peonyrose Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 (edited) I am a 35 year old woman who was with a 49 year old man for 2.5 years. At Christmas he proposed and happily accepted. We fell in love very quickly after we met. He was crazy about me and my 15 year old daughter. He has 2 children in Germany from his 2 previous marriages. He is German and I am Irish. We were very happy together and in love. He would shower me with romantic notes and gestures telling me how I was his perfect woman. We've had some tough times like in January he was very sick butvwe stuck together and got through it, I was his rock or so he said. We lived together for most of our relationship. He was the main earner and I had a small income. He paid rent and bills etc, he was happybwith our situation, I kept the home looked after him and my daughter, yes we certainly had financial troubles often during our time together and I was in the process of seeking employment. In march we got another knock when there was trouble with his 15 year old daughter he was very upset and in April we travelled to Germany to try resolve it, I supported him as best I could. Although the trip was tough for him we still had some good times I met his parents for the first time etc. After Germany things started changing bit by bit he wasn't the same with me and was always tired. We started arguing over silly things and our financial worries, he started saying he felt he couldn't be himself in our home, that he didn't get the space to relax. Yes he acknowledged I would never say a thing when he went out socialising but he said it was at home I needed to let him be himself! I thought I was so it confused me. Then some nasty things were said by both in arguments and he would stop talking to me for a day or 2. I tried to fix it but I was angry too. I didn't know why things changed. 2 weeks ago he walked out on our life together left me with no money and no rent or bills paid. After a week he eventually agreed to meet and talk stuff through he wanted my mother there too! Weird! But I went along with it I was desperate to get him back we spoke for hours and he said he loved me and wanted to come home. We spent a romantic night alone and he left the next morning saying he was going to sort the mess and pay the rent etc! That evening he was due to start bringing his stuff back home and I got a text saying he was sorry he wasn't coming back and he hoped I would be OK and manage everything on my own. He said I would be blocked on his phone by the time I read the message and yes I bleepingbwas blocked from everything social media, phone etc. So I've been devastated since so confused and so betrayed. He left me with a huge rent to pay and all our bills. I feel he has taken my life from under me. I have been so low. I never imagined someone could hurt me that badly or be so cruel. All my family have also been blocked by him. So I'm left to sort the financial mess as well as the the mess in many head and heart. I am so confused Edited June 8, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator replaced with more recent duplicate ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 So sorry to hear this happened to you. Right now your main problem is supporting you and your daughter financially. Do you work? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 We lived together for most of our relationship. He was the main earner and I had a small income. He paid rent and bills etc, he was happybwith our situation, I kept the home looked after him and my daughter, yes we certainly had financial troubles often during our time together and I was in the process of seeking employment. Why not a more normal courtship period before living together? It's not clear how you became financially dependent on him so quickly... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peonyrose Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 Thank you.. No I was studying but now I will have to find employment I have already applied to a few places. Even in the hell I feel I'm in now I know I must get money and quick to be able to keep aroof over our head Link to post Share on other sites
Author peonyrose Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 Mr.lucky I do not need criticism right now. Like I said I was studying and a small weekly income. He was happy with our situation or so I thought and as soon as I realised I too needed to bring in a somewhat equal wage, I went to look for work! Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 I have no answers for you but I'm so sorry he has done this to you. I can't believe someone would treat someone this way. And why be so aggressive about blocking you in so many ways? So cruel!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peonyrose Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 Thank you. Yes this is the devastating part for me, the blocking, the finality of it all and so quickly. I feel cheated! And so confused. Why propose and why plan a wedding only 2 weeks before he walked out.so many questions and no answers! Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Thank you. Yes this is the devastating part for me, the blocking, the finality of it all and so quickly. I feel cheated! And so confused. Why propose and why plan a wedding only 2 weeks before he walked out.so many questions and no answers! It's just so cruel and heartless. The only thing I can guess is that he knows if he is able to talk to you or see you, he won't be able to stay away from you. The only thing is, I don't understand why the sudden need to stay away from you. Regardless, I hope you know that this is unforgivable behavior. If he does try to contact you again, I hope you'll think really hard about letting him back into your life. He has cut you off without any explanation. That's not something you will ever be able to get past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peonyrose Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 Yes I know forgiving this is impossible. Its the finality of it all that hurts so much. Knowing we will never be together again. Today is a bad day I couldn't get out of bed, I feel scared for the future. I had made a life and a routine with him it all feels so sad now.I feel so heartbroken. So lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peonyrose Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 Today is a bad day I found myself paralysed with pain and regrets. I couldn't get out of bed I just lay there scared. I have so much to sort and I don't know where to start. I need work, a new place and money for all our bills. I still can't believe he walked out and left me with no money, that he blocked me from everything and deleted all photos and memories of us from everything. Just like that, how can someone propose in December and in June walk away and in such a cold way making it so final. I feel devastated. We had built a life together and had routines and things we did. Everything feels so hard now I am struggling to see a future. Only for my daughter I don't know if I could go on. Please tell me I can get passed this pain. I have so many unanswered questions and killing myself for not fixing us and making it better before he left me. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 Yes I know forgiving this is impossible. Its the finality of it all that hurts so much. Knowing we will never be together again. Today is a bad day I couldn't get out of bed, I feel scared for the future. I had made a life and a routine with him it all feels so sad now.I feel so heartbroken. So lost. I'm so sorry. You're going to grieve for awhile. That's normal. But I think you also know that you'll someday stop hurting. At some point you're going to need to put your grieving on a shelf and force yourself to get out and make your life better. You have a daughter who depends on you and no man should ever control you to the point that you put him and what he's done over yourself and your daughter. So cry your heart out and then get up and make things better, little by little. Someday you'll look back and be proud that you didn't let anything stand in your way of getting on with your life. And just a suggestion - something I say all the time on this site - do not ever let yourself become dependent on a man. Relationships are too unstable to ever make yourself so vulnerable that, if he leaves, your life is shattered. This is a position you should never put yourself in again. Even if you marry a rich guy who wants you to be with him, travel, all that. Tell him that if he wants you to give up your ability to make a living, then he needs to park about $200k in a bank account with your name only on it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
talksomesenseintome Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 How can this possibly be your fault? It isnt. It will all be ok, just take one day at a time. Onwards and up wards, things will get better. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 After the way he left y'all with no money I would not care one once about him again. He obviously doesn't care what happens with you and your daughter left with no money. There's really nothing he can say to you to make this better. You are going to have to pull yourself out of bed, take a shower and do whatever you have to do to get some type of job. You don't have time to dwell on this creep. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peonyrose Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 I'm so sorry. You're going to grieve for awhile. That's normal. But I think you also know that you'll someday stop hurting. At some point you're going to need to put your grieving on a shelf and force yourself to get out and make your life better. You have a daughter who depends on you and no man should ever control you to the point that you put him and what he's done over yourself and your daughter. So cry your heart out and then get up and make things better, little by little. Someday you'll look back and be proud that you didn't let anything stand in your way of getting on with your life Thank you for advising me. Oh yes I know I totally fell head over heels in love and my life became him and my daughter. I was on my own for years so I was so happy when we met and fell in love. I had met people before him but I never had interest. He was kind to me and older, he was crazy in love too. He made me feel so special. I honestly bthought we could be together for life. I am struggling so much with the finality of it all and how he could be VSO cold. Blocking me, deleting all pictures of us and our memories,, he has deleted me from his life and so easily. It hurts so badly I am questioning everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peonyrose Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 Thank you for replying. Yes I know I should be full of anger at how he could leave us in such a position. I guess hecwas only thinking of him and presumed I'd manage. How wrong he was! I am so broken I have never experienced such pain and confusement. I can find no answers as to why he could block me and move on like I was nothing to him! Like I was the worst woman in the world. I got no goodbye no closure. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 My goodness at this point be glad you're blocked. Do you really want to reach out to him at this point? To say what? Link to post Share on other sites
Author peonyrose Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 I know it sounds awful that I would reach out to him. I just wanted answers I am so confused. Not a reconciliation. Nobody can tell me how he could leave in such a cold and cruel way. And come back and sit for hours talking about how to fix stuff,tell me he loves me, spend the night vwith me and then block block block. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 I know it sounds awful that I would reach out to him. I just wanted answers I am so confused. Not a reconciliation. Nobody can tell me how he could leave in such a cold and cruel way. And come back and sit for hours talking about how to fix stuff,tell me he loves me, spend the night vwith me and then block block block. He won't be able to tell you this either. It's just who he is. He can't give you closure, you will have to make your own. You can start with "This wasn't the person I thought he was" and work from there. Now get up and get moving. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 Mr.lucky I do not need criticism right now. Like I said I was studying and a small weekly income. He was happy with our situation or so I thought and as soon as I realised I too needed to bring in a somewhat equal wage, I went to look for work! Whoa, slow down peonyrose, you'll need a thicker skin to survive a break-up like this. Your post about being a student came after both your original post and my question. You've gotten good advice from others. The truth is you're only in charge of and responsible for you. I'd listen to the message he's sending you - and by blocking and abandoning you, it seems pretty clear - and plan accordingly... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peonyrose Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 Hi and thank you for the replies. It probably sounds like I just sit and cry all day, I don't because I can't. I have been busy putting my life back together. I am just sad. And I guess shocked. Relationships end I accept that but itvwas how it was how it was done that hurts the most! It was cruel and so final. And a horrible end to us. Link to post Share on other sites
DreamP Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Where do you live? In the US in some states, I believe there are common laws that implies married situations, such as yours, where you can sue for support. Meaning since you were living together similar to a married couple, you basically are a married couple and therefore entitled to spousal support. I'm not sure, but I would definitely try to check it out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 It's completely understandable that you're grieving very deeply. This type of abandonment is a worse feeling than if he had abruptly died, like in a car accident. If he had died, you'd grieve also but things wouldn't have ended in the harsh, cold way he has done it. I'm not saying it would've been better if he had died. I'm just comparing it to the abruptness of his abandonment, the lack of closure, etc. This is a death in a sense. A death of love that you believed was solid and had a future. Then you were blindsided. This is a very hard thing to accept and get past. I really feel for you and am so sad you have to go through it. Last night, someone I know lost a friend in a car accident. This friend was with another friend and they were both very drunk. Young men. The driver was 19, his friend was 22. Now the friend has to live with the fact that he killed his friend. The parents have to deal with the senseless death of their son. The other parents have to deal with a child who will be going to jail for manslaughter as soon as he's released from the hospital. Why did I tell you that story? Because even when we think things can't get any worse, they most certainly can. Not trying to minimize what you're going through at all, because it's hard no matter what, but sometimes it helps to keep things in perspective. You have your daughter. You have your life. Thats a place to start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peonyrose Posted June 10, 2016 Author Share Posted June 10, 2016 Sorry to hear that very sad news bathtub-row, the world can be so cruel sometimes. And thank you for your advise Link to post Share on other sites
Author peonyrose Posted June 10, 2016 Author Share Posted June 10, 2016 Thought I saw him today, my heart nearly came out of my chest. It wasn't himbut I had to pull in the car and take 5 minutes out. This is the awful part of of losing someone, there is waves of pain going through me. Today I was in a supermarket and out of nowhere this intense feeling of loss came over me, I had to put my shopping down and leave. The rest of the day was not so good after those 2 experience's I have never felt like this and it scares me. I want it to just go away. I don't want to feel like this especially for a man who has made this break up absolute hell. Memories are flashing in front of me and I find myself wondering was anything about him real, what did I do? That someone could walk away block me and leave me to sort all the mess and debt! Its like its a different man, its not the man who wrote me love letters and poems the man who said he was never happy till he met me. Breakups are OK they hurt bad but someone doing what he did is torture. My family hate him now so I can't talk to them. And I really do need to talk to someone Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 You can still talk to your family. It doesn't matter how they feel about him, they still need to be there for you. Yeah you've had a tough day. And it may be like that for awhile. It just really stinks and is no fun at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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