just stop thinking about it and relocate my energies into something else.

 

Yeah its hard because she is your first gf, but if you stop talking to her you will eventually be ok within a few months-

 

Regarding her reasons, you shouldn't try to think about it. Its obvious that right now your head is filled with questions in need of an answer that makes at least some sense, but she won't be able to provide one for you.

 

Let her do as she pleases with her life, but don't let her drag you along. Its better to block her and move on.