fiance walked out i need help please

[peonyrose]

Its so sad and so hard.. I know our situations are different, but very painful for different reasons. Its terrible you are in that situation with your ex still living there, I don't know how you do it.

 

I'm in the opposite position where I didn't really get a chance to say my side, get angry, or hurt or let him know a damn thing. I don't know what's worse the been deleted from someone's life without a warning or been where you are now faced with them everyday. I have to say today I struggled, I wanted to my number on private and ring him, its been a very hard day, I've been full of anger and hurt. Even as I sit here now I still feel tempted to call, I feel I got to say nothing, and he's gone off into the sunset without a care, after leaving us with a mess to sort. And he actually believes hes the victim! He's been talking about me and saying I needed to change, I don't know what's more shocking, the fact he believes this or the whole damn mess. I am so confused and have no answers!

 

Love is such a complicated thing, and such a hurtful thing when it goes wrong

[peonyrose]

Update.........

 

I got offered crumbs.. And It took all my power to not take them! Sad but true!

 

I was unblocked by him, I saw my opportunity and said exactly what I thought, I lay it all out, all the anger, all the shock over what he did this was 3 days ago, and that night he responded.

 

" most of what you said is not true, or how I felt about you, you do vdeserve closure, meet me Wednesday ( today) in town."

 

So yeah looking at it now, a pathetic reply. I didn't respond I blocked him again and I didn't meet him. He is going to Germany tonight for his 10 day trip home, or maybe forever, I'm not sure. That's why I was so torn about meeting him or not. I've had my good days, I have, I've done lots of positive things. But I am hurting and today was a hard day. He might be staying in germany , and I knew that, I think that's why today has hurt so much.

 

And yes I know I must be crazy to still love him, but it just doesn't go like that, no matter how hurt you get. The worse part is I still kept a little bit of me hoping he'd try call me on private number, and say something. Sad but true. He's on his flight now, so no chance of that.

 

The trip before we went together 10 weeks ago to Germany, he cut it short, to come home he said he missed me too much and never wanted to go for more than 3 days again, that it didn't feel like home anymore, that I had made Ireland his home, and it was me who made finally have a place to call home! Even typing that I've cried so much.

 

How does it go from that to this. Was I just a fool.

 

I'd love some input, I'm struggling a bit tonight, I really am.

[66Charger]

Sometimes when you are in the storm, you can not see the light, even though it is there. By refusing to meet with him, you showed the one character trait that you need right now. Strength. It is hard and there will be more bad days, but that thing inside of you that said "no, I am not going" is what will lead you out of the storm. It was a scream that said "Enough". Inthe midst of your tears, practice saying that word. Enough of being treated like dirt. Enough of the lies. Enough of the breadcrumbs and soon you will say "Enough with the tears.

 

And in a year, you will forget his name

[peonyrose]

Sometimes when you are in the storm, you can not see the light, even though it is there. By refusing to meet with him, you showed the one character trait that you need right now. Strength. It is hard and there will be more bad days, but that thing inside of you that said "no, I am not going" is what will lead you out of the storm. It was a scream that said "Enough". Inthe midst of your tears, practice saying that word. Enough of being treated like dirt. Enough of the lies. Enough of the breadcrumbs and soon you will say "Enough with the tears.

 

And in a year, you will forget his name

 

Thank you.. Yes hopefully I will feel that way soon. Many tears tonight but I think its more about the fact, I know there's a chance he might stay in Germany. End of our story. I can't lie I am in a very sad place tonight, god I unblocked him, typed a message, deleted it and unblocked him again. I can't tell you how desperate it to feels, that a guy you loved is not only gone 5 weeks, and might be staying in his home country and changing his number too obviously if he does. Its like I need to get everything out there before its too late. But I haven't done it.

 

My story sometimes, still doesn't feel like its actually happening to me. Nobody most of all me can believe it.

 

I know I am strong, god I proved that, but today is hard

[bathtub-row]

Penny I'm so sorry for what you're going through. You're so right that love doesn't just disappear on command. But that doesn't mean we can't make good choices for ourselves. I have a feeling that if you had met him that night, it would've gone very badly. I know there's still hope in your heart but just try to take comfort in what he said about your assumptions on his feelings weren't true. I don't know what drove him to do what he did. It's like he's lost his mind.

[peonyrose]

Thanks bathtub, you have advised me from the start of this thread. Seems to me too like he lost his mind, its all I've been hearing. Who knows? I'm not sure I'll ever know, to be honest. But I trust the questions i put out into the universe will give me my answers eventually! That's all I can I hope for. Certainly his loss, not mine. I wish him look finding an old school type of gir like me I was 15 years his junior but I had old beliefs, hard to find that these days. At 50 I pitty him in a way, but still can wish him only good.

[Benj01]

Hi peonyrose,

I'm really sorry to hear your story. It must be a really tricky situation.

I'm recently separated from my wife of 10 years, I'm only 35 but she is all I have ever known, as we were together for years. She wants to be just friends, and is happy to do things together with our little boy, but find that so hard as all I wanted is to be back together. Have resigned myself to the fact that she doesn't want to be with me but doesn't make it easier.

I hope things get better for you, hang on in there.

Good to chat and get things off your chest sometimes

[peonyrose]

Hi peonyrose,

I'm really sorry to hear your story. It must be a really tricky situation.

I'm recently separated from my wife of 10 years, I'm only 35 but she is all I have ever known, as we were together for years. She wants to be just friends, and is happy to do things together with our little boy, but find that so hard as all I wanted is to be back together. Have resigned myself to the fact that she doesn't want to be with me but doesn't make it easier.

I hope things get better for you, hang on in there.

Good to chat and get things off your chest sometimes

 

Hi Benji, so sorry you are having such a crap time, and a lovely kid involved too. I was there too, it might have been nearly 16 years ago, but I was. And my beautiful girl is a great beautiful person now. 10 years is a long time, I can't imagine how hard its been. I'm struggling too, I won't lie. I am 35 as you know and my daughter too on top of the devastation this man I've been with for 3 years left behind, it hurt her too. We both were offered no explanation, how can you do that?!

 

Take it one tiny step at a time Benji, and know it will be OK in the end

[Benj01]

Thanks for your reply. It has been hard, my little boy doesn't really get what's going which is a good thing. I think the limbo is the hardest thing at the moment. Just waiting for the inevitable. It's a mad situation as after so many years of having someone to talk to, share things with and to hug when you're feeling crap, it's not there anymore.

With you're situation, it seems unfair that he would give no reason, that makes things harder.

Well guess like you said, things will be ok and always get better.

Try to keep a positive attitude x

[Broken-bloke]

Hi Peonyrose,

Reading your story is sad considering you have had to deal with a breakup with no answers. My trauma started around the same time as yours as it's comforting to know that others go through the same issues and are not alone so to speak. I don't mean that it's nice to read other people's sadness just that your not alone feeling the loss and confusion and sadness that a break up entails.

I am 36; not married, but engaged and have the last 15 years of a relationship to mourn. 2 children too. Days are dark very dark at times but reading this site, which I found a little while ago does help,

Spent all day in bed yesterday and so far today too : disappointed in myself but it's a case of what to do and where to start.

Going back to your supermarket experience - happened exactly the same to me you know. If we could turn our brain off to stop memories we would heal far far quicker.

[Broken-bloke]

Hi peonyrose,

I'm really sorry to hear your story. It must be a really tricky situation.

I'm recently separated from my wife of 10 years, I'm only 35 but she is all I have ever known, as we were together for years. She wants to be just friends, and is happy to do things together with our little boy, but find that so hard as all I wanted is to be back together. Have resigned myself to the fact that she doesn't want to be with me but doesn't make it easier.

I hope things get better for you, hang on in there.

Good to chat and get things off your chest sometimes

 

Hello Benj01, reading your few lines in response to peonyrose, my situation is very like yours And hurts like hell as my family unit means everything to me. its bleak and dark and I know exactly how your feeling . 2 young children, 15 years together, The life I have is all I have ever I known too; so the future now scares the living day lights out of me. Your not alone pal.

[Kwacker39]

Hi peony rose - told you I'd keep an eye on your thread ! You seem to be slowly slowly climbing that slippery slope of recovery . I know it's one step forward and 2 back sometimes - but I can tell from the overall feel of your posts that the healing is underway .

 

I'm doing okay - missing being able to post privately on here but I won't let her grind me down . Good luck to you two guys on the posts above - I , too know how you feel ( 21 years and 2 kids ) - we are none of us alone , keep posting and getting the support you need and deserve . Hugs to you all .